I would say this is not the second time my dad having affair with other women. My mom has chosen to keep one eye closed over this problem. She told me that as long as your dad doesn't have a committed family outside, she wouldnot want to care anymore. Now situation has changed, at his age of 57, he has a new born baby child with other woman. What would my mom react if she find out? How is she going to face our relatives and her friends? Even, me myself also cannot accept and embarrassed of my dad.

Yes, my dad does responsible to us and our family. However, he is so stingy to us, even in education. He rather spend his money playing with other women than to support me to study in an university. I have no option to choose but to study part time, thank god I am kiasu enough and manage to complete my professional degree by myself! Luckily he did support the other two of my siblings to study. Because I am girl! (but cannot compete with china women outside)

I was thinking, how many years that my dad has to live? And what happen to this child outside who is so innocent? Who is going to responsible for that child when my dad is not here anymore? I couldnot accept having a "made in china" small little brother. This "child" is going to impose a very huge problem to my family.

This is about a broken marriage at the age of a couple who has been married for almost 30 years. I'll discuss with my other siblings, because there is nothing that we can do as of now and I donot know who and where the china woman is currently.

This morning, my mom asked me to send sms to wish my dad "Happy Father's Day" What a joke! Ask the china woman and the baby infant to celebrate with him then!

Anyway Happy Father's Day! (to all the responsible and GOOD dad!)
Not every dad deserves to celebrate this particular day!

You failed at the first place. You told so much here but have you helped TS to make up her mind and accept your advices? Talk is easier and louder than action. Accept it and so easily? Don't ask others to take your advice cause you are not really in TS shoe. Your father didn't trouble you and find his happiness and present you a bro/sis now. Talk like a normal human being instead of acting like a saint here. Law and regulation are not ruled by you. Shame on you

Obviously you don't know much about me then.

1. Yes, I may be open to the idea of open relationship, only within reasonable grounds and responsibilities. I wouldn't entrust such freedom to a guy if I can't trust that he'll take responsibility and not go overboard and do stupid things that will jeopardize our relationship. TS's dad and this jayqc, for example, these guys will definitely abuse the freedom given.

2. Since when I'm anti-marriage?

3. Age has nothing to do with my stand on family and relationships.

HAHAHA!! Oh really??? Let me ask you, do you have a stepbrother or stepsis? If you don't, then don't talk so much crap here!

1And to get to know the other woman??? Seriously??? How would your own mom feel? And worse, what if your dad walked out and stopped caring for you, because he loved the other family more? Or he felt so much guilt or ego, he won't even talk to you anymore? Don't tell me you will never ever shred a tear over that, or that you wouldn't even have a slight 2feeling of hate towards the people who took your dad away?

Get everyone together under one roof and sing the happy Barney song? Until you deal with having such a situation personally, 3you're just bullsh*tting about how "great" you will be. Kiddo, I don't think you understand how complicated these things can get. And to discount everything like it can be easily solved, that's insulting to all who have to go through very emotional tough times.
That reply wasn't for you, dungu. =.=

Ha, it seemed like you are the person really like to comment others future bf/gf/family. I pity you that you don't have anyone right now that's why you love  aka dreaming that you are the most experience and only human in this thread. I wonder a person like you love asking mostly sex, marriage, gf/bf thingy you are indeed a loneliness man have no one to talk to. 9/10 disputed your replies cuz you were not furnishing any good recommendations but bullshhhiitttinggggg with the wrong approaches to TS.Thank you for praying hard for my family and my good lover cuz I pity a guy like you got no one now plus so free to give all the useless replies and also trying be rational but failed , failed and EPIC FAILED

hey guys and girls! This thread has trigger so many arguements, but thanks all these have indeed given me a lot of ideas how different people thinks about this situation, especially JAYC who strongly stands for my dad. Thanks for letting me know what is the reason behind for a man to do such thing to their wives and besides my dad, you are also one of the kind! And JAYC, I would say you are man full of loves, and hope you cherish all your love to all gfs/wives in an equal distribution.
I realised I am not the one suffering these. By the way, I am not a man, thus I wouldnot understand!
Thanks for everyone out there, i should know how to handle this situation when it comes. They are many of you who sincerely sacrifice and loves your family. =)

Haha I don't have a big heart? Ya, I don't have a big heart for those who don't deserve it.

Let me ask you, putting yourself in TS's situation, why are you giving the other family so much of privilege, when it is YOUR OWN FAMILY who needs more of your love and attention? What kind of son are you to "help" others, when you can't even help to give your own mom the support and care she needs, especially during such a fragile state? What kind of brother are you, if you rather be there for a ******* child, than your own siblings who are lost and confused because they're all crying out for daddy?

And don't even bother trying to come back with a retort saying you can help both sides, realistically speaking, it's almost impossible - Especially with all the emotions involved.

You preach so much about being "good and noble", then you better be thinking about how to take care of your own family first. The way you go preaching about caring for the other side, it's obvious you're only trying to look good in front of us. In reality, I doubt you'd even care for anyone.

Ya, the kid is innocent. You don't blame them, don't harm them, fine. But who are you to go out of the way for them? You got your priorities all wrong.

Love blossoms between the dad and other woman? You know what commitment means? Ya, maybe he's attracted to her, he started falling in love. It can happen. But to be a dungu and follow emotions blindly? Commitment means you stop things at where it is, you pursue no further, because you honor the marriage with the wife, the number of years behind it, and the responsibility for the family. Throwing an entire family away because of some new excitement? A character like that shows they have no regards about how others feel, pursuing their own "happiness" at the expense of others.

If everyone thinks like you do, everyone would be having a broken family. That's why I said, people like you, you better not get married and have kids. You are only going to bring disappointment to your wife and kids.

You are revealing a lot about yourself on this thread, broski. 

Lol, it seemed like I'm not the only one disagree you. Why do you wanna talk like a god father? Duhzzzzz

This, is what's entirely wrong with your previous statements.
You're allowed to have another relationship. Just end your current one and move on with the next. You don't love your wife no more? Fine, she's probably sick of you as well.
So get a divorce, marry a bangla for all I care. DO NOT go for an extra marital affair, come back with a kid and act like you did that only because you're 'human'.

You know what's wrong with your words?

Extra marital affairs are fine.
Have kids outside? Sure fine, come back, I'll take care of them for you after you pass on.
Naw, they need my love as well, I mean sure, they're like my half brother and sister, even if they're the by product of your infidelity because you can't have sex with my mum.
Come on! Hugs and kisses for everyone! WHHHEEEEE!

Now you're accusing me to have some self righteous moment when you claim to be filled up with love in that way? Seriously .. this forum need a finger icon somewhere.

I think jayqc is just saying how TS dad can make the situation less wrong. It's quite sad for the other woman to be a single mother and a innocent baby growing up without a father. So, for the father to take responsibility is right thing to do. I agree with you that it's not okay to break apart a family just because of dad's own "happiness". But this is a case where it's broken and the father is torn apart. "Nasi sudah jadi bubur". What left to do is what's right for the situation.

so ur dad did that way too?

with this, I think there is nothing wrong if the woman "disabled" the husband "brother" by using medicine or knife, so that no more desire.. no affair. Problem cut short! RIGHT!?

@ Jayqc : I think your methods of justifying cheating are a little umm, "unorthodox". Never seen it that way before, but still i don't encourage cheating. Not fair, not good, not nice, bla bla bla.
Anyways, trying my best not to derail from TS's plight, I can relate to how and what you are probably going through right now. I was only 8 yrs old when my family found out my Dad had a mistress and by the time i was 12, i had a half brother and half sister. I don't know to say if you are unlucky or lucky for your dad to have had another child much later in his life, i mean no offence. Having a family outside disrupts the peace and welbeing of a family at any rate.  The same happened to my mom as it happened to yours, i saw alot and understood a lot at that tender age, being the eldest i had to deal with  two younger brothers asking "Where's papa? Why so long never come home?" (My dad would go missing for months, come back 1 day for a shower and off again) and my mom could never answer but burst our crying and stayed in her room for hours.

Coming from a sort of broken family myself, i can't tell you what to do or not to do, as i do not know your mom and how she will react if she gets wind of whats going on. My mom took it very very badly at first, the frequent outbursts of crying, the not-going-to-work for weeks on end, the screaming and rage when she lost her temper on every slight thing, but we lived with it. It was just us and we had cash problems (3 boys in school, tuition, house loan, car loan, etc.), of course with some help from our relatives when times were going very very tough on my mom. But look at it this way, you and your siblings are all grown up now. At least when you are more financially independant, its easier to let sleeping dogs lie.

As a kid, whenever i had the chance, i asked my Dad, "Why did you do it?" many times. It was always the same answer, "I'm very unhappy about certain things you don't need to know about!". And knowing my dad, i always detected a pang of guilt in his tone, till today, i know he regrets the decision he made so many years ago.

I'm not saying it like how Jayqc is, i don't encourage it, but try your best to mitigate the pain and loss. Sometimes, it is best to let sleeping dog's lie. 18 years down the road, we grew numb to my dad's responses and/or stupid mumbling. He grows more miserable every passing year, as from what i hear, his 2nd family is giving him tonne loads of shit.  He cannot go out to weddings and official events, because his 2nd wife is not recognised and my mom refuses to accompany him. He drinks himself drunk many, many times. And we've had to lug him out of his crashed car twice now.

My solution, would be to just ignore this. And if ever your mom ever finds out about this, just be there for her and give her emotional support to deal with it and forget about it. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong move to this - it is just how your mom deal with it in future.

No. I don't need to kill .. coz my man doesn't have your special mindset.
Even if he leaves me for another, I do believe he will regret and feel sorry. At least won't be telling everyone that there is nothing wrong for him to find another woman.. leaving the wife and children behind.

Arguement aside now.

TS, if your mum has not find out anything yet. Keep it down for now.
Talk to your dad that you aware of this situation and tell him your criteria. Such as do not ever let mum know about this and he needs to make sure mum's feeling is the 1st priority. He needs to be there for her on every occasion. He needs to come home just like any normal husband did. With that, he still can have the option to keep 2 family.

As for his fortune distribution.. this depends on how wealthy your dad is. If is rich.. of coz you fight for your family leaving just enough to cover the baby. If your dad is just like any normal elderly.. then fight also no $.
But most important, the house your mum staying should put your mum name now.

No, she didn't. and i think you have some crazy responses in all that i've read so far.

So you're totally fine with your future wife loves two man at the same time?? Before you lightly come out with a statement, weigh the severity and possibility of it. Put yourself in the situation too. If you can't take it, is it fair to hurt others around you just because your heart is BIG enough to love two person at the same time?

Seriously, you must be living in your ideal world... Not everyone will be responsible for their affair... Just curious, are you in a relationship or are you planning to set up a family?

TS, i'm sorry that you have to go through this. My advice, get the house owner name changed to your mum's name... At least she has something...

Because it's bloody hard to the point of impossible, you moron. 

Yes, the first thing that goes through your mind when you put your d!ck in another woman is, "Do I have enough money to have 2 families?"

Fricking BS if I ever seen one.

Yes, i think your responses are crazy, well, even your train of thought. I seriously wonder where all these come from. Your thoughts on cheating is...weird. How can you justify a broken home and family with "Just because i'm not satisfied sexually"?. One of these days, touch wood, when it happens to you, when you catch your wife sleeping with another man because you underperform in bed and has a kid with the other man but never told you, I want to be there to see what you do and how u react.

And for the life of me, I don't think you'll be able to understand what any of us here are trying to tell you.

@jayc: I agreed with n00b13. Its almost impossible for that to happen. This only happen to those rich / capable to take care both families, but rarely happen.
To TS: I dont care what others said/argue for u here, but i STRONGLY encourage NOT to tell ur mom on this. Old folks retired have nothing to do, and end up think more and more. Remember, once broken it will never be the same anymore, just like piece of paper or mirror/glass. There is no cure for broken heart at this age. And i hope that your family will not opt for divorce, they have been together for so long, for god sake, please dont let their marriage end in this way.

Care to tell what's the point of getting married? Deceiving some woman to bear you kids?

i really want to know how old are you and whether u have someone to love now or not. But somehow your defence is tad bit immature n childish.
Dating and marriage is a completely different phase, we date because we want to find the right one to be our lifetime partners. That is why it is a Big leap when someone gets married bcoz u are certain that she is the one for u. In ur previous post u say u get married is for career advancement bcoz society perceive u as being responsible and stable, basically you are selfish, who only cares about urself. nuff said

It's not just a financial issue, it's also the psychological toll it takes on everyone. Sisters in Islam has done studies of Muslim polygamous marriages, in which the large majority of them are unhappy - both the first and second/third/fourth wives, and children of all sides. All the wives and children feel neglected and resentful of the father for having other families. Some may say that, in terms of sexual partners, humans are not meant to be monogamous (*looks at ace.princess*  ). I think, in terms of providing the support of the traditional family unit, humans cannot be polygamous.

  Apalah you. Everything just appeared on your mind you can turn and twist it to prove others whatever you said were so right in the end. Try to  think and brain the possibilities of the entire life of making a wrong choice/decision , what will it be  happened in the end, not the temporarily happiness, joys, fulfillments. It is just an excuse to allow you to go further to hurt more people. So if you wanna talk about gender equality, both gender can do the same thing now. Society has changed. Guys and girls love to share the same commitments with their love. It just the word of willingness. Do it or not to do it. I just hope you don't use your "Man" power to talk cocks here with others.

Then don't make promise you don't intend to keep in the first place. Marriage is a promise. Marriage vows is there for a reason.
Any man with conscience will think twice before committing any unfaithful act. At least, divorce first and do it like a man.

So what you are implying here? It's OK for a man to find sexual pleasure from other woman simply because he is no longer satisfied with the faithful wife who stood by his side for all these years? Is this how you perceive a marriage?

If that's true; you are one selfish man that have no integrity which perceive everything as business trade and only pays woman for their services. If you want to do business, do it with good faith. NO LIES! NO CHEATING! Get urself a vietnamese wife or something.

Marriage is not for playplay, dude.. It's a lifetime commitment... Thank goodness that you don't plan to get married... But you mentioned your gf is willing to have a kid with a girl... Are you sure your gf is willing to have a kid with you without marrying?

Ok now you want to talk about gender equity. Stop being a male chauvinist pig (MCP) where you think Male are born to do everything and anything they like because they are born with a d*** and not a womb. Tell me, since you mentioned what's wrong with man having two lovers at the same time then why not a woman having 2 lovers at the same time? Tell me the DIFFERENCE? So you might say, oooo.. man can fool around and implant some seeds (maybe kena or not) then cabut and girls have to bear the consequences of having kids that's why they can't fool around like man do?? Tell me the logic of it! ..

From your bolded reply, you're seriously one plain selfish dude that only thinks of yourself, yourself and YOURSELF. Having a baby with a girl without marriage... ahem... and what about the baby's feeling in the future? Oh.. my parents are still in bf-gf relationship.. and nope, they're not married so that my dad can go fool around with many woman that possibly produce more of my one sided siblings! How sick can your thoughts be?

Yes, u advised ts to care about the woman and the baby just because you want TS to accept the fact the her dad can do anything as he likes even bearing the consequences of a soon failing family. TS had repeatedly mentioned that she couldn't believe and accept it when her dad has committed the unforgiving incidents  twice and you insisted that what her dad did was acceptable and is COMMON. Is like telling her shits dropped into her rice bowl and still she has to eat it.   

The society is changing mate, if you're talking 20 years back maybe your assumption is still accepted but what's harder when her mum raised TS and her siblings through her sweat and blood, not to forget the labor pain she gone through. Just because of her dad's appetite is big and done his responsibilities as a dad/husband, he can go fool around? Is there even justice here? Unable to fulfill the vows of marriage is already bad, what more when TS's mum has to even bear the heart-tearing consequences of her dad's wrongdoings? Dude, mistake is done and everyone has to pay for their mistakes. Don't twist around your distorted thoughts and convinced us as if it's so damn right.

Oh.. if you haven't noticed, most of the replies here DID NOT agree to your opinion as satisfying man's needs outside of his marriage. So? It is still not society accepted.

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Added on June 19, 2012, 9:35 pm

Agreed totally

Come one the more you replied into this thread the more I feel you are just forever alone person. Cuz those replies might be make sense and work only on the guy like you. What if one day you lost your cock and then you can't happy happy/ ush ush your gf leaves you and tell you, sorry you can't give me a baby, we are over, you are nothing? Is this a society fault? Is this what you meant exactly now?  :hmm

Don't use the society case to bring in this thread. If you wanna talk about society, now most of the lyn members are not accept /encourage what TS father did to the family included the future baby. FAULT IS FAULT

Jayqc, i dont know why in the world you think that the wife will leave the husband when the husband is bankrupt or having financial difficulties. its either u watch too much movies or you havent find true love.. You use money to use women, of couse they will leave u when u are in hot water. i doubt the girls here in this thread will leave our husbands when they having difficulties, i will instead stand by him and find ways to make things better... You dont really understand what love and commitment means do you?

Jonrev, I doubt the screw in his (Jayqc) brain has rusted. He doesn't understand both love and life. A person like him prefers short-term happiness and won't really care about how to deal with the real society.

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Added on June 19, 2012, 10:09 pm

Come on la, Who are "WE" to support you. You should wake up la. You are the one who acts like a judger/ ASSssHOLE of everything. Please don't pull others into the same thought like you.

Likewise, I somehow felt that you're pointing to your own character.

You're real funny dude. You said her mother accepted 20 years old but why not now? Because every person deserves a second chance! Forgive once is wise, forgive twice is FOOLISH! Moreover, this cheating is way beyond acceptable. Sigh.. the more you replied, the more I feel you're a person who puts all blame to the WIFE/MUM only. So I highly think you're a person who highly deny your mistakes in your life as well and blame others for what it happened. Where's your judgement of right/wrong dude? BTW, how old are you Im wondering..

Forever alone I guess he might be in the stage of Andropause

ok, first of all why they want to have a mask to cover their face? to impress u?
most of our fathers had financial difficulties including my late father who was sick and jobless at one point, i dont see my mum leaving my dad and go find other richer guys. my uncle is a bankrupt till today, and yet his wife is still by his side to start up a family business. In your life there is only two words and those two words in your dictionary are combined 'happiness =pleasure".

What you said it's really contradicting here. You were suggesting TS to accept the woman and the son, acting so calmly and righteous, but now you're highlighting doubting how would we handle the situation of TS?

That's the point. You don't know the real love thingy and you pretended you know everything. Relationship is like being inside a jail/prison. So it meant so long time you never ush-ush that's why you kept arguing your right what's wrong having affair with others is wrong. If you are really happy being alone so why were you asking so much about Sex Sex thingy? You treat women as a sex toy is it? Haizzzzzzzz. Please don't represent other guys that your argument is so right. No every guys think like you.

How did you judge whether when ts mum chose her dad was the time he liked to eat outside? Yes, she has to accept the fact now that her hubby fools around but back to the point, we were all suggesting TS to confront her dad and so on. Bring her mum out from this situation with her siblings were our advises but yours??? Kept saying the dad is RIGHT? From where you came from I really really wonder. Living in the world of your distorted thoughts and yet defending to the max with more unidirectional thoughts. Wake up bro, this act is UNACCEPTABLE socially still. Period.

Got, When you said it at the 1st page, What's wrong with men having an affair? I believe all these years yr dad has fulfil his responsibilities as a dad and a husband. so let him have all the sex he wants now since I believe yr mom cant satisfy him any longer. It would be silly for yr mom to leave the house or divorces yr dad bcoz of his woman. It labelled you are one of the person who loves hunting outside and consoling yourself what you did is damn right.

Yes it could not be cultivated overnight but it could be influences of his peers or so on. In your previous posts, you did say that we woman loves to wear a mask in a relationship and that applies to man as well.

Right is right, wrong is wrong. Dad or what, he is still a human and human makes mistake and we have to remind him first then put those reminders into action next. So if not to confront him, ts siblings and mum have to SUFFER his mistakes? What kind of metaphor/theory is that whereby his dad will NEVER learn that cheating is BAD, just like you always think cheating is RIGHT.

Too late to do anything and accept what actions or havoc are going to occur on him. He alone caused sorrows to mre than 5 person.

Nothing to do with the age. Wrong is wrong. Admit the pains which he caused to more than 3 persons....

Now you are talking like a human again lol. Please visit less prostitutes as apart of good deed to the society to reduce the number of it.

Honestly,  I am very very against cheating. It may sound cruel but if I found out my dad has a mistress outside, he has to choose. Me or her. If the mistress has a kid, I would work hard, pay her a sum of money and ask her to screw off my family. Both parties at fault, husband for not staying loyal and mistress just being a f***in whore. Since I'm a female myself, I blame the mistress more, they as men don't think too deep when it comes to sex. We as women know how much it hurts to share your man, especially someone already legally taken. If you know that man already got wife got kids why the hell go screw with other people family. If I could, I would put up death penalty for mistresses that are aware the man has a wife.

Of cuz got different. You did something wrong. You confront it, the outcome might not as worse as you think. Unless you are the guy never say sorry for the mistake you have made in first place.....

The only strength I perceived so far from you is turning wrong facts into right ones. You could be very manipulative bt sorry it doesn't work well in this.

Reduce the number of prostitution la... duhz

Talk to your dad and discuss how to hide it from your mum and anyone else that would be able to pass such a news to her. At the same time, be prepared that the news of the baby might be passed on to her, and be sure that you will be by her side to care for her once the devastating news hit. Let her realise that she stands to lose something even more important to her, that is her three loving children.

Also, depending on the situation, an example of a rational move for your dad now is to initiate a divorce and move out (it could be that your mum doesn't mind this at all), so that his extra marital life will be shielded from your mum and thus protecting her sanity. If shit happens, for example if your mum tries to kill herself again, your dad will be in a very unappealing situation.