Something I wanna share bout favoritism.

Sometimes parents know who to love for their own reasons. Example, if you nearly lose a child, you would treasure that one more. Or if one need special care, then that one get all the attention.

People said the elder is always more loved. That's the bright side to things but when I look at my husband, I pity him. Not because I'm his wife I side my husband, but being the eldest, he sacrificed a lot for his family. His education cut short because his parents needed to support his other sisters.

When we met, he was taking 3 buses to college. Later, he moved out alone because he cannot afford to travel. He work part time for his own pocket money.

Meanwhile, his sister gets a car after form 5 because she is a girl, then went overseas for 5 years and married there. She changed several courses and wasted a lot of their parents money. Yet, every time this sister complain parent love my husband more since he is the only boy.

Right now, the sister migrate to oversea, rarely even call home. Everything is bear by my husband. I know my husband sense of responsibility is heavy, he stayed back, he paid, he does all the chore. There was a year where my mother in law had a road accident, my husband slept in the hospital with her for several days and paid all her bills. My mother in law said to my hubby, "don't tell your sister about it, need not make her worry." When I heard about it, I was like "wow, so protected from all the responsibility at home!"

If I think of the way why sometimes my in law only listen to my husband and not their other children is because he earned it. Being eldest is hard and even though publicly seen more loved also bears heavier responsiility. So in this scenario above, sometimes is hard to measure where favoritism happen. Did they love my sister in law more or my hubby more, even I am not sure.


Yea, we are quite traditional, hence the practice. We have cousins backing us up on chores sometimes. Like when we go holiday, someone to help feed the dog. When our maid go back to their home country, we loan maid from others. When my cousin is away, we help send my aunt for medical check up. Sometimes the chore pile up, other time it's nice to have back up.

After lonely now marry good family is lucky. Of course none can beat your family but is food that everyone get along. Am glad for u.

i have to agree on why ur parents in-law favor ur brother most, its bcoz they are gratefull of wat ur hubby had done all this while. just like my eldest brother, he also help my parents a lot. thumbs up for ur hubby!!

but, that doesbt mean me n the rest can just sit back and relax while he bust his ass. as siblings, we also take part on the responsibility. i always try to help my parents out where possible. but my little sister( last one n only girl) is a fuss! haha, but wat can i say, she still a kid, n we all love her. but i hope she turn out ok after reaching adulthood, or im gonna smack her in the head!

guys,

just to share,

i am a middle child of 3 boys, my elder bro is 2 yrs elder and my younger bro is 6 yrs younger.

during my childhood days,

my parents always like to compare me with my elder bro, saying if you can study half as good as your gor gor then i will be very happy or if you are half as hardworking as your gor gor then i will be very happy.

when my younger bro made some mistakes, my parents will scold me first saying ," see i told you to be a good boy, look now your younger bro modelled after you and made this mistakes"

i was like wtf, i didnt even did those mistakes also. kena blame.

during skool days, i always get those second hand stuff from my elder bro, like books and uniform. but my younger bro always get new stuff

to them, the elderest is their first child, they pampered him since he was born and my younger bro is the last child, of cos paling pamperred.

when i was in college, i didnt have a car or motor or computer, i didnt even study overseas thou my grades are good enuff to get there. i stayed a cheap flat renting a small room

but my other siblings, they hv cars, laptops and overseas edu, and dad purposely bought a condo for them to stay in

this is how bad my family was on pilih kasih.

but look at what happen now, elder bro dont even wan to come back and see them, didnt even bother to give them allowances, my younger bro always fighting and argue with them

and they still keep pushing all their sorrows on me. saying i am the one which the most reliable one la. turn up to be a good kid la. etc etc..

inside my heart, too late for these words. the pain will always be there no matter how much you tried to compensate it.

end/

Let me also share my experience.

I'm the eldest child among 3 siblings. However, Chinese culture, being a daughter, even though you are the eldest, there many 'good' things will go to your first brother.

I'm average, not overly smart, not good in Science subjects, but my first brother does. My father loves my first brother more than he loves me, it is very obvious, I know that. There was one time I booked the wrong airasia ticket for my dad, immediately my dad scolded me 'how come you are so careless? So small thing also can't do! Never behave like your brother'. I was hurt deep in my heart but I kept silent, rebook the ticket and print out the confirmation email to my dad. Dad said ok with a gentle tone, he knew he had hurt me somehow, but it's ok.

Before I finished my SPM, my dad had already asked me to take account after SPM, after graduated, help him up in his company; I denied the offer. Not that I do not want to help, I do not want to have a life like my parents do - working day and night for a living but the industry has been too competitive until the profit has been so little. I am not going to sacrifice my family time in the future, I insisted not to take account degree, my dad was quite disappointed. After that, no matter what kind of degree I took, my dad only bashed me here and there with no ending. It's only my mother that supports me.

Although it was hurt, it's ok. No matter how they are still my parents and he is still my dad.

However, I always remind myself I would never follow my parents' footstep.

bro,..nothing more i can say but this,.mutual respect!! ,..sometimes parents too overjudge their favorite child that they didnt see the greatness of their other child, and this child is the one that will salvage them in the future! u didnt even turn ur back on them!!

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Added on June 9, 2011, 11:33 ami understand how u feel sis, but hey! good for u on having a firm prinsip! perhaps one day when u succeed in life will they acknowledge u..i pray for ur success!!! keep on sticking to ur prinsip!!

This post has been edited by hadzGBN: Jun 9 2011, 11:33 AM