I am really having loads of problems right now.My mother disapprove of my relationship with my girlfriend just because she doesn't have a degree.I am feeling really down right now cause I've been LDR with her for a year already and I have recently graduated and looking forward to go back home to meet her.Our relationship don't have any problems except the disapproval from my parents and I don't want to lose her as I really love her so much.

Anyone please enlighten me.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 03:47 AM

as long as she is not those girl dat plan to fast get married & bcom stay @ home housewife, den wat is the problem?

people wit no degree cannot hav career?

tell ur parents dis.

That's the problem.I love her for who she is.My girlfriend is really independent and I think she can have a bright future even though she's only now working in Hong Leong Bank , employers from singapore just called her for interviews.As for me , I've secured myself an interview with an engineering company back home in Johor.I respect all my parents wishes but I just ask the freedom to choose who I want to be with.I think my parents are really hard headed people. =(

i know someone with the same story, he ended up breaking it off with his gf. and now? he's married to a guy! tell ur parents that!

Hahaha OMG I wouldn't want to turn out like him.

yeah it's a real story too. no kidding.

That's really unfortunate.Actually my parents are really really demanding.They have so many comments on my female friends sigh.When I was single they keep on asking whether do I already have a gf or not but now since I have one they don't like her.Sigh.I mean they should give me the freedom to choose right?Instead they should focus more on how am I doing in my career.

Sigh

I think you should stick with your choice, that is your girlfriend.

There is nothing wrong if your girlfriend treats you well and you treat well.

Overtime, hopefully she will prove to your parents that she will be a good person to you

This post has been edited by Kampung2005: Jul 5 2010, 04:39 AM

It's already been a year and I know its short but we see each other on skype nearly everyday.I just hope my parents will accept her.Even though we're far apart , we talked to each other everyday and comfort each other if we have problems.I really can't wait to see her soon.Of course she isn't an online girlfriend as I have dated her for 3 to 4 months before we became an official couple.

And yes I've met her parents , her aunt , her cousins and they invited me for dinner when I am back.Her mom and aunt talks to me quite often as well over skype.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 04:45 AM

I guess you have a clear answer

Just proceed with your wish (be with your GF) and also, do well in your career.

Understood.I won't jeopardize my career.I'll have a balance between my gf and my job.

Is she looking forward for your homecoming?

Hmm slight spoiler here..

1 year relationship is still in "murky waters", haven't faced much challenges yet.. But both of you sound promising! All the best TS! Strive harder to convince parents that she's ok! Love needs a lot of courage!

Character is what defines a person.

No degree does not mean that person is bad.

What is more important is her attitude and also, her behaviour and willingness to strive for life

Yes she really wants to come to my house to visit me but I am really worried it'll offend my parents.I told her that I'll go visit her instead.

Yeah you're right.Like I said she has a stable job right now in Hong Leong bank but Singaporean employers have invited her for interview.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 05:02 AM

dont.......

Yeah that's why I told her I'll go find her instead.Cause she wants to find me straight away on the day when I arrive Malaysia but I don't think it's a good idea.

pic or gtfo

TS go help your gf to get a degree (part time/online or anything etc).. settle??

Yeah I've actually been searching online for part time courses in marketing for her.Hope to find an affordable marketing diploma degrees for her if possible.But I have to look at my situation as well as I'm just a fresh graduate and I've still got my brother and sister to support so I can't just jump into helping my girlfriend just like that.I will only support her if I know I can.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 06:27 AM

i assume dat u already nail her.....

well tell your parents that they should be judging her based on how she treats you and how compatible you two are, instead of judging her on her own aka the fact that she doesn't have a degree.

I know someone in a similar situation too.

Yeah I totally agree with you.Sigh.I guess now I'll just concentrate on increasing my chances of better job offers.But just to tell them like that isn't easy.How I wish it is that easy.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 06:33 AM

stop being a mama's boy & stand up against ur parent for ur gf.
make ur opinion & idea heard.

I don't see why they should care so much about whether she has a degree or not. Some of the smartest, richest people don't have university degrees ... ie Gates and Dell (dropped out of Harvard and Stanford respectively)

Also, you're marrying her, not them. YOU would have to deal with her in your life, not them. They're just the sideline spectators

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Jul 5 2010, 06:40 AM

Yeah that's the thing.Maybe because my mom's from a poor family last time and she just wants a better life for me.Probably that's why she prefers a girl who has a degree and is a professional like a lawyer,doctor etc???It is really annoying.

And you're right Tech.I am too soft.Gotta toughen up.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 06:45 AM

aik....stop whining, get out from ur mom skirt & stand up for urself & ur gf.
it's part of being a guy.
if u can't stand up for ur love 1 & for urself, how u expect to build a future wit ur love 1?

nuf said......

This post has been edited by tech3910: Jul 5 2010, 06:46 AM

Try to meet your GF in different location (insist on that) when you are back to Malaysia.

i do hope ur parents stop looking down at ppl...

some no degree ppl are even more 'educated' n have a better manners than those that are 'highly educated' which in a
another way are more 'lansi' n 'cunning'...

if u said that ur parents doesnt like ur gf is bcoz she is rude and disrespectful to the old, then ok... acceptable but if ur parents just don like the girl bcoz she doesnt have a degree... that's a totally wrong thinking... life doesnt have to be good only with a degree ok...

i think its not about career.
the parents concern about knowledge n level of thinking..

if u go to univ just for ur career sake..i must say that's quite pathetic..

I believe it's because they have really traditional thinking.My gf isn't rude and disrespectful.If she is I would've left her already.

u dun let dat she's smart & has high IQ, but just dun hav the chance to further studies, lets say financial problem.

going uni o college doesn't prove u r knowledgeable or high level of thinking smartass.....

Why does it really bother you as you are in charge of your future?

Mindset takes time to change.

What you have is your girlfriend, so stick with her and move forward to future


This post has been edited by Kampung2005: Jul 5 2010, 06:55 AM

well.at least they go to univ..
if i am a dropped out of harvard.i wont mind telling ppl that.how many of us go to harvard?

marrying is about connecting 2 families my dear fren.
its not about individual interest..

i think people who thinks dis was does not hav the rights to choose their own partner.
just fix marriage la....

well then.its never too late to continue study...if the gf really care bout studying

going to univ cant prove u to be knowledgeable but in general term, obviously it looks n sounds better than someone without degree.rite?
but i do believe when u associate with ppl who gain masters n phd, ur level of thinking and mindset could be better..

PhD school
<-------- that way



wat u r saying is classic status problem......
like how rich people only can marry rich people.........

that's shud b the purpose of marriage.
either its fix.or u choose urself ur candidates..
its all about family.

if not, better go get a house n live with gf/bf without marriage.
still cn hv sex n babies as long as the religion permit..
plus can help urself frm spending too much on wedding ceremony...

---

Added on July 5, 2010, 7:08 amppl with knowledge isnt poor..

This post has been edited by soujiro_seta: Jul 5 2010, 07:08 AM

i see wedding as the marriage license, not the wedding dinner ceremony.

Marriage / wedding = for legal purpose

Other than that, banquet is cultural addition.

If u like her very very much, then just get married when the time is correct. Just go to registrar of marriage and register, especially if u dun have religous obligation e.g. witness or etc.

I noe of 1 friend, he is the most unliked son in the family, everything he do oso nobody like, finally he hit the final straw, he just married that gal, and den the parents mengamuk, but he ignore them, finally he and his wife is happily together, as for the parents, they end up being grumpy old folks in the home town, even their own favourite son and daughters oso give up on them.

But you have to make 1 big-big commitment, after all this difficulties and BS, when are you gonna ROM her?, things like this not good if drag for too long. And you risk getting married without your parents showing happy face, and nothing much else. (BTW, yer GF is not a lala mui that does nothing other than being an Ah Lian rite?, if not, then Y u worry so much?) Even lala mui ah lians that I noe sometimes have more morale than ppl graduated from univ (got 1 lala mui tat I noe, every month end sure go help in the orphanage, and another univ grad gal onli noe ONS,.... you say leh?)

She isn't what you've describe.She's really helpful and she helps pay for her family expenses,her younger sister's tuition fees, packs food for her family.She's really someone I admire.She's also really supportive and she always motivates me to strive for the better.I see her as someone special and I hope to give her a better life in any way I can.But of course saying all this without any action is meaningless so now my priority is to come home and attend my job interviews.From then on , only I can talk.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 08:18 AM

why does your girlfriend not having a degree mean that your life won't be comfortable? Isn't that what YOUR OWN DEGREE is for? why does she have to have one so that YOU are comfortable?

it doesn't matter. even if you're smart enough to get IN to Harvard, you were obviously too dumb to stay in - so even if you can say you got into Harvard, where is your degree? TARAK? Don't bullshit me then, Harvard shmarvard.

Marrying is not about connecting two families - that is the side effect. Marriage is about being with the one you love for the rest of your life. You're obviously not married.

Maybe the parents are wishing for bright daughter-in-laws for very smart cucu.

Normally I advocate family blessings and all but I don't suffer fools and blatant hypocrites. So I'm gonna tell you a story bout my spineless idiot of a friend.

Like you(and from Johor), his parents doesn't like his gf but he went on marrying her when his parent said they'll try to warm up and accept her. 6 months later, they filed for divorce cos he said his wife is having an affair. His source of info: his parents, claimed to be from a PI they hired. PI turns out to be kopitiam apek. Kopitiam apek saw her walking to lunch with another man. Kopitiam apek left out the part he saw other colleagues walking behind them. But kopitiam apek is not the culprit cos parents tokok tambah saying than she was disrespectful to family altar, and craps like these including refusal to do household chores. The chores she refused was to wash all 4 bathrooms everyday despite working fulltime. Did I mention washing undergarments of his sisters? He's now bloody miserable and stalking his ex wife.

Moral of the story: parents like these will do anything to be rid of your wife of not their choice. When you marry your gf, move far away from them. My inside scope is from my friend's mom. She complaint to me bout the girl and told me she has everything planned. Which I hear bout her victory 3 months later. Your parents are selfish but they're not aware of it. They want what they want rather than what their son wants. Because you have a degree, your parents are more ready to accept dry facts than emotional logic. Don't get emotional when discussing bout this matter. Emotionally, your parent still sees as a boy unable to make the right choices, so they should do what it takes to 'protect' you. They only want the best for you. So be gentle. Emotional outburst will make things worse. Shown them that you're an adult now.

This post has been edited by BlurSotong: Jul 5 2010, 09:00 AM

at the same time though, his parents should at least try. it's just a degree, why would it be so crucial to a marriage? I hate it when parents think like this. TS, do your parents both have degrees?

Also, you've only been with her for a year ... marriage should still be a distant thing, though a thought.

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Jul 5 2010, 08:57 AM

win

Hehe, first year is the honeymoon year afterall.


TS, gently introduce modern ideas into their traditional ones. Old dogs with new tricks. So be gentle.

cant say the parents selfish lar. after all the hardship bringin the son, put him thro uni, no easy leh.

they wish the best for the son.

dis doesn't giv dem the rights to control everything bout the son/daughter.

its ur girlfriend..not others...
just ignore what other people said
as long as u happy..just continue ur relationship

@berry Yes both my parents have degrees as both of them met in Canada.

@blursotong Yup I did try doing that but it's not easy to get the ideas through them and yes my mom says so as long I'm still under their roof I'm still a boy sigh.I've argued with my parents once about this matter as they brought it up and they said that I won't care for them and I care for my gf more etc etc which really hurts me.Sigh

@animeme Yes you are right so as long that I don't neglect my career.My personal relationship should be my own concern.When I was in Malaysia , I still spend time with my family especially during the weekends as I don't want to neglect them as well and that's when I was dating my gf.

@idayat Thanks so much for you support

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 09:33 AM

One advice... if u wanna be good son..... then better find a future wife that ur mum like very much....

Else, show ur devil to ur mum only if u dare like me...

Haha its' not like I want to show my devil or anything but I just wish to stand my ground and it's still too early to be talking about marriage at my age as I am not financially stable yet.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 09:35 AM

I'm saying they're not aware of it. Parents wants the best for their children, as of TS parents. so much so that they need their children's view and decision parallel with theirs because they think they're right. That much is given. What the parents don't see is their children is if their children is mature enough to decide something to the point that parents impose what is right and wrong and ironically, petulantly demands their children to comply with their wishes.

My train of thought is all tangled. I'm pretty sure the points in paragraph above is not harmoniously delivering what I wanna say. So pls get the points and not discuss bout my point transitions. thanks

i met one aunty who loves the in-laws so deary dat everyone got to wait for her b4 get-together meals can start.(they always laugh, talk and joke together)

then one day dun know why hor, they quarrel until now they nvr visit, talk to each other liao.

the son and cucu nvr pay any visit to the parents. its been more than a decade.

so who knows the future?

This post has been edited by animeme: Jul 5 2010, 09:37 AM

What so wrong with doesn't have a degree?
Now it's your job to prove to your parent that you can generate enough income to cover both of your lifestyle (don't forget your parent expenses as well) if you really love that girl.

Please do something right now.

Yes I am currently improving my chances for better job offers.I'm still at overseas waiting for my graduation ceremony and only be back next month.Once I'm back I'll have to go down to Johor to attend my interview and as for others they're in KL so they're not much of a problem.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 09:47 AM

haha, Alright, I have been in your shoes. Ahahahahaha, it worked for me so you can try. What I did was calmly talk to my parents over the table like how I would talk to superiors at work. Firmly, respectfully, don't openly challenged their 'supreme parental authority' but like a confused kid... Why this and that in curious-like manner and not fire points like I'm bashing some idiots at work. In short, make the whole 'my boy all grown up' in fastforwarded 1hr. You're their son, so worming your way into having what you want is key to acceptance. Hehehehehehe, I feel sinister now.

---

Added on July 5, 2010, 9:51 amLike how you used to get your parents to buy you some kickass toy at the store.

This post has been edited by BlurSotong: Jul 5 2010, 09:51 AM

Haha yup that's what I plan to do when I'm back home.Probably talk to them nicely over dinner at home about it.I have tried that on skype that time as they brought the matter up and I really did get a nice scolding from both of them.My dad didn't gave me a chance to say anything as he kept scolding scolding saying the same thing over and over again " All I wanted to say was how can you judge a person like that when you haven't even met her and he said he doesn't want to meet her.He said he'll be very stubborn etc etc(really childish sometimes I would say sigh but still he's my dad) as for my mom she was also adding more oil to the fire as she was sitting beside my dad.

Haha I guess I was pampered quite alot last time too since I'm the eldest but I remembered once I got caned for crying cause I wanted a computer when I was 9 hahaha.Actually come to think of it I got caned alot haha but I was trained to do housework too so I guess it's good training but my parents still got me the toys I wanted haha.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 09:59 AM

wow,u got same situation like me man~
my ex-gf's mom dun like me cuz i dun have a digree/diploma at all while my ex-having diploma n taking higher diploma now~
she hated me so much wen she got my background tat i dun have any cert at all n jus got my lousy spm cert~
but i'm working on myself on my own business rather than jus worling for ppl~
hahahahaaa~
anyway it's up to u if u can endur d pain thru out d relationship wit her from ur parents,while i've suffer d pain for 2 1/2yrs from her parent's rejection from 1st day till v broke up~

She only has a spm certificate too but it's not like she doesn't want to pursue her studies , it's just her financial background isn't really good that's why she's forced to work and thankfully she has a job at a bank.

Hmm...........so why broke up?

many probs arise lor~
mainly is from her parents,then me n an a$$hole playing my back spannaring her lo~

bad fren.. hahaha..
if u want something.. go get it..
find the easiest way to solve all problems arise...
get her degree?
change ur parents thinking.. slowly...
or maybe.. just buy her the degree...
then tell ur parents she took part time. hehehehhee

first of all, it is ur happiness, u should tell ur parents: "she is my gf, not ur gf, and i'm the one who is going to marry her, not both of u, and btw, the whole process doesnt need a penny from u, so why u care?"

well, harsh word aside, ur parents are just typical achievers who think university paper is everything, and these type of pp can only be satisfied by money and power, so maybe u can prove to them, that both of u can have a happy life maybe rich is even better...

btw, even u get a degree or master graduated gf, that doesnt mean she will be freaking gold digger, it is just paper.
u should tell ur parents that u choose ur gf because u like her, not because she is graduates, and also finding a wife is not trophy collection...we dont simply go to the street and freaking tell everyone "my wife is a university graduate"

it's all about status, bro.

but university graduate doesnt guarantee u anything, i'm a gradute..so? if his parents want him to have a rich gf then i can understand...but a university graduate? dont make me laugh

That's what I meant.

But unfortunately, some people are realistic that they will think having a degree have a higher status...



Sorry TS, if I have said anything wrong.

This post has been edited by geekster129: Jul 5 2010, 11:12 AM

tell your parents its you who wants to spend the rest of your life with her, not them. and you choose her for yourself, not them.

if i were you, i'll talk to them properly about accepting her. if that still fails, i'll just avoid that topic whenever i'm with them until i get married and show them that we still can have a bright future ahead regardless of a degree or not.

you're right, talking when you're together physically has more effect. But not over dinner. Parents tend to be dramatic. Later bang table, walk off or what not. Old ppl. Eating together peacefully important to them. We're playing by their rules to win. You want them to see things your way, you gotta show them you viewed things their way and found yours better, and seeing that your way is better, you also want them to have the best. Talk after dinner when perut penuh. Hungry men are angry men. You don't need all that extra load piss. Pacify them whenever you can. Then slowly wedge in to have a proper discussion over tea or something. You're no longer the boy to throw tantrum to get what he wants now. You're your own man, your visions, and your dreams and you want the ppl you love to share your dream. tell them that. Show them they raised you right and show them how superficial a simple cert is. Remember pacify them while making points. Speak like you do everything for them. Throw in small words with big impact. Bombastic words only serve to show your arrogance.

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Added on July 5, 2010, 11:28 amBut for your gf's sake, a degree is important. Get it whenever she can. You said she's sought after and works in bank. These Corp usually have employee self improvement programmes. She can apply to study part time with bank's loan. In fact, if she performs well in school, the company will support her financially. Degree holders can apply for masters thru company too.

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Added on July 5, 2010, 11:30 amI said degree is important because it's easier to get promoted. A degree holder has an advantage over spm/diploma holder no matter how deserving the promotion is.

This post has been edited by BlurSotong: Jul 5 2010, 11:30 AM

ts, since u are not planning to marry her anytime soon, why do u want ur parents to like her?

I don't know about you but can you guys really click? Or are you just choosing her because you have no gf?

I myself have talked to non-degree holders before and I do find that their mindset is different. Hard to me to explain but they just don't get it sometimes.

Same here. I don't click well too. Only talk bout general stuff. No serious talks usually. Especially if it pertains to work.

She loves u, got 'degree' in housework and can give birth is wat matters...

u wan the dinner to go down from ur spine?
my gf is from CE world, i'm from EE world.
v hav no frens in common, meaning no mutual fren.
my native language is english, her native language is cantonese.

well....v click well......

---

Added on July 5, 2010, 12:31 pmfixed.

btw, all these talk here in the thread is way too early if TS haven't nail her girl......

This post has been edited by tech3910: Jul 5 2010, 12:31 PM

Good for you then... I can't click well with many CE but when I do, we're good. The kind to see each other a year later with complete BS for few hours. But I tot it's about degree holders and high school diploma holders...

-edited- quote missing, damn it

This post has been edited by TiF: Jul 5 2010, 12:39 PM

well...same case.....it's about mentality.

pls elaborate...

If she's fully indepedent then what's the problem? Some parents can be very sticky la - always find fault with their son's choice etc, this is when you fully stick up for your gf and tell them of her good attributes!

pursuade ur gf to take degree...

EC vs CC or degree vs no degree.......the reason behind hard to click is like wat u said......different mentality, different things to talk about....

Been in there, let's ask yourself how much you can protect her from your parents? Most guys will only say it at first willingly to do everything for the girlfriend but yet at the end letting the girl to take everything alone and finally complains about can't take in anymore the stress from parents and bye bye. Either you just stand up straight to your parents to declare it clearly that it's your choice or else you just be another mama boy

Tell your parents how much you love them. Tell them that no matter how much they object and disagree, you would still love them. If you remain steadfast on your decision, stick to it. They may reject you, but show them you will always be the son that loves them irregardless. Parents are just being parents. They brought you up, thus they feel they have a right to determine the path for you.

Show them that your decision is yours and yours alone. Tell them that if you make a mistake, you will learn from it. Just be sure she is the one. Burning bridges are hard, especially when it comes to parents. Are you prepared to do so for your gf?

Since my father passed away when I was only 2, I have lived with my mum's and older sister's ranting and complaints on this girl I dated. For years I endured it, now I am married to her and my family has learnt to accept her. I stuck to it but I didn't push my family aside as well. They have to learn that I will give them 100% and I will give my wife 100%. Being neutral is most important.

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Jul 5 2010, 05:03 PM

Yup all of you are right.I will definitely stand up for my choice this time and won't be a mama's boy

And btw I found a college that offers part time diploma course for her already and she is really interested and the tuition fees is affordable as well.

@tech yeah we are quite the same.I'm english educated and my girlfriend speaks cantonese.haha and ok I won't talk to them over dinner I'll find a better time.Don't want my food going down my spine haha.

@matt yeah I remember telling them before if I get heartbroken at least let it be a lesson to me.Probably they just want to protect me from that.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 5 2010, 05:46 PM

which parent would like their children to have partner without degree these days...

it's not just abt education level.. even a PHD holder but his/her personality suck to max oso dun use..

Oh... In that manner... It's not that there isn't common interest but I find them stubborn and more often then not, jump into conclussons and insist their POV is the only right one. But there are others, which I like immensely. They seem to weight everything with such precision and methodology, and discuss their POV before deciding something. Their desire to get something right simply wows me.

---

Added on July 5, 2010, 6:53 pmSpelling cacat. Pls ignore.

This post has been edited by BlurSotong: Jul 5 2010, 06:53 PM

TS....your parent looking for Dato / Tan Sri daughter to be your wife ar ?

Seems they looking for rich and fame family to match you. Anyway, i will seriously ignore whoever opinion if i want to be with the girl i love.

i like tis~

Ask your parents if they'll marry each other if either one of them do not have a degree at that time =D

Tell them she already pregnant ??

+1

yea make ur own choice... don become mama's boy.. tats make urself look stupid to staying under ur mama skirt.. haha
Dude chose ur freedom.. let ur parent understnad tis is 21st century.. no longer ini tak boleh ini boleh...

cheerss

u're dis gf?

btw, i think TS parents is disagreeing is bcoz just dun like her....
the whole degree thing is an excuse.

Personality > Education background

My parents haven't even met her so I think it's got to do with education background as they asked me what's her highest education level.From then on they started disliking her because of that.They knew I was going out with her until they asked that question.Of course I won't dump her I love her so much.

But there is one time before I was with my gf , one of my friend(coursemate) from sarawak came over to KL and stayed at my place.My dad really gave so many comments on her and there's this other time my housemates came to KL and he saw them and he said something like they're so nerdy, this and that etc etc sigh.Really annoys me sometimes.

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 6 2010, 01:09 AM

I'm sorry to hear that.I sure you'll find your guy soon no worries You're a strong girl

This post has been edited by Nemesis181188: Jul 6 2010, 03:06 AM

if ur gf willing to study part-time, can go check out Wawasan Open Uni or Open Uni Malaysia. 5yrs part time. can use EPF account 2. or apply for ptptn loan also

if not, tell ur parents, u don't see why no degree canot be ur wife. be ur wife no need degree de. lol