Hi guys... I been wondering...im a chinese n my gf is a malay...if we r getting married...i b converted to muslim of coz...so my main question to any of u who hav the info about...when my parent pass away...what should i do during their funeral?i may b converted to muslim...but i hv my responsible to my parent...im the first son...any help?i try to visit macma website but it couldnt open..

inb4 stick with chinese girls

your parents not islam then follow not islam way la..

i think this is the case.
you will be muslim, your children will be muslim.

but your folks are not muslim.

what ritual a chinese have to do when their parent pass away..??

traitor !

get married in another country la.

Dont need to conform to these mumbo jumbo laws.



Plenty of Malay Christians getting married in singapore

those married in singapore, came back, is considered legal husband and wife or not?

you still be responsible to your parents no matter what religion r u. If your parents passed away, u still can manage and attend your parents funeral just only u cannot pray like buddhist do. When you converted to muslim, u pray like other muslim do even though your parents are not muslim.

yes i agree...but when u die u will be buried with them...I dont know where they buried you.
but it doenst matter right? as long as you are still with her.
well since this is special case maybe you need consider so many facts.
many ppl think marriage is between two individual, but is not. marriage is involved family and frens, u cannot believe she is the only you relate to after married. good luck anyway.

thats why many ppl marry now just to be divorce later. lol

What's this?? Sepet 3???

Lari to US. Nobody will bothers if u convert or not.

this is such a good idea. maybe u can consider this. no harm right? and u dont even have to change anything. i believe love is loving you for what you are,,,not loving you but must change something just to suit her need. if she dont understand this maybe she is not the right one.

quite sure they are

at least the ones that know are called mr and mrs lee here. and they have all the rights of a married couple.

they just got a loan for a house o.O.

IM quite sure its one of those joint loans which needs your marriage certificate

this is my thoughts, n its also a lesson i learn in real from my uncle.

doesn't matter which religion u are currently in, ur parents brought u up n it is important to respect their last request. if ur parents are buddhist, do it the buddhist way, n if they're christians, do it the christian way. it is still ur responsibility as a son to send them off the way they wanted it to be.

whether u want to hold the joystick or not... that is up to u n only u to decide. my uncle's a protestant n although there were christians against it, he still held the joystick n prayed the buddhist way to my grandparents. to him, its a matter or respect to his own family members.

i know those fact...just that as first son...u can call me traitor o what so ever la k..we are malaysian ma...diversed...1Malaysia...mixed marriage is possible...can i manage my parent funeral and their ritual?first son is important right....this is a big dilemma..not for me but also other chinese boy...

ooh omnimech thanks for sharing with us!


regarding marriage into islam, sure, can divorce, but in malaysia, once masuk islam, it is for life liao.

Hence why I told you to go to Singapore to get married.

Its not haram there. As the first son of your family, I am sure they want their first grandson to follow their sur name and not Abdullah.

well at least for me, i tink my dad will own me with a pitch fork

Chinese ppl believe that their sons will continue their family line

as for u being married, u're legally married in S'pore (if u get married there) but u're not married in m'sia until u register with the government. failing to do so could sum up a fine to a few thousands. my colleague had to face that case..but she's lucky as she got married to an Afgan. so she was exempted from the fine as she was married in Afgan n didn't know the procedure for muslims here in M'sia.

i believe you can manage the funeral.
regarding convert, are you 100% sure about that?

i heard a malay comment before that if you dun have 100% heart to convert, please dun do it.

This post has been edited by Deimos Tel`Arin: Jun 1 2010, 03:34 PM

P/S; u dont need to change ur name when u convert ur religion la. u can argue bout that.. just take the quran with u. there's a statement that u should be proud of the name u were given at birth or something like that. friend thought me bout these stuffs =P

eh, like that one ah? then register with gomen here after married in singapore, means convert also?

y bother asking such question?

converting is just bcoz the sake of law bcoz u wanna marry her.....
u're in love wit her, not islam.....

meaning convert la....need to follow the islamic rules o not....screw it.....

no la, cannot like that.
must respect the religion.
if no intention to follow the faith, better dun convert lo.

convert is fine...i still can keep my family name of coz..even to my own children ltr... but im more concern about my parent funeral....

ask dem wat style dey like & do dat.....

Ur parents funeral will follow their religion

U can bury them follow buddhist tradition.

Just cause ur islam doesnt make your parents islam.

A point to note

Ur kids need to be islam, if not they cant inherit anything from u .

Or u can just make sure everything is in their name. so when u die.. there is no claims, the gov cant steal all ur money.

Very important

my child will b muslim..jz that as for name...i can put my family name on it....as for inheritance...they will get it...no way the governmnet "senang2" get my property...they oso need to follow law ma...thing called "will" can solve the problem..

you dun have to worry abt ur parent's funeral. you can manage it follow your parent's religion but when you pray you should pray like islam

For those that kept saying go to another country for the sake of marriage without converting, stop being an idiot. A muslim man MUST convert to marry a muslim woman. Its not the law of the country, it's the law of Islam. Malaysia is an Islamic country hence the enforcement of the rule.

For TS, for your parents funeral, you can manage it just fine. But as xenon_aniki said, do not pray according to your parents religion. Anything to do with their religion, you must pass. But that is on the participation. Managing on the other hand, go ahead.

YES. as long as u're m'sian n u married a muslim, u're asked to convert. (literally saying, if they find out..u're automatically converted whether u accept it or not)

i disagree on that. if u're in love with the person n not the religion.. converting doesn't answer the question. its not like u can avoid the religion literally to say...

an easier example.. if u're in love with ur gf but u hate her parents, what can u do bout it but learn to accept the parents n bear with it. u might not love her parents but u'll need to accept n be open to it, literally swallowing everything down. that's the difference between a relationship n marriage.. relationship, u can always opt to walk away.

as i said.. who are they to stop u to practice the way u want to or ur parents would prefer u to do? u can always argue with the terms of ur parents or family is a part of ur life from the second u were born, n this is the way to show ur respect to them. it doesn't meant that because u follow the buddhist ways for ur own parents it means u are no longer a muslim n u no longer accepted as one... there's always a twist in the religion.

Now thats bs. LOL .

Just cause he is islam by name doesnt mean he cant hold the joss stick and pay his respects.

U expect him to walk in to a chinese funeral with a prayer mat, put on his song kok and pray ? -__-

That is disrespect right there.

there is always 2 options....

1) tolerance
2) acceptance

if i really could not accept....den i'll just hav 2 tolerance.....

U cannot go to the funeral coz u cannot touch this else ur wife family gonna kill and angry u



This post has been edited by wangpr: Jun 1 2010, 04:14 PM

argh......
damn u wangp!!!
my bandwidth!!!!

you misunderstood here.
of cos he wont do that. he can pray for the deceased anywhere anytime right? he cannot involved in other religion ritual for sure. if hold the joss stick is part of the culture and not part of the religion why not?

change your name to Ali

go get some advice..i recommend u get it from Ustaz Ridhuan Tee..

get a chinese gf much more easier.

forever u r muslim, no return bck,, unless u imigrate then only u can escape from islam

2012 coming cause no chinise christian , indian soon all become islam

Here's an answer from somebody who actually knows what he is talking about.

I am a Muslim who is happily married to a Chinese (ex-buddhist) lady. When my father in law passed away recently, I allowed my wife to follow whatever rituals that I believe are not against the teaching of Islam. As for the chanting, (the one where the eldest holds this branch) I even participated in the ritual as an observer, as a sign of respect towards my father in law. But of course when the monk gets the congegration to bow towards the buddha, of course i got my wife and myself not to bow along because only Allah is worthy of my bow.

When the ritual to send the body to the crematorium was happening, I still participated in the ritual including kneeling as a sign of respect, but I stopped short of bowing to my father in law.

My advice to you is, you could respectfully get a brother to replace you in the ritual, and only participate as an observer, as a sign of respect. There is no problem in that as long as you keep your faith true, and bow to no one else but Allah. If you want to talk about this more, shoot me a PM. I'll be glad to answer any other questions that you might have...

i dont think TS can perform any ritual for his parents funeral, he can physically attend it, but he cant pray with colok or anything. which also mean, he cant do any "son" responsibility as required in buddhist/taiost ritual.

If I am not mistaken, in Islam they still allow you to carry out the filial duties as a son. There is a difference between culture and religion. Of course, taking into consideration the current state of affairs, there will be people who will tell you that once u embrace Islam you cannot take part in the funeral proceedings.

Holding the joss sticks for the departed (esp when they are a family member) is in no way contradictory to Islam, if people bother to even really understand what the religion says properly.

This post has been edited by dayalan86: Jun 1 2010, 05:05 PM

seriously, your parents not islam then follow not islam way la..

according to my wife, holding joss sticks has nothing to do with buddhism... it's more of a cultural thing for the chinese people...

Yup, it ancient cultural that bring from generation to generation...

Hahahaha..

TS, u decide urself, wanna to see a big quarrel in future or not

There are more true muslim converts (caucasian, blacks) in USA than any other country in the world. And these people learned the true beauty of Islam and converted purely by its love for it. So don't worry, u're not joining some terrorist religion (like some lowly educated people think).

And u dont need to change your name, u can keep it as it is. And you can obviously still follow your culture as long as it doesn't contravene with islamic teachings. Islam is very very flexible, i suggest you start some reading on the subject as it'll give you more insight

there u have it, u must change your religion just to get their loving.

---

Added on June 1, 2010, 5:30 pmflexible??? did i hear correct?

This post has been edited by blue jasmine: Jun 1 2010, 05:31 PM

y married with malay gal then u must convert to muslim when u duno wat is muslim? so weird la malaysia=.="

Dear TS,

I'm a Muslim, Yet my origins is half chinese and half malay.

When my chinese grandpa pass away, I was still helping my family through out the whole event.

What I am trying to say is that you can do whatever is required for you to do in the chinese tradition EXCEPT praying to the deceased via Chinese/Buddist ways. You can pray using "Al-Fatihah" and other Surahs.

I hope this helps.

This post has been edited by celicaizpower: Jun 1 2010, 05:37 PM

erm.. just think deeply.. once convert u will be islam forever.. although u get divorce u cannot come out of islam..

dun marry here... or else good bye...
u want to be buried in islamic ground when u die?
ur parents wont be happy abt it

To lchard :

Here the thing,i'm muslim and malay.Don't wrong with your problem.

1st : You mention about your problem at your gf.She will tell you everything that you should know ( if she have strong knowledge about Islam,If don't, ask her to give a book about ISLAM ).

2nd : Try to find a book about ISLAM.Read its and try to understand.Its doesn't means if you read this kind of book,you automatically convert into Islam.

3rd : Mention your situation at your parents and your siblings.Cause HATE something would happen next if you continue marry her.

4th : Try to learn a fact what you really want.Its all in your hand.if i mention about ISLAM,its will all about beauty in it.But you must learn and know its from yourself.There is no force at you to convert or not.But if you marry her,You MUST convert.That the LAW.

p/S : To ALL ******* out there,that talking bullshit about ISLAM.Please STOP ITS.I never mention about your religion.And learn to respect another religion.

POTONG

+1

marry chinese gal la, easier....
dun because of that few seconds syiok, u regret ur whole life later....

my uncle is a malay muslim too, married to my chinese aunty....when my chinese grandfather passed away....he as the son in law did wat a chinese son in law did eventho he is a malay, not even a convert.

SO I really think its up to what you think you want to do. U can still do the chinese prayers if u want to.

when you are getting married with your gf. of course u must converted to muslim. and you parents is still under your responsibility since you are their first kid. of course you can go to the funeral and pray for your mother but the way you do it must not run from a principle of islam.

I think it's time to move this topic to RWI as this is getting involve into some religion and parent's last will.

I basically read everyone's comment (useful ones). To sums up;

Once you convert yourself into Islam, you NOT allow to touch joss stick and do the Buddhist chanting and stuff. The only thing you can do is to observe. Correct me if I'm wrong.

But bring back TS's problem, as the eldest kid, you failed your parents by not holding the joss stick (if your parents are superstitious enough), not doing the normal Buddhist chanting, pray and bow upon them every death anniversary (of course you can do it in private. who would know right?)

Moreover, you're not ALLOW to carry your parents' coffin to their grave because you only allow to observe, which is a SERIOUS, I do mean it, very offensive action to Buddhist's "follower" (cause your parents are Buddhist). Ask your parents if they are okay if you not going to carry their coffin, but before that ask yourself if YOU should be asking them this question after so many years of cultivation on you.

If you REALLY and MADLY in love with this Malay girl and you don't want to break your parents' heart, I suggest you go to places where their marriage system is recognize worldwide. (Just saying, don't know if there's such powerful country exist..)

Good luck and hope you can find a perfect solution for your dilemma.

This post has been edited by Belphegor: Jun 2 2010, 02:48 AM

Seriously?Isn't the truth the opposite of what you mentioned,hence of such topics like this?

I wonder what a person like Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin say about this And i also know why Muslims in Malaysia don't like him either

TS: There are so many fish in the sea, but why must you choose a fish with a destructive C4 inside?

This post has been edited by pukester: Jun 2 2010, 04:09 AM

Watch your mouth bro...your word over the line.Do you have any problem with someone try to marry another religion.I keep wondering why an A**H*LE like you can exist in this world.F**king racist..!!!!

Actually, the problem is TS himself.... what the point he opened this thread when he should ask the gal parent what he can do if this happen in future..

Then he should can decide to continue or not

i'm agree with you.As his our cyber friend,we can advise him.And mention about PRO and CONTRA what would happen in future.But it's all in his hand.But please respect another religion.If you don't understand about ISLAM.Don't say a word.That make me mad at them.

I didnt read the whole post but nevertheless, my dad is chinese my mum is malay and whatever it is with your parents is fine. Both my grand parents psat away and we just did the normal chinese routine, as long as you dont believe it la. But this another question for you. A very important question actually. Are you converting just because of her or for you love towards Islam? Cuz if just convert for her is going to be difficult. Is not impossible or anything just make sure that all the sacrifise youve made is worth it. My dad converted well before he met my mum and its best if u found the love for islam. Cuz you'll do things that you like, not forcing yourself to do anything like fasting,praying etc. But if she is worth it, why not anyway.

You can keep the name anyway, but its adviseble to change. Is up to you.

But talking about respect, i think most Malay also always didnt respect chinese especially related to pig.......... They always say this sentence that make me piss off "Pig is haram and kotor, dan orang cina suka makan benda kotor dan berfikiran macam babi" .......

Hahahaha................

ill disagree with you. You can do all the followings as long as you dont believe it that. In fact you can go to church and read bibble etc just as long as you know what is right and what is wrong. Islam is very flexbile. Is just the culture and the way people think that hey is a big sin you cant touch dogs etc, but in fact you can, you just have to clean in a certain way after that.

There will always be idiots and racism in the world. Just have to seperate from the intelectuals and those dumb idiots.

fixed

Latest I heard from my friend is that getting married to Muslim in Malaysia nowadays, no need to convert.

Got such thing meh? no need convert arh
I just knew that in singapore got people who marry malay de no need convert only
But malaysia...duno ler @@ anyways TS all things depends on u =D

ya? how come? if u dont convert in Pejabat Agama in front of Pegawai Agama Islam, they dont authorize ur marriage. so how come they married each other. i think they lied to u about the convert things. no offence.

---

Added on June 2, 2010, 12:04 pmyeah..rite.. i agree with u..

This post has been edited by zulf_zack: Jun 2 2010, 12:04 PM

i was once like that..
but when i have a Chinese friend.. specifically non-muslim friend here in New Zealand.. i open up my mind.. and realise that pig/pork is a food..
i mean.. i dont eat it.. why should i feel "geli" to it.. why should i feel weird to people who eat it..

it is true Islam says pig/dog is "dirty" by dirty it means najis.. that all.. nothing filthy about it.. unless the one "berkubang" dalam lumpur and their own shit.. that one geli la.. hahaha
my flatmate keep his ham slice at the same fridge with me.. as long as it doesn't touch my food.. that's all right..


anyway TS, please contact ur local islamic authority to get better understanding..
and i hope u r not trolling

ask ur self.. are u converting because of Islam or solely because of ur GF.

and then ask ur gf whether she realise that u r converting because of her..

i have an long distance auntie who married with chinese guy, he converted..
well they live happily.. even have chinese adopted children + their own..
she can speak chinese fluently summore..



This post has been edited by fantagero: Jun 2 2010, 12:17 PM

if u want to be sure about the answer, i suggest u to refer to Pejabat Agama. they will answer ur question. or u can ask ur gf to accompany u.

It shows that both of you are not that well educated in terms of Islam, i suggest you do some reading, ask educated muslims (not those retarded extremists or holier-than-thou dickwads).

Stop believing propaganda and bullshit the media feeds you with. There's a damn good reason why most muslim converts nowadays did it by choice.

Learn to differentiate extremist and true believers.

That's the second time I heard people say Muslim is very flexible. So can I say Muslim is very flexible, just that Malaysia make it look not so flexible due to the restrictions they apply?

Malaysia is actually in the middle, not too extreme, not too lenient. Countries in the middle east are a totally different story, they need to be goddamn nuked for giving Islam a bad name.

Anyway all religions have their do's and dont's, and in Islam, the dont's can become do's if necessary.

+1001?

Why why why can't we have people like Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin,a modern progressive Muslim who dares to contradict Islamic teachings to the extent of being hated by his fellow Muslims?Why can't we have open minded Malays like Datuk Zaid Ibrahim who can open his eyes big big and not "close minded" like most Malaysians here?

This post has been edited by pukester: Jun 2 2010, 12:55 PM

Actually, I'm not talking about countries @ middle east like those people we get to see while they came to Malaysia for vacation where they wrap themselves until only we can see their eyes. No I'm not. What I'm targeting is about Malaysia Islam. Don't get me wrong.

I do see the "open-minded" way of Malaysia Islam like girls not necessary to wear tudung and stuff. Like I say, please do elaborate as I have zero knowledge on this field. Everything I say is based from my observation.

P.S: Let me explain my intention again. I'm targeting Malaysia Islam. Not Islam in general. So I don't really see why you need to drag countries from Middle East into this. :/

P.P.S: I really do think it's time to bring this topic to RWI as it's getting sensitive as progress.

This post has been edited by Belphegor: Jun 2 2010, 12:59 PM

I think this is going out of topic, anyway most Muslims have been thought to go by the book (Quran) line by line, they take it as it is, they dont read between the lines they don't interpret the meaning correctly , the Quran is a beautiful book once you see what it truly tries to convey.

We do need more open minded muslims, the conservative muslims are the ones giving the religion a bad name and they only have themselves to blame.

TL:DR, Most muslims are conservative muslims, and this applies to Malaysia as well, they were raised to be like that.

Guys...i appreciate ur opinions...the reason i open up this tread is to find answers from those who experience this kind of dilemma....ok...i dn want u guys be racist about it...we live in one country ma...i know there is unfair things out there in real world...

So in another way, you do mean that Muslim need more open minded people and it's a little seasoned compare to other teachings?

P.S: Again, no offense intended. If you felt it, sorry.

@TS, I just wanted to ask about those. I'm absolute not trying to be racist as I have ALOT of Modern Malay friends.

EDIT: Do you mind to elaborate more on the bold-ed part? I thought all teachings are with but only ONE meaning..

This post has been edited by Belphegor: Jun 2 2010, 01:09 PM

Hence, we need more people like Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin

Xonius, no offence ya

Sure is mucho anti-Islam sentiments in here. The TS did not ask you how much you hate Islam, or about your terribly misinformed views about it (LOL ALL MUSLIMS ARE NARROW-MINDED, INFLEXIBLE TALIBANS LOLOL), nor did he ask you about how he should give the religion the finger after marrying the girl.

All he asked was about how to deal with his parents' funeral. Take your 'I HATE ISLAM DAMMIT ALL' rhetoric to Real World Discussion where 90% of the people there are like you. Heck, the mods there tolerate that bs too.

Now, TS, you might as well ask the experts and that means nobody from this forum. Contact JAIS, or as someone brilliantly pointed out, ask Ustaz Redhuan Tee about it. If anyone could answer doubts faced by a convert, the latter definitely could.

All the best ; your dilemma is understandable.

wtf is this doing in phd school? cupid corner ---> that way

If people look at it from a sociological prespective it would fit here but people are not.

*facepalm.gif*

After surfing all replies only found one proper question on the 5th page
this is more on CC topic swtz....

If you both do read from page to page, you should know that the issue TS currently facing are going to be very sensitive as the thread goes on.

@TS, decide already yet?

@TS - In Islam it is work this way:

1) Non-muslim male cannot marry with muslim female, unless he converted.
2) Muslim male can marry with non-muslim female, without the female convert to Islam.

For your name, As long as your name gave a good meaning, it is ok to not to change your name. It is not a sins but it is ADVISED to change it so that, people know that you have converted.

For your parents funeral, you may do whatever it is as long it is not against the Islamic Teaching.

It is doesnt matter if you go anywhere (when spore/us didnt implement syariah law), but your future wife is a good muslim(ah) practicer, she should understand and make you understand about this matter as this is what has written in Quran and agreed by the Muslim scholar.

@xonius: i do think at malaysia, they are better than the arabs.. if not.. how could PAS coop with DAP.. haha (another issue)

& for TS, do consult this matter with Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin (Dr Maza). http://drmaza.com

He is currently one of the scholar who try to change the "conservative" way of the scholars in Malaysia

eh no la!
that rule applied to Ahli kitab only la..sekarang there is no Ahli Kitab anymore. if Muslim male can marry with non-muslim female(ahli kitab only) the female no need to convert 1st..because the husband will eventually guide her to cnvert anyways.

I think someone needs to update the latest Quran or something. May I ask, what's Ahli Kitab and why does it matter to marriage? Anyone who are experience in this field mind to elaborate more please?

There's no such thing as latest version of qur'an..It has always been the same one for 1,600++ years now.
You know that there are other few religions that worship Allah as well right? Like Christian, Judaism etc. so those are ahli Kitab. However, that rule only applies to practising ahli kitab. Like for e.g. they must follow the bible line by line.
I'm sure that you'll have more questions on this ahli Kitab thing. However, I will not explain further on this in this thread as this is a sensitive issue. PM sure cannn...

yes...i think u need to explain to bornd too..i think he/she is muslim but dont know about it..when u dont know, dont talk about it pls...people like him/her made people non-muslim think the worst from us muslim. thanks anyway.

Hey bro, don't be judgemental yeah. He/She is still a human, so they are bound to make mistakes or there are things that they don't know. It is our job to correct them with the most respectful manner.

from what i heard, in islam, even though u already convert, parents will always be parents, and u still have responsiblity toward your parents and it wont change.... if u ignore them, u still consider anak derhaka...

and in funeral, i heard u can go to other religion funeral to pay your respect... it is not wrong and it is encouraged to do so... just that like bornd said you may do whatever it is as long it is not against the Islamic Teaching...

Just wan to ask...if falling in love with a Malay girl than immigrate to other western country like US, still need to convert to Islam??

depends on the country you are migrating to - in terms of law.
but your marriage wont be recognised in malaysia.

haiya in the US or singapore or most developed nations if u embrace any religion there wont be any1 who's so free to give a hoot whether you dont eat any prohibited food or do any shit so long as it's not illegal.

This post has been edited by arsenwagon: Jun 15 2010, 10:57 AM

juz hope 1 day Malaysia will become like what u said...