Right, I'm gonna do an ezralimm and attempt to impart my precious wisdom onto you noobs. Be kind.
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"Confessing" is for losers. Seriously. It is the lamest way of letting a girl know you like her, and it is not very effective. Here's why:
- You're giving up all control over the outcome. All the power is now in
her hands to either say yes or no. There's nothing
you can do about it anymore.
- You're putting unnecessary pressure on her. Suddenly she has to decide then and there how she feels about you, when she may not even be sure herself yet. And she may be afraid of hurting you if she says no. It's not fair to put her in such a position.
- You're
asking her to love you back. You don't
ask for love. You
offer it, and if she accepts, she will offer hers in return.
- You're setting up an unrealistic expectation. Since you
asked for her love, she will tend to see you as someone who always has to
earn it. She will see herself as a princess to you, because
you played the role of a beggar to her.
Only lovesick schoolboys still do this "confession" thing. Mature adults do it this way:
1) Eye contact. You know how two people tend to not look each other in the eye for too long? That there's usually a time limit before both people look away? Well, if you like this girl, maintain eye contact just a
little longer than the time limit. Look at her just a
little longer than necessary. Then give her a little smile before looking away. Don't
stare, don't
glue your eyes to her all the time. Just don't be afraid to show that you like looking at her.
2) Make her laugh. It's one thing to get her to talk comfortably with you. It's another thing for her to
enjoy talking to you, so much so that she
remembers how much she enjoys talking to you. Be at your wittiest and most charming, put some
effort into making her laugh. Don't be too shy to say something like, "Hey, wanna hear a joke?" Then tell her a dozen jokes, one after another. Let her know that you're
purposely trying to make her happy.
3) Remember the things she says. Listen to what she has to say, then
show her that you listened. If she mentioned her dog Poochie, greet her with "Hi, how's Poochie?" the next time you see her. If she mentioned she has trouble sleeping, ask her if she slept well the next day. If she likes a certain TV show, find out when the show airs, then ask her how was last night's episode the next day. Better yet,
watch the show, so that you can talk about it with her. You can even tell her you
didn't like the show - the fact that you watched it just because of her is flattering enough.
4) Physical proximity/contact. This is a tricky one, so be very careful. Position yourself closer to her - not
too close, but a
little closer than normal. You know the distance between friends, and the distance between bf and gf? You want to be exactly
halfway in-between. (And better make sure you're wearing deodorant!) Similarly, give her a little touch every now and then, but
be careful. Touch her shoulder when you want to get her attention. When talking to her, pat her on her arm to emphasize a point; if you've gotten close enough to her, you can try her thigh. When walking together, put your hand on the small of her back to guide her in a different direction. Just
don't let your hand linger there too long.
You know what's the best thing about all these? They are
measurable. Meaning, you will know instantly whether or not they're working. If she likes you, she will return the eye contact with you - if she doesn't, she always will look away before you do. If she likes you, she will laugh at all your jokes. If she likes you, she will appreciate the fact that you remember things about her. If she likes you,
she will stand close to you, and
she will touch you. By doing these things to her, you are letting her know it's okay for her to do the same to you. You're
also letting her know that it's okay for her to
not do the same to you, if she's not interested in you.
And if you're getting all the right signals from her, it's time to move on to:
5) Ask her out. Just you and her. None of the rest of your gang. Nobody else. Yes, it's a
date. It could be a movie, it could be a drink at a coffee place, or if you're really confident, it could be dinner at a nice restaurant.
Don't treat it as if it's a big deal, as if by saying yes she'll be making a big commitment to you. Keep this in mind if she's reluctant - say, "Hey, it's just a movie/coffee/dinner,
I'm not asking you to marry me laa."
And after you do all this, after you've got the date...
then what?
Then you just let it happen naturally. And believe me, if you've gotten this far and the girl has been showing all the signs of liking you, it
will happen naturally. Which may be a surprise if you've always thought that tackling a girl is a long, gruelling, agonizingly difficult task that involves a "confession". You may be surprised at how
easy it was. Which is as it should be. (And don't give me that "if it's easy to get, you won't appreciate" nonsense.
) If a guy and a girl like each other, they should fall into a relationship
easily.
This is how mature adults do it. And even if you
are a lovesick schoolboy, you should
still do it this way. Because it's the
right way to do it.
Aha! Gotcha. It is very sensitive for girls to hear these kind of statement.
Jul 28 2009, 04:32 PM
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