nice one.

MODs. this one deserves a sticky. but then again, cupid corner will have less emo topic like "why she like that one." or trivial topic like "what does that means: she touched my ankle" or its equivalent.

I think it's a great guide for those inexperience ones
Thanks for your time for sharing it

+2, i agree with hoilok n ts

not bad not bad ...good advice for the young one

I appreciate your lesson. but it discourages those who is in the hesatating state wheter confess or not.

If you don't try you don't know. A man needs to bear the consequences and live on.

No offense but you sound like the typical asian who think too much, possibly a person with low self confidence and low self esteem.

maybe you were hurt before, but i don't think by doing this will be any better.

dugg.

really nice article, altho its pointing only to one direction.

dude, is this copyrighted?

Basically your whole post boils down to this point. Its really not a bad piece of advice, but the way you've described it, I have to disagree with what you said. The advice you're giving IS BAD. Why? because you're setting a negative attitude.

The biggest problem is your low self-esteem. You don't believe in your self, you don't have a positive view of yourself. You look at your flaws, and think everyone judges you on that. By thinking like this, you sub-consciously project these flaws to people around you, which in turn, turn people away. What happens is a negative feedback loop that sends you in a downward spiral.

Ask yourself, what do you really want in life? What are your goals? What qualities do you want in your friends? What qualities do you want in your partner? Don't just fall for someone because they gave you some attention, this is the biggest mistake lonely people make. You must have your own standards of what qualities your partner should have, and choose people based on that. Don't get blinded by the beauty and attention given.

When you have goals in your life, principles, standards, then you have a strong foundation. Make yourself happy first and foremost. When you're happy, your mood changes, you get a more positive outlook, your self-esteem increases and you become more confident. The positive feedback loop is much more beneficial for you.

You're still going to get rejected, but hey, learn to f`ing deal with it. Failure is a part of life, you have to fail to succeed. How many times did you fall and injure yourself before you learned to ride a bike? How many times did you fail an exam because you couldn't grasp the subject yet? How many of you gave up? How many of you persevered and gained the benefits of your hardwork?

Let me share with you a motivational poem, I've highlighted the parts which are most relevant to this topic. The entire poem is something you should recite and know by heart.



In the great words of Russell Peters... BE A MAN!

That is why I say its bad advice. If you always run away from the pain, you'll never grow. You will always run from hardship because you don't want to get hurt. You don't dare to take risks. You never learn how to handle the pain, you never learn how to stand up again after falling. How is any of these attributes good?

All you're doing is encouraging these people to hide, letting them think its OK. Its not and they have to realise this.

how do you justify it as a bad advise if indeed, kopitiam surfers are in CC and needed that type of advise too?
what have you realised being confident all the while and not putting yourself in their shoes thinking of their world?
if you were born poor, ugly and all the bad things, self confidence is not easy as you've said
and TS is just having a share case, you don't have to batter his self esteem as he has already battered from his situation.
he's not even close to self pity. and you're so self absorbed.

You see, you probably don't know how TS used to be, most of us were here and saw how bitter he was. He's slightly better now, but that darkness is still in him, it shouldn't be there.

miao
Tak gado bang, jangan risau
Yes, I remember
Its ok to be who you want to be, but just ask yourself, is this who you really want to be? You don't have to justify to me or anyone here. Just ask yourself the question, and answer it to yourself.

not bad. good one.
maybe u can try typing on girls confessing on guys? 

Im sorry to say, but there are some misleads and hypocrisy involves in this article of yours.
I have no idea what you're talking here but if i have to tell you the truth, beauty is IN the eye of beholder. Are you trying to tell the whole world that we are superficial when judging a concept of beauty just because you had been rejected numerous times? If a lady with hotness and sexiness walks in front of you and you were attracted to her (keeping an eye on her), are you trying to tell me that you are superficial with your thoughts? Sounds like hypocrisy here. Or maybe you're telling me that when women keep rejecting you, to a certain point you believed that you had 'enough' thus concluding its all superficial to you and so the whole world must know that if a person had been rejected thousand times, women must be actually be saying that you're not handsome? Well, sucks to be you but i still have to tell you the truth that beauty is still in the eye of beholder because we are always attracted to attractive things regardless the standards that we possess in ourselves.  Beauty itself is a whole subjective matter. Your point is invalid when you summarize that beauty is just about look and appearance itself. Your look, your problem. Deal with it. Pointless to tell the whole world that we are not the beholder of beauty. And no, we are not superficial creature. Your ego is. 

The problem with you is not about your looks. Some of them who rejected you might said it right but the truth still remains where you yourself do not actually know how women think differently than men and how they decide whats best for them. Even, if any miraculous event happen in your life when all of sudden you're a good looking man, i still believe you lack the confidence to actually learn more about the women which is why you always lost your step when approaching them or try to escalate from a friendship level. Yes you do see the mirror everyday, but unfortunately, it reflected your ego if you give it a deep thought about it.
And how exactly you're going to do that when uncertainties lingering inside your mind? If i must say something about this, confession isn't actually gambling. Its just an expression of suppressed feelings you had for the other. If you're going in with an expectation of getting a partner without considering what she wants and needs plus the problems that she faces, then of course you're likely to fail as it gets uncertain especially when the hints aren't strong enough for you to interpret them as CERTAINTY. Confession isn't a competition. Its not about how you want to hear yes rather than no. Its about how you move on from either yes or no and continue your life with extra responsibilities.

You wanna deal with rejection, you gotta have something else aside from her to be cherish which is yourself. An easy step to actually BE prepared for any unlikely circumstances is to actually understand that it takes two way to build a street towards relationship. Two yes = yes. One yes or one uncertain = no ( need more time and space and understanding). And most of the time people have tendency to put all their eggs into one basket. If you can deal with the pain and live your life with positivity, then its good but how do you 'quantify and qualify' the damage? You yourself know better. Best way, put yourself first in front of her and at the same time don't be selfish. Loving yourself isn't about being a selfish prick who wants every chick to die at his fingertips or get a woman just for the sake of getting a woman. Its about how you 'diverse' the risk and lower the magnitude of pain (differs from individual to individual as the magnitude of pain is proportionate to how you're going to heal yourself thoroughly) and live your life better and also to be progressive towards your life goals. Relationship after all, is not actually as 'lovey-dovey' as it seems no matter how happy you are when you get an acceptance. Its how you move on from either of the result of the confession.
Without pain, a person would not grow to reach his ideal state (assuming here a better and stronger person is an ideal state). But if he chose to be a sadist and tell the whole world how sympathetically he is, what is there to gain? Some points are agreeable & valid and the above are the one i strongly disagree. Its the wrong message conveyed out there by you. Your improvisation towards your life right now is an appetizer to my breakfast this morning but if you want to convince people more about your changes, how about change the siggy as a start? A positive advice is very unlikely comes from a negative person. Like a friend of mine pointed out, 'How can a poor teach the others to be a millionaire where he himself is poor?'

Truth to be told, there is no need for such article to be written. You wanna tell how people deal with rejections, the first thing you should do is open their mind with possibilities not reality. IF you realize something in your article, is that you're actually projecting your sadness, ego, hurt, sympathy and many more negativity inside such article. Is that the right way to project it to readers? Its like indirectly telling how total loser you are if you were to ask my inner thoughts after being indifferent towards your article. Im still looking forward , to how you going to improvise on yourself. THAT is more 'exciting' to read and anticipate about. And please understand more about women. You still lack the attitude and knowledge to confront them.
So you're implying a realist can't be romantic? Or perhaps a realist isn't supposed to be romantic, because it isn't suppose to be practiced in reality?

... you really sound bitter...and with that signature of yours, i really hope that you would remove that first, and also remove the idea of suicidal in your mind

i really would recommend you a friend to talk to, whom you are comfortable with, or a clinical psychologist...not that you have some abnormalities in your thoughts, but you just need someone to really listen to you and understand you...

perhaps, you really need to enjoy life just once, to notice how much is there that you would have probably overlooked, those whom had a genuine concern for you, and really enjoyed your company

if you are able to portray that you are enjoying yourself to those who are near you, and show genuine concern for those around you, you are really bound to succeed in a relationship and time is only the factor

beauty as said, is really in the eye of the beholder, you just need to believe in this...

Sorry nothing can be state as aftermath, Are you telling people do not try anything which will not going to benefit yourself by confessing toward someone you really care in your life even you fail from it? if yes then Sorry I'm going disagree against it!

I won't consider much about whether worth or not worth to try it out, you will never success in anything if you think so much into what're the "aftermath" or been rejected. plain simple logically way learn from mistakes and carry on or try your best to succeed it!

wow you need physical therapy. Yes it hurts being rejected, but it is just not strong enough to change a person into a psycho, and its not even close.

Judging from your posts, you look like a fragile man who can't deal with reality. Instead of moving on, you choose to contain yourself with painful feeling and more likely lead to negetive personality change.

Glad to know that you are alright, you got an ironic siggy tho.
I been in the situation like you did. I felt like I was gonna make it too, but ended up being hit hard. The world was grey and all the shit but never once I thought about doing something stupid.

I got over it after months. Guess what? The girl didn't mind what happened and still sees me as a part of her life, as a best friend. However, my love blindfold was unfolded and I only see the bad sides of her. No I no longer want to spend time with her nor tolarance any of her shit. Not gonna hide my true personality and honest intention.

In the end I ended up losing a best friend, but I didn't have any intention of saving it nor i regreted my actions. I am glad I confeseed and ended my silly dream with her. If i did not do it back then, I am positive that I will regret on wasting my life on her.

I see no consequences on confessing to love one. You either make out with her or you don't. And you have no idea what is coming in the future. Confess is never a wrong move.

I am sure that the person wants more than best friend if he/she is ready to confess. Holding back isn't the true intention and best friend means only friend. Afraid of losing her? No she ain't yours, what you got to lose?

I'll be surprised if anyone (especially the idiotic juvenille ones here can even process what you just typed) would actually learn anything from what you just layed out without having to resort to personal flaming that you are one hell of a sad a55.

Afterall, you wrote this based on your own personal experience. Be happy if even one soul can relate to it. Otherwise, don't even bother thinking that what you went through can speak volumes about the mass generalizations that gravitate around guys being lousy dating material or whatnot.

Good Advice     

a bump for a good article!

Thanks for this thread TS this is really going to help me and everyone else who needs such advise and again thanks!

+1

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Added on April 15, 2009, 4:25 am

+1

This is so so good...

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Added on April 15, 2009, 4:27 am

+1

This post fills me with alpha!