> Bro,
>
> Nice read!And for lay man to learn more.
>
> Regards
> Anthony
>
>
>
>
>
> Subject: Fwd: FINANCE 101 : Subprime Crisis - by Lin Peh
> To:
> Date: Tuesday, February 24, 2009, 10:06 AM
>
>
> Begin forwarded message:
>
>
> A hilarious account of subprime crisis. I couldn't stop laughing
> while reading it, but you have to excuse his choice of vulgar
> words........ Do me a favour by deleting my name if your are
> forwarding this email........ Ha ha
>
> Subprime Crisis - Explained by Lin Peh
> Preface: Subprime Loan
>
> In American, just like all the normal human being in the world,
> when they make any major purchases, they will always ask bank
> for loan. However, the sorhai american company always like to
> retrench people and thus the people there the income not very
> steady one. In Malaysia, when your income not steady you will
> loan money from AhLoong instead of BANK. But in america, their
> FBI very power so there is no Ahloong, instead their bank will
> loan money to all these not steady income people and this type
> of loan is called Subprime Loan.
>
>
> Chapter One: How it started
>
> About 10 years ago, all the commercial banks in American were
> promoting their loan with advertisement like
>
>
>
> Since most Ang Mor are only "ada gaya" and "hao-lian" type of
> people, the bankers came out with special packages for these
> pokkai fellas. So, Ads like these were flying everywhere:
>
> "No repayment for first 2 years"
>
> "Want to be rich ? Buy Property!"
>
> "Money no enough? Borrow from me!"
>
> "Zero down payment"
>
> "Low rate guaranteed"
>
>
> Wah ! These packages are damn fierce wan! It basically tell
> people don't worry for the about repaying the loan because you
> may strike lottery before payment is due! In the event you don't
> strike lottery, you can still sell the house that you bought at
> higher price and pay everything and keep the gain!
>
> Because of packages like this, many American (especially those
> who think if Black and become president of USA everything is
> possible) started to borrow money and buy house as INVESTMENT !
>
> So, the banks business become very good, the accounts all look
> damn solid and all the bankers got huge bonus! But now....got
> one problem...money all loan out but who can guarantee that
> these sorhais will be able to pay back when time comes ?
>
>
> Chapter Two: Investment Banks Also Want
>
> After collecting his huge bonus, the CEOs of the commercial
> banks also need to do more creative works or else they will be
> fired soon. So, he went to see the bigger brother - Investment
> Bank!
>
> For those of you who don't know, the Investment Bank in US is
> damn power wan ! Their name also damn solid like Morgan Stanley,
> Lehman brothers, Goldman Sachs. The commercial bank CEOs
> objective is very simple, they want the Investment Bank to share
> share and join with them to play the game of Subprime Loan!
>
> Even though the Investment Bank name power, their top management
> are also same like us eat full nothing to do one. So, they get
> all those economists, professors, even Nobel prize winners and
> together go to starbucks drink coffee and blow water.
>
> After many rounds of talking cock, they concluded that these
> subprime loan is very risky but very exciting and profitable!
> Something like bank robbery! As a greedy bunch of motherf***ers
> working for greedy Investment Banks, they decided not to miss
> this great opportunity so, the Investment Banks are in !
>
>
> Chapter Three: How The Investment Banks Play
>
> Since Investment Banks are so power and big! They also decided
> to play it BIG! So, in order for them to raise all the fund to
> lend it out to those pokkai house owner, they issued something
> call CDO (Collateralized Debt Obligation). In line with the
> reputation of Investment Banks, the name CDO also power meaning
> no one understand! But Lin Peh tell you la, these CDO is
> actually something like Investment Banks borrow money from the
> some sorhais but the loan is guaranteed by those pokkai house
> owner's loan and their f***ed up "very expensive" house. So,
> where to find such sorhai ?
>
>
> Chapter Four: Hedge Fund is the Real Sorhai?
>
> In order to find the sorhais who are willing to put out such big
> sum of money for this type loan, the Investment Bankers did a
> lot of road show and even engage professionals to make their
> powerpoint presentation look solid.
>
> After that, they invited groups and groups of sorhais to come
> listen to them talk cock, drink wine and see their powerpoint.
> When the powerpoint presentation said that the average return on
> CDO is approximately 12%, the saliva of the Hedge Fund managers
> started to drool, so they decided to put their money in and play
> the game also!
>
> Before you jump into the conclusion that hedge fund are the
> sorhai, let's look at how the hedge fund got so much money....
>
> The basic job function of hedge fund managers are killing each
> other at wall street without seeing any blood! They are the one
> who go around the world, screw peoples currency, stock markets,
> commodities so the CDO is only a small case la !
>
> The hedge fund managers went around the world and look for low
> interest loan. For example, Japan interest rate has been very
> low since the day Karaoke machinese was invented. So, the hedge
> fund went to Japan and borrow at 1.5% which means, they just
> have to sign a few signatures, get the money from Japanese and
> then give to the investment banks and they can sit home
> masturbate and enjoy a net return of 10% without doing anything.
> With deal like that, the more they borrow, the more their return
> la ! Do you still call them sorhai?
>
>
> Chapter Five: Now, Everyone Can Be Rich!?
>
> So, all the deals are now in place and the cash started to flow!
>
> Strange thing does happen when you have such a huge system
> running - from the year 2001 to 2006, the real estate market in
> US was at a super boom ! Everyone was buying houses and make a
> lot of money ! So, they were right about becoming a real estate
> tycoon without having to come out with a single cent ! So, from
> house owners to banks to investment banks to hedge fund all
> making money ! Damn solid!
>
> However, the investment bankers were not too happy when they see
> the hedge fund was making so much money from the CDO without
> having to do any donkey work. So, they got jealous and they
> themselves also invest in CDO ! It is something like Ahloong
> themselves go borrow from another Ah Loong !
>
> When that happened, the hedge fund managers see that the CDO was
> in such hot demand, they also became greedy and they pledge the
> CDO to banks so they can borrow more money to invest in more CDO
> and everyone just become richer and richer!
>
>
> Chapter Six: Let's Insured Everything!
>
> When the Investment Bankers see that the CDOs merry-go-round
> becoming so big round just like the Eye On Malaysia like that,
> they also got panic already. So, to play safe, they call the
> insurance company and tell the insurance company that they want
> to buy insurance for their CDOs!
>
> Even though the insurance companies are generally greedy
> motherf***ers, they also not sorhai one. They study the track
> record of the CDOs and they charge the Investment Banks a heavy
> premium for it and give this type of policy an even more power
> name called Credit Default Swap (CDS)!
>
> Since the hosuing market was ok, and everyone was still enjoying
> huge profit, the Insurance Companies too made very good money
> from these CDS in the last few years because they just sit there
> and collect premium without paying out anything!
>
> That's WIN WIN SITUATION - just like what your teacher taught
> you in school !
>
>
> Chapter Seven: Not The End Of Story
>
> As usual, eveything that can generate income, people on the the
> wall street will create a unit trust fund for it. So, over the
> last few years, Many Unit Trust Fund that invest in CDS were
> created. However, in order to generate good sales for these
> Trust, these unit trusts must get good rating from the rating agency.
>
> So, the people on wall street used their creativity to 100% and
> came out with a brand new idea - Assuming the companies already
> made $80 Billion in the CDS over the years, they will allocate a
> portion of it lets say $10 Billion to secured the Unit Trust
> Fund. Using the $10 Billion as 10% securities, the Fund will
> sell to the public $100 Billion of the Unit Trust.
>
> That means, if the Fund lost money, the first 10% ($10 Billion)
> of the loses will be covered by the Insurance. But when it makes
> money, everything belongs to you! Good Deal or not? Therefore,
> the rating agency also give the fund AAA (highest) rating !
> Since the deal is so good and with AAA rating somemore, everyone
> also bought! Old man bought! Young man bought! Pension fund
> bought! Education fund Bought! It was such good business, the
> Unit Trust decided to issue more Units to be sold ! However, the
> problem is they never increase the $100 Billion securities!
> which also means the "reserve" for the losses has decrease from
> its original 10% to god knows what.
>
>
> Chapter Eight: No Light At The End Of Tunnel
>
> Just like Old chinese proverb said "Everything You Ate You Have
> To Vomit Out". The good time came to a stop by end of the year
> 2006 when the housing prices started to come down, people who
> bought houses found out there are no more buyers for the houses
> so they just defaulted on the loan and said F@*K IT !
>
> The Bank try to lelong out those houses but could not find
> buyer. Citibank, Bank of America all reported huge loses. So,
> the bank all said F@&K IT !
>
> Since Investment Banks has even bigger stake than the commercial
> banks in these loans, Morgan Stanley, Lehman Brothers all
> reported even bigger losses. So, the Investment Banks also said
> F#$K IT !
>
> When the Hedge Fund saw all the other fellas all f@#%*d, they
> also cannot escape and Hedge Fund Stake is even bigger! So,
> Hedge Fund said F@%K IT !
>
> And of course, all the AAA rating Unit Trusts F#@$&D !
>
> Now, Pension Fund F@#*%D! Education Fund F@#*%D! The share
> market F@#*%D! USA F@#*%D! Europe F@#*%D! Japan F@#*%D!
> Australia F@#*%D! The Whole World F@#*%D! Bush F@#*%D! McCain
> F@#*%D! Obama F@#*%D