There's nothing wrong in wanting stability. Just that the stability you speak of, is more often than not an illusion. You think its stable, but its really not. The most stable of relationships (or anything for that matter), is something which you can apply force to, and it'll remain solid.


I said a man who has the NEED for a woman to depend on him is weak. This means the guy NEEDs a woman to depend on him. Its different if the man doesn't need a woman to depend on him, yet women depend on him. That is a strong man. If you need someone to depend on you to validate your worth, that just shows how little you're actually worth, a person who knows his worth does not need another to validate themselves.


As I said before, close mindedness or open mindedness isn't a factor when it comes to cheating. Do you think cheating is less rampant in close minded societies? No, it happens just as often, people just don't talk about it openly. It boils down to strength of character, whether they will stick to their principles or not.

Every human being has needs, and when their needs are met, they try to move up to the next level. You may fulfil the needs of your partner, but you may not fulfil their "wants", and that is what is likely to make them cheat on you. They will stick with you, because you're dependable, and fulfil their basic needs, but they may still get extra fulfilment outside.

This actually happens a lot in society, and even in the animal kingdom. The females will stick with males that are more dependable, but receive seed from the "more fit" males and use the more dependable male to raise the child. If you have a gf, or are close to girls, ask them what kind of men they prefer when they're ovulating. Studies have shown that during that time, women will choose more masculine men.


On the contrary, you're really easy to understand. You just don't realise the subtle implications of your words.

You wrote so much, but you totally missed the point. Having people depend on you is fine. NEEDING people to depend on you is a sign of weakness. The strong people don't need people to depend on them, people depend on them because its only natural to do so. They do not ASK for that dependency.



Wow, this is probably the worst generalisation I've seen in my life. Such priorities don't come from their upbringing as chinese / english ed. I know so many chinese ed people who chase their careers and leave their family behind, and likewise english eds who value family so much they take their families with them when they advance in their careers. It will also work vice versa, so your generalisation has absolutely no basis in reality.

I know many close minded people who are adventurous as well, and open minded people who are as boring as a rock. You're looking at personalities and wrongly categorising them

If that is what you've gleaned from your personal experience, you need to get out more often and meet more people, your views are way too narrow.


Where does being conservative and traditional make one less likely to cheat? Look at the chinese ed mentality, and you will find that there is a very strong stigma that a man will cheat and find another woman. Yet they are the ones with the most traditional and conservative mindsets. The existence of that stigma just shows that cheating is quite rampant in the culture.


Exactly, people with strong morals will always uphold it, regardless of their education level and social upbringing. So open minded/close minded, conservative or liberal, neither is more likely than the other to cheat or betray you. You're only using your misguided assumptions to console yourself that you're taking the less risky route, when in fact, you're only taking it this route because you can't handle the other one.

You're not strong enough for a liberal woman


That's what you think, but this really depends more on what the person wants in life and how they want to get it. Your argument is simply TOO GENERALISED and more often than not, simply misguided.

Wow, you don't get out much often do you?

No, it doesn't mean that. To put it simply, the chinese culture, like most oriental cultures nail you down if you try to stand out on your own. People should all be the "same", you should listen to what others tell you. The concept of personal responsibility is weak in oriental cultures, its more about social responsibility. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but social responsibility while neglecting personal responsibility leads to a two-faced culture.

One one side you see them as polite, civilised with strong values, but once you actually get to know it better you see all the hidden acts which contradict their public face. In the end, the person lives insincerely. This is not isolated to chinese culture alone of course, westerners practice being two-faced too, but the chinese culture encourages it to the extent its almost required.

I see it a lot, you might be too used to it that you see it as normal and thus don't recognise it.

A few examples

• Following parents / friends rather than finding their own path
• Blaming others rather than themselves (the chinese ed girls do this the most)
• Defining things through the meaning of others rather than their own
• Talking politely in front of you, gossip behind your back
• Caring more about how others see them, rather than what they really are (false front)

Yeap, at least those that I know Because they understand the meaning of being an individual instead of being a drone/copy of another person.

Superior or not, is not for us to say, but we are discussing the differences. I believe the chinese culture is going through a period of adjustment. The bulk of the insecurity they feel comes from their defeat to the westerners, hence the typical rejection of western values and the contradictory aspect of looking down at the western values, but only because they secretly envy them.

A culture that doesn't feel inferior, isn't afraid of any other cultures, and is always open and willing to share their cultures with others and to learn the cultures of others as well, but always being able to retain their own culture. You don't see this in the more chinese ed people, you see an aversion to foreign cultures, the mentality of "we are chinese, we do it this way!".

That would be awesome

They tell you "what?" in front of your face, but behind your back, they themselves are googling how to make their boobs bigger as well. There are A LOT of breast enlargement products TARGETED at the chinese market.

The western values teach you how to stand out, to do what you want to do and be good at it. There is always peer pressure, which is why some people get boob jobs, plastic surgery, etc. In the end though, the difference is about recognising the individual and ACCEPTING them. The western mentality is typically "you have 99 faults and 1 strength, we focus on that strength" while the chinese eds will be "you got 99 strengths and 1 fault, we focus on your fault". Why? Because they expect you to be the same as them in almost every single way.

There is a lot of overlap, and as I said, its not entirely isolated to each culture as both cultures will have people practising such values (its really about modern vs traditional thinking) but as mentioned earlier, the chinese culture encourages such mentality. Try talking to a chinese ed and a western ed and see how different they approach their arguments. Chinese eds typically go "people say... people do... others may think..." while an english ed will typically go "I think... but I don't... that is not my opinion". See the difference? One relates to society, the other relates to themselves as an individual.

Are we really trained to care about how others see us? I wasn't, I was trained to find my own path and screw what other people think about me, I just have to handle the responsibility of my actions.

The difference is that in western values, the conflict is accepted and you have to learn to deal with it. So you learn to deal with difference, you learn how to deal with conflict, rather than hide away and try to hide/ignore the issue.

Awareness is not the same as obsessed. Which is what the chinese ed people are about. They care too much. You of course shouldn't care too much about yourself only, but neither should you care too much about what others think of you. Balance is the key.

Its both, which is why its so obvious.


I have a different experience. Perhaps your english ed chinese are really chinese ed with some western sensibilities? Plenty of those walking around.

He is quite cryptic, but he generally has very good points. You just can't understand it

That pretty much summarises it

On an individual level? No. Social level? Yea, they do, but why you ask? Because they see "injustice" being done and want to provide the same kind of freedom they experience to others. The problem is that they don't understand that such freedom may not be welcomed or even desired by that society.

those zealots are the same whether chinese ed or english ed, trust me I've experience with both

People still keep misunderstanding the education means schooling... haih

There goes the ipoh girls are pretty stereotype

A few of my ipoh female friends are going to take insult to that

What's the stereotype about PJ and KL girls I wonder