sell the family house, or mortgage it

There's no 2 ways of having it. You sell the house to fund the care taking, people will say "see, he quickly cash out for himself use". If you keep the house, they will say "so lucky already got house all paid for, life must be easy". In any way you choose, no need to care about what others has to say because people will say whatever they like to hear only. If you think selling the house helps you, go ahead. Decide earlier because the longer it drags, the more it hit you emotionally and add more stress. Eventually it will also affect your partner. I know you will feel bad selling what your parents bought, but if it solves your problem, it has to be done. Try the siblng sharing route 1st (I also doubt if it can work it will last for long either).

If I do sell the house, where would the elderly stay?

inform your other siblings that you will be selling the house use the money to fund it. cannot expect other sibling who didnt get the house to pitch in unless they also got something as well.

once money from the house is gone, then ask the other siblings to pitch in.

It's either selling the other rented out house or this inherited house I guess. How old is your dad and how bad is the condition?

how about refinancing the inherited house?

Can try cagamas reverse mortgage to fund the nursing care

Having a private caregiver was already your first mistake, you're burning money twice as fast as sending your elderly to a nursing home..

Ask siblings to help financially or effort.
If you pay everything, they will assume you are financially good.
Saying have family is an excuse tbh. Every sibling needs to contribute.
Worse is, you selloff the house and ask elderly stay with you in a smaller place - since none of the siblings are actively helping.

Is the elderly able to stay with you?

Correct me if I'm wrong but you're currently hiring full time caretaker that stays with your dad? Have you considered going to elderly care center instead? Of course I'm not referring to the overcrowded with less than desirable quality of care one.

Sell the house and use the money to send him to elderly care home

This post has been edited by Le Don: Dec 17 2025, 02:18 PM

Since me type M, sending to elderly nursing home seems to be the least preferable or the taboo option . also my fault in not foreseeing things get plateaued .


thinking of remortgaging the house instead . is anyone have experience?

yes, the elderly stays with me, and the private caregiver . ppl see we nice life, but actually our merid life suffered since not much privacy . the caregiver oso need breaks n groceries/ etc which also me provide . now with reserves low, more headache to me

actually the pricing for an elderly care home is more or less the same as the private caregiver . the cheapest one is shared with 6-8 bedded Wards, although yeah its cheap, but dunno la . that is the "worst come to worst option"


https://www.seavoynursinghome.com/pricing/

This post has been edited by MegaCanonF: Dec 17 2025, 02:22 PM

Send to daycare which means siblings house. Monday n Tuesday sibling 1. Wed n Thu sibling 2. Thu Friday sibing 3.

we did tried this during the early stages when elderly was still able to walk without wheelchair . this is a good /acceptable

actually that is the reason i bought a new car to facilitate the movement .

but can only tahan like 6month plus b4 the elderly deteriorated n plateaued.

when too much assistance needed, all siblings bailed .

so even when caregiver holiday, it will always be me who wakes up at 3am to change pampers /etc

pls do not unalive. (also, apa salahan jamban penang! )

as you have mentioned, "I can ask help from few of my siblings, but surely their excuse would be, we already have a family on our own. " - if you are here, they x tolong, when u unalive, habis la your elderly

you can try seek assistance from people like Uncle Kentang - maybe can find a care home/center for your elderly - there are those which requires lesser moneh(but location maybe more ulu/out of city center) - reach out to peeps who have similar experience to care for elderly, weight your options

remember, STAY ALIVE - u can still make or do something when you are HERE.

Is a tough conversation to take with siblings, like they may find excuses to not attend the meeting or remain silent reader in group.

But at least u try first, maybe not the most equal distribution, say maybe u volunteer to pay the bigger portion while the rest pay smaller portion these should be negotiable, although feel like tak malu to ask for fund, but remember they are your family, raised up by the same father, is a tie they can't simply cut tie like unfriending someone.

From here on the biggest hope to shoulder this buden is through this tough conversation u need to initiate with your siblings.

ya, maybe this kind of thing will need face to face rather than whatsapp. will bring this up

Good luck man, tough step to initiate, but just leave the judgement at the door, sometimes it could be just we overthinking. Nothing much to lose from here, at the worst you get no extra fund and back to square 1 where you are now.

Is a long commitment though like they might intentionally missed payment or sort, but nobody can judge u for what you have contributed in this portion. Is ok to feel like the bad guy asking for money while in reality you are doing good deeds for returning the favor.

Don't walk the path some of our forumer took sacrificing all his prime of his life to shoulder burden of his parent alone.