Please ask yourself, can you live with your parents when they are old and need your help even you have a family?
Will you only to marry your wife on condition she can live together with your parents?
Can you work nearby to your parents so that you can take care of them?

How are you arrange to help your old parents?
How can we do something to help our old parents?

Our parents feed and take care their kids from at least 17 years (high school) or to 22 years (college year),
can their kids feed and take care their parents 17 years?



https://www.malaymail.com/news/malaysia/202...20-years/180404


Lonely deaths: Raub couple found lifeless in shophouse, post-mortem confirms heart attacks; wife suffered Parkinson’s for 20 years


Sunday, 15 Jun 2025 10:11 AM MYT

KUANTAN, June 15 — An elderly couple was found dead in their home in a shophouse in Kampung Sungai Ruan, Raub, yesterday.

Raub district police chief Superintendent Mohd Shahril Abd Rahman said the body of Wong Tong Seng, 75, was found lying in front of the kitchen sink and infested
with maggots while the body of his wife, Loh Kam Ngo, 73, was found lying at the edge of the bed in one of the rooms.

“The initial inspection found no elements of crime and the house was in good condition,” he said in a statement yesterday.

He said further investigations and post-mortem results conducted at the Raub Hospital found that the cause of death for both victims was
due to Acute Coronary Syndrome (heart attack).

He also said that the woman had been suffering from Parkinson’s disease for the past 20 years, while her husband was reported to have received treatment for his heart
at Klinik Kesihatan Ulu Gali, and the case was classified as sudden death. — Bernama

This post has been edited by Jened: Jun 19 2025, 11:20 AM

Deswai work hard so that u can hire caretaker or send them to high keras care centre

so TS. you live along with your grandparents with your parents under one roof when you are small as well? it is easier to swallow this way of living, if you have been living it since young and have a positive experience..

So many questions

Exam kah?

The kids never called back to check ??

problem is the parents dont want to follow where your live.
kampung dont have much job opportunities, so how this youngster could have a good life there?

if got money send to nursing home

2025 liao. Set up CCTV with motion sensor at home la.

Sorry to say, i will never forfeit my parents for my wife, even if my wife is lisa, jlaw or whoever. They dont agree with this, then they can go f someone else.

Tesla Optimus may able to solve your concern.

yes have to go bek if parents need you

Some old ppl stubborn, dunwan go nursing

Jangan tanya soalan susah /s

okay here something

1. Yes i can live with my parent if no marry and i am okay, i still uphold filial piety even it is toxic

2. It depend, i have once a good friend say she is willing, too bad fate / destiny say otherwise

3. Also depend, it is very super normal to know some child work far far away for money and visit parent in 6 month - 12 month (already happen in 1970) , provide that they are not super toxic filial piety parent

4. i know now modern time, can sense and began to see some kid sent their parent to old folks home, some say it is cruel, some say it is necessary due to inflation and unable to give attention due to wife / child / husband , already happen in my father side family but a very super bad reason, some say send old folks home so they wont be lonely and feel more connection people who around their age
,well, it is not very surprise to see some LUXURY OLD FOLKS HOME TOO.

5. There are little thing u cannot do btw, if your parent happen to be toxic filial piety and toxic behavior, there is little but to resent them, it is number 1 or 2nd reason why ppl dump them in hospital and go oversea travel under the guise of CNY / Hari Raya, seen plenty when i go hospital during raya with my father for check up, can see the endless ppl of elderly and sometime can heard them cry where is their children

Ayam parents both into late 70s
Took them to stay in my house since covid time
Hometown house still keep as emergency plan b if ayam suddenly dieded and no charsiew willing to take care
Wife nagging conlanfirm
So ayam bought another house nearby as weekend getaway
Settled
Kekwa

Living with them to help them requires almost paying/giving 24 HOURS ATTENTION like what paying a nursing home provides, can you do it?

As someone who has done it with a sick semi-bedridden parent, let me tell you, saying it's difficult is an understatement. It will forever change you, mentally especially. Non of my sibling pitched in, I was a one-man army. I am forever traumatized. There's a constant worry at the back of my head that dreads the day another one of my family members gets sick. I'm getting older now, so I'm unable to soldier on like when I was younger. The hate for the people who should be helping but not, festers in your heart. You wish you can cut off ties totally with them. Whenever this topic comes up, like now reading this thread, it triggers a phobia and anger at the same time. Though I admit, the experience has matured my character, like I now have the patience of a monk, I would not wish what I experienced on anybody else.

Give birth to char siew better.

just send it to nursing home. its better coz staff are trained to handle them. your parents also can converse with his/er peers than sitting at home unsupervised, kena scammed, etc.

that stigma about send to nursing home really need to go away.

really lucky to have such an understanding wife who's okay with living with my mom. they get along so well that people often think she's her daughter. feels like i must've done something right in a past life..

u cant really answer this Q until the time comes....
before the time comes,u can say whatever.....and when the times comes, u will face ALOT of uneasy thing and this is DAILLY thinggy,

This post has been edited by poco loco: Jun 17 2025, 04:34 AM

Living with my 80 plus parents now. Both healthy. Walking up 3 levels almost daily. I'm selling my other house to buy a lift apartment.
Previously my father had blood clot in his head and caused him to forget lots of things, including family, name, home. But has since recovered after removing the blood clot. He needs tongkat to walk, but other than the weaken legs, he seems to fully recovered.
If I didn't live with my parents, this recoverable incident could have gotten way worst, into something terribly wrong.

same as me..

other siblings all cuci tangan ady.. leaving me as the youngest to take care . 5 yrs w sick mom, now w sick dad . got merid but never had kid until now since too preoccupied with taking care of them . can't even start proper own family. said to waifu, u can go if u want, this life should be this hard for u, for now she still sticking around..

dunno leh.. high life expectancy is either a curse or a blessing ..

80 + can walk, that's impressive .

mine 76 , depend on wheelchair, always fall if left unguarded, end up pampers 24/7 and need toilet assist ...

With current society prefers single child will put more pressure to the kid...

imagine the kid married and wife also single kid....indirectly this couple needs to take care 4 elders...if grandparents still around then it is 8..... if very rich then can hire caretakers or old folk home but emotionally still need to support 8 persons

i am char siew, i will not sacrifice my career and move overseas if there is opportunity, i will not go back to the small town which cant even pay half of what i am earning. The best i could do for my parents is monetary support and hire caretaker when the time comes

either u work hard enough to send them stay in 6-7k/month high keras nursing home

or u tell them to use their remaining savings for themselves to stay in high keras nursing home

Nowaday many char sui kid. They thought by having kids, they will take care of them when old, mana tau....

I am not a char siew

Wouldn't mind moving in staying with them or getting them over. Had experience in caring for bedridden grandparent and had seen how fast bodies can deteriorate for the elderly.

m
Deterioration start being rampant at 60 and accelerates over age, despite how healthy they seem. Had a grandpa that can still climb fences and do gardening using spades at 82; but after being prescribed by some miracle pills by one cuckoo uncle - he got sick, bedridden, and passed on within a month.

News mention couple only, they could be childless?

anyway a lot ktard as usual never read and assume they had char siew kids

What Are the Reasons Parents Don’t Stay with Their Children?

1)Parents are unwilling to relocate because they are used to village life.

2)Children worry their parents will interfere with their household if they live together.

These are among the most common reasons why the older generation doesn’t live with the younger one. But if these are the only obstacles, why not compromise? Why not work to remove them so both generations can coexist under one roof?

1) Parents unwilling to relocate due to attachment to village life?
Staying with your children in the city won’t kill you. But forcing your children to return to the village could severely limit their ability to earn a living and build a future. If that happens, you suffer, and so do your descendants. When weighing the risks and rewards, the choice is obvious. Don’t blame your children if you choose to be stubborn and selfish. Downgrading their lives for your personal comfort may come at the cost of future generations.

2) Children worried that parents will interfere in their household?
If your children are willing to take you in, respect their boundaries. Give them and their spouses space. The fear often stems from the many stories of parent-in-law conflicts. But if the older generation is willing to meet the younger generation halfway, the younger generation will likely do the same. Drop the attitude of “I’m the parent, so I’m always right.” If being right is more important than being close, then be prepared to cry yourself a river in your old age.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jun 17 2025, 09:49 AM

U r very lucky, wifes normally dont want to stay with inlaws, but r ok with their own parents. Especially the younger generations.

If one is rich but no longer has dependants, but health deteriorating n getting ageing problems, is there any way to have financial tools to manage elder care services?

this is very dependent on how is their lifestyle in the past. my parents now are reaching 70s and thankfully since they are quite mobile since retiring, they are still doing well in terms of mobility and other needs.

but another case based on my fiance's parents, where i can see the stark difference where since her father is ex marathoner so while he has severe muscle atrophy due to old age, he can still climb stairs and walk long distance with little trouble. her mum however who havent been exercising, even a slight incline on the ground and already struggling.

Recently relocated my old 70+ year old parents from JB to Rawang to stay close to me. Of course wife and mother can't get along so stay together is not an option so bought a house nearby if emergency can get to them in few mins. Weekend bring them to my place for a few hours play with my kids makan etc, take them to hospital visits. Yeah doing the best i can to manage both the family who made me and the family which i made.

Its not easy you have to go through all that, I can only imagine. Thats like hell dragging experience for you.
I'm the one who totally cut off ties with them, also all of my relatives. Poof gone, consider me a missing person. LOL. It didn't just happened without a reason, a huge let down n disrespect happening that have caused it.
Condemn me, idc. Yes, Im a char siew. I'm living life on my own terms with wife reasoning of no '道德绑架 = Moral kidnapping'.


Hey, char siew buddy

Oh, ya'll thinking just easy to get them to stay at nursing home. Nursing homes these days ain't cheap.. Monthly at least 2-5k, some may goes up to 8-9k per month.


This post has been edited by rocketaz: Jun 17 2025, 03:29 PM

old ppl smell

its true. if you go for good ones.

https://codeblue.galencentre.org/2022/05/uo...as-for-seniors/

example. senior daycare membership starts from 3500 per month

Husband suddenly heart attack at kitchen,wife parkinson bedridden nobody give food and died too

No. No help.

Coz it’s our responsibility. It’s easier if they are also responsible to themselves

This is not the money matter.

Old parents want to see their kids, they want their kids to accompany them as they think they do not have many years to live.

that is their selfish thinking

kids and grandkids need to make $$$$ for the future

if dont make enough $$$$ how to get married and produce the next generation