Hi

I am in my late 40s

For 6 months now I am in a relationship with a woman (late 40s too)

We met on Telegram

We chat a lot via Telegram...voice notes...whatsapp too.

During that, she shared everthing her personal life.

Happy and sad ones.

She cried a lot during voice notes.

Because of the trauma she faced.

At 22 years old, she found out that she's an illegitimate child

I mean her parents had her before marriage.

Probably they got married after she was born.



We exchanged pictures, videos.

Decent videos

Having bfast etc.




We never met.

But one day we will.

She invited me to join her to travel to Bandung this coming July.

In a group of course.

Not just two of us.

She's bringing her mother along.




She knows I have feelings for her.

But she said she's just tired to start a new relationship.

She has a bf for 6 years now.

And that bf is married

Sometimes she said things that does not make any sense to me.

She said that the bf is still a friend

Since they are not married.

Probably she wanted to justify her actions having male friends online(?)

And she felt jealous each time her bf talks about spending time with his family

Strange isn't it?

6 years and still no effort to marry her or what not.

No balls to do something?



Made me think.

6 years and still she feels lonely and searching for male friends online.

What do you guys think?

What is missing in her life?

What kind of woman is this?

Is she still searching for Mr Right?

Her bf is not good enough?





She said that her bf does not know about me.

She kept it a secret.

She claimed that I am her BFF.

Because she can talk about anything with me.

Unlike her bf.

Even though I am guy, but I can layan her when she talks about handbags, clothes etc.

You know, women stuff.

She claims that talking to me is like talking to a female friend.

I am not queer or anything

I am normal guy.

But when you are trying to get close to a woman...you need to comfort her and layan her always.

Commenting that the handbags are beautiful...elegant etc.

"Wow. So elegant. So lucky you lock that handbag during tiktok live"

Stuff like that.


I hope you guys know what 'layan' is.

It's like making her happy...prolonging the communication...by sharing her passion and interest etc.

My trait I guess.

Her bf does not have that trait




Of course I felt jealous each time she mentioned about her bf during our chats and voice notes.

Since I have feelings for me.



So...

Should I stay and be her BFF + hope that one day she'll leave her bf?

Or should I just walk away.

Because it's a useless relationship?

No future?

I am just hurting myself?

Thank you.

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:04 PM

walk away. it is serious useless relationship.
and the girl seem a like a weirdo. never moving on.

weird, avoid at all cost

Forgot to add...


Morning wishes...did you sleep well?
Goodnight wishes
Had bfast yet?
Cook lunch yet?
Had lunch yet?
Had dinner yet?
Drive safely
Walk safely

You know...those caring stuffs

She shared pictures of her cooking.
Pictures/videos of her ootd, handbags, brisk walk etc.

She updated me each time she's going somewhere
Shared pictures of the place she went
Updated me when she arrived home.


She has a travel vlog via TikTok



Did I mentioned that she's kinda toxic?

The part me being jealous...

Once I plead to her...

"If you feel sorry for me, please don't mention about your bf during our chat and voice. "

She got really upset.

"Don't tell me things that I can and cannot do"...she said.




Many times now she voice notes angrily.

Once because I blue tick her.

Or I changed the words that she said

You know what I mean?

Or trying to advice her to end her affair.




Her voice notes sounded like she really loves him.

Really downgrading.

Accusing me of things that I did not do.

Such as I hated her bf

How the heck?

I never knew the guy.

I admit I made mistakes.

By biggest mistake probably on being jealous...that's all.

Which triggered her

10 minutes...20 minutes...30 minutes...of angry voice notes.

Probably it's the menopause thing.





Should have ended it 3 months ago.

That's the problem when you already have feelings for someone.

Hard to let go.

The memories, her voice/laughter etc.

Stockholm syndrome




I should have prioritized my own feelings instead of others.

I've been practicing to lessen the chatting, wishing etc.



Early January, I stopped texting her for a few days.

Because she offended me with her shallow way of thinking.

She praised her bf too much...made me sick

I kept quiet but I took revenge by silent treatment.

She got upset by that.

She took it to WhatsApp status

3 entries...did not mention my name but I now it's for me.

2 were sarcasm.

And the 3rd are images of cakes that her bf couriered to her.

Just to piss me off

So cruel~

She also claimed that she has high taste

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:35 PM

belah je la bro...wasting your time layan this girl.....konlanfirm she is toxic and cannot move on...she hoping her so called bf gonna marry he one day....she just using u to talk what she cannot talk to her so called bf....plus u are the punching bag...she doesnt dare to punch bag her so called bf.....so walk out now and find another

Thank you

I know.

Some even said pschyo.

But I pity her.

She only has her mother...father passed away years ago.

Thank you

I know.

But I pity her.

She only has her mother...father passed away years ago.

Thank you

Makes sense.

this is the problem...u pity her because she only ot her mother.....so how about u? do u not pity yourself wasting time with this type of girl....im also single bro...but hearing your story dont get too attach...later u will regret...

I know.

Should have ended it 3 months ago.

That's the problem when you already have feelings for someone.

Hard to let go.

The memories, her voice/laughter etc.

Stockholm syndrome




I should have prioritized my own feelings instead of others.

I've been practicing to lessen the chatting, wishing etc.



Early January, I stopped texting her for a few days.

Because she offended me with her shallow way of thinking.

She praised her bf too much...made me sick

I kept quiet but I took revenge by silent treatment.

She got upset by that.

She took it to WhatsApp status

3 entries...did not mention my name but I now it's for me.

2 were sarcasm.

And the 3rd are images of cakes that her bf couriered to her.

Just to piss me off

So cruel~

She also claimed that she has high taste

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:00 PM

What do you mean by regret?

Such as?

lets say u dont take the advice and u still wanna go with the relationship...later in life that toxic attitude will get u....maybe after u tie the knot she will show u her true identity or perangai to u....im just saying bruh....but better just leave her laaaaa....already got red flag... she can even move on with so called bf of hers...what make su think she has feelings for u if her ex also cannot forget

What do you mean move on?

IIRC, she has no plan of breaking up with him

She made it clear to me many times that she has no feelings for me.

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:53 PM

what i meant was she cant move on with her bf...heer bf already m arried still wanna claim that her bf....


and i can see that her so called bf just using her for her pusi only la......

see...u already said it..she already told u she doesnt have any feelings for u...so what are u waiting for...just get rid of her la bro..au just wasting time here

Bro, u are so poor!?

Why go for girl which are 40 +++++ please!?

She has pigmentation can use for camouflage you like!? Sagging breast can use it as belt you like!? Loose vagina easy go in n out you like!? Soon, expired ovary you like!? Bed experience you don't have!?

As a poor person like me, I will go for 40+++ yo female because she is rich n willing to fulfill my dream.

I seriously think it's time to meet up face to face, and sort things out

Come on, what kind of relationship is built on Telegram chatting?

Maybe after meeting F2F, then you post here again ...

That is so mean

I got scammed by filter man.

Did you know that there are filters that can make you look slim etc.

Her dp profile look like she's in her 30s

Turns out she's in her late 40s (I was shocked when she told me her age)

And fat

152cm
58kg



This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 10:32 PM

ikr?

Not even a phone call.

Probably she has low self esteem.

Since she's old and fat

152cm
58kg

I probably lost interest in her after meeting f2f

I'm 170cm...64kg

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 10:22 PM

We fought a lot since November.

Her rant on voice notes.

In the beginning of each voice notes, she has no mercy

Hentam me kaw-kaw punya

But at the end of the voice note...she toned down a bit.

She's playing tug of war.

Somehow she can't seem to get rid of me.

Next day, it's like that fight never happened.

Everything is back to normal.

I guess I am too good of a friend

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 10:45 PM

Wait. What?

Dont walk bro..run.

You pity her?

Pity yourself.

Your are not a teenager. You are in your late 40s..your time on earth is running out. Your time as a healthy man is even less. Dont waste time on this type of bs.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 29 2025, 01:12 AM

Not even any phone call ?

You are seriously wasting time, better cabut from this psycho land whale while you can

actually not sure if this post is real or just trolling.

if it's a real post, please just wake up and block her number.

already almost 50 and still can have feelings for someone you never met or piap.


sorry bro, you're better off just using sugar book and pay per piap

your chances of looking for a soul mate are very low unless you join activities which align to these interests...

Not your job to comfort her

Like other said... Just blah only. Don't waste your time

If you really pity her, maybe ask her which scam call center she is held prisoner, help her call police.

honestly how do you even attracted to her

If I knew early...I wouldn't have attracted to her

I got scammed by her filter pictures where she looked like she's in her 30s

Turns out she's late 40s and overweight

By the time I knew about it...I already have feelings for her.

One of the reason are her voice

Pleasant and calming

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 30 2025, 05:53 AM

Quite concerned that you were attracted to such a woman.

The relationships you attract and the situations you find yourself in are all things you have attracted based on your inner feelings and thoughts.

You’re looking for someone who is on your “level”. Even though you are unaware, you’re looking for someone who mirrors your emotional state and the unresolved aspects of yourselves.

Every person in your life reflects back to you who you are, how you think, your beliefs and perspectives. To attract the right person into your life you must be the right person.

So, when a relationship shifts or ends, ask yourself: What did they teach me about myself?

Honestly, being attracted to a woman in their late 40s are never my first choice.

Never crossed my mind.

I avoided them.

I thought she's in her 30s.

By looking at her dp profile.

Quite surprised when she told me she's the same age as me.




I prefer those in their 20s.

If 'level' that you are referring to is about age.



Probably I met her for a reason?

To be a friend.

She lacked attention.

Give her moral support.

Persuade her in doing the right thing.

Such as ending her relationship with a married man.

I want to address something the others have not, you have not met this woman, you have not had a phone call with her, yet you going to travel with her? You haven't heard of a similar scam from another ktard? Made payment to the travel agency then only realize it could be scam and then cannot get refund. Or worse, go to holiday and then get sold to a scam centre. Please be alert for this.

Agree with this one.

Normally scammer will use fake number to be friend with you where it only can call through socm (like WA and etc) but not through the number.
Goto oversea holiday might land you in Myanmar.

I will make sure everything checks out.

Her tiktok shows she went to Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia etc.

Pictures and videos of her with the group she was travelling with.

I heard about that.

I did ask her if I could call her.

She said KIV

But I will make sure to call her directly and not using Tele or WA

She a spare tyre of X

You are his spare tyre

I don't get it

She flirting with u while telling u she has a boyfriend who already married


Toxic

She felt so lonely.

Just left him and be with me lah

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 30 2025, 11:19 AM

Being single is much more peaceful

I tell you.

No worries.

No need to text, chat.




Yes you feel lonely sometimes but it's ok.

Better than feeling jealous, anxiety, prejudice etc.

Lonely heart are so much better than a broken heart.

tyre-ception

but TS Anyje seemed like in too deep already (even though never met the lady and already kena cat fished, lady also toxic).

As a fellow traveller in the road of life, TS, I'd say bypass her ba, save you a heck lot of pain later. Better short pain than long pain.

Sometimes when we had an argument

I gave her silent treatment

I felt free

Have more time for myself.

But each time when I heard the notification of her messages/voice note...

My anxiety got triggered.

Worry about things that she wrote or said that might trigger my anxiety.

Particularly the jealousy part....me being jealous.

I hated such feeling and situation.

Based on your description, isn't it apparent that you're being facilitated as plan B?

Can see you're being transparent by didn't even bother to create dupe ID to post this, therefore, I'd be honest with you. If I were you, being used as plan B, I'll return the favor treating 2nd person as plan B too, or if I have to be diabolic a bit, you could have already guessed it.

Many better options out there, doesn't it? It's best not to allow yourself manipulated by the feelings.

When a person with this attitude, you think you'd want this as your lifelong partner? You decision to make.

I know.

I am trying

Bro run.....you are friendzoned and a backup....runn!!!

wtf dude..like this also can kesian many are without parents ok je..

Man up and walk away..love yourself first

why is this trauma? drama la this girl

I know.

Better options out there

So silly of me for feeling sorry for her.

Can't help it.

Care about her too much.

Probably after we stopped communicating, then I can finally moved on and feel peace again.


Fair point

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 30 2025, 04:53 PM

Today we chat a lot

And she hated my guts

Each time I tried to correct her.

So she made a list...

no routine, no priority, no expectation, transparent, sincerity, honesty.





Easy though

Made my life easier

No need to ask her this and that everyday.

Thinking about her text messages and voice notes gave me cold feet.

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 30 2025, 05:59 PM

You don’t correct a person with a different level of awareness; it will backfire.
-
Truthful words are unpleasant; pleasant words are not truthful. The one coming next is unpleasant:

1) Are you so desperate that you need to be entangled with the late 40s woman with a juvenile mentality?

2) We never met.
Words can be deceiving; emotions can be fabricated; videos can be faked. Trust none of it until you meet face to face. Until that happens, all the words, voice recordings, and video recordings carry 0 reliability.

3) She knows I have feelings for her. Made me think.
Even if you guessed it right , what is next ? Even if you guessed it wrong , what is next? Does the thinking solve the issue ? If not, stop wasting the effort. She stated it clearly; you are just her BFF, and she got a BF.

“Women don’t like men to 'fix' their problems”.

She is happy with the problem. Stop interfering. That is her own cause and effect to be faced by herself.

-
What should you do? It is an easy decision - cut.

Very good point

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 31 2025, 06:20 PM

RED FLAG. GTFO

At best she's treating u like a convenient tool to vent frustration. At worst you end up in somewhere in myanmar. Now u know what to do

If your feeling to her is real based on my experience even stop communicating and you will still cannot move on but of course ours is difference. You just chat online while mine already have sex few times plus dating.

This post has been edited by kesvani: Feb 1 2025, 07:42 PM

Whoa~
You had sex etc.?
That's tough

Have you moved on?
And when did you break up with her?


As for me, I am ready though to let her go

Thank goodness we just chat on social media.

So no pain at all probably.

I always have lots of things to do.

This post has been edited by Antje: Feb 2 2025, 03:59 PM

TS, I fear you may be falling into a mental trap thinking you can be her "hero". From what I read, she has no intentions of changing and does not want your help, so your good intentions will be wasted.

You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped, so plan your exit lah. Any further "but I love her..." will only kill you slowly. Good luck and hope you find your love again.

That's true.

She's living in a fantasy

Somemore she have kids both 5 and 7. Well kinda expect thing not go smoothly and maybe she her feeling to me is short live since. Can feel it from her chat later on

Not easy to move on if you found someone that feel compatible with. If you read my last two post you know i still cannot. Not sure if can or not

If you feel nothing then her to you its just another person you meet and talk to. No feeling involve in first place, more like a friend

This post has been edited by kesvani: Feb 2 2025, 04:28 PM

I stopped hoping.

Feelings began to fade away.

Because she's been with her bf for 6 years.

So, it's probably difficult to sway her heart.



I will read you topic.

Well. You mention you already late 40. At this age marriage is not suppose to be priority anymore is it. If you both can meet and maintain contact why dont just continue with it. I myself hope can have it with GF2 unfortunately the distance between us is too great , different country.

If you really have feeling for someon I think it is not necessary to own them via marriage. Matter is both still in contact.

This post has been edited by kesvani: Feb 2 2025, 07:25 PM

Walk away la don't waste time. You people spend so much time online, not realising 90% of the shit is fake. Go out, play pickleball and meet some real chicks ok.

TS haven't met her?

can end

Ts u dog lol
U like drama la.
And u like being the 'hero'. Save the poor attention deprived damsel in distress kind.

After u play finish, move on.

Not yet

When u going to give her all your money & maybe organs? 🙈

Bro, cut the tie, change phone number or block her

You don't even know how she looks like.

For all you know could be a guy behind the phone.

walk away.

Did you read post #1 and the rest?

I believe she's legit

Did you read what you wrote?

Think again.

She sounds very toxic.

Walk away.

I was referring to what you said about how she look like...could a a guy.

I agree she's toxic + narcissistic.

This post has been edited by Antje: Feb 6 2025, 10:50 AM

u finna get robbed

sorry, i didnt read the whole story but i had a quick read.

1. the moment you asked the question "stay or walk away", you have subconsciously want to walk away but you just need people to reassure your decision and normally subconscious will not lie because that is your mind wants. so if the question arises, just walk away. If you do not feel like walk away, you will never have this question before. Just like when you are full, you wont ask yourself if i want to eat or not.

2. All those caring things she did, like asking your wellbeing, share picture of the lunch/dinner she ate, in a relationship, those gestures are just sub-point, not a main point, so in shorts, it means nothing. it is just something people do when in r/s but enough to justify whether to stay or to walk away. i was in your position before where we greeted good morning every day, check wellbeing, etc... but in the end we broke up also.

3. if you feel she is toxic, walk away immediately, dont wait. toxic relationship is like toxic gas being released into the air, dont wait for it to pass and assume it will be ok once it passes. the problem is by the time the toxic gas is gone, you are probably dead already. never dwell or question yourself when a r/s is toxic, a toxic relationship is hard to be recovered, once toxic gas is inside the body, it is hard to get out.

i was in a toxic relationship before and people around me told it is toxic and asked me to break but i thought i know better and just continue. in the end, it is really so toxic that the girl twisted the story behind my back. she tells all people that i know how i treated her so badly but she didnt mention what she did in the first place. she is overly-sensitive girl and some words she will get triggered badly and she will feel you are scolding her.

so, i would rather be single than be in toxic relationship.

Avoid it

r/s = relationship?

She's also like that.

Overly-sensitive

Triggered easily

It's exhausting

Twisting stories are really bad + lying.

yes r/s = relationship

overly-sensitive and triggered easily need to be handled carefully, it is like walking on a land mines... at first, you might feel ok but after some times, like you said it will be exhausting and you might do something unintentionally but triggered her badly then she will said you purposely hurt her, etc etc...

Just walk away. Delete the chat and block. Move on.
If you're still contemplating, is it because u want "intimacy" from her?
If yes, you're just waiting for trouble.

And yet you're still undecided on walking away?

antje


you know what you have to do, nothing much to gain from this

Looks like a textationship.

It's not healthy if you are looking for a genuine relationship.

voiceiationship

avoid bro she just using u

haha....any benefit to be with her ? if tiada -- dump

bro you're nothing more than just a spare tyre
move on

Most likely its scammer