Been trying to find time to write the legendary essay but man TS is so active, hard for me to catch up

@TS, I'd advise you to break off with the ex because it almost sounded like an emotionally abusive relationship where he threatens self harm or the like. Since you're already broken, I see it as a golden opportunity to let you both heal with time.

....As for the new guy, I don't want to eat my own words below (for Ramjade) by saying he's hopeless... But MAN, he has ghosted you and said low-effort crude words far too much, I don't see any investment from his side to make yours worthwhile. If I'm you, then I'd look for equal investment at least, so I know the other party is invested to make something work. I'm saying this with the presumption that you already determined that he's a diamond in the rough i.e. a potential great life partner, whatever you parameters are.

That is a good question to a person in general, with the intention to understand their financial situation and the stories behind.

However, I think financial literacy is something you can learn/improve in time + a good mentor, so I personally would not take it as a deal-breaker unless someone tells me they're still at YOLO finance at 40+yo (you'd expect stable career/wealth usually), then I'd see that as a lack of responsibility/self control and that would be a red flag.

I'd suggest giving yourself and the women a chance to learn from each other, because not everyone has the opportunity and/or life experiences to be exposed to financial education or whatever other topics you're passionate about.

In fact ChAOoz summarised it nicely for me and I understood his statement differently. IMO, FIRE as a journey is not just the process of making your money number grow bigger via investments, but also the wisdom to manage it in many aspects -- back to what I said above, not everyone had the chance to take financial lessons yet for example, my lesson was when I got hit hard by life in my late 20s and I had people to teach me various things, including you here in this forum. The ladies you meet might just be a diamond in the rough, yet to be polished.

The main question is, how to determine that? Knowing one's potential is like reading the future, you may be wrong. Based on what you said so far, personally I would look for someone who aligns with my values when it comes to saving vs spending as that's your number 1. But personally...., my saving and spending values do not really align with my bf lol. He splurges on me/us but I'm always looking for discounts, rebates and calculating which one has more value. We argued on our overseas trip due to the differences in how we think we should spend, but we always reconciled before the end of day because we talked it out and I think we grew much closer since then. Do I wish he'd be better with money? Yes of course, he's blind to the price tag when with me so it's scary lol... But well, I can't help but to love his silly way of showing his love for me

That said, I think every couple is different and I'm not trying to rub on anyone -- I only give mine as example that others may or may not resonate to. How would you love and how would you like to be loved?

I take a lot of time to write them so I'm just lazier to post these days lol...

I guess it boils down to your personal sense of purpose in life. If you feel strongly towards the traditional "men as the head and breadwinner of his family", then surely you will want a woman to build a family and have the sense of being a protector. But if one finds purpose elsewhere that is less related to companionship, then it's no surprise that person would be fine staying alone... For example, I met a Japanese colleague who came to KL recently and he shared that his life goal/biggest hobby is to take scenic photos of retro trains. He has travelled to 40 countries so far and he owns a DSLR for his hobby, and sounds happy being single. I guess he probably also accepted the fact that his niche hobby isn't likely to attract a woman to go to random remote places in the middle of nowhere to wait for a train to pass through

Modern life allows for so much more variety in hobbies or personal projects. I think it's inevitable and just fine for the world to breed less and enjoy life, single or otherwise. Maaaan I have so many single friends, they've already given up on love and talking about becoming housemates and take care of each other, and tbh it sounds kinda fun too. But if I imagine myself in that position.... Yeah I'd feel a little lonely and empty, as I've grown to like bear hug by my bf now.