Digest these hard facts :-

1) You can live 1/2 or more than 1/2 of your biological life span as single without issue until present, now suddenly at the age of 40s you are looking to get marry & start family ?

2) Having babies at 40s, by the time you retired at 60s, your baby is only at 20 y.o. What is going to happen to their tertiary education? How finance the baby education ? Leave it to themselves to settle after you retired ? Will it be too irresponsible ?

3) At the age of 40s, the risk to give birth to deform offspring increases, what if the baby is born with disabilities ?

Are all these risk reward justify ?

Haiya you talk like this, pls la. Ppl wanna share also ubrealistic, when give rational explanation also dunwan. So how? Don't take it personally la. Try to sift thru. Take with pinch of salt. Some of us actually feel for those who struggle in love coz the path of true love seldom runs smooth. Take a breather and try avoid kneejerk reactions to comments. Instead of hantam all men. Like that might as well you close the topic yourself.

Ivf is just to help you get pregnant. It have nothing to do with pregnancy health. Pregnancy health is entirely your own body.

u born in 1988? 36 this year is not that old only

have you ever dated before or is single whole life?

you can use the same way of how you know guys from before to find new one. not that hard.. unless you're still picky la 

consider pick up badminton, cycling, car exhibition or TT session, basically those outdoor activities...  you dont go out, you wont meet single guys/ fak bois..

For badminton, there is alot of group out there where you can join and meet new people ( try rovo or xiaohongshu, alot of badminton meetup ) ... need some time and effort, but definitely work for meeting people.

and because you are late 30s, you should consider those guys who are younger than you too, maybe 3-4 years..  Your asset is your look, so put it to good use.. oh and try hide your age when you social, so hopefully someone will take the bait.. thereafter when you disclose your age, is too late for them not to accept you. 

btw, you born in 88? 88 is mid 30s lah... still ok ler...

I'm 34 this year, yea I don't mind dating or marry another 30s women. In my opinion, I don't really care about what women do as long it is legal or their education level. Not hiring any lady staff also so why even bother asking right?

My cousin when he was in his mid 30s, married a woman in her early 40s. His family was against them marrying. He was a bit of a player and a drifter sort.

It turned out ok. She brought maturity and financial stability. He brought in energy and adventure. They are reasonably happy it seemed (15+ years now).

Personally for me, the answer is no. Maybe ego. But Im looking for the opposite of my cousin.

don't quite understand what's the rush of getting married. wise words for my granny, don't get married just for the sake of getting married, else you might regret in future. even my married friends, colleagues and relatives are complaining that they regret getting married. break the stereotype and there are so many other things worth pursuing in life besides a husband and kids. go do things that you enjoy or travel to see the world and you'll be amazed. best thing comes when you are not expecting and who knows that you'll meet someone when you are not expecting anyone.

if you are above average looking as u said, you just need to put your face here, all the guys here sure fill up your inbox messages to the brim.

if not pretty, then maybe the inbox will be filled with cobwebs

To add, having a child at 45, means you would have to continue working way past 60 to support him/her until they can stand on their own feet.

Tbh if you mix around with more guys, I'm sure plenty of guys would date you, especially if they are not looking to have kids, which is pretty common nowadays. (Not saying you can't have kids at all but its' tougher at an older age)

What you need to do is put yourself out there, go on dating apps, join activities with more guys like hiking or badminton etc.

I got married when I was 38 and my husband was 40. 

There are still a lot of single guys around your age range

Hi TS, I went through all your posts in this thread so far (didn't bother reading others' replies yet.. saw a few trolls d lazy to process everything). Looks like you're kinda contradicting yourself a bit, but not necessarily a bad thing -- on that, I'll focus on being open minded.

You said you don't want dating app, that's not a problem but... You seem open to chat with guys in this forum - so are you open to dating app or not? In a way, LYN itself is a platform to get to know people online and eventually meet IRL - that is enough to say, it's kind of a dating app. The good thing about LYN is, you can learn more about someone based on their past threads and posts, and I'll just warn you now: this forum has a lot of fake or crazy personas and even in this thread, I recognise some ady. I don't wanna say names so you'll just have to judge for yourself.

If you have certain doubts against dating app, perhaps you can head to the pinned thread to read about general tips on what to look out for. If lazy to read through then can filter by my posts. I was skeptical of dating apps back then, but desperation/desire/loneliness grew with age so I tried
Took me about 2-3 years on and off apps, until I found someone 2+ years ago. While it's not all roses and flowers, we're working it out slowly. There are also a lot others who met their current spouses from an online platform so as long as you play by the books to protect yourself, you should be fine.

Furthermore about your preferences and constraints... First of all, let's not deceive ourselves: men generally like bokbokchui younger women). While it's true you shouldn't be as picky, it doesn't mean you should just accept anyone. Really, if you've lived happily so far as a single, why ruin your happiness by getting together with an asshole or loser just for the sake of pairing up, right? So it's good to know your standards, but sometimes you need to go out and fail to realise some of that.

For example, I used to think "looks doesn't matter, as long as the guy is nice." Then I matched with a guy with really bad quality photo and he didn't look good there. We chatted quite well and met up. Guess what, my first impression when I met him was, "oh damn, he looks worse than in the photos". It was around pandemic so we were masked, so guess what when we say down and took off our masks? HOLY SHIT HIS TEETH. He had good career, got condo, got honda, never dated before, a doting uncle to his niece (so much so, he interrupted the meeting 15mins or so, just talking to the niece). In the end I called it off because I didn't like the flow of conversation, and ultimately, I couldn't accept someone who doesn't have the social awareness to groom himself better (oh yes, he has no friends - I also did not like that). He was a nice person even until the end, he took the rejection rather well, no one has to block anyone and we just moved on.

...So for you, take the time and effort to just go out and try meeting more types of people. Of course you can set your own boundaries, e.g. gambler and smoker is a deal-breaker to me. Divorcee with kid... It was a deal-breaker to me in my late 20s, but let's just say I'm happy I don't have to rethink that yet
Just remember that every hard constraint you add narrows down your chances of meeting someone, and only you will know whether that is for the better or worse. Lastly, it's a long game and you'll get frustrated every now and then. It is a chore to get to know someone from scratch often, so give yourself time and space to reflect and recharge. The aim with every encounter is to know yourself better to be better for the next one.

What was your bad experience there?

Personally I've stopped using ever since I committed to my current relationship, but before that I used two apps: FB dating and CMB (go do homework a bit, read the pinned thread ya).

CMB generally had higher quality profiles but the time limit didn't work for me as I'm slow to warm up, I didn't want to share my private info early on.

FB dating was very easy to set up, so you can hop onto it very easily but on the flip side, you end up with a lot of low quality profiles. If anything, I liked the feature where I can choose to match up with a person with mutual friends. For example, when I saw my then-stranger-now-bf profile on app, there was a mutual friend so I got interested.. I mean, hey the mutual friend was my first crush back in high school so I couldn't help it ok but anyway we hit it off with Japan travel talks so here we are, going there soon this year
Just be warned, as much as I want to give FB dating the credits, I also felt frustrated sometimes as I had to filter a lot of them because there were a lot of fake/scammer profiles. Also, my friend who also tried it after I recommended, she met a person who was my schoolmate (so I was the mutual friend), but they weren't compatible after all... So my story might just be a fluke.

Btw, it's technically against forum rules to spam consecutive posts in a short time, so please use the quote function (tap/click on Quote buttons for all the posts you want to reply to > more options / add reply)

Ehh... well I'm not really hiding anything with that pink tag yknow anyhow I'm also comfortable to be a bro/dude/ghey on the internet.

I'm not even 30 yet, but I think I would marry someone your age if im still single around late 30s or reaching 40 soon
if you're average or above average looking one, at that age, still looking good then why not?
looks are subjective, some people doesn't really look at looks as long as the person looks acceptable to them. beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder right?
I've recently met a girl through cmb, went out with her once, she told me as long as she can accept the looks of the guy, then why not? after all cannot be someone below her 'standards' cuz its a face you have to see pretty often and also to kiss.. lol. It make sense anyway, if you find someone ugly, would you even wanna kiss that person?

guys at late 30s to early 40s would probably be hanging out at a bar or some place more mature no?
like what other have said here, you can try to be more proactive, wear clothes that would put you out there getting attentions. since you don't drink, then try joining more activities online.
everyone starts off somewhere.. just be more proactive and willing to start or initiate a chat

honestly chatting here or through dating app - is like no difference to me?
everyone is just hiding behind words. You only get to know someone's true self when you meet face to face. Whether their actions are true to what they've said. some ppl are all talk and no action.
just start slow. get some matches, initiate a few chats, chat for a few days to feel them out, then come out and meet up at some place public. Have a meal, some decent long chat. If feel like they are good then continue to meet a few more times. no good then thank you bye bye..
There are still plenty of good guys out there de..
slowly find.. but first, come out from kampung. you are already being hindered by your location.

just wondering, what if the guy is a divorcee with no kids? would you date and marry someone like that?

I guess it can get pretty traumatising if first few tries ady met a weirdo... Reflecting back, were there red flags you shrugged off during the chatting period? Intuition is very helpful to ward off potential bad apples; it's basically your subconscious telling you that someone/something is good/bad by reading subtle cues like body language, things that your conscious self did not pick on. Our brain is really quite brilliant in that, so give more credits to your unknown self.

I am also hitting my 40s already pretty soon. I am also not sure if I should be seeking as well. Traumatized by my previous relationship 
I tried dating apps (but end up giving up swiping) cause I am someone who is very lazy to go for outings cause most the time I do things solo. Go coffee or camping solo. Am so used to it already anyways. I guess I am lacked in confidence nowadays.

i highly suggest u to go do a very detailed research on this matter.
on my own research, after age 35, bearing children will increase the genetic risks by a huge margin.
the child born have very high chance of having some sort of issue.

after going through your replies, i can see your future bf / husband will need to walk on eggshells.
because 1 factor, u have the need to win and only concede when people are being nice or making a big turn just to tell u something straight forward.

The concept of “ love” for majority of guys is a bit different from ladies.
Guys  are born with inherent hero instinct in their heart.
They values “respect” from their significant other, more than just the emotional part of love according to most ladies understanding..

There are a lot about respect, and it doesn't mean like what in Japanese culture things.

It's a lady putting herself at about same level of her guy, yet talk and act in ways her guys inherently wish to get.

If a lady adore a strong, capable, resilient and extraordinary responsible guy with high integrity guy, means to prepare to handle his strong characteristics.. means to every time,  use the inherently born soft nature of lady to deal with any disagreement. Because softness conquer the strong.

If lady prefer to have major says or dos in anything in the r.ship or marriage, means a guy who is willing to accept the nature of this lady is a better fit

It's a two way street.

However it's true that a lot of guys secretly like the so called green tea style, because that kind of treatment make them feel comfortable, and sometimes kick up their hero instinct.

In other words, a good and high value lady learn various effective skills and apply on right times ..Not to say that it's to chg the integrity of the lady.
But in order to let the r. ship or marriage  sustain

And only the right guy in the eyes of the lady, deserves.

Hello late 30s fellows, similarly still single but I chose to prioritize my other goals during my 20s so here I am.
My philosophy now is that there are many ways and pros/cons to live alone or with family, or even just two person without kids.
Though, people around me like to ask about this which I think is the main issue... haha

If you are looking for guys at the age of early 30s. It could be hard to find. Unless you are way more attractive than average people. If you are looking for guys at age around 40. They are quite many for you to choose, but some of them (especially those who are more attractive and financially stable) might be divorcee with/without kids.