Hi all, I'm seeing a girl who has ISTP personality. We knew each other due to work few years back but were solely for work purpose until recently where we first met in my office then both of us were positive for meeting up after work. So far we only went out twice for dinner, she's very busy with her job and weekend will be her rest day and family day, so I only got to meet her after work. At first, she was quite attentive to my msg, she even initiated by sending me msg. But after few weeks, thing starts to slow down, she rarely reply and sometimes it takes her 2-3 days to reply to my msg. I understand that she's a workaholic, very busy with her work but I don't see why she could take so long to text back and the thing is she never saw my msg for few days, even during weekend, until the day she replied. It seems like she could be hot and cold at times and this gives me mixed feelings on her.

She is quite cheerful and chatty when we met, but after that she could go MIA for quite long and I'm not sure when should I text her, thinking that it might be disturbing to her. And I am also not sure how much gap should I give her before we meet up again as I understand that she doesn't like too much pressure. She told me that her personality type is ISTP, and I also asked her about her view on marriage where she told me that it's not a necessity for her, if she met the right one then she might, while I myself is looking for marriage and starting a family in future. She doesn't really think too much about her future and prefer less commitment in life. I did some research on ISTP personality and now I have more understanding on her and perhaps it explains why she reacted in this way.

I have been thinking recently about this. I really like her but part of her personality would also make me feel uncomfortable at the same time. I'm not sure whether should I continue or to get out. I never expect her to change anything, but I myself would compromise to suit her. If I were to continue, how should I approach her? Anyone have experience dating girls with similar personality?

Hi TS. I've went on several dates with the same type of girls and let me be the first to tell you that she is just not worth it. When a woman likes you, she will be thinking about you a lot. She won't wait days to read your message and reply to you. Since you're looking for a wife, you're essentially looking for someone who wants companionship. This ISTP girl you're dating is simply using you to make her feel good about herself as you're always eager to give her attention. The moment she meets somebody who makes her heart skip a beat, she will be ghosting you PERMANENTLY.

Your attention and love deserve to go to someone who cherishes it. Don't waste your time with selfish people who are not going to give the same amount of effort as you.

”She doesn't really think too much about her future and prefer less commitment in life.“

In my opinion, based on this statement, I will give it a miss if I were you. Marriage is about hard work and commitment and really different from dating. You are living your life to pursue marriage and family, while she is just checking if she has feeling on you or not. It is quite clear that both of you are not at the same page at this moment. Maybe you can date her for a few months to see if she is willing to be your gf and work things out. But I reckon you will most likely getting disappointment in the end.

This post has been edited by justapawn: Nov 17 2023, 04:18 PM

I second this. It's not worth it..

"Love should be everything or not at all" - Heartbreaker by Bee Gees.

This post has been edited by COOLPINK: Nov 17 2023, 04:19 PM

When in doubt, just ask her out

I dont know where i got this quote from, but it can always be true

You've to cure your oneitis issue
there's no soulmate or magical dream girl who can fulfill your desires

Conflict, and when you say you are willing to compromise, is this something you would compromise on? If no, move on. Don't waste your time, nor hers.

Women are not going to take their time when you are the guy she is interested in.

In this situation you are either the backup guy or she wants free meals and entertainment before making any decision about you.

Does that behaviour from her sound like she cares about you?

be bold n ask her out again, ditch if u sense things go south

and never compromise for any girl, call me egoistic but imma keep being me than change for anyone

This post has been edited by HokkienMee_Lover: Nov 21 2023, 04:45 PM

I used to be ISTP many years ago - I was generally distant. A lot have changed since then though, so I'm finding it hard to relate to this lady. Either way, if I have someone I like, I'd try super hard to get closer to him. On the contrary, I'd try super hard to avoid someone I don't like, if I sense that the person may be trying to get closer, because I personally don't want to string someone along.

She just doesn't seem that interested but just going along with your flow - I assume it's because you're treating her for the meals. Maybe we just don't see her side of the story because, well, you're the one telling it... So you might as well ask her out directly, and move on if she rejects. If she gives unsure answers, then it's up to you to give her a time limit, but do yourself a favour too -- don't wait forever.

Well since she is already half way ghosting you, might as well just tell you like her and then see what she says. The worst is you will be ghosted no difference from initial

TS,

The way I see it, she gave you a chance during that first few weeks. You were not able to close the deal and now, unfortunately, her interest in you has waned. Maybe you were too boring or too nice or whatever it is that turns her off.

And now I think she is just too nice to ghost you completely, hoping that you take the hint and give up on your own.

Sorry if this is harsh, but dating can be like this.

You now can walk away or still pursue. Whatever it is good luck.

My ex was ISTP as well. It lasted up to a year. It's difficult to go on and expecting a permanent relationship.

dont ever do that...you sure live in misery

u can approach her but if after some time, she not so keen, then maybe it appears u did not manage to impress her.

if she really likes u, who knows? she may change her schedule for u.

I once had a relationship with ISTP girl.

She decided that migrating to Australia can help her maximize her ISTP ways.

So we went our separate ways because for all the political things happening here, I chose to stay because of my family is very close to me.

Anyways, I don't think it would have worked out, I mean I didn't have many common hobbies with her. She liked to go scuba diving, I am not the sea going type. I like to talk dirty jokes, she hates them, hahahaha.

Another example, she likes to go hiking n adventure. I hate going under the sun, I want to be in air cond environment.

I like to do things spontaneous and rush, whereas she prefers to analyze, plan and make things feel romantic. We were so different.

I just like to drive to a destination, then figure out (back then we didn't have waze nor google maps), she wants me to drive without any mistake and reach the destination perfect, no diversions and no errors. Sometimes ISTP girls can be so exhausting. Phew, thank goodness I missed the bullet.

This post has been edited by hoonanoo: Nov 29 2023, 03:32 PM

I feel you bro

no need to feel lah, i already married and found better one.

it wasn't to be, she was too different from me.

but at least I got to find out how its like to be with a ISTP girl.

I had many relationships, to be able to decide the type of girl I want to be with for the rest of my life.

One thing is for sure is not a ISTP girl.

I don't know about you all, for me, its a hassle to be with one. Its a lot of work.

I am a lazy guy that wants a laid back relationship.

Happy for you bro!

She senses that you're ultimately trying to tie her down. That explains her sudden lukewarm attitude towards you.

So... if you grovel at her feet, she will lose interest in you completely. You have to show her that you're a compatible match whom she can enjoy her time with. The question is, is she worth all the effort you're going to have to make? And how many rejections and failed attempts are you willing to absorb?



Personally, I don't put much stock in this alphabet personality shit. Either she finds you interesting enough to like you or she doesn't, habis cerita. No need to hide behind that alphabet soup.

The last girl I knew who was big on this personality crap used it as an excuse to go screw around behind my back.

This post has been edited by ZZR-Pilot: Dec 3 2023, 10:25 PM

Protip: Women are emotional, mysterious and unpredictable ... when they are NOT attracted to you

True dat!

If she likes you, she'll make it easy for you. If she comes up with all this complicated shit like that alphabet soup and puts em up like an obstacle course in front of you, I'd just drop her like a bad habit. Not worth my time. But that's just me.

TS might be different. He's probably young and has all the time in the world to absorb her games and rejections. Me.... fukk it. If she doesn't want to enjoy my companionship for whatever reason, get the hell out of my life coz I ain't got time for juvenile games.

The funny part is women that think they can play the "hot and cold" game forever. An aware guy will quickly realise his attention, resources and time are getting used ... but he's getting nothing out of it.

That's one of the reasons we have a housing crisis now

For me a good relationship should be two people are comfartable and happy when staying with each others especially for people will going to have a marriage life with each others for the rest of their life. If both have to accommodate and depress themself, you really should reconsider this relationship.