Hey guys, Just wanna seek some opinions. No bashing please...

I am happily married for closed to 8 years. I don't have any ex's. So my whole life I only got 1 boyfriend which is now my husband. The good side, I never experienced hurt/ lie/ cheat/ backstab and stuff. The bad side, let's talk about it.

We were in LDR (SG-KL) for 3 years before tying the knot. I am not the clingy type. He is also the ignorance one. Can prioritize his Dota until late night without feeling guilty. I am OK with it cause I also enjoyed my me time. lol

So after married and moved to KL, I was in a bit cultural shock cause we just realized both of our bad habits come to surface. Sucks, I know right? Should not advocate to LDR to begin with. Fast forward two and half years later, we welcome our one and only child which is now 5 years liao.

Nah... When I gave natural birth, I was so busy taking care of our baby that I kind of neglected him la. No sex for a year. After that, on and off. Maybe due to postpartum period?

But recently, , I don't know what happened me. My sex drive suddenly peak high. I am so into adult film such as 365, grey, newness... you name it lah..

Then, of course, I initiated lo. Just to give you some context, I was 52KG before pregnant. Now is 54KG, BMI = 21. Recently. I am back to workout 3x a week, do multiple sports like swim, badminton, jogging over the weekends. So I consider myself balance and healthy.

To my surprise, hubs performance in bed is deteriorating. Not even 15 minutes including role play hor, I feel slippery down South there. I asked if mine was loose? He said still tight like the first time he put his plug into my socket. So I told him I suspect its PE. Well, guess what, the next day I asked again, he don't want liao. Merajuk mode on.

I thought in a relationship, we supposed to communicate with each other? Am I wrong to tell him like that? Why so offended sia, we've been knowing each other for decades pun..

I remember he commented this to me, my breast is no longer firm as before. Like seriously, my size was 34B and now is 34D, 2 cups upsized thanks to breastfeeding. But when I looked in the mirror, I still find myself as hot like your typical next door milf. Even during workout, I sense some stares.

Now I keep thinking, is it because my boobs unappealing to him? From apple to mango size that turned him off? I'm so upset to even consider breast reconstruction!
Ok, to give you his background, He is sedentary person. Not really into exercise, like to eat good food. When I calculate his BMI, he is overweight. Asked him to move his ass but the message gone to deaf ear. Like I said, ignorance close to lazy. I even have to keep reminding him to groom himself. I can tolerate all of this but the recent bed skill, I cannot. During his youth, He chiong when his first love left him. Have 4 exes before committed to me. He used to be good, made me wet. Ahhh.. I missed those time.

Oh ya, our gap is 6 years. He is going to 4 head soon and I thought men at this age tend to have second stages puberty? Why I don't see it in him? What's wrong?

Damn, I have to DIY self-pleasure until the extend I prefer my toys over his. Now, I am regretting why I was not this horny 10 years ago. I should have at least get to taste multiple batangs before marriage. Why my youth so innocent? You know what I mean? This is the downside to be raised up by conservative parents.

It cross my mind to join the dating apps hype but my inner moral said no is no. I also scared. Karma exists and I am blessed with beautiful family. Hubs provides everything.

But my need.... I cannot rely on toys all the time. How? What should I do next?

me also having this issue. but reversed..lol

'Ok, to give you his background, He is sedentary person. Not really into exercise, like to eat good food. When I calculate his BMI, he is overweight. Asked him to move his ass but the message gone to deaf ear. Like I said, ignorance close to lazy. I even have to keep reminding him to groom himself.'

Overweight tends to lead to low libido and stamina. From what you have shared, I don't see there's any issue with you. There's no need to go for any reconstruction surgery.

If your husband heart is still there, a lil bit changes will not affect him. Vice versa, if the heart is not there, how you modify also no use.

does he like coffee? or make some drinks he likes and add tongkat ali without his knowledge

try to communicate more. give him some good supplement.

You mean 15 minutes is not enough for you? of his batang not hard enough?

maybe you can check the way how you talk to your hubby.

that one yearr no sex is a real nightmare and he will always remember that .

or you could go crazy and have multiple flings for a short time period and then forget about it. It happens🤷🏻‍♂️

find a young boy and satisfy you sexually and go back to his side for financial security.

This is problem with modern women. They cant satisfy their hypergamy because top tier men are superb less

Get a theme or something? Maybe he's bored of plain vanilla

I wanted to know, when both of you sexing, got try different stuffs? Or always doing the same thing? Same few positions, same role play...

Then you know why he is not interested, because it becomes like a routine...that's why some married man rather layan porn/games/other hobbies than have sex with their partner.

This post has been edited by MasBoleh!: Apr 14 2022, 03:07 PM

men still need variety, its not position its about different person

Seek a counselor. That's the best and most effective way I can recommend.

Just don't take actions that you will regret later.

Why you complain so much?

You said you didnt give him sex for one year

Now when your sex drive goes up and when he couldn't meet your expectation, you complain pulak.

Don't you think you are little bit on the selfish side?

And now you have the intention to join a dating app.

This is more like the problem on you alone.

I suspect the overweight part too, gotta try to convince him move around for real this time.

About the heart part, if no feeling liao, he will makan outside right? but this one, not at all. We are still WFH and I still see him like 7/11.

No kopi, tea or milo at all. When one day I serve him these will be too obvious.

Of course do the same thing. The routine is like every once a week, or perhaps, once per two weeks. Unless he get boring of me, this one I bo pian.

I am speechless la if man prefer porn/games/other hobby than fck his partner

So much meh? I just wanna share not only married man has this issue, woman as well. Why you so triggered? Despite me not giving for a year, he could have asked? I will definitely layan.

Too bad la on the dating apps, never install it.

Bukan top tier. Both of us are working

Unfortunately, not really into young blood. Yeah, I agree they can satisfy but I just worry the addiction part. then come along the emotional attachment. mampos dah.

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Guys, you know what. I will try again tonight. Different strategy. This time I will ride him first before he mission me. If the same thing happened again, really need to go see doctor. Sekian~

Just buy viagra for him. Easy.

Remember that its only for short term solution. Once he enjoy the process, motivate him to exercise.

15 mins is PE? You could be influenced by the adult movies you saw where the male actor can last long....

Buy some lingerie, some cosplay costumes...try different places, toilet, outside sofa, no need every time also bed. Try sitting if haven't try... change a bit la.

"Communication" is to generic. You should look into more refined aspect of the "effective communication".

Communication - you talk, you comment, you criticize, you scold - non of these will be effective if your spouse is not willing to listen.

Effective communication - there must be certain conditions or time where the communication with your husband is more effective. It is happening around you daily, you need to be more observant to find which way of communication is more effective. Use the least resistance way to make the effective communication for the desire result.

If your husband wiling to listen, there are few things he can do :-

1) overweight will causes the bloods vessel to narrow down - the blood flow to the sex organ will be reduced. The exercise like deadlift, squat, jumping jack & burpee may help. Erection needs blood circulation.

2) as he age, the testosterone will drops, he may need some supplement like Himalaya Speman, horny goat weed extract, maca extract, or tongkat ali to raise the testosterone level.

There's an old saying. Men usually addicted/obsess to at least one of the following issue:

Money, Sex, Gamble, Lazy and Drug.

Personally, I believe in this. You need to find what's your husband obsess which above. No married men will denied sex with their wife unless you are ugly, fat or kanasai type (see face also want to slap).

You had denied him 1 year without sex. Most probably he already found an alternative solution by now. You do know in Singapore is as simple as buy economy rice to get paid sex, right?

I'm not saying your husband 100% cheat on you. You need to check it out your self. Honestly, we men are simple/dumb species. If we cheat, we don't know how to hide our trace unless you met a PRO Player (which i'm very doubt your husband will be).

Read around this forum (or any relationship forum), you can see majority men complain about lack of sex because the their wife are tired, period, no mood/sleep etc.

Just test him, tease your husband when at home. semi nude in room or revealing cloth etc. This should turn on your husband if he is not distracted by other obsession's.

Another point you need to take note. Men can masturbate every day but not all men can have sex every day if they are not fit (if your husband above 80kg++).