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> GF anger issues, 7 years relatioship

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cablesguy
post Oct 17 2021, 08:33 PM

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This
1. When come back from work , I didn't pour a cup of water for her.
2. Morning no cook breakfast for her to eat.

Are you being serious? If you are, my condolences bro

Pack and leave la, be happy, if not

You should change your nick from 6inchjj to takdabiji




ymc2303
post Oct 17 2021, 08:44 PM

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if you can convinced yourself to be in relationship with someone with anger management for 7yrs, most likely you have learned how to compromise with her one way or another. sometimes its a love and hate kind of stuff.. or sometimes what they utter doesn't really have the sting to it.. even married couples have this issue, yet in marriage they still am strong. probably lesson of give and take... if everything also calculate til precise, its better to part ways.
-mystery-
post Oct 17 2021, 09:11 PM

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QUOTE(cablesguy @ Oct 17 2021, 08:33 PM)
This
1. When come back from work , I didn't pour a cup of water for her.
2. Morning no cook breakfast for her to eat.

Are you being serious? If you are, my condolences bro

Pack and leave la, be happy, if not

You should change your nick from 6inchjj to takdabiji
*
Trolling cc post
Blofeld
post Oct 18 2021, 03:23 AM

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is it because her parents are like that too?

shouting here and there

sometimes i could hear some specific nearby neighbour where the father/mother would shout at their children. doh.gif This would send a wrong message to the kids. So, i believe the kids would do the same to others in the future. Shouting and calling names to others.
mytrader
post Oct 18 2021, 01:23 PM

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QUOTE(6inchjj @ Oct 17 2021, 03:24 PM)
Before this, we had several discussions together regarding her anger problem.
Most of the time, she would just try to avoid it like a child.
But sometimes, she will sit down quietly listen.
After that she will be ok for a period of time.

Then after some time, everything will reset and her temper will come back.

I always tend to choose the peaceful way, to the point that I feel like I am lecturing my daughter instead of a GF.

Some of you might say I am spineless, coward.... I won't deny that.. It is just not my nature to yell back at people.
(Perhaps that's the reason why my GF always take me for granted)

We gone a long way... And had our fair share of arguments... Now we finally owned a home together and planning to get married.
At this point, I really want to maintain our relationship because to get to this point in life takes a damn lot of efforts and sacrifices...

But seems like I am hurting myself inside while my GF just treat everything like normal... Not knowing how she has hurt me.

Damn man... Last night I an beginning to have some suicidal thoughts d...

This thought keeps lingering in my mind :
"I always tried to be kind to everybody... What did I do to deserve this? "
*
Look for the nearest exit..., short term pain is better than long term pain .

You wife is someone you will need to (hopefully) spent the rest of your life with. If you have already lay this out with her and she is unable to change, it's better to cut lost .

It will be much more painful when kids are involved after you are married and this again becomes a point of suffering and you want to exit.

Life should be happy as best possible, especially when it still can be in your hands to control.
negayem
post Oct 18 2021, 01:59 PM

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QUOTE(6inchjj @ Oct 17 2021, 03:24 PM)

I always tend to choose the peaceful way, to the point that I feel like I am lecturing my daughter instead of a GF.

Some of you might say I am spineless, coward.... I won't deny that.. It is just not my nature to yell back at people.
(Perhaps that's the reason why my GF always take me for granted)

*
Hate to say this but breaking up will be the best for you. If you think that after marriage, things will get better ... chances are it'll get worse. Living with such person is a mental torture. Unconsciously you'll start to accommodate her more just to have peace and because you don't want her to 'meletop'. However, the more you do that the worst her behaviour will become. Unless she's willing to change (almost impossible), walk away bro ...
miromiro
post Oct 18 2021, 03:56 PM

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Not all girls are like this...
zstan
post Oct 18 2021, 04:05 PM

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why u so dumb go buy house with her? damn hard to resolve this mess now
DaisySummer
post Oct 18 2021, 05:29 PM

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QUOTE(6inchjj @ Oct 16 2021, 08:30 PM)
Sifus.....I am really confused now...Is it really my fault ????
Are all girls really like that ?
I thought relationship should have mutual respect for each other !!!!!
*
1. Sifus.....I am really confused now...Is it really my fault ????
If it's just that baking incident, yes it is your fault. If you're unsure you can check with her first, or call her family who is with her to confirm. But she also took you for granted since you're helping she should be thanking you for your help although it was a wrong item. This would be mutual respect. She can bake on another day.

2. Are all girls really like that ?
No. Plenty of girls are not. Just because she says so doesn't mean it's that way. You can verify it for yourself by observing how your female friends treat their boyfriend. Not asking you to chase them, just observing and see with your own eyes that there are many types of personality and temper. Then you decide if your gf is the one you really want to be with.

3. I thought relationship should have mutual respect for each other !!!!!
Yeah. But I'm also not quite sure if you respect her as well. She has anger issues, but you also seem to have problem controlling your own judging from your choice of words and the exclamation marks. Maybe you're just venting out for this moment, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for now. She used words like 蠢到死 but you also use 'cxbxx anger problem', 'cxbxx princess attitude'. Perhaps you're not too different from her as well.

Anyway, anger issue can be detrimental to relationship. Because it affects your mood daily. My ex boss has anger issue. She has a young kid and the husband decided one day to divorce her because he's had it enough, life is too stressful with constant yelling at home. I can emphatize her ex-husband, because she does the same at work and meletup for even small matter. After all we just want to have some peace. She also cried and beg the husband to salvage the relationship. But we all know, working on oneself is not something easy and quick. It takes lots of reflection and humility to make real changes.

Hope you think carefully if you're thinking of starting a new family with her. Wish you happiness.

This post has been edited by DaisySummer: Oct 18 2021, 05:30 PM
heinlein
post Oct 18 2021, 06:28 PM

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after married even worst, everyday scold you til you get autism
mindwarpe
post Oct 19 2021, 09:12 AM

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don't consider so much TS,
RUN AWAY.
there is no compromise in shit like this.
been thru trying to work shit out but it will never work out.
kinda like personality dont match.
if u want personal story can PM .
but yeah. LEAVE.

*even if u let her read this thread. or she accidently read this thread.
trust me . nobody can and will change just like that.
nobody. dont waste ur time.

This post has been edited by mindwarpe: Oct 19 2021, 10:42 AM
beebee1314
post Oct 19 2021, 09:49 AM

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Haha my 1st ex is exactly like this. God bless we broke up. I tell u. This kind of toxic relationship, better don't get married. Otherwise later your wealth all must share half
Takudan
post Oct 19 2021, 11:42 AM

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QUOTE(6inchjj @ Oct 17 2021, 03:24 PM)
At this point, I really want to maintain our relationship because to get to this point in life takes a damn lot of efforts and sacrifices...

But seems like I am hurting myself inside while my GF just treat everything like normal... Not knowing how she has hurt me.

Damn man... Last night I an beginning to have some suicidal thoughts d...
*
Imagine yourself single for life, or stuck with this explosive lady, which lifestyle would you prefer?
One, you'll feel lonely sometimes but you're at peace.
Or, you'll probably have some fun sometimes, but other than that you're trapped and suffocated, even suicidal as you said.

...Is the relationship worth maintaining after all?

I'd say give yourself one last chance to save the relationship. To calm both sides of your brain:
1) you want to save the relationship
2) you want to save your sanity
Give a time limit or a condition on when to call it quits or continue. You can choose to tell her or not, whatever you feel is better for the relationship or yourself. On one hand, telling her lets her know the severity of this issue and how serious you are. On the other, it sows seeds of insecurity as you put the relationship on the line (again), or that it allows her to "fake" her change for a short period of time again to give you false hope.

Comes what may, you know you've tried your best and you will have no regrets.

QUOTE(6inchjj @ Oct 17 2021, 03:24 PM)
"I always tried to be kind to everybody... What did I do to deserve this? "
*
You can answer that better yourself -- have you wronged her to deserve such treatment? While she may be the major problem, you can also reflect upon yourself to find out if there's anything you can improve for next time.
Sasuke95
post Oct 19 2021, 05:43 PM

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Do not disgrace us men, so this is how men got treated now? Where's your dignity? In the drain? It's beyond anyone's sanity that you endured this for so long.

Believe me, when something has been deeply established (say spoiled a child too much for too long), they can't change. If you've been drinking clean water then all of sudden you can only drink dirty water, you're not gonna put up with that bs.

It's easy to confuse long duration with love, you said it yourself, it's just miserable, respect is out of window, just leave and find someone that's comfortable to be with.
MdmWSW
post Oct 20 2021, 03:24 PM

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As a female.i feel this is very toxic and unacceptable. Not all females are like that as she said.

Even if u both don't break up, ask yourself can you live with this forever? She needs to improve on her anger management man
RaeZhiHao
post Oct 20 2021, 05:32 PM

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you are not the only one suffer

Imagine your kids....you will be pain in heart when seeing your wife scolding those innocent child even just a small mistake.... she will hit them out of anger and doesnt care whether its pain or not.....

Do think twice bro.......happen to many couples....when wife show sign of anger, once marry its difficult to divorce.... but you yourself get the blame like now...u wont bother much by that time....but when children who are innocent makes slightest mistake.....for them to have a mum acting like this......

All the best...... I wish you all the best......


pej425
post Oct 20 2021, 05:52 PM

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wh cant you find another person ,you rather suffer??, if in the job you will resign right.so treat this like how you would have done in a horrible job
silverhawk
post Oct 20 2021, 06:29 PM

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QUOTE(6inchjj @ Oct 17 2021, 03:24 PM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

*
Put aside her anger management issues at the moment. Without that component, is she someone you want to be with? Have you thought about where the anger might be coming from? Anger doesn't come up from no where, there is always a cause, even if the person doesn't consciously know it.

The big question you need to answer first, is if you believe in the best in her and are willing to commit to see her through. If not, just end the relationship to end your misery. If you accept the struggle, then next is to find a solution. The anger issue must be addressed because it will continue to hurt your relationship and once you have kids, it'll be far far worse.

If she knows her anger is an issue, see if she's open to seeking therapy. Go as a couple. As much as she needs to learn how to manage her anger, you also need to learn how to manage her, and figure out your own issues at the same time. No one is perfect, not her, not you.

inquiries
post Oct 21 2021, 05:30 PM

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I know many people are saying things like "run away", "break up", but do consider what silverhawk replied above.

I understand that you are frustrated on certain aspect of her attitude, but do list out the good things about her for yourself too. Yes relationship is about mutual respect, but she might not know if you don't voice it out with her.
You don't need to mention anything about breaking up or so, just tell her that you value her very much, but her certain attitude is making you very uncomfortable. She might be willing to change.
-mystery-
post Oct 21 2021, 06:46 PM

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Its like telling an overweight person to lose weight, where the speaker themselves are probably not fit lmao.

you lose power, everytime you try to explain to someone.

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