As the title says , my gf has anger issues.

The first 2 years nothing much , pretty normal...well-mannered.
But the pattern all come during our 3rd year relationship...Damn cibai princess sickness....terrible mood swings.

Everytime I waited for her to calm down a few days later, then only i confronted her regarding her anger problems..told her that her attitude is hurting me and making me feel miserable...honestly it's hurting the relationship.
But everytime she will just try to avoid the discussion and tried to brush it off macam selamba jer.. "I AM A GIRL MA..YOU GO FIND EVERYWHERE DE GIRL ALSO IS SAME DE LA !"


There was once I got tired of her cibai attitude that i want to break up with her.
At the beginning she still thinks I am playing with her....but when she realized I was serious , she started to cry. And even came to find me.
I straight told her that I kenot tahan her princess sickness and her cibai anger problems...little little things will suddenly meletup like a time bomb.

We drifted apart for more that a week , then she approached me again...and somehow at that particular moment I felt that she really learnt her lesson.
She said she realized her mistake and will change herself to become a new person. So I forgave her and decided to give her a 2nd chance. ( I am hati lembik )

Fast forward ....now we are in our 7th year relationship. Now we already bought a house joint-nam and live together.
Occasionally she will still have anger issues , small small matters will meletup all of sudden like a timebomb.
When I say small matters , I mean really really remeh stuffs...
Example :
1. When come back from work , I didn't pour a cup of water for her.
2. Morning no cook breakfast for her to eat.

Just yesterday , she went back to her mum's home nearby , ask me to bring a baking stuff(Molasses Sugar) from our home for her...bcoz she wanna bake some bread using her mum's oven.
To be honest , I am not familiar with baking stuffs. I actually tried calling her but her phone no battery . So i just Googled how the stuff look like and took the most similar looking one lo...
I thought , no big deal ma..if ingredient wrong then mar substitute with other things lo...or just bake the bread another time lo , sincc her mum's house just nearby anytime also can go la.

Then when i brought it to her....lai liao la.....meletup again...start mumblimg and scolding.
SCOLD ME STUPID SOMEMORE IN FRONT OF HER MOTHER !
" 蠢到死 "

I dulan just diam diam don't want bird her....since she in her mum's home....Me scolding her back sure will make me look like the bad guy instead.
Damn fed up with my GF cibai attitude.

Sifus.....I am really confused now...Is it really my fault ????
Are all girls really like that ?
I thought relationship should have mutual respect for each other !!!!!

It is not your fault. Anger management is something every human kind need to learn. TS, it is not too late to call it quit if not yet married. Remember you also need to take care your own wellbeing.

No, some are more mild-mannered while others are more extreme. Seems like you got a timebomb there bro. She has to learn about respect. Name-calling is childish and a red flag.
Sounds like she needs to convey her expectation in a proper manner instead of letting it out.

This post has been edited by weeuweed: Oct 16 2021, 08:50 PM

You have to pour a cup of water for her after work? and make breakfast for her? wtf is that man?

This post has been edited by Ayammachiamboss: Oct 16 2021, 08:50 PM

break up je la.. dont be a slave, be a man!

That's call gentleman la. That's probably the reason she's with him and did not choose any other man.
Each relationship has different ways they threat each other nice. Does not mean in yours don't have others cannot.
Also he did mentioned she does baking. Nowadays girls alot baking also no idea just play phone. U can't choose a perfect person when ownself ain't perfect.
The issue here is not about what the sweat things he does for his girl. The issue is about her temper. Don't la let it out of topic.

TS, there's no other way to deal temper issues than to address it calmly with her. When she explodes next time try to explain to her calmly. Specifically in front of her parents.

U could have said to her nicely, dear, I tried calling u but your phone can't get through and I have no idea on baking stuff and bought the best I thought about. Continue to address her rudeness. Dear, I also do not appreciate the tone u are in and calling me idiot disrespectfully.
Also when u say that do touch her shoulder.
Say it in a way where her mom can hear it and confirm her mom will be sound her daughter next time. (Provided her mom is a reasonable person)

Remember, in a shouting match, who wins? Nobody right. So one person has to calm the situation down. U will earn more respect in that way. Try not to walk away from a misunderstanding.

Walk away only have u tried calmly in order not to escalate it further. Then only continue explain next time when everyone is more calm.

OK I agree that each relationship has different ways to treat each other but from TS's explanation, gf is not seeing it as TS being sweet. She is angry, it means she expects TS to do it.

I just think TS might have spoilt her.

So what do you planning to do starting from now........ If you want to be evil, i can teach you some tactics......

Tell her that you are going to break up with her and it final decision....... House can still stay together since sure got extra bedrooms ..... But set some house rules that she had no right to nag you or scold you anymore................

Can’t give a proper advice cos we don’t know how you are yet as a person. 7 years is a lot of investment.

She's justifying her own (bad) attitude by assuming all girls are like that, well surprise surprise, not all girls are like that, and 2 wrongs won't make 1 right anyway.
It's good that recognised her problems and promised to try to fix herself, and guessing from how you lasted another 3-4 years, she was doing okayish then...

I see she has a few problems here:
1. "Not pouring a cup of water for her" - for something so damn trivial, that she's pissed about it, it means that she is completely taking you for granted, to the point that you are slave for her life. She is not appreciating you and the relationship.
> Quick and dirty fix is to threaten to leave her again like you did on your 3rd year, but I reckon everytime you do this, there will be a crack in your relationship - she will become increasingly insecure and it may affect how she trusts you.
>> So instead of that... I'd recommend sitting down to talk to her -- very cliched and boring yes, but it's really the most peaceful way to work things out. Make it a point to thank each other for the little things you do for each other. Make it a nightly talk where you wrap up your day with a report to each other, think about what she has done for you, and for her, what you did for her. If there's nothing to talk about, then it's either one is not doing enough, or the other is not thinking hard enough. For you both to be living under the same roof, even the simplest chore is something one can appreciate.

2. "Morning no cook breakfast" - she's not understanding your situation, and isn't being flexible enough about it. Not everything revolves around her. You may have stuff to do or you may not feel like it even, to cook something. Sure, she can get hangry for a bit, but I don't think it should be something for her to shout at you. Just grab delivery something la apa susah?

3. Calling names and scolding in the public is very humiliating, for herself actually. You're "part of her" as her partner, and if she can't even treat you a little better than that, she's just showing herself to the world that
i) she cannot control her emotions
ii) she's rude
iii) she's inconsiderate and disrespectful

I can't tell you if it's your fault in any of your situation, but what you feel as a result of her actions is not something to brush aside and both should talk and do something about it. if you're really that stupid that she cannot take it, then do her a favour and leave lor. But if she's gonna cry about it (again), then clearly, her anger management hasn't gotten any better...

Ask her la, she wanna marry a slave or a decent human being? You can strive to be a better decent human being for her where you both care for each other, but you cannot degrade yourself to her lowly slave where everything is all about her and her alone.

It's your GF personality and emotional issues

She can't compartmentalise her issues so it's all mixed up and exploded to you

Long solution is to get her to accept it and speak to a psychologist or mental health counsellor

Short solution is just to break up and move on

Depends on how much you love her

No backbone at all. No wonder you open thread here
no people gonna trust you if you keep doing what you're doing now and let people run you over.

If she got issues other factors making her stress then understand ni nampak macam kurang ajar. Me means girl no respek i fark off.

Before this, we had several discussions together regarding her anger problem.
Most of the time, she would just try to avoid it like a child.
But sometimes, she will sit down quietly listen.
After that she will be ok for a period of time.

Then after some time, everything will reset and her temper will come back.

I always tend to choose the peaceful way, to the point that I feel like I am lecturing my daughter instead of a GF.

Some of you might say I am spineless, coward.... I won't deny that.. It is just not my nature to yell back at people.
(Perhaps that's the reason why my GF always take me for granted)

We gone a long way... And had our fair share of arguments... Now we finally owned a home together and planning to get married.
At this point, I really want to maintain our relationship because to get to this point in life takes a damn lot of efforts and sacrifices...

But seems like I am hurting myself inside while my GF just treat everything like normal... Not knowing how she has hurt me.

Damn man... Last night I an beginning to have some suicidal thoughts d...

This thought keeps lingering in my mind :
"I always tried to be kind to everybody... What did I do to deserve this? "

Lol.. I felt the same.. Ts sold his soul already.. Too late..

Kawan, not easy this 7th year itch. It will be a major test.

The event of the baking stuff, not your fault. If I were you, I'll show to her that I already tried to call & text, screen shots record, show to her who was the one not keeping the phone battery charged to prevent such outcome. Still want to push all the blame & be angry when knowing it the can be avoided had her phone battery is charged?

Does your GF treat her siblings the same manner & have the same anger issue ? Or only specifically toward you only ? Prior to this, did you promise her anything & the promise yet to be fulfilled ? Is there any chance she is comparing your with her peer's relationship & making a blanket assumption, that all male should do similar thing ?

What are the things that keep this relationship going for 7 years ? There must be something significant within these periods because 7 years is a long duration for the relationship & there should be many good & bad memories created. I'm inclined to believe that this anger stuff is not that significant compare to all the others or else you would not have come so far.

If I were in your shoes & if the option of trying to talk over the matter peacefully don't work (she is avoiding), knowing that I have made it clear that the matters are trivial, I'll let myself explode. Let it out, don't keep it within & get depressed yourself. If she really care about the relationship, she need to know how to redefine the definition of matter of importance in her dictionary. Let her know & experience the damage(let the whole week or whole month mood be jeopardized), for the small matter to be escalated to a big fight when it can be avoided because she choose to let it happen( limit the fight to verbal only, do not engage in physical fight at all cost). Remember the intention is only to school her that something can be avoided & not worth to be angry.

Just an opinion from me personally.

This post has been edited by nihility: Oct 17 2021, 06:00 PM

My sincere advice to you as a married man after reading more of your story is for you to break up now

You don't want to live your entire life this way

Now there is no kids, it's easy to walk away

If you have kids.. Messy

It has been 7 years, you know her more than we do plus you two are living together under the same roof. If you already have suicidal thoughts now, you will have even more moving forward. Think carefully what's your next move, I would say it is not worth jeopardizing your well being if the relationship turns even more toxic unless you feel that she is the one you want to grow old together. Same goes to her, is her end game the same as yours till the end?

salute, lol.

Time to get new GF, no need for headache like this.