Hey there!


The gap between your and your wife's income is too big. From her point of view, it's understandable where she is coming from.

I really hate when women point at other couple and highlight what they do and you should follow that too. They do it, so we have to do it too!

Anyways, this phenomenon is everywhere in the society, relationship, workplace - literally everywhere. Take a look at the following examples:

Oh, you did not get promotion this year despite you worked outstandingly and praised by your manager?
People will tell you It's okay because Katy, Naru, Azmin, James did not get either.

Oh, your almost brand new Honda broke down?
They will tell you It's okay because when me, my friend, his friend, her friend had the same brand car, we all struggled.

Oh, you're a fresh grad and unable to get a job that pays decent and you only make 1.5k ?
People will explode and tell you It's okay because younger strawberry generation, my friend's friend's friend's son is in the same boat, his friends too.

Do you see the pattern here?

When my gf of 5+ years highlights what other boyfriends in her circle of friends do, i just simply use the same tactic and point out how (on purpose) her hot looking and better set off girlfriends do in life. Guess what, she doesn't like being told and compared.

You are not. And what you are doing is the right thing to do. But see my first point. There is a gap, and there must be a reason why your wife feels that you should give her pocket money. Ignore the bullsh*t that other coworkers do the same.
Dig deep and understand why she needs it.

In my opinion, everything is a trade-off with a women. You can afford to give some money to her, you make more than decent, but the question is, what are you getting in return?

Because TS, do not give without condition. That NEVER ends well. Do not become the "nice guy" without she justifying and returning the same to you.

Just by reading the stories of people and based on my personal experience, being the nice guy will make you burn your hands.

Be nice, but not TOO nice.

Edit:
Another thing, I believe in data. Make an excel sheet and itemize how much you contribute to the household, and sit down with her to do the same. It will clearly show who puts more effort.

If you spend and save 80% of your salary on the household, bills and savings, that will leave you with 6k a month.
If she doesn't contribute, where does the 5k go?
Suddenly you are comparing 6k to 5k.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 03:37 PM

She has a job. According to TS, he's the one contributing to everything.

Are you now suggesting he should also give 6k spilt to bank/epf for "de-escalation" reasons?

Nice way to put more oil on the fire.

Amen, very well said.

My close friend did the same. He had a job with 24k salary, and in a short span, up-skilling and luck he got a new job for 32k.

He did not even tell his wife, she has no idea, she still thinks he works at the old job and has no idea about the 32k income either.

He said if he tells her, new level of expectations will come.

Money buys free time and material stuff, not happiness. The Benz will only give you temporary happiness.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 03:54 PM

When the men does everything in the house, that is the same as if the wife/gf is being held in the hand.

When the hand is removed, the falling hurts. No more money, comfort, safe zone, lousy and lazy behavior/

And they will, of course, blame that on the men as well.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 04:32 PM

Are you a male? Do you carry your queen's LV bag around while she does window shopping with your money?
Or are you female? Your boyfriend doesn't give you money?

Very light, and i do not suggest other men to become beta.

Read back the facts TS wrote in his topic and weight it yourself whether he is providing enough or not for a better life for both of them and his son.

The question TS should ask from his wife is:

What's your plan to become a more valuable and skilled person to earn more than 5k?

Stop being stunned about the fact he earns 30k, the problem here is based on what she's demanding? Read back TS comments in this topic. TS puts all the effort, and the wife doesn't. How is TS the cheap skate for calling out her bullsh*t?

Wake up guys

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 07:44 PM

And those who suggest him to just "give money lah happy women happy marriage" should put themselves into TS shoes:

> You make outstanding amount of money
> You pay for everything, plus savings, plus son's future education
> You go home you still need to cook, clean the house, no one is there to help you
> She netflix and chill
> Fights and arguments
> Put up with idiotic parents who most likely does not know how their daughter behaves in real
> She has no idea about money, spends all, no saving
> You even pay back her debt

So ask yourself: if this was your situation, would you still give her money? Have you all lost your mind or what?

This cause extreme mental drain and exhaust. Poor TS even have to come to lowyat to ask the internet people for opinion.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 09:29 PM

TS will never discipline her - totally no respect and consideration for him at this point.

But, most likely the parents have no idea. Such women portrait a different picture about themselves than what the reality is.

TS has the option to grow balls, give her the cold shower, prepare facts and evidences and sit down with her and the parents TOGETHER and give a good reality check. Do this without telling anyone.

It's not easy to cut through the sh*t that comes from her and the family.

If it doesn't work, we all know where this will end: divorce.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 09:35 PM

I agree with that. Not everything is black and white.

But, I have been through and done what i suggested. In my case it was b & w.

Princess thought she owns the world, at that time my career was going up rapidly, i was naive and the "too nice guy".

She was milking me, we had many fights, one day i had enough and threw her out of the condo, called her parents to pick her up. 2 days no next, no calls. Then i showed up at their house and gave them the brutal truth how her daughter behaves: wakes up at 3-5pm, demands food, no house work, lazy, procrastinates, empty promise to look for a job, never takes anything seriously... the list could go on.

They were all crying and her dad had that utter disappointment on his face. I only felt sorry for him.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 09:41 PM

Luckily no. But i wasted time of my life putting up with such bullsh*t and tolerated it. Which, only made things worse day by day. It's like... how to explain... such women will push the boundaries. You give her what she wants, but there's always something next and new.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 09:49 PM

Very well said.

Then down the road, with the new queen TS will walk in the mall carrying all the plastic bags from Aeon, hell even her own LV bag on his shoulder too, looking like a fool, lifeless look on the face, because the soul is sucked out. All that while she is sipping the bubble milk tea and doing window shopping with his money.

Don't believe? Okay.
Just sit down at Starbucks @ Mid valley outside next to The Gardens... and observe this by yourself.

Too many puppies dragged by their queens.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 12 2021, 11:25 PM

Surrendered? Like TS held a gun to her head?

The marriage was a two way street and agreed by both of them.

Clearly not in this case. She caught a big fish.

Look,

People here who have gone through the same or similar experience like yours shared the experiences how it is going to look like down the lane with such girl, they gave you advice and actions what to be done, and you go do the opposite that will only be oil on the fire.

I guess, someone who doesn't want to be helped can not be helped.

It's fine, you have not reached that mental state yet to understand what people say here or she has not yet pissed you off with BS to new heights, either way, you can always come back here and tell us how it went by opening a new topic.

You got a point, and if TS realized what he has got himself into, marrying such women, he should be shit scared by now of how to get out of the situation.

But i have seen it being done by one of my friend who also got a kid with such women.
For them, the solution was: wife and the son lives in the home country, the men works overseas and she's a stay home mom, the only responsibility is to take care of the kid, in return of X amount of money per month he sends home. From time to time he gives her extra for birthday and other events, but the marriage is cold dead. But the parents know it, the entire friend circle knows it, they are just not yet legally divorced. He has a duplex and the wife and son stay there and he makes regular visits. From an outsider point of view, it seems all good. But it's a zombie marriage.

Is it crazy? Yes absolutely. But the divorce is on the way once the kid hits 18. The kid is the only glue.

This post has been edited by TomYummy: Jun 14 2021, 01:57 AM