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 Need a little marriage advice, Wife is asking for monthly allowance

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JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 13 2021, 10:46 PM

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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 11:12 AM)
Hello everyone,

Just a gist of it, I am paying for the house loan, the utilities & groceries (milk & diaper for my baby) and my bring home pay is around 30k per month & the Mrs is bringing home around 5k a month.

We had a fight this month and she exploded saying she doesn't get any money from me & her colleagues husbands all "put money in their purses when they see its empty".

I am reluctant to give because majority of the money I make goes to my son's education via investments & I do not expect her to chip in at all for the maintainance of the family well being.

Am I the asshole?
*
Happy spouse, happy house
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 12:38 AM

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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 11:12 AM)
Hello everyone,

Just a gist of it, I am paying for the house loan, the utilities & groceries (milk & diaper for my baby) and my bring home pay is around 30k per month & the Mrs is bringing home around 5k a month.

We had a fight this month and she exploded saying she doesn't get any money from me & her colleagues husbands all "put money in their purses when they see its empty".

I am reluctant to give because majority of the money I make goes to my son's education via investments & I do not expect her to chip in at all for the maintainance of the family well being.

Am I the asshole?
*
QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 02:21 PM)
And what does It leave me? I cook everyday after coming from work. I do my laundry. I wash the plates. I hired a nanny for my son & is with me at my clinic everyday.

So how is it that she makes me feel like I'm not doing enough?
*
QUOTE(cfa28 @ Jun 13 2021, 10:53 PM)
Has to be both spouse

So many people always say happy wife happy life

WTF happen to the HB, its like they never existed
*
recap

QUOTE(SSwordmanOG @ Jun 13 2021, 06:04 PM)
90k wedding, pay for everything, TS has a role of house husband, TS is also the mother of the child. Wanna compete with the "husbands of wife's friends" to give allowance for free (nothing in return from her - no positive change). Who is the real champion? The guy who makes probably 10k per month and doesn't give free monthly allowance (pampers wife once in a while), splits the chores with the wife, wife gives decent piap or the guy who makes 20k per month + /k min salary, no piap, no chores done, no take care of child but...happy wife happy life HAHA  rclxm9.gif
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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Dec 27 2016, 10:00 PM)
Seriously in what age now a days people think that marrying young is good. I am just 28 years old and my girlfriend is 31 years old and we been only together for two years. I went to her house just now and my girlfriend told me her parents are saying why does it seem like he isn't planning for the future? we both had a huge argument and I drove off without saying good bye and she slammed the door.

what the fuck? with this shit economy its been years since I took a long vacation to go for travel from my clinic, I hardly go out these days and everything I can save I try to save. sometimes I need to think twice buying pizza for myself as I need to save up for my future.  i have a fucking house ready and yet to them it seems like I am not seriously growing up.

who here is getting the same shit? sorry for the rude words. I'm just so angry.
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QUOTE(-mystery- @ Jun 13 2021, 11:07 PM)
men are born with burden of performances, regardless of feminism brainwashed on fellow females.
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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 12:45 PM)
I opened up to discussion on how much she should think I should give her per month after she exploded during our argument about me not giving her any money.

Her thinking is that discussing about it is beneath her. I shouldn't be talking just give.

So my understanding is I give 500 is good? Since don't need to discuss right?
*
QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 11:56 AM)
When I enquire about her money spending she says the make up I buy is so I look good for you. You don't want to be seen with a run down wife right? Clothes? Also same.

She says she wants a maid and I said no eventhough she doesn't do any house chores. I ask about her cc and it seems to be always maxed out. When we first got married I was shocked she was just paying her maxed out cc with monthly minimal payment & had to settle it by closing one of her ILP & close the cc.

Now she's back with the cc problems.
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sad to say TS, you already kana game.

You are 33 years now right?

to be frank TS, you need to man up in this matter. stop giving without any concrete discussion. Trust me once u give in she will ask for more.

it seems to me she is a bad spender. Have you settled her CC before?

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 12:44 AM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 12:40 AM

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QUOTE(hellkvr @ Jun 14 2021, 12:05 AM)
Ts. Cerai jela. Apa susah
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Easier said than done lah bro. He got small kid now also he jaga. Dont traumatised the kid please. Growing up without both parents aint a good experience TBH
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 12:54 AM

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QUOTE(9m2w @ Jun 14 2021, 12:47 AM)
Yup

This recap is good

Lots of ppl wading in with anecdotal experiences from frankly much more decent spouses.

Wont work in this case. And she replied to TS nothing to discuss, die is cast. Yup even with a kid still cant behave like an adult
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I am afraid the situation will be much worse after this if TS declined to give in. But once give in ... haih ... sad.gif

BUT WAIT... TS already gave in long time ago before get merrid... she already know his move, his game, so basically now almost kana check mate

ditelan mati emak, diluah mati bapa

but like BillCollector said, sometimes being that arsehole is the only solution

I dont know about others, but I have the soft spot for that 5 months baby.

haih sweat.gif

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 01:03 AM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 01:02 AM

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QUOTE(BillCollector @ Jun 14 2021, 12:59 AM)
The baby in this topic is only 5 months old? ohmy.gif
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recap

QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 13 2021, 12:13 PM)
I think this is a little extreme no? Do remember I have a 5 month old son who needs his mom.

Anyways I feel better getting feedback from everyone here

I won't give in that's for sure. Maybe give 1k or something that's fine
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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 02:21 PM)
And what does It leave me? I cook everyday after coming from work. I do my laundry. I wash the plates. I hired a nanny for my son & is with me at my clinic everyday.

So how is it that she makes me feel like I'm not doing enough?
*
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 01:44 AM

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recap

QUOTE(Avangelice @ Feb 18 2014, 02:07 PM)
I have been thinking of the future after my recent ordeal with being dumped and I came on this train of thought. Would like to discuss with cupids.

Have any of you went through a relationship whereby you gave 110% of your time and commitment to prove that the person that you loved for a long period of time is your future and life. Then things go badly for you both and you found out that things do not work not because you cheated or you were lacking but more to do that the other half just didnt want you anymore for his/her selfish needs.

So question is, you were the perfect person for that someone and at the end you were broken hearted. Will you have trust issues in the next relationship and there you think, I must protect a little bit of my heart in case the next one breaks my heart again. If so wouldn't that be unfair to the next person that comes in your life?

Honestly, I really cannot imagine me loving someone like I did my ex anymore. I cannot be the perfect boyfriend if I were to start a new relationship. Do you guys feel the same way too?
*
these threads

https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopic=2776970&hl=

https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopic=3185340&hl=




This is madness. Do you live to please others? Sorry to say this, but the more you try to please others, the more the other party despise you.

Sounds weird but well...

Have you read these books before?

The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome ebook
https://www.file.io/download/chSK2II2UV3g

Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships ebook
https://www.file.io/download/Kx6uLFxs9Ya1

-----------------------

QUOTE(-mystery- @ Jun 14 2021, 01:05 AM)
really pity TS, work everyday come back home where's his wife.
earning 30k per month and still feeling unfulfilled as man, that just proven money is not everything (shout out to these blackpillers out there)
*
sad.gif

QUOTE(BillCollector @ Jun 14 2021, 01:12 AM)
That's tragic for everyone especially for the baby.

If I were TS I'd be extremely careful that the mother doesn't use the son as a hostage or for emotional blackmail purposes which won't surprise me one bit if she does.

Seen it happen a few too many times.
*
yes indeed

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 01:51 AM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 01:47 AM

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QUOTE(TomYummy @ Jun 14 2021, 01:30 AM)
Look,

People here who have gone through the same or similar experience like yours shared the experiences how it is going to look like down the lane with such girl, they gave you advice and actions what to be done, and you go do the opposite that will only be oil on the fire.

I guess, someone who doesn't want to be helped can not be helped.

It's fine, you have not reached that mental state yet to understand what people say here or she has not yet pissed you off with BS to new heights, either way, you can always come back here and tell us how it went by opening a new topic.
*
He got the soft spot for the small baby, which is totally understandable.

However when I flipped back his previous threads, he is what we called People Pleaser, the incessant Yes Man, which I am afraid that lead him to his current situation.

BTW TS, I hope you wont end up be like in Daphne's Iking case

https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/5155716/+60
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 01:56 AM

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QUOTE(TomYummy @ Jun 14 2021, 01:53 AM)
You got a point, and if TS realized what he has got himself into, marrying such women, he should be shit scared by now of how to get out of the situation.

But i have seen it being done by one of my friend who also got a kid with such women.
For them, the solution was: wife and the son lives in the home country, the men works overseas and she's a stay home mom, the only responsibility is to take care of the kid, in return of X amount of money per month.

Is it crazy? Yes. But the divorce is on the way once the kid hits 18.
*
The solution is workable, only that TS will missed the childhood moments of his kid, I think by now he already attached to the new born baby. since the kid is almost 24/7 with him.

Something that you cannot trade with money, summore 1st kid.

haih. what a sticky situation. sad.gif
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 02:18 AM

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QUOTE(rtk74 @ Jun 14 2021, 02:14 AM)
You're guys are making the wrong assumptions.

> Does she wants to take care of the kid?
I understand this is a stupid/insensitive question but a serious one still.

Also Jim, TS did mention he payed off her CC debts prior.
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> Does she wants to take care of the kid?
I hope TS got the chance to have a long , serious talk about everything. This won't go nowhere without further discussion.

about the cc debt, well I missed that one, that's why I asked TS. Thanks for the info btw

this sounds more like Betabux relationships , right Master -mystery-?

Betabux relationships are typically abusive in that the femoid reciprocates with minimal or no sexual affection, exploiting the agreeableness of the man, and keeping him just close enough for continued investment. Some academics have proposed this behavior is innate to women, calling it a dual-mating strategy in which women secure high quality genes from an attractive male in their prime years, to then settle for a beta provider "later on in life though".

minute 3:15



This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 02:20 AM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 02:31 AM

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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 13 2021, 11:20 AM)
Thanks for all the replies all.

I know everyone is divided on how I should deal with this. Anyways had a chat with her after I came back from work yesterday and she just brush the topic away and said its not discussable as the dye has been cast.

Oh well...
*
QUOTE(-mystery- @ Jun 14 2021, 02:23 AM)
they stay together, meet everyday have to observe the wife will throw tantrum or not. Thats why i advise him to ghost her for awhile (despite this c19 lockdown). Cut all the communication esp digitally for days or even weeks, come back and have a rational discussion together.

If she insisted her fempowerment, the door is always there for her to leave.
*
sounds like a good plan to me

user posted image

user posted image

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 02:31 AM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 12:43 PM

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QUOTE(kluseng @ Jun 14 2021, 12:20 PM)
Bullshit! She isn't spending money dolling herself up to look good for you. Women like her have a dual mating strategy. They marry a beta provider for maintenance but goes after alpha males for their thrills. They are not sexually attracted to their beta provider husband so they will give minimal starfish sex but reserve their best sex for their alpha male lovers. They will get impregnated by their lover and get the beta male to bring up the child.

Get a paternity test for your child.
*
sounds like Daphne Iking case to me

user posted image

user posted image
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 12:48 PM

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QUOTE(persona93 @ Jun 14 2021, 12:27 PM)
bruh reading all these replies really gives me shivers as a d00d earning 3k at 28 man

perghhhh what happened to girls these days icon_question.gif
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no worries, there are numbers of good women out there.

you just need to watch out for those red flags

but most of the time when you are in love, you will ignore em... till it is too late... like in TS situation
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 12:55 PM

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QUOTE(ralfvi @ Jun 14 2021, 11:10 AM)
with 30k.
ill pay my wife 5k/month just to make home and took care of the kids.
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QUOTE(~min~ @ Jun 14 2021, 08:49 AM)
Give 5k from your 30k to make wife happy, no big deal. Why ts so cheapskate? Make so much money for what if life usnt happy
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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Jun 12 2021, 11:56 AM)
When I enquire about her money spending she says the make up I buy is so I look good for you. You don't want to be seen with a run down wife right? Clothes? Also same.

She says she wants a maid and I said no eventhough she doesn't do any house chores. I ask about her cc and it seems to be always maxed out. When we first got married I was shocked she was just paying her maxed out cc with monthly minimal payment & had to settle it by closing one of her ILP & close the cc.

Now she's back with the cc problems.
*
she is a bad spender

even if TS give half of his earning it won't be enough

by now TS Avangelice you should need to check her financial background, see if she got invest in any MLM scheme or got gambling habit, worse still if she otang with any ah long.

later if ah long come to your clinic, well then it is too late already.
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 01:11 PM

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QUOTE(mini orchard @ Jun 14 2021, 01:09 PM)
Before passing a verdict, a judge will wants to hear from the other side unless the 'victim' choose not to give testimony.

All his previous is still  50% story niah.
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we are all here to give some advice, not to judge. heck , we dont even know them in real life.

true/false? we dont know.

but

hopefully he can resolve his problem amicably soon

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 01:12 PM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 01:55 PM

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QUOTE(fiqir @ Jun 14 2021, 01:13 PM)
Just need to siasat all her hutang statement. Its can be use on court in case.

If better if ask her print CCRIS record. All of the hutang loan u can see clearly inside that CCRIS record. Now more easy as this record we can get online.
*
if from bank/finance can check ccris one lah

but if from ah long then how?
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 02:19 PM

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QUOTE(dickybird @ Jun 14 2021, 02:15 PM)
Her hutang her problem
As long as he no sign guarantees, he's Scot free
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seriously, is this your first time in MY/SG?

https://www.sinarharian.com.my/article/7860...imbah-cat-merah

"Saya terkejut apabila melihat ada kesan cat merah di bahagian pagar dan juga kereta milik saya.

"Terdapat sepucuk surat yang ditampal di pintu pagar yang ditulis 'hutang wang dibayar wang, penipu' dan tertera nama anak lelaki saya minta menghubunginya segera," katanya.
Artikel Penuh : https://www.sinarharian.com.my/article/7860...imbah-cat-merah
© 2018 Hakcipta Terpelihara Kumpulan Karangkraf

---------------

https://www.sinarharian.com.my/article/1339...kan-mahu-tolong

KES 1

Tak tahan diugut, ibu tunggal pindah rumah

Seorang ibu tunggal terpaksa berhadapan dengan pelbagai ancaman dan ugutan daripada ah long kerana tindakan tidak bertanggungjawab anak lelakinya.

Wanita yang dikenali sebagai Dewi, 60, mendakwa sekumpulan lelaki yang dipercayai ah long pernah muncul di hadapan rumah dan mendesak dia menjelaskan hutang anak lelakinya.

“Saya tidak tahu anak saya yang bekerja di Singapura telah pinjam RM19,000 daripada ah long.
Artikel Penuh : https://www.sinarharian.com.my/article/1339...kan-mahu-tolong
© 2018 Hakcipta Terpelihara Kumpulan Karangkraf


-----------------

https://www.kosmo.com.my/2021/04/08/pekerja...-merah-dicekup/


Ketua Polis Daerah Seberang Perai Utara, Asisten Komisioner Noorzainy Mohd. Noor berkata, seorang wanita mendakwa melihat seluruh dinding rumahnya disimbah cat merah pada pukul 8.30 pagi.

“Terdapat satu nota kecil tertera nama seorang perempuan bersama satu pesanan yang ditinggalkan, biarpun pengadu mendakwa tidak pernah meminjam wang.

“Nota itu tertera kata-kata, ‘utang (hutang) wang bayar wang ini peringatan pertama WhatsApp ke satu nombor telefon’,” katanya kepada pemberita hari ini.

---------------

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 02:20 PM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 02:22 PM

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QUOTE(Aurora Boreali @ Jun 14 2021, 02:10 PM)
The above thread from 2015 is the first thread in his topic history that is of his current wife. He stated in another post that they dated for 5 years, married in year 2019. So this 2015 thread must be of his wife

Conclusion is he stuck in d*ck in crazy and is now paying for it. And that thread alone had 14 pages too. So /k tards already did their job in 2015. He didn't listen
*
they said love is blind

if you love someone, you cannot see the faults in that person
a person in love cannot see any imperfections in the person they love
if you love someone, it does not matter what they look like or what their faults are

but now, the consequences...
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 02:25 PM

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QUOTE(Aurora Boreali @ Jun 14 2021, 02:10 PM)
The above thread from 2015 is the first thread in his topic history that is of his current wife. He stated in another post that they dated for 5 years, married in year 2019. So this 2015 thread must be of his wife

Conclusion is he stuck in d*ck in crazy and is now paying for it. And that thread alone had 14 pages too. So /k tards already did their job in 2015. He didn't listen
*
QUOTE
(Avangelice @ Nov 2 2015, 11:41 AM)
already did la. she just zones out and yawns. SMH. our attitude towards life is totally different but i still love her craziness. If i dated a girl like me, i think it would be very dark and brooding


QUOTE
Avangelice @ Oct 31 2015, 02:03 PM, updated 6y ago

I am freaking annoyed with my girlfriend. Almost day in day out, talking about travelling to singapore or to bangkok or whatever hell hole place. End of the year is the time I have to spend my savings on housing assessment and auto insurance and she wants us to go to SG in december to attend her friend's wedding.

Fuck. What is it with girls and travelling?? What the fuck is it so glamorous about it. Spend all their savings on a trip and come back with nothing in the accounts then rinse and repeat.

Someone explain it to me cuz I am blowing my top off.


https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/3760998

they start dating since 2014 if I count correctly.

well, he saw the red flags but ignored it... furthermore it seems like her modus operandi to refused having a civil discourse.

all the best TS.

This post has been edited by JimbeamofNRT: Jun 14 2021, 02:30 PM
JimbeamofNRT
post Jun 14 2021, 03:21 PM

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QUOTE(dickybird @ Jun 14 2021, 03:17 PM)
Lol
30k monthly celery,  he cannot find another place to live in double quick time?
*
ah long will find you where ever you are

even at the office
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