The rise of domestic abuse during COVID-19 in LGBTQ relationships and how you can get help



I have been successfully practising as a Barrister for over 20 years at the English bar and yet only once have I represented a client who was in a same sex relationship, and was seeking protection from the Family Court for an injunction to prohibit their partner from using or threatening violence against them.

I have often wondered over the years why I have never represented more lesbian or gay clients seeking protection from an abusive partner. Seemingly, same sex relationships aren’t infected in the same way as heterosexual ones are by the poisons that infect and create the virus that is domestic abuse; for example, alcohol, drugs, stress, or a personality disorder. Perhaps it’s the same phenomenon that exists in the football sporting world where there are no known homosexual premier league players, nor for that matter, in any other country’s equivalent football league!

The data I have been able to collate tells me this: that 1 in every 4 lesbians and up to half of gay men have been a victim of domestic abuse at one time in their adult lives and that this figure is nearly at 80% if you are a transgender. The Office for National Statistics collated “experimental” data that informed the reader as of 2017: 1.1 million people over 16 identified themselves as LGB (there is currently no data for those identifying as transgender) out of a UK population aged 16 or over of 52.8 million, just 2% of the population.

Perhaps those suffering the abuse in same sex relationships do not believe that they are victims? Many victims are manipulated and or brainwashed into believing their circumstances are either a fault of their own making or just a normal part of the ups and downs that come with being in a loving relationship. Many heterosexual victims of domestic abuse don’t consider themselves to be victims, but only seek assistance due to a statutory body intervening such as Social Services, hospital or the police. Even if you do realise something is wrong, let’s be frank, you are gay, which means you are more likely to feel unsupported or unable to seek assistance from those statutory bodies whose job it is to protect you.

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions then perhaps you are a victim of domestic abuse. Does your partner constantly check up on you, wanting to know your movements and have access to your phone and/or emails? Does your partner regularly accuse you of flirting or actively pursuing romantic attention from others? Does your partner belittle you, try to humiliate you or even hit you? Maybe you have even tried to change your behaviour so as not to suffer your partner’s abusive behaviour?

Read more: https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/community/134246...u-can-get-help/

It’s Okay To Be Worried About Your Weight During Quarantine



Like any anxiety-riddled modern bitch, I experienced a nauseating thought-spiral upon hearing that I would be required to stay in my home for the foreseeable future. One of the first thoughts I had was, “Oh no, does this mean I’m going to gain weight?” quickly followed by, “Omg wtf is wrong with me? People are dying and I’m worried about getting stretch marks.” Then the spiral stopped right there, and I decided to be happy, carefree, and at peace.

Lmao, obviously joking. I swan dove into a whirlpool of panic about my morals, self worth, thigh gap, and death. But once I was able to take a step back, take my meds, and talk to my therapist, I was able to see that worrying about my body image during this crisis doesn’t make me a bad, superficial person who doesn’t care that people are dying. In fact, as someone who has struggled with eating disorders since the age of 12, my reaction makes a lot of sense.

I first stumbled upon anorexia when I gave up sweets for Lent in the sixth grade and every teacher, classmate, and their WASP mother at my small town Catholic school commented about how much weight I had lost. The attention felt good, like I had accomplished something. But with that high came what never leaves you after struggling with an ED: the fear that you will lose the control you currently have over your weight. What would people say—or worse, think—then? Being thin was *my thing* now, and being in control of that was my number one priority.

Being confined to your home with no real end in sight is overwhelming. Knowing you can’t go about your daily routine is stressful and anxiety-inducing. Not having access to your usual workouts and being stuck inside where you’re likely to eat and drink out of boredom is scary, especially if you struggle with an eating disorder, or any type of body image issues. These reactions are normal. Unusual circumstances are going to trigger the ways in which stress manifests for you, and that’s okay.

Also, hear me out, it is possible to be upset and worried about two things at once. You can be anxious about your weight and disturbed by death at the same time. I would argue that many of us worry about both of those things at once on the regular. So, during a pandemic, it’s reasonable for both of those concerns to intensify.

It’s also important to note that the obsession with body image isn’t something *you* came up with. A little bitch I like to call society can be blamed for this one. I don’t think I need to launch into an entire TED Talk about how society has brainwashed us into valuing our looks and a certain standard of beauty, as we’re all pretty familiar with that concept and Jameela Jamil has me covered there. So, being concerned about your looks during a pandemic is also just a reaction that you have learned to prioritize.

Read more at: https://betches.com/its-okay-to-be-worried-...ing-quarantine/

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Disproportionate amount of gay people are struggling with body images issues (incuding myself, sadly). If you are currently worrying about your weight, do realise that it's completely normal. So worry away.

This issue of infidelity isn't exclusive to LGBT but personally I won't interfere.

Thanks for your insightful comments.

These guys had only been on a few dates before being forced into isolation together. Now they’re living a fairytale lockdown romance
Source: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/04/14/aaron...ay-love-dating/



Aaron Hussey and Reed Badman had only been on five dates when they found themselves plunged into coronavirus lockdown together.

Three weeks later, they’re officially a couple – and they both say coronavirus lockdown has helped them get to know each other without the usual distractions.

Aaron, 34, and Reed, 25, first stumbled across each other on Instagram a few months ago. They started chatting and both realised early on that they liked each other. There was just one stumbling block: Reed lived in Cardiff and Aaron lived in London, so meeting in person wasn’t all that easy.

Despite this, they met “a couple of times” and “talked a lot”, and then Reed got offered a job in London. He moved to the capital quickly, but rented his own place as he still hardly knew Aaron. They knew they liked each other, but they were adamant that they wanted to take things slowly.

“And then the coronavirus stuff started,” Aaron says. One day, while visiting Aaron, Reed found out that his housemate had come into contact with a suspected case of COVID-19. They decided to exercise caution, and Reed spent the next few days in Aaron’s house.

“He stayed for a few days to protect himself and see how that played out,” Aaron says. “And then in the middle of that time, the lockdown was announced and it just made sense for him to stay until Boris Johnson told us otherwise.”

Aaron and Reed have loved every minute they’ve spent together in coronavirus lockdown.

Going into lockdown with someone you’ve only been on a few dates with could easily be a disaster, but it has been a huge success for Aaron and Reed. Three weeks on, they’re officially a couple and are loving every minute they spend together.

“When you’re suddenly locked in a house with someone 24/7 it definitely accelerates the ‘getting to know you’ phase,” Aaron says. “Luckily we’ve not annoyed each other too much and haven’t run out of things to say yet.”

Reed echoes this sentiment. “We’d already had some really nice moments together, but suddenly being forced into lockdown certainly accelerated things. But in the strangest way, it’s been kind of nice to get to know somebody without any distractions.”

Adapting to the “new normal” wasn’t easy for either of them. Aaron is a “planner and a worrier” and usually tries to “schedule and fix everything”, so getting used to lockdown with a new boyfriend was a challenge.

“But there’s something about a global pandemic that makes you suddenly realise that sometimes you have to just go with the flow and let things happen as they happen,” he explains.

Reed adds: “In a weird way, I’m really happy that this is the way we’ve started our relationship because we have really been able to get to know other with distractions. And it’ll make for an excellent dinner party story.”

The new couple have kept busy during lockdown and have spent plenty of time cooking and baking together. They’ve also started watching Schitt’s Creek from the start and have been going out for their government-sanctioned daily run together.

“We were going to learn a language and write a book, but then Disney+ launched and that all went out of the window,” Aaron jokes.

Both men say they have learned a lot about each other in three weeks of lockdown.

“I’ve learnt that Reed is incredibly thoughtful, and funny and looks frustratingly good in all of my clothes,” Aaron says. “And we’ve both learned that patience is king and that the new Dua Lipa album can get you through anything.”

Meanwhile, Reed says Aaron always “puts everybody else before himself”.

Gay aerospace engineer wins £175,000 payout after his ‘worst nightmares’ about coming out at work came true
Source: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/04/14/gay-a...-out-work-true/



An engineer won an employment tribunal case after he suffered harassment and discrimination at work while looking to start a family with his husband.

Peter Allen, who has worked in engineering from age 16, joined aerospace component manufacturer Paradigm Precision in 2012 as a quality manager and rose through the company over six years.

The married 41-year-old explained to PinkNews that he was in line to take over as general manager of the company’s UK site in Burnley — but things went awry when he came out at work in 2018 and made enquiries into adoption leave.

“I’d started to come out to select people in my team, as well as the HR director,” he said. “I confided that we had started to look into adoption. That’s when everything changed.

“They felt they couldn’t have a general manager where I was in a position where I was going to be off for 12 months with parental leave.”

The engineer continued: “A heterosexual couple thinking of starting a family would have just never have been in the same situation that I was. I was forced to choose between whether we become parents or whether I had a job, which is ultimately what it came down to.”

After he was passed over for promotion and his marriage to a man became common knowledge, Allen faced a string of homophobic incidents — including derogatory emails and “limp-wristed hand gestures” from colleagues.

He said: “I’d taken a leap of faith to come out at work, and all this horribleness was evolving in front of me. It was almost as if my worst nightmares about coming out at work were happening. These were senior managers, people above me, these weren’t people who were part of my team.”

He continued: “I was in a whirlwind of torment, really. I was getting these emails that were inappropriate, there were post-it notes, all of these things were happening around this time. I felt devastated, because [the company] weren’t backing me up on things that were happening.

“I was in the position of ‘what the hell do I do?’. I’d gone from being quite a senior manager in that business to being excluded and isolated. It’s quite sad, because I did have a good career. I was devastated at the time. I wanted just to get out of there.”

Allen eventually did leave the company and decided to pursue legal action for harassment and unfair dismissal.

He said: “When I was looking for other jobs it was always in the back of my mind, about how the company would be with me. Can I be as open as I’ve built myself up to be?

“I spoke to solicitors and family and my friends, but I didn’t know the task that I was going to be undertaking [with the legal challenge]. It was so daunting, but it was a fight that I wanted to take on.

“I was fortunate enough that I did have insurance company backing [to cover the court costs]. But I felt it wasn’t just about me, it was about holding them accountable for their actions. I felt like it was my duty to do that.”

The case hung over Allen for two years, but in a decision last month, Manchester employment tribunal judge Mark Leach affirmed that the engineer had been “subject to harassment related to sexual orientation” and was passed over for promotions “because he sought to take additional adoption leave.”

He was awarded a total of £174,645, including £96,645 for breaches of the Equality Act and £23,873 for unfair dismissal.

Employment tribunal judgment has helped bring some closure.

Netflix has been releasing lots of LGBT-related contentss in their platform lately. It's great.

Lots of stories of people getting forced out of the closet via social media and others these past few weeks, probably because people are having nothing better to do during the quarantine.

If you are openly LGBT in your social media/dating apps, please be aware of the risks involved.

Stay safe everyone!

Bosnia and Herzegovina take small steps toward recognising same-sex couples
Source: https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/community/134691...me-sex-couples/

The government of the Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina isset to start a consultation that could mean the government starts recognising same-sex relationships.

However, the country is divided up in two self-governing entities, and only the Federation is considering the move. The more conservative Republika Srpska, which covers less than the Federation, is not considering it.

The Federation agreed to hold the consultation after demands from same-sex couples who had gotten married or registered abroad. Currently, neither region offers recognition of same-sex couples.

The Federation has appointed an interdepartmental working group to look at these rights. The group’s chair, Sead Lisak, said the group would have its first meeting later this month. The group will meet with LGBTQ activists to discuss the issues faced by same-sex couples before drafting legislation.

If it goes ahead with affording same-sex couples recognition, Bosnia and Herzegovina would be a trailblazer among the Balkan states, with none of its immediate neighbours offering these rights. Nearby countries like Serbia and Croatia even have constitutional bans on same-sex marriage.

Last year, the country’s capital, Sarajevo, finally held its first Pride parade, the last capital city in Europe to do so. However, the event had to be guarded by police, and a poll found 58% of people were against the Pride going ahead.

Samra Cosovic-Hajdarevic, the Deputy of the Party of Democratic Action called the march a “terrible” idea aimed at “destroying the state and its people.”

She then added that LGBTQ people should be “isolated and moved as far as possible from our children and society.”

LGBTQ rights aren’t great across the Balkan nations, and earlier this year crowds of people cheered in the Croatian town of Imotski cheered and danced as an effigy of a gay couple was set on fire.

Zoran Milanović, President of Croatia, slammed the festival for promoting hatred and violence.

“The symbolic burning of the same-sex couple with a child in Imotski is inhumane, unpleasant and totally unacceptable under the cover of the carnival celebrations,” he said in a statement on Facebook.

“Hatred for others, intolerance and inhumanity are not and will never be a Croatian tradition.”

Eurovision fans are rising like phoenixes to raise thousands for queer charities with a new online phenomenon



When news that the 2020 Eurovision Song Contest was cancelled – citing concerns over the coronavirus pandemic – LGBT+ folk across the world shed tears by the bucketload.

For weeks, the future of the pan-European contest, which was set to take place in Rotterdam in May, was thrown into jeopardy. But its postponement was confirmed after the Netherlands joined other countries in placing restrictions on concerts and mass gatherings.

While Eurovision organisers and some broadcasters have scrambled to craft substitutions that might net the 180 million viewers the contest typically does, none quite have the sparkle of the real thing.

That’s why Rob Holley, a keen Eurovision aficionado based in England, started #EurovisionAgain, an initiative all about re-watching archival Eurovision contests every Saturday night.

“I started #EurovisionAgain a few weeks ago as a way for a few pals to watch an old contest together through Twitter on a Saturday night after Eurovision and life, in general, got cancelled,” Holley told PinkNews.

“We’re now on week five and it’s snowballed to the point that the watch-a-long on a Saturday evening is trending globally, and beating shows like Britain’s Got Talent – it’s bonkers.”

But in syncing up and watching tiny recordings of camptastic singers, they’re actually raising thousands of pounds for LGBT+ charities.

“Last week we thought it might be fun to try and raise £500 for Mermaids, and before the show had even started we’d smashed the target and ended up raising nearly £4,000,” Holley said.

Read more: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/04/18/eurov...-higgins-trust/

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As an Eurovision fan, this really warms my heart.

Ugh I know. But for her case I think it's purely for political purpose.

10 of the best lesbian films of all time

While male same-sex romances have been slowly making their way to the mainstream (Call Me By Your Name, Love, Simon, Moonlight), lesbian love stories are still massively underrepresented in cinema.

But if you look hard enough, you’ll find that there are some stunning depictions of queer female relationships and stories hidden away, in films such as the critically-acclaimed Blue is the Warmest Colour, the Oscar-nominated Carol and the groundbreaking Kenyan drama Rafiki.

Check out our ten favourites below…

Blue is the Warmest Colour (2013)



Cast: Léa Seydoux, Adèle Exarchopoulos, Salim Kechiouche, Aurélien Recoing, Catherine Salée, Benjamin Siksou

After meeting in a gay bar, French teenager Adèle (Exarchopoulos) falls in love with a blue-haired art student called Emma (Seydoux). The critically-acclaimed drama follows their relationship from Adèle’s high school years until her adult life as a school teacher. It received nominations at the Golden Globe Awards and the BAFTAs, and was declared one of the best films of 2013.

But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)



Cast: Natasha Lyonne, Clea DuVall, RuPaul, Melanie Lynskey, Eddie Cibrian, Katrina Phillips, Michelle Williams

Orange is the New Black star Natasha Lyonne stars as Megan Bloomfield, a popular high school cheerleader who is shipped off to conversion therapy camp after her parents discover her her lesbianism. The satirical comedy received negative reviews at the time of its release, because of its stereotypical portrayal of gay men and women, but has since developed a cult following in the queer community.

Carol (2015)



Cast: Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara, Sarah Paulson, Jake Lacy, Kyle Chandler, John Magaro, Cory Michael Smith

Set in the 1950s, Carol stars Cate Blanchett as an older woman navigating a difficult divorce who embarks on a forbidden affair with an aspiring female photographer (Mara). Blanchett won universal acclaim for her performance, ultimately earning nominations at the Academy Awards, Golden Globes, BAFTAs, Critics Choice Movie Awards and Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Read the rest of the list here: https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/culture/120164/1...ms-of-all-time/

Netflix Doc Reveals the Queer Romance Behind A League of Their Own
Source: https://www.advocate.com/film/2020/4/22/net...eague-their-own


Terry Donahue was one of the players in the women's baseball league that inspired the hit film A League of Their Own. However, the most captivating part of her story would not be shown on the screen — until now.

A Secret Love — an upcoming Netflix documentary directed by Chris Bolan and produced by Ryan Murphy, Alexa L. Fogel, and Brendan Mason — depicts the decades-long relationship between Donahue and Pat Henschel.

The two women spent the majority of their 65 years together in the closet. The film shows the pair when they met, navigating their professional lives in Chicago, coming out to their conservative families, and debating whether or not to wed.

"Facing the hardships of aging and illness, their love proves resilient as they enter the home stretch," the documentary's description states.

A Secret Love, executive produced by Blumhouse with Now This, premieres on Netflix April 29.

The Limits of Compassion: Refugees in the Time of Corona



ACROSS THE GLOBE, the Covid-19 pandemic is exposing inequalities that have been allowed to fester for centuries within national borders. Black and brown people in the United States are more likely to be seriously ill from this virus; India’s lockdown has stranded millions of day labourers far from home, without the means to feed themselves or their families; East Asians face scapegoating and racist attacks in the West; Africans face the same in China. Most of us are quick to deplore these failings of nation states and communities: we feel that nations should be able to do better by all their citizens than the US and India have done, and we recognise hate crimes against minorities.

Yet when our compassion collides with the borders of the nation state, those borders win. On April 16th, the Bangladeshi coast guard intercepted a boat carrying Rohingya refugees. There were 396 starving humans on this boat; at least 32 people are reported to have died on it, from lack of fresh water, food, and medicines. Afloat at least 2 months, they were turned away two times from landing in Malaysia before they were eventually rescued in Bangladesh. The very next day, the Royal Malaysian Navy—following a tip off from a Royal Malaysian Air Force surveillance aircraft —stopped another boat load of 200 refugees from entering Malaysian waters. The passengers were given food before the boat was made to turn around. Its fate remains unknown.

Our media praised the “prompt action” of our air force and navy on April 16th as a “success”: if we allow “foreigners” in, we’re told, they “might bring Covid-19 into the country.” We’re asked to believe, in other words, that containing this pandemic is a mission that must supersede whatever convictions we may once have had about human rights, global inequality, and social justice, if those convictions are incompatible with national borders and visa requirements.

Read more@https://www.queerlapis.com/the-limits-of-co...time-of-corona/

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Xenophobes: They demand too much, bagi betis nak peha, we should just let them die!!
Homophobes: They demand too much, bagi betis nak peha, we should just let them die!!

Being a prosecuted community ourselves, LGBT people should be sympathetic towards Rohingya.

This post has been edited by internaldisputes: Apr 24 2020, 12:52 PM

1 in 5 Russians Advocate ‘Eliminating’ LGBT Community – Poll
Source: https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2020/04/20/1...ity-poll-a70047

Almost one in five Russians believe that LGBT people should be “eliminated,” according to the results of a new independent Levada Center poll.

The figures showed 18% of respondents giving the response, marking a slight softening in attitudes toward members of the LGBT community since 2015, when 21% advocated their “elimination.” Similarly, 32% said this year that gays and lesbians should be “isolated from society,” down from 37% five years ago.

“The stigmatization of socially vulnerable people has decreased over the past 30 years, and norms that require helping and not isolating from them have expanded,” Levada sociologist Karina Pipiya told the Kommersant newspaper Sunday.

Positive attitudes have also improved over the past five years, with 9% of the respondents favoring helping the LGBT community, up from 6%, and 32% saying they should be “left alone,” up from 24%.

Levada’s results showed similar improved attitudes toward sex workers, HIV-positive people and the homeless.

“Besides state support measures, the development of the non-profit sector and the emergence of organizations working to improve the image of vulnerable groups in the eyes of society play an important role,” Pipiya was quoted as telling Kommersant.

Among other groups presented in Levada’s “Social Distancing” poll, terrorists elicited the least amount of tolerance, with 80% of the respondents advocating for their “elimination” in 2020. They were followed by pedophiles at 75%, murderers at 61% and extremists at 44%.

“The rigid approach toward the need to destroy those who can do harm and even those who don’t contribute to society doesn’t mean that people are ready to take up arms,” Kommersant quoted political analyst Alexei Makarkin as saying.

“There’s now a new generation that has fewer [Soviet-era] frustrations. Roughly speaking, these are people who did not stand in queues,” Makarkin was quoted as saying.

Levada conducted the survey among 1,614 respondents in 50 Russian regions between Feb. 20 and Feb. 26.

She should learn not to take trolls seriously especially for someone of her stature. But she did what she did and there's no point apologizing now since many gay men in Morocco has already been forcibly outed, thrown out of their homes, fired from their jobs, etc. I hope what various LGBT NGOs are working on to get her banned on all social media sites will be accomplished.

This post has been edited by internaldisputes: Apr 28 2020, 10:31 AM

What is the difference between sex and gender? Here’s why you can’t assume a person’s gender identity
Source: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/04/28/sex-g...ing-definition/



What is the difference between sex and gender identity, exactly? Whether you want to brush up on your knowledge or you’re questioning your gender identity yourself, you’ll find the answers here.

Sex and gender have historically been used interchangeably, but that doesn’t mean that they’re the same thing.

“We don’t know how to measure gender,” Marcia Stefanick, director of the Stanford Women and Sex Differences in Medicine Center, wrote in Stanford Medicine.

“Sex is generally assigned at birth…. after which a broad range of biological, particularly reproductive, sex differences are assumed. Individuals are then, usually, forced into a binary model of gender — with distinct masculine and feminine categories — when the possibilities are much broader and more expansive.”

As cisgender society begins discussing trans issues more openly, the distinction between sex and gender is an important one for many to understand.

So, what is sex?

When a person is born, they are given a sex based on their external genitalia. People with penises are assigned male at birth, while people with vaginas are assigned female.

Some also refer to chromosomes as markers of sex. Typically (but not always), people are born with either XX or XY chromosomes which determine their physical anatomy, and are assigned a sex based on these characteristics.

Essentially, the methods used to assign sex are based on a person’s body, however assigned sex doesn’t always accurately determine gender identity.

What is gender?

Gender is seen as a more personal, internal perception of oneself, that cannot be limited to biological characteristics. There are plenty of women who have penises, men who have vaginas, and non-binary people with either genitalia. A person’s body and genitals are their own business.

In most parts of society assigned sex is used to assume a person’s gender. Sometimes this is incorrect, and some people grow up feeling a disconnect between their assigned sex and their true gender.

This is called gender dysphoria, and it is what is experienced by transgender people including non-binary people, whose innate gender is different to the sex they were assigned at birth. People whose assigned sex matches their true gender are called cisgender.

Gender incongruence can often be helped by medically transitioning, which is a path many trans people choose to go down in order to ease their gender dysphoria. However not all trans people choose this route, and gender dysphoria manifests differently in different people.

Some people socially transition by changing their name or presenting in a different way, which can also help minimise dysphoria-induced stress, but again, it is worth stressing that there is no one way to be trans.

So, what does intersex mean?

Sometimes, people are born with reproductive or sexual characteristics that don’t fully align with either male or female sex markers. These people are intersex.

Doctors often assign a sex to a baby based on its outer appearance, so accordingly intersex people often start life with a binary gender label.

For example, some might be assigned female at birth but have a typically ‘male’ anatomy and chromosome structure that isn’t visible from the outside of their bodies, or vice versa.

Labelling such as this can sometimes result in intersex people rejecting their assigned gender in favour of an identity that more closely matches up to their chromosomes and/or represents their true self better, but this isn’t the case for all intersex people.

There are no rules for how intersex people can label themselves or choose to present, and not all intersex people are transgender, despite that being a common misconception.

It has been thought that the amount of intersex people in the world is comparable to the number of people born with red hair.

I agree, he's amazing. Hopefully he won't stop producing these great LGBT contents anytime soon.

Why “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” Doesn't Work
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wit...sin-doesnt-work

Religion can be an important source of unity. Many of our most important social bonds are with our religious communities. Religious teachings around the world emphasize love and understanding as cornerstone values of their faith. At the same time, religion can also divide us, and promote hatred and intolerance of those seen as outsiders or condemned by their religion (Burch-Brown & Baker, 2016).

One of the most striking examples of the negative side of religion is in how many religious communities view sexual minorities (e.g., lesbian women, gay men, bisexual men and women). Along with other researchers (e.g., Whitley, 2009), we found that those who more frequently attend religious services tend to have more negative attitudes toward sexual minorities and are less likely to support gay rights laws (Hoffarth, Hodson, & Molnar, 2018).

As the gay rights movement has shifted people’s attitudes toward sexual minorities, this divide has actually grown. From 1973 to 2012, tolerance of homosexuality increased much slower among those who frequently attend religious services (Twenge, Sherman, & Wells, 2016). We followed up on these findings by analyzing how strongly religious attendance is associated with negative attitudes toward sexual minorities in different countries. We compared countries where there is high recognition of gay rights (e.g., bans on discrimination and recognition of same sex marriages) to countries where there has been little to no progress on gay rights (e.g., homosexuality is still illegal). In many of our analyses, we found that religious attendance is more strongly associated with negative attitudes toward sexual minorities in countries with high gay rights recognition (Hoffarth, Hodson, & Molnar, 2018).

What psychological explanation might make sense of these findings? In earlier research (Hoffarth & Hodson, 2014; see this earlier Psychology Today post), we found that holding “conflicted” attitudes toward sexual minorities was associated with more negative attitudes toward sexual minorities. We believed that people who frequently attend religious services may be conflicted between motivations to be loving and tolerant (especially in countries where gay rights have progressed quickly) while also feeling pressure to oppose homosexuality as sinful. The common religious phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin” reflects this internal conflict. But does this conflicted attitude promote love, or does it promote hate?

In Hoffarth et al. (2018) we found that those who more frequently attended religious services more strongly endorsed the idea of “love the sinner, hate the sin”, and those who endorsed the idea of “love the sinner hate the sin” had more negative attitudes toward sexual minorities and were more opposed to gay rights. That is, whether or not someone endorses “love the sinner, hate the sin” beliefs help explain why those who more frequently attend religious services generally have more negative attitudes toward sexual minorities.

Importantly, we also found that there was variability in whether religious attendance was related to negative attitudes toward sexual minorities. For people who heard the phrase “I love the sinner, but hate the sin” frequently, religious attendance was strongly linked to negative attitudes toward sexual minorities; for those who rarely or never heard the phrase, there was almost no relation between religious attendance and negative attitudes toward sexual minorities. This further support the idea that “loving the sinner, hating the sin” promotes hate, not love.

What lessons can we learn from this research? Although most of us want to be tolerant and promote fairness, at the same time we want to hold on to our beliefs and what feels most comfortable to us. As a result, it is psychologically easier to justify our prejudices and the inequalities in society rather than to face those problems head on (see Crandall & Eshleman, 2003; Jost & Banaji, 1994; Jost et al., 2014). What seems to be going on here is that saying one “loves the sinner but hates the sin” enables some people to maintain their negative attitudes without feeling like a prejudiced person. But overcoming prejudice cannot come about simply by using nicer language to cover up the prejudice. Rather than “love the sinner, hate the sin”, maybe we should go back to “love” and start from there.