Looking for an avenue to vent out this dark clouds in my head.

Suffering from depression for few years and unable to control it these past few months. Past few days getting bad and already start having suicidal thoughts. I have no one to talk to. Parents are always quarreling, not in good terms with my siblings. Surrounded myself with 1-2 best friends previously but both have abandoned me. Feel very lonely. Now I am just thinking to pass through my daily life, until my parents leave this world and then I will just follow suit. I am very sick.

Reaching 40 yrs old soon, still single. Career wise is okay, just stagnant but money is still coming in - stable career and income wise. Finding it hard to concentrate in work. Gone through some broken relationships. Feel worthless. To the outside world, I am cool and collected but deep inside, I am just so insecure. Anti-social and chronic OCD. I begin to feel that life has no meaning. When I am driving, there are times I wonder why don't I just get into an accident and die.

Just cant seem to shake off this thing inside my mind that keep thinking of the past and bad experiences, keep looping it. Previously I am able to pick up myself but this time, just lapse and keep going deeper and deeper. I don't want to commit suicide but keep thinking about it.

hi TS, please stay strong. get to the professional physiology doctor to get proper consultation. If you really need anyone to talk to, you may contact me. Don't do anything that could harm yourself or family.

Hey TS, like raymondwong1808 mentioned, you can seek help (befrienders) or talk to us here

How are you today?

Get a dog.

Suggest to visit any of the close to free counselling centres listed here:
https://mmha.org.my/resources/directory-of-...lling-services/

Befrienders not really useful as it is through phone only. Better to do it face to face.

Stay strong

Yes, have you tried getting a pet?

It's for TS.
Yes.

You might want to see a real doctor specialising in psychiatry.

No shame or stigma. Just explain like what you posted. If you can't tell, just show this post. Seek the help.

Hi there

Hi TS, stay strong and hopefully now everything is OK to you. I have similar situation with you except I been jobless for half year. My situation is far worst because I hear voices in my brain (which not exist) and I hardly able to differentiate which is real or fake for sometime. (About one year plus)
Now, I am slightly better and I m lucky for having support from my family.

I feel you TS.

read your post. think you have some thing bad going as well as something good going for you.. maybe more bad at the mo.
how about speaking to your GP with a view for a referral to a psychiatrist. if you are open to that, some of the mental burden could be lessen.

dont forget you also got alot of good stuff on your side
you will come out OK

For emotional support, please call the befrienders hotline @ 03-76272929

Do give in to any suicidal thoughts. It’s not worth it.

talk more. dont lock yourself at home. always find chance to meet with different ppl out there.

Please dont do anything that'll hurt yourself. Seek out a professional to talk to!
Its difficult, but in the meantime, you could also improve your lifestyle, in terms of meeting new people, living a healthier lifestyle (gym, going for runs, or anything that increases production of endorphins and serotonin). Its a small step and might not solve all your problems, but a healthy lifestyle creates a healthy mindset, which is always important.

Stay strong, you got this!

Surround yourself with people who make you happy, and people who you can trust.

Can attest to befrienders. Have personally tried it. Was awkward at first but it became an emotional conversation with me just crying and shouting lol.

Try it, TS.

Based on your description, you may be suffering something called borderline personality disorder. Just google it there are a lot of explanation and see whether it fit your condition. Its important to be self aware of your problem. Then only you will seek help or practices that will improve your condition.

How are you feeling