——————“Hi all, I am getting married soon so have been planning the wedding for the past few months.

There is 1 thing which I need some guidance on who to give dowry (or whether you think its necessary or not). Some facts:”

“1) She came from broken family. Parents divorced since she was a child.” ———— ❌

“2) Never seen her mother. Now that she is an adult she has zero interest in meeting her mother.”———— sad ☹️

“3) Father took no part in raising her up. Father only came and reconcile with her after she reach adulthood. She still acknowledge him as a father, but doesn't really respect him.” — RM 222

“4) She was mainly raised by grandparents. Sometimes, her aunt (i.e., sister of her father) helped chip in but it was mainly still her grandparents who raised her. “——— Grandparents RM28888 and aunt RM 2222

“Now, AFAIK according to Chinese custom, dowry is paid to thank the person who raised the bride. However like I said earlier, her father did not raise her up at all. It was the grandparents who raised her up, but they have passed away. Next in line would be her aunt, which I have consulted once and she refused to accept any dowry, simply saying its not necessary.” ———— well it’s all about your emotional foundation
“Some elder people I have consulted including my parents say the aunt is just being polite to refuse the first round, and I should still pay a small amount as a token to respect tradition, but would it be good for me to insist? Is the aunt really just being polite?” ———— yes

“I would like to follow custom/tradition as closely as possible. Anyone here who is familiar with Chinese custom/tradition can advise what I should be doing?”———— me, did in chinese way
We followed truly chinese custom, and its crazier than you could ever think.. don’t follow 100% unless you have 7 figures in your bank account, just take whatever you could afford. The groom pay the dowry mainly to say thanks for the girl’s parents+the girl’s right(in mainland usually the money goes to the brides parents while the others belongs to the bride), because after the wedding, your wife is your parent’s daughter. She obliged to take care of your parents when they’re getting old, and put your family first over her family.

Dowry =

1. 1 house/apartment ——(I got house)
2. 1 car / ox ——(of course i took the car 🤣)
3. gold (the weight must be even), can be formed as jewellery. ——(My in-laws gave 8,888 grams formed as custom made jewellery and they put on me before tea ceremony)
4. Wedding attire from top to the bottom include shoes ———-(i got 2 sets from my inlaw)
5. 2 sets of bed linen and pillows ————(got this also)
6. Glassware set/ tea set———-(got tea set)
7. Babies items———— ( I got baby’s jewellery also)
8. Money——— (USD 888888)

*incase the separation happen/unavoidable because of the bride committed adultery/infidelity, the bride shall return all the dowry and give up the children’s custody to the father.
If happens because of the groom side, all dowry is the wife’s right included alimony and kids custody.
If happens because of mother inlaw, bride keeps half dowry, child custody + alimony. ( I still can’t believe this written in our prenuptial agreement 🤣)

Bride’s father Gift (it’s all upto her family)=

-money ( My dad gave him 2 cars that hubby choose by himself, watches, suits, wines, and money that they never disclosed to me) (my mom gave me several sets of her stones jewelleries to be given to my mother inlaw)
Amazingly We survived 三書六禮/ san syu liu’ lai (you can skip this one)
6 wedding ceremony
And 4 crazy wedding receptions.
In Chinese tradition, if you pay full dowry, the wedding receptions is all up to your wish. The bride/ her family have no rights to demand a big receptions. If they wants to have big banquet, they should cover all expenses. Unless agreed by both parties. The only light tension in our receptions was because my father wants to pay for all of our receptions as I’m the only child, hubby insisted to pay for everything(my dad kinda kesian to my hubby). At the end, don’t know what happened, just settled, hubby paid for everything. Both of them happy🤣😂
My advice, go as close as possible but within your limit. It’s once in a lifetime thing. Don’t be stingy with the dowry, don’t be ashamed to put it in the prenup also Lol 😂. In case your budget is limited, it’s better to split 80%(20% money for her family and 60% get her gold or simply give her money) for the dowry, and 20% for the simple banquet/dinner. Good Luck!