I have depression. My appointment is next week, but its gomen so I dont always get to talk about my sexuality if the doctor is malay (im malay too). The doctors are on rotation, so sometimes you'd always get different doctors.

I am not sure if I'm having another episode, or existential crisis.

Work - I now wholeheartedly hate everything here. Every single thing just annoys me. My attendance is pretty shitty too now, Im almost always late to work, no longer punctual. Each morning I have to keep forcing myself to go to work, sitting by the bed staring into spaces. At work, sometimes I have to control this huge urge to just walk out. Last week on Thursday, it was so bad until I had to stop myself from crying from all of the feelings. I have a feeling my boss is aware that Im not doing so good, but its not that obvious. She knows I have depression, so she might think Im just being less chatty because its another episode. Im contemplating to talk to her about it, but our business is not doing so well and I dont know, Im scared she wont take it nicely. Some mornings, just as I walked into the office, I'd get a headache just from the stress. I cant take any more days off, all out of leave. Im scared of looking for a new job, scared of changes and Im not in the best position to present myself to prospective employers. My savings arent a lot, so I cant just get up and leave.

Sexuality - Only recently Im fully realizing and admitting to myself that I am completely lesbian. I always dated men, telling myself im bi since its easier. Being a malay from a conventional family, coming out is suicidal and I see no future with it. I want kids, and i want to settle down. I dont want my parents to disown me ( i know they would), and i dont see dating a girl will have any bright future ahead. And that thought just scares me. If i marry a guy, i would probably not love him fully, and then end up stuck in a marriage Im not happy with. If I come out, I will lose my family, and its not like I could marry the girl and have kids.

Is there a support group for lgbt in malaysia? What should I do with all of these thoughts? I have started dissociating again, thats the only place I feel safe and happy right now. I dont think Im doing bad yet, I can still control my impulsive thoughts (used to act on them before, like disappear from work for 2 weeks). I forced myself to exercise although my mind still dissociate. Im just afraid of what's to come, I sense another explosion coming.

hang in there.

Call Befrienders
​
03-79568145
​
Emotional support, 24 hours, everyday
​
for people who are lonely, in distress, in despair or having suicidal thoughts.

Free and confidential.

hang in there.

Call Befrienders
​
03-79568145
​
Emotional support, 24 hours, everyday
​
for people who are lonely, in distress, in despair or having suicidal thoughts.

Free and confidential.

u can request for a non malay doctor if that helps u ...pls share this issue and dont keep it to urself

yeah, call befrienders, maybe they also have the contact for other support groups

Please share us your:

age =
family status =
location =
religious? = solat?
job scope =

Hey there.

It seems that you had been through a lot and there doesn't seem to be anybody listening. You had been consuming so much energy to keep yourself up everyday and I can feel that you are nearing to your breaking point.

If you are looking for lgbt friendly counsellor, I would suggest these:

+6010-873 0175 - The Red Clinic, specialise for LGBT, three counsellors on duty. Have to pay

011-21434572 - PT Foundation, they have a clinic that provide counselling for HIV and LGBT communities. It is free.

I pray for your health and may you always have the strength and resilience to face whatever difficulties that may come.

Hopefully, this helps.

u see how many people here want to help u. dont worry.

Yeah Befriender will be one of the options out there.
For work, I guess you need to hang in there as not easy to find a job at the moment. Unless you already got other offer, then you can choose to leave since you said savings aren’t a lot.

Sexuality, maybe the depression cause you to think that you’re L? Take sometime to clear your mind, and even if you confirm, don’t stress about it too. It’s normal, although in Malaysia society might treat it not normal. No matter how, family is always a family. They will accept who you are, is just need to take a little bit of time.

All The Best!

Thanks guys, i didnt think Befriender wouldnt layan such calls, so I never bothered.
I thought they would only layan suicidal and serious cases.

I will give them a call later today, thanks again for the suggestion.

What are these details for?

I only have one Singh doctor who is ngam with all these. Other doctors although non-malay, sometimes are not very open to talk about this too. Maybe he's a good doctor, so i dont always get him even though i made the request upon registration.

The first doctor i opened up about sexuality issue, was a non-malay and he made fun of it. Literally asked me details that are sexual in nature while snickering when i talked. My second doctor was malay, religious but cool about it. Sadly she moved abroad.

Thank you so much for sharing these contacts, i really appreciate it.

Burnout, sexuality and depression... many more

Virginia Satir once said, "Problems is not the problems; coping is the problems". "Our responses to the events of life are more important than the events themselves."

Talk to a mental health professional in a safe and private setting, learn about how to response better to what is happened in your life rather than seeking justification of what is happening.

There are many circumstances in life that we can't change, but certainty we can change the way how to respond to these circumstances and be able to live in a better way.

How is your situation now?

Have you ever thought of changing the environment?

Leaving the country and see if you fit in better in western country?

Try google Rahaf al-Qunun, a Saudi girl granted Canada asylum is now living her best life.



This post has been edited by bronkos: Sep 3 2019, 05:58 PM