I have been dating this WeChat gal for about 1month and we have already started to do couple stuffs like hold hands, hugging and cuddling but for some reason she still see me as a close friend.

Some background about this gal, she is 2 years younger than me and she just broke up last 4 months ago and I can see she hasn't really moved on yet.

So far I have dated her 4 times:

First date:

I went to her office area for dinner. Dinner on me.

Second date:

Due to her tight work schedule (even on weekend)we went out for 3 hours windows shopping and dinner. I held her waist and she didn't reject my advance but in return she held my arm as well. We ended the date with a goodbye hug. Dinner on her and she insisted to pay the bill instead of split the bill.

Third date:

Same with first date I went to her office area for dinner + dessert. I can sensed something not right already and during the dinner she shared all her ex-es stories and became very emotional and cried. It was quite an emotional night to be honest...and I consoled her and and bought her some desserts. Dinner + dessert on me.

Fourth date(Mostly on me except coffee on her):

This is a half day date consists of lunch, CNY clothes shopping, coffee, movie and dinner. By the way, the best date we have because we shop CNY clothes together n took wefies in fitting room, cuddle, hold hands and hug on couple seat during movie and she wasn't that emotional compare to third date. I ended the date with a kiss on her cheek but during the ending part she was quite emotional. And I reached home time, she texted me and asked why I treated her so good even though she's not my gf. She said during the movie she hugged n lean on me but the feeling wasn't there and keep apologized to me because she said I'm too good and she didn't want to hurt me or cheat on my feeling. I told her I'm okay and relationship starts as friend and takes time develop. Then, we went back to usual texting n flirting in WeChat.


Personally, I think she's still in recovery mode and not ready for a new relationship yet or this is so called friendzone?

Should I continue pursue her or slow down or move on?

Serious need advise here.

Update 31/01/18:

This morning we chat as usual and in the middle of conversation she offers a free facial treatment to me foc and I teased her by saying that later I fall deeply on her then how? Then, she said something like she won't ask for more and if she can just being a place slightly below my gf it's already too great for her. She said she feel very comfortable with me as a close friend and can share alot of things that she never to anyone else before not even her exes. Then, I asked her if she only see me as a close friend and she replies for now yes because we only knew each other for not too long. Then I agreed that we only knew each other for about 1 month and she responded by saying Happy Monthniversary.

So, what we can derive from this new development? Is she hinting me to confess and make it official or this is another situationship agenda? I never confess to her tho atleast not thru words.

Any advise sifus?


Update 02/02/18:

CNY is coming and she says something like if she manages to come back from her hometown (Perak) on time, then she will accompany me to visit my relatives/friends houses...I was quite surprised and never expected this from her though.

Is this a good hint or just another grey hint?

Update 10/02/18:
Fifth date (Her birthday dinner + birthday gift)

Last night, I just celebrated her birthday together with her. We ate Italian food and she loves the food there very much and I picked this restaurant based on foursquare rating. We finish the dinner with pancakes dessert with candle and happy birthday message on it. She was delightful and happy throughout the dinner. For some reason, she didn't initiate physical contact like hold hand or hug (mainly because she said scare later her colleagues see us because we date nearby her office area) but I initiated physical contact like holding her waist as usual.

Then, we proceed to watch movie I already booked it and initially she wanted to redeem her birthday free movie pass but I decided to book early to avoid no seats. I booked couple seats and during the movie, there wasn't any much physical contact and she was wearing a scarf to warm herself. At some point, she was abit sleepy and I offer my chest to lean on and she leaned on for about 5 minutes before back to her seat and guess what I can see her holding her tears (same behavior on fourth date). At the end of the movie, she was getting motion sickness which I was quite surprise and she told me she can't watch movie with frequent fast changing camera views...guess I picked the wrong movie. Then, we sat somewhere nearby cinema and let her chill for a while before going back. During this time, we chat abit mostly on her work stress and then I surprised her with the birthday gift. She was quite happy with the necklace and we went back to carpark. I hugged her inside lift and greet her happy birthday again and she keep saying thank you. She fetched me to my car because I park outside the mall and inside the car I asked her what is her plan for tomorrow and she said her ex is going to celebrate her birthday with her tomorrow night. At first I wasn't care about it but deep down me still questioning myself am I a spare tire and I hate that feeling! I ended the night with a kiss on her forehead and bid goodbye. We texted a while when reached home and I told her I wanted to see her smile from the bottom of her heart and learn to let go and she replied back by saying she still miss her ex and she feel sorry about her ex which make me pretty much speechless.

Next morning, before she went for dinner with her ex she shared her sexy attire selfies wearing the necklace I gave to her. During the dinner, she still can text me saying how full she was and told me the food was super nice there. I didn't know what was her intention but I was abit disappointed from the way she treated me this way and I know I shouldn't even feel this way because we aren't even official yet. At this point, I keep questioning myself and I start to find her flaws and keep convincing myself she might not be the one or we are not compatible. I have plan to send her flowers in this coming Valentine's day but at my current state, I don't think I will do it and really want to slow down.

Abit confused and disappointed now

Final update:
After few deep thoughts and consideration, I sent her a bouquet of 6 roses to her office yesterday(Valentine's eve). At first, she didn't know it was from me and she told me she received a bouquet of flower from someone. I just played along and told her to read what is in the message card. She said she will read it after back home and shower. Then, I text her the exact message in the message card and she was surprised and keep thank me for being so sweet and she feel so touching and almost cry because this is her first time to receive bouquet of flower. Then, she told me she was upset this few days because of her ex keep postponing his lunch treat and the roses cheer her up to the max. Then, I asked her this question like "I can see this person able to affect you emotionally and do you still want to go back with him?". She asked whether she can answer this question tomorrow and went to bed.

The next morning, she greets me Happy Valentine's day and wish me able to find a lovely, caring, knowledgeable and capable partner. Then, without hesitate I replied back by saying I already found one and I asked her if she can be my valentine for today and onwards. After few pauses and reluctance, she said not yet and doesn't feel like follow by tonnes of sorry from her. I told her it's okay and I accepted her feeling and don't feel sorry about it because in relationship, there is no right or wrong;only true or false. With that being said, I will move on now.

I would like to thank you guys for your valuable,constructive and destructive inputs!

Definitely a new achievement unlocked here. Being rejected in Valentine's day

Happy Valentine's Day folks!

This post has been edited by SomaCruz89: Feb 14 2018, 10:17 AM

I think you better slow down.

Yes, she is recovering but i bet her mind still with her ex.
Just this moment, you are there with her, and she maybe make you as a dummy to her ex.

You can treat her good, but don't rush..

continue to pursue. She hasn't rejected you yet and she still talks to you. Play it cool yo. She seems like still moving on so you patient a bit la. If it's physical then defi not friendzone.

did she know is a date?

Yes she knew

still can date her, just slow down a bit

Whatever you do...

Do not confess...

Just let body language do the talking

If she drone on about being too good for her etc... ignore and continue whatever u doing... unless she firmly rejects then you got your answer and amicably move on.

As for now she didn't really reject me clearly or firmly but she felt bad that she didn't reciprocate the same feeling of mine.

my situation exactly like you. I think i already in situationship, i seek opinion and after some googling. yeah, situationship.
Bout the hold2 stuff i also cant brain like sometimes feel like couple, sometimes treat me like stranger. To be honest, situationship is worse than friendzone

um..... it doesnt matter really, you just wanna get her in bed right?

Danger mode. Seems to me u forgotten your worth. Male DONT CHASE instead female DO THE CHASING. Once u start to be desperate your alpha male goes to ZERO. That is when the girl sees u like 'puppy love'. The trick is STOP CHASING AND STOP TEXTING. Then u see the magic come to u.

The problem is she is the one always initiate the text first though

The problem is she is the one always initiate the text first though

If that so then text like 10 mins gap in between dont reply to fast. Always ask when is the next meet then stop texting. Try to text less and video call more. From there u will know whether she is initiated by u or not. Maybe u can test her by saying 'other girl also find me' then see what is her reaction. Drag too long buang masa buang duit.

Nope, to be honest she has wife material characteristic and she is a family-oriented lady which is quite rare. So far, she's the only girl that willing and insist to pay the bills...my other previous gals normally expect guys to pay all. So, I see her as a rare gem and don't want to give up so soon but at the same time don't want to drag too much though...quite dilemma

This post has been edited by SomaCruz89: Jan 30 2018, 04:31 PM

I quite agree on this point because she even told me that my voice and pattern similar with her previous ex....

How slow is slow? Her birthday coming soon in about 2 weeks time. I plan to give her a birthday present.

Yes, to avoid being a lifebuoy to her. let her recover fully only you proceed to next stage. now just be normal friend to her enough already.

can give, just don't over do it

Yes i know the feeling bro. It feels so close and yet so far.

where did you find her? from wechat?

Ooh the one you posted drillz on kopitiam go slow bro.. keep it cool and dont act like a desperado..carry on for another 3 months then you start the game.. dont contact, stay away etc.. if she desperately comes for you, then you have won her heart..it is still early to act as dominant male..
Emotionally treat as friend but physically treat as bf.. girls

Btw reason for breaking up? This is an important factor to determine whether you have chance or not.. if her ex played her out, then you are safe

Yes her ex played her out and turned into an ego self-centered inconsiderate guy after they were together. She initiated the break up though but for some reason she still hasn't moved on yet

TS don't pursue anymore. Girls just after break up will use anyone around them to try forget. Just take it slow and see how it goes. Invite her for some extreme activity or find stuff don't keep going dinner with her.

Take it slow since she haven't reject you but don't rush into things you might end up a victim.

4months still consider just break up?

What extreme task or find stuff you are referring to?? Can give example?

I plan to give her a small bday gift in her coming bday though...

Skydiving, jungle trekking, roller coaster, archery, rock climbing, flying fox, water fall adventure or a short trip out of town to help her mind shift away.

You be surprise some girl take quite awhile to move on and observing the sign she given you she have not move on.

Try to find out what she likes to do or where she wish to go then immediately execute the plan with her.

This post has been edited by Theoutspokenguy: Jan 30 2018, 09:07 PM

thats good news..chances of her going back to ex quite slim

go for day trip..amois favorite place sekinchan/tanjung sepat..sekinchan for sea food and tanjung sepat for siew pau

She has busy schedule even on weekend due to her multiple jobs. So, not so easy to plan even for a short getaway trip

If you behave as predicted she will not fall for you deep enough.

New update in post#1 sifus. Pls advise

Her words are contradicting each other. Happy monthasary can just meet he knows for a month can also mean nothing.

My advice to you is if you really want her you need to focus on her without focusing on her you get me?

You need to make every date( memorable) so she will look forward to the next one while don't let her so easily to ask you out so she will value you and your time.

if a month you already said date 5 times what gonna come next? Date another 20 times hoping she will change her feeling for you and say yes?

Real man won't confess, just make you look weak. Instead you must revalue yourself to show her if she don't grab you she will regret.

What if you confess you get the following answer what will you do next?

I just treat you as brother?
I still not ready.
See how first
I not sure yet
I havent move on
I just need a friend

Then you gonna end up where you started.

This post has been edited by Theoutspokenguy: Jan 31 2018, 01:02 PM

I fully agree with you because I never intend to confess thru words but rather let actions do the confession

It's not u cannot confess but let her make the first move but from the way you keep poking her makes you look desperate.

It reflects very badly on you. Like you shouldn't keep going have meal near her office so often instead you can surprise her certain meals or stuff she really likes.

Example she like the mi goreng at XXX location you could surprise her that or she said she haven't had breakfast you can surprise her with 1. This are small trigger events for her.

I see. Well noted.

So far about 80% of our conversations initiated from her and the reason I go to her office is for catch up because as I mentioned before she has tight schedules. So, not much of time to date her out. First to fourth dates were all after work/appointments date and we go by our own transportation even though I offer a ride but she insisted she can drive herself and don't want to trouble me.

Girls like guys that unpredictable because it creates curiousity..

Let me predict what you gonna do next

Dinner another dinner if not lunch if not another meal then sure movie k. Between. Don't you think her ex haven't done that. Don't you think other guys dating her haven't done that . So what the different between you and all of them?

She just met you rejecting your ride is pretty normal. Honestly is there such thing as a person so busy until don't have time to relax. If she don't priority her time for you means you are yet to be important to her.

Better slow down as she just broke up 4 months ago.. Be careful of rebound effect of breaking up as she is still under emotional neediness of wanted by someone which is you ATM. So let her sort out her feelings first until she genuinely likes you and wants you as a lifelong partner *Warning, may take up some time here*

I'm aware of this I don't want to be in a rebound relationship a.k.a. spare tire as well. So just go with the follow and trust my instinct

you already have all the positive signs, what else can a man ask for?
like you say, she is in her recovery mode. give her some breather.
but then i felt that you overwhelm her as though as you are desperate. you need to slow down, prize is yours.

Go for her TS. continue to treat her good, although officially you're being friendzoned, the more dates you've been through the more you understand about her traits, maybe at that point of time then you decide whether you stay or move on. After a lot of dates and the bond has finally built. she can't get away from you anymore.

Friendzone can hug and cuddle with each other?

Yes you are right. I should enjoy the courting phase for now. I have the mindset of closing the deal soonest possible but I realized I should just go with the flow and let it happens naturally.

Yee Theng? Are you mistaken me as someone else?

no need to confess... just continue date her la.

if i m you, i will put another 1 month on her and will avoid bring this up issue again (like her past, whats our relationship status etc.)

just give her more time. then after 1 month, if you feel the timing is right, then just confess or you dont have to at all... cause there are people who auto convert into couple without confess.

unless u want to get into her pants first, if not then i would say, just be patient, and continue the dating/courthship bah..

Signs are good so far... just go slow and dont act like a desperado..give her 3 more months

Of course. Even friend zone can have sex but just no commitment to you.

This one is called fubu

You sound like you are in you if your instinct is everywhere you still want to follow?

YOLO and push for it...
Might be the best bet as of now...
Your persistence may pay off but still, tread carefully...
Not that much of resistance from her so I guess it is still positive as of now...

Your chance to get her fall into you is low.

As a girl, I know that if she says that she still treating you as close friend after held hands and kissing on cheek but still not feeling much love during with you.

Then you can say bye bye to her d. It means she don't really love you and love is from both side, if need to pursue only love, very hard to maintain in future.

What if she just confused or emotionally unavailable to accept a new love at the moment?

why not? everyone's definition of friendzone is different.

some have sex still can be bff.

that foc facial treatment....the last story that chii remember was, after the foc, got extra service
then they become fwb

btw, just push up your game if you are sure that u really really like her.
girls are always thinking nonsense about they want or dont want. guys need to reassure them, either gently or forcefully but not until physically.
if your feelings are just meh, just leave her now, so you won't waste time, because she wants more of the chasing thrill but none of the commitments.

knowing u have other options and actively dating other girls will make this girl change her tunes

I have other gals actually but not as close as this one though

Thanks.

Just now in the middle of texting, I told her that I have a weakness that I won't let go the most precious thing in my life(indirectly hinting her as my most precious thing) then she responded by saying she also don't want to be dumped and said my weakness is not counted as weakness.

Hahaha. I am speechless. Honestly saying weakness is to let go most precious thing isn't that sound abit lame. It's like saying you always lose the most important things.

That why she responded that's not a weakness.

Lastly you need to be leading the game currently you seems to be lost. Wishing you all the best.

I agree with you. I can tell his chance very low at the rate this going.

TS is confuse in this matter, he waiting the girl to make some move or to show some sign for him to take action. Any guy can sweep this girl away for him because his stand is not strong.

when she give so hidden hints like this, 99% she like u, but she don't want to commit into bf/gf.
like in the previous advice, either u hit it now or leave it. unless u have the patience to drag more and hope she will see the light soon.

This is sarcastic way of hinting her. I'm slowing down abit and give her some time to sort out herself but I already plan and block her calendar for her coming birthday this month.

Thanks for your advise.

The latest development is she says she just want to make me happy and won't ask anything from me.

I will definitely reward her nicely in her coming birthday

From observation that hint is confusing. She will take forever sort herself so you should be the one make her Important but that important.

So what plans do you have for her birthday?

A surprise cake + birthday gift(necklace with heart shape pendant) after dinner to melt her heart follow by usual hugging/cuddles/wefies/kissing and wish her happy birthday and hope this is the first of many birthday celebrations with me

No offense friend. Don't you think heart shape pendant alittle too fast. That kind of date is just too predictable. Where the sense of adventurous and also unpredictable. Have you watch jinnyboy TV video?



You should take this effort to do some self-made thing for her to see how react?, What type of girl she is? But make sure the dinner is her favourite

The reason I choose silver heart shape pendant necklace because this is what she needs the most a stronger and resolute heart to overcome her bad past experiences.

She is the girl next door, down to earth and independent type. So, I admit up the game is good but every year need to up the game in order to sustain a relationship, then this is a not a mutual relationship but more like one-sided relationship where one party constantly thinking how to impress the other party and afraid of losing him/her. I'm kind of laid-back type but I won't hesitate to up my game but not in regular basis.

Aquarian? and you are? if gemini/libra Aquarians like adventure..instead of boring dinner, bring her to dining in the dark located at changkat

Yup, she is aquarian and I'm piscean. You believe in this stuff?

I wish bro but her schedule really tight and some time need to wait until 8pm only finish work....so I can't go so far because her birthday fall on Friday.

yup i believe in horoscope..seen so many success stories..of course there were some failures, but out of 10, say 2..

9th February? shit..thats same as me

good luck...do update again go slow bro

When a girl is independent what she really need is someone by her side. I dated a few and honestly a pendant would not help.

Pendant consider up quite a game. Even my 1st gf birthday I don't even give her gift. I give her the adventure of her life. I am trying to show that you are acting like the video. That's what a predictable person will do.

Like valentine. I will not give her anything because when she unexpected I will surprise her a rose.

Thanks bro.

Then, based on horoscope Aquarian and Piscean are not the best match

Continue to date her but don't confess yet.

If she agrees to go out with you the next 1 month, then after 4 dates, confess to her.

my waifu is aquarian. so chii kinda know how it works.
aquarian are very very indecisive, as much guys do not believe in horoscopes. 99.99% girls believe in them.
so read up the stars and them as ur advantage.
chii believe ur pendant is the way to go. as she will need reassurance from u all the time.
godspeed

Really? Seriously, I don't really believe it though and I don't want to rely on horoscope to stereotype gals based on their horoscopes.

The pendant is just a small sincere gift only and I hope she likes it

girls like everything the guy she likes give her.
u don't believe in horoscope, but she believe. u see the big picture ?
so, if she believes, just go along with it and use it to your advantage.
its not u rely on horoscopes to stereotype girls, but they do it to themselves. they believe in horoscopes and stereotype themselves.

pendant is a good start

Are you sure you're not a rebound guy?

I'm not sure but the only way to find out it's forge ahead

This post has been edited by SomaCruz89: Feb 2 2018, 10:40 AM

Ok, I will start reading then

Third date:
during the dinner she shared all her ex-es stories and became very emotional and cried.

You missed this. She opened door ask for it already. Should have just wack that night.

My personal advice, I believe you should hold the pendant for now cause your not officially a couple yet and it will give a wrong impression if you give it. You don't have to ask her to be your gf, just treat her how your treating her, and be intimate with each other.

I don't believe in opinions saying that never confess to a girl, there is nothing wrong saying to a girl that you find her attractive and you like her, its hard to believe but girls like to hear that.

Time is your friend here, if your intimate with each other for a period of time you will notice she will act like your gf even if you didn't ask her to be.

Good Luck

Well noted. Actually, I have indirectly confessed to her in texting by saying something like you are my precious bae, you have won my heart and she responded quite positively although sometime she said she's not qualified to be with me (one of her mood swing) So, I do not see the need to confess through words again but rather through actions to show that I talk the talk and walk the walk.

This post has been edited by SomaCruz89: Feb 2 2018, 11:43 AM

Piscean stands in the mid point..not the best or worst..so dont worry again go slow

i take horoscope quite seriously..all my life, never got along well with Leos..hate them

This post has been edited by youngblood29us: Feb 2 2018, 01:59 PM

CNY is coming and she says something like if she manages to come back from her hometown (Perak) on time, then she will accompany me to visit my relatives/friends houses...I was quite surprised and never expected this from her though.

Is this a good hint or just another grey hint?

This post has been edited by SomaCruz89: Feb 2 2018, 10:54 PM

This is excellent news! If she wants to accompany you and visit your relatives means she wants your family or relatives to be aware of her existence which is a good thing.
I think your heading to the right direction, but need to keep it slow and match her flow

One thing that bothers me is initially she insists to drive even though I offer her a ride....in fact we drove ourselves in all our previous dates. She keeps saying she's independent and don't want to disappoint me. I think I know where she comes from because one of her exes last time said she was too dependent and clingy type. So, this is why she wants to be an independent girl so she won't repeat the same mistake. I told her that not every guy is like that and I prefer independent gal that willing to become dependent on her guy sometime.

Atlast, she agreed to accept my ride and hope it won't trouble much.

Great news..slow and steady

Go slow and steady.

Don't overdo. Go with the flow and you will win her heart.

I am in your shoe before this

she is using you but think this way, there is no right or wrong doing so but this is the time where u need to prove you are 100 times better than her ex. is like you use iPhone 7 and won't go back to iPhone 6 again ... if she don't fall for you maybe you are not better off than the ex ....

what I did in my current relationship is I slowly attack her ... so slow down is the right strategy now. Spend some time together and stop showing how desperate u want to be with her.

text her everyday and suddenly stop texting her for 1 day. is like drama, u watch everyday but suddenly 1 day no more drama she will feel anxious and text u back. then u know its worth pursuing.

Ok bro. Well noted. I know her ex is quite a remarkable guy same age with her and already earning 5 figure salary which is more than me.

We text almost everyday and each time from good morning to goodnight and most of the time she is the one initiates it.

This morning she suddenly texted me and asked how I will introduce her as when she visits my family. Then I casually and straightforward said as my gf for sure then I ask her the same question back. She was shocked and she said she will introduce me as a friend to her family. I sent her a sad emoji and she responded the same. Then, I said I'm being sincere here and if it's too fast pace then I will follow your pace. She replied back by saying normally she will bring the guy back to see her parents before decide to become life partner. Then I told her i don't seek others' opinion or approval to decide my life partner because I believe in my own evaluation. She said this is her traditional way to involve her parents in big decision and I responded that I will follow her way. She ended this topic by saying this is just a normal chat not hinting you something then I just let it slides and end it.

Introduce as friend first before as boyfriend to parents is normal nowadays?

I definitely need to slow down but for me meeting parents is only when both are official as a couple though...

This post has been edited by SomaCruz89: Feb 3 2018, 11:31 AM

she is hoping to jump ship ... maybe as she is repeating the process of texting someone but to the different person this time (u)... so u also have to prepare for the worst that she might be temporarily using you ...

example : iPhone 7 hilang, so temporarily use u, the iPhone 5

Easy to counter this bro, yes you can mention that she is a friend but your dating her for some time now and still getting to know each other.
After meeting the relatives found out what they think about her, if mostly positive let her know about it and she will be glad to hear that.

Like i mention don't say to anyone that she is your gf yet, say your still dating her for now at least let everyone know that your trying to build a relationship.

Don't bring up the conversation about being her gf until she is ready or hinting you on it, if your having a smooth ride now she will naturally be your gf later.

Bro I think your over exaggerating, depending on the girls age and maturity she will be not be doing stuff with TS if she has second thoughts.
If a guy feels paranoid and insecure all the time that spells disaster.