i dont think flat is the solution to it, cause not a lot of systems are flat and a lot of systems that ARE flat tend to sound terrible.

I actually think that using cheap common headphones tend to provide the best result without screwing up with the EQ cause the folks that would listen on it tend to use cheap headphones

a flat very expensive unit like a JH13 i feel is a terrible reference point cause not everyone owns a JH13.

least when i record thats how i feel la, like i put it up to a good system, it sounds amazing, then i put it into my laptop speaker out and it becomes terrible

You'd want it to be neutral because if the lows are recessed on your headphones for example and you EQ to that, it will sound horrible on a speaker that has boosted bass. Getting a neutral mix works for all speakers in general. That's what I think.