Oct 21 2016, 05:24 PM
QUOTE(dangerminimouse @ Oct 21 2016, 04:36 PM)
I didn't know marriage can be so expensive.
I only wanted a simple marriage but ended needing to expense for this and that. The in laws want it this way, my family want it another and my fiancée want it this way.
I try to save cost wanting a simple church and banquet but end up it becoming more complex for me. More complex for me is that I try to say it as tactful as I can to save cost, even justify to save money for future as my housing loan is coming up and I don't have a lot of disposable income left.
I think weddings are important but don't want to spend too much on it, as I more eager to invest into marriage than wedding as the wedding profits the photographers, bridal houses and restaurants.
Now I have another new conflict, the dowry. I have totally thought that it was not required afterall I am a Chinese. But now my future in laws are asking for dowry. It became a big issue and they appear not happy with me, because I was thinking of giving presents to them instead of money. This has caused tension between me and my gf.
Sigh, I am not good at communicating with people end up say things I don't mean. But I am finding it tough going to organize a wedding.
I think by the time the wedding is over, the money can buy a pesona. Bye bye $$$. If I don't spend one pesona my gf will be extremely mad at me. Sometime I wish I am born a woman, it so tough being a man.
I think you already know that your simple marriage ceremony and the thought of saving money of yours are not going to work then.I only wanted a simple marriage but ended needing to expense for this and that. The in laws want it this way, my family want it another and my fiancée want it this way.
I try to save cost wanting a simple church and banquet but end up it becoming more complex for me. More complex for me is that I try to say it as tactful as I can to save cost, even justify to save money for future as my housing loan is coming up and I don't have a lot of disposable income left.
I think weddings are important but don't want to spend too much on it, as I more eager to invest into marriage than wedding as the wedding profits the photographers, bridal houses and restaurants.
Now I have another new conflict, the dowry. I have totally thought that it was not required afterall I am a Chinese. But now my future in laws are asking for dowry. It became a big issue and they appear not happy with me, because I was thinking of giving presents to them instead of money. This has caused tension between me and my gf.
Sigh, I am not good at communicating with people end up say things I don't mean. But I am finding it tough going to organize a wedding.
I think by the time the wedding is over, the money can buy a pesona. Bye bye $$$. If I don't spend one pesona my gf will be extremely mad at me. Sometime I wish I am born a woman, it so tough being a man.
I've been there and done that. I suggest that you have your wedding ceremony to be split to your side and her side.
Meaning to say, you are having two separate wedding ceremony. For your side, any red packets received, you are entitled for it. While for your wife side, any red packets, they entitled them.
A common combined ceremony tends to cause up-stir like not enough tables, food not nice and etc. It's best for them to choose what they like rather than being blamed for all sort of nonsense.
The dowry, I advise you to go straight and talk nicely to your parents in law and apologised for whatever you have said that hurt them. Most importantly, ask them what's the amount. When they gave you an amount, you gave them terms.
From what I've experienced by myself and my friends from different dialects, Hakka, Cantonese, Hokkien, Teo Chew and Hainan, you are the man who will be in charge of the family and any payment will comes with a term if they insist of following dowry, customs and etc. A simple term after offering them a dowry will be, you subject the rules whereby there will be no way for your wife or their daughter to go back home to stay because the dowry as from chinese custom is like "pouring water away" and if she goes back, it means the marriage is over and they will need to pay you back due to fail marriage.
The above custom can go on and on and be rough too. But on your condition, I suggest you to pay and ask clearly any other customs like whole roast pig or cut roast pig because this is another tedious stuff.
Marriage is mutual respect and understanding but sometimes, too many cooks spoilt the soup.
It's not tough being a man, it's only tough not to being firm on your decision and sometimes, play around with the rules without offending your parents in law.
Of course, another thing you need to take into consideration is your parents in law relatives' customs. You will more or less need your parents in law to ask all their relatives regarding anything for the preparation which is missing. You wouldn't want last minute confrontation whereby they state that how come roast pig is a small young pig which refer to virgin, innocent and clear of any sins but rather a big enough pig?
There is a lot more jokes which will definitely boil your blood when they appear out of nowhere especially with our chinese customs.
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