hi all.

1st and foremost, im a 20 y/o male, currently studying in a uni in KL.

i can say im a (usually) jovial kind of guy. whenever our group of friends hangs out, i usually be the centre of attention, the one who usually makes the crowd livelier.

but lately (idk, for the past 5-6 month or so?) i kinda lost interest in life. day in and day out i always looking for purpose of my life. i woke up feeling depressed and go to sleep wondering what my purpose of continue living. i think it has to do with me failing in my final exam last year, idk.

i consider myself lucky being blessed with a gf, an understanding parents, n a group of close friend. i didnt feel like this when im with them, but whenever im alone, especially at night, im always be overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to end my life. i closed all my windows (i live in 6th floor) just so that i dont think of throwing myself out of my bedroom window.

i tried to confide this to my closest friend, but he just scoffs and thought i was joking. when he realised i was being serious, he told me to go out more often (which im trying to avoid, since thats the reason why i failed in my exam), count my blessings in life (which i do). pray to god (which i cant, coz i dun really believe in god) etc etc etc.

idk. being a lurker in kopitiam (was introduced by sum1 to kopitiam, saying that its malaysian version of 4chan. haha.) , i know some of u might think that im a pathetic guy (which i agree)

i just feel so depressed. i was a plump person before, (average weight at 75kg) n i lost 15kg of weight in a span of 5-6 month. i cant sleep normally.

i need help. what should i do? i wanna be that kind of person i was 1 year ago.

please help

This post has been edited by Derp Derpington: Jul 1 2014, 08:21 AM

one of my friend says that i probably having clinical depression. that i need professional help. do u guys think thats the case? coz when i go google clinical depression, i dun think im having it.

i talked about this alot with my gf, my parents, n my friend. idk if talking to another stranger would help.

so its just a phase? how long would it lasts?

i keep an aquarium for a hobby. got 6 little fish which surprisingly helps calm down whenever the thought attacks. haha.

i go out with my gf almost every week ( we study in the same uni). n i can say, im not like this whenever im around with my friends/family. just that whenever im alone, (when im studying, taking a shower, watching tv, etc.) the thought would overwhelms me. once i was at my parent's home, the thought attacks, n i tried to distracts myself by taking a night walk. in the end i run back to my house coz i feel like throwing myself in front of a speeding car. (yea i know. its pathetic)

i tried music. (which wat my friend suggests) it doesnt helps. i tried many genre of music.(another suggestion of my friend) from classical such as pachebel, 80s music, 90s music, i even tried justin bieber just for the heck of it. none of it helps.

i tried exercising before sleep.(yet another suggestion of my friend) the only result i got from that is a sore body when i woke up the next morning.

idk. i really hope (like u said) that it is just a phase that im having. n it goes away soon.

talk about it alot with my gf. but lately i didnt coz i think it bothers her too much.thanx for the links. gonna try it tonite.

1. gonna try that
2. im 5'5". yeah thats the only good thing came out of this 'ordeal' that im having
3.4. done that

i got myself some fishes


im trying not to go to a psychiatrist. money doesnt come easily in my family. same goes for travelling

idk. i didnt feel like being pampered tho.



maybe. but i just cant help it. whenever i lay idle, my minds 'automatically' thinks about how worthless my life is, how i would do everyone a favor by ending my life. i tried to think positively, n for a moment, the thought will go away. but, it cames back as soon as it left my mind.

actually my gf still asks about it from time to time. its me who choose not to talk about it.

coz, before this, i usually talk to her when the thought 'attacks'. n it is usually past midnight when everybody already sleeps.