Do we still have to pay the bride price to marry? Both parties are Chinese and both are medical doctors.

Long ago the boy's family must give some kind of angpow as bride price to the girl's parents. Now must some more? Luckily the boy is also a doctor or else might have to pay a lot bcs the girl is also one. What's the latest practice?

So far, from the general chinese community, it's still a 'yes'. I've only seen a few rare exceptions where both couples are Christians and bypassed this tradition. But anyway, the money thing is more of a cultural and social thing rather than religion. In other words, there's a VERY high chance the groom side will have to pay the bride's parents in a chinese community. It doesn't matter whether both are professionals or not. It's more on the parents rather than the couple. Some parents continue this practice just for the sake of tradition.

Normally, the groom will give a certain amount and the bride parents returns some. How much do they return is up to them. The ones I've witnessed before ranged from 1% to 90%. With that margin, there's no way to figure out an average.

Personally, I hate the idea of giving money to the bride parents. It's like what Tony Stark said about giving up his Ironman suit.

LOL this practice puts the girl's parents in a dilemma. In the past they would normally return half or one third of the angpow. I wonder how much to expect if the girl is a doctor. Friends say if the boy is also doctor no need to ask for too much. How could the girl's parents ask for such an angpow? I think by right it depends on how much the family of the boy can afford to give. So if the boy is a pharmacist then he must give more? It sounds like the girl's parents are selling a pig or something haha.

Do the Chinese still practise this considering that now most young couples pay for the wedding dinner etc and parents are not really required to come up with anything much. The girls nowadays have a joint dinner with the boys and parents on both sides don't have to fork out much money.

I don't have a doctor example. I have heard of a Chartered Accountant couple where the parents returned 80%.

This is a tradition from the olden days where the wife is not allowed to go back home whenever she wants. So, the money is something like a 'duit pencen' to the parents for releasing the daughter. And the wife is to serve the husband. But nowadays, wives are more brutal. Still, when there's an advantage in terms of money, people just stick to the tradition. Just like the question of whether daughters should inherit the parent's property.

The amount is somewhat tricky. The girl side parents will always say cin-cai. But when you give them a cin-cai amount, things start to heat up.

The money for the 'dowry' is handled separately from the dinner expense. The joint dinner is usually paid using the ang pau collected from guest. But I've seen some extreme cases where the boy side foots the entire bill and the girl side keep the cash.

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This post has been edited by daruma: Jun 5 2013, 09:53 AM

Thanks for the response. I had always thought this bride price is to help the girl's parents throw the wedding eve dinner but nowadays they have only one joint-dinner and the girl's side doesn't spend much. Marrying off both gender is also a problem. When it's a daughter you won't know how much to keep. If you keep too much the boy's relatives (not the parents. It's always the kaypoh relatives) will say the parents are selling their d'ter. If you don't want anything they'll say your d'ter is "free". If it's a son you also don't know how much to give in order to maintain "face". I guess today society has evolved so much that relatives are all also very busy people and hopefully won't have time to dig for details.

To me a marriage should just involve the couple and their immediate families. All the relatives should just drink the tea,eat the dinner,shut up and go home so everybody is happy LOL. As long as the couple is happy with each other and have a good life and present their parents with a few grandchildren why should anybody sibuk about other people's affairs? I have no time to bother about such things. Through the years so many nieces/nephew got married and we just go through the tea ceremony etc in a ritualistic manner without asking about anything. I observe that Chinese weddings have evolved so much. Nowadays it's like a bridal fashion parade and photo-shoot sessions. The young go for style while businesses make tons of money.

is it still a common practice these days?

i personally feel, this dowry thing is like business between 2 families =_=

For chinese(not sure about other races), actually many bride's mother would pass the dowry back to their daughters. Coz last time most woman do not work to have their own income, so this money would be useful for emergency purpose, especially if there's quarrel between the husband and wife.

agree with what you said. i guess, we all have evolved to be money minded; even to the extend of wedding angpao.

i've friends who purposely disclose the price per table in hopes his friends are smart enough to give the appropriate amount.

as for the wedding reception, it's true, especially for chinese wedding, it's like attending a fashion show. which is why, my partner and i want to break that tradition. no banquet dinner. to us, wedding is suppose to be something sacred and elegant, not some silly heng dai / chi mui games =_=

That is so true.

I think the dinner is necessary to give your parents face and pride but all that fashion show and pre-wedding photo shoots are unnecessary.

No need to tell people how much each table will cost bcs people are not idiots and they know how much 4star or 5star hotels charge. No need to do "shameful" things. Marriage is only once a lifetime unless they plan to marry 4 hohoho

Ya lah. I never ask personal questions e.g where the groom/bride works or as what. Jangan sibuk hal orang lain. I just drink the tea if I have to,give the angpow,enjoy the dinner and then go home. Everybody is happy. Until today I don't know what most of my nephews'/nieces' spouses are doing,their names or their town/kampung LOL. Just take care of own children and spouse and leave the relatives alone.

Do we have to give? I've allocated about RM30K for this. If don't have to I can use the money to buy some electronic gadgets

RM30k should be enough for everything bcs the angpows will help you pay for the dinner. Today's young people don't understand the role of the angpow in a wedding. It's to help one family celebrate the marriage of their child. So it's a community effort. People are actually paying for their dinner and relatives/friends who are rich will give more than the actual price of the dinner to help out with other expenses like liquor etc.

I think if you're a man your parents must at least ask her parents,maybe through somebody. Do not take things for granted or your parents could lose face. Tolong give them face and make them proud.

Means I still have to hold on to the money. Can't get some gadgets then

Yes,you had better to be on the safe side. Buy after the wife is safely in your bed hahaha

Hehe..right on

No need.

Can ignore it unless the girl side family very yimjim

I gave to my mother in law.... it's like a tradition..... she 'gave' it back to my wife after that..... no harm keeping the tradition going....

No harm forgoing the tradition too.

depends on your particular parents (both sides) belief IMO. my wedding quite straightforward, skip guo da li. dowry my parents still paid, but the wife parents gave it back to us (me plus wife) as blessing money for starting our life

the girl doctor?
should not pay anything
average doctor
cant cook
always at hospital
dedicated to work
less time with family
husband sleep alone at night and watch the kids

true story,
my wife a doc and we had 2 kids

Wah,nowadays it has gone up so much? If poor guy si liao. Can't have wife. Some rich parents say no need. Still must give a bit to jaga parents' face.

Funnybone,hear this. RM10k. Don't play2.Better don't buy yet.

Very good idea. You lucky devil. Nowadays most parents can afford not to take that angpow or just a bit for tradition.

Bcs you not. This couple both oso docs. They can together sleep at the hosp haha. You want marry doc you must sacrifice a bit lor. 5-10 years after she gets her master's she will be making big money. By 40 they are very established.

I won't take things for granted. Better ask. If they are financially comfortable they won't take the money or might just take 10-20%. I'm scared not to ask bcs some mothers-in-law (the fathers-in-law are okay) might keep it in her heart against you and not like you forever.

My friend's parent ask for RM28,888......... I been saving and targeting Rm100k only marry my gf.... I tell u a story of my friend

The girl parents ask for Rm28,888 and guess what we went and huge friend stay at one place and all not enough sleep... Then we all also smart as the couple are new to work and already pregnant so must have some money for the baby... All friend pay more for the angpow despite the restaurant... Ended up the dinner food are serve for 8people but 13people sit in a table... the dinner only 6dishes.. walau eat what equal no eat...

lol sudah pregnant mesti kawin cepat2 so kesian jugak la

yes~ but the amount is up to ur nego with ur in law

Still give, but merely more like a token of respect for the parents bringing up the bride in a good way laa... It's more of a practiced tradition, rather than a strict 'must'.

One more thing, about the dinner. You also can make it a point that tables designated for the bride's family - ang pow collected would belong to the bride's parents. That way, it pads things up lor. That was how it worked for me. In the end, give what you can for the dowry, something like a good number ending with RM XX88 etc.

Bear in mind, a portion of the dowry will be returned to the bride. As the bride's parents also want to wish the new couple a good journey ahead, who want them to start off with a bad financial standing. Understanding parents would not burden their kids starting off in life, they would know they already spent a lot on photos, wedding dinner, ceremonies, car, house, furnishing, honeymoon trip etc.

yeah.... it's up to individuals..... I personally volunteered to give the dowry.... in laws were open and modern too.... din demand for it....

Since the man's side is hosting the dinner and allocate the number of tables asked by the girl's parents (if I'm the girl's parents I will just ask for the minimum. Just invite close relatives,those bau-bau durian one and leave out the bau-bau machang ones. What for torture the future son-in-law or his parents?) the angpow should all go to them. The best is not to make it difficult for our kids.

Pregnant already still dared to demand?? Once pregnant no bargaining power liao LOL. What if the boy can't afford? Leave her? Then her parents will be burdened. When pregnant liao her parents should quickly help them to get married. They are lucky your friend truly loves the girl and wants to marry her.

Anyway,these days all couples already have sex long before they go for the ROM so boys are at an advantage. Today's girls don't seem to worry that they might not be able to find a man to marry them if they are no longer virgins. That's why you see so many girls in sexual relationships,then breaking up like nobody's biz. I don't see why today's young men should look for virgin girls when they all practice sex before marriage. So where to find virgin girls unless they are the ones who had never had a bf before.

My brother-in-law family gave 40k cash to my parents, but then my mom

gave it to my sister and brother in law infront of his parents, they cried

cause feel touched. Lol.

Wah,the parents must be very rich. This type really know how to appreciate the girl's parents. Some boys/their families think they have a right to people's daughters. It's good to return at least 80% but such a big amount should just keep 5 or 10%. If we're also financially okay we need not take anything.

Oh yeah, while still on this topic, even if <80% of the ang pow is returned, look at it another way lor. Most of the time, the bride's parents will buy lots of gold jewellery as send-off gifts for their daughter. Consider this portion as return as well laa...

nowadays i saw a lot ( or mebbe i sueh kenal these ppl ) use dinner to EARN moneh. a few not so close fren invite wedding dinner. dishes c oso know very budget , no shark fin / abalone / piglet ... onli "tofu kang" lemon chicken ... at the end tell other frens untung kaw kaw , cover dowry , dinner , honeymoon and cincin oso cover.

last time i kawin no dinner coz me n my wife feel tht 1 is not necessary. but dowry stil gip coz sked m-i-l ingat i cheapskate. but no return coz no "yum cha" session. so my wife oso din get any emas or watever. until her sis kawin , got full tradition , my m-i-l cincai gip 1 tiny ring + 1 tiny necklace which she kept for 20 yrs. sister ikut tradition get bigger 1.

my fren m-i-l , he ask 8k ok ar? his m-i-l say no nid so much. juz a tradition. say 3k enuf. so my fren gip 3k. during yum cha session , m-i-l gip my fren 3k angpao. kira return all liao. n his wife rantai all bling bling.

and 1 relative mother damn power. dowry all makan. then masa yum cha her dotter sure got ang pao or emas from elder. those oso she ask her dotter gip her.say bela her go big no nid cost ka. really wtf

so actually depends thinking lo. a lot stil ikut , juz c they wanna ikut coz its a tradition or they ikut coz of greed.

This post has been edited by santaclaus: Jun 7 2013, 05:51 PM

regarding dinner, all this give table here and there so mahfan. my wife and i we told our parents we sendiri arrange and pay both our banquets, and we keep all angpow for ourself, so much easier to settle.

Shameful lah to make money out of dinner. Must give people commensurate with the angpow they give lah unless they are very close and rich relatives and wanna help out.

Some mil don't know why so calculating one. The fil's mostly don't cause trouble. It's always the women. They are still our children. Why want to be calculating with them. It's our duty to feed and educate them. A lot of parents give back 80-90% of the dowry and give angpow or jewellery some more during yum-cha. Hope children know how to appreciate such loving parents in their old age.

These days gold is so expensive and it's foolish to buy jewellery. Better buy gold wafer for their investment. I think both side parents should try to help out the young couple and the girl's side should not make it hard for the boy's family. The Chinese say happy come,happy go.

I tabik you. This is the best way. Give the dowry by yourself also. If the girl's mom keeps all it's bcs she needs it for the incidentals on the eve and wedding day but if no catering on the eve she need not spend even RM1k. Nowadays most mil oso work so young men today are lucky. Aiyah,must appreciate people work so hard for so many years to feed,clothe and educate their daughters until univ level. Don't make them feel unappreciated. If mil never mentions your name it means she doesn't like you and is not proud of you. The worst is if you have 2 or 3 competitors. If it's their sons most of the time they will be proud of him lulz. Even if my son-in-law is a specialist doctor but don't know how to jaga my heart I will not like him.

This post has been edited by TheOwl: Jun 7 2013, 11:07 PM

heck, it depends on the mother itself la, self suffice mothers/parents who dont even think u have 10% of their wealth woudnt want your dowry.(means parents got brains and capability)

but its different from the lower class chinese, those who spend 20% of their time watching tvb crap rather than working mothers, those are the trouble makers. these mothers normally will have no pride on their normal daily life will take their daughters marriage to get-back-some-face, if u know what im sayin

recently got married, dragged the marriage for 4 years because of dowry, don wan pay means don wan pay. cause i dun wanna buy my wife

Yes but norminal sum only. My dowry is rm99. My sis in laws dowry is also rm99. Keep to tradisional!

This is a very good idea. Still keep t tradition,don't burden the boy or his parents and nobody can say the parents sell their daughter or the bridgegroom got the bride free.

Wah,you so stubborn! Wasted 4 years liao like dat. Since your mil is an "ogre" she must be really pissed off with you? You should not have fought with tradition bcs it doesn't mean you're buying your wife. In the end the money will be returned also,at least half. Your mil only wanted face but you did not give her the face. If I were your mil I would treat you like an outsider,even after the marriage. Why? How could you want her daughter and not give her face? I'm sure she would return at least half the amount she asked for. Admit it,young people can be very foolish. Mesti pandai ambik hati org2 tua,esp the parents-in-law. Then they'll be proud of you. If they always mention the names of the children or their spouses it means they are proud of them. Those they hardly mention means they aren't proud of them. Does she treat you differently from the other sons-in-law? Even if she doesn't show it I tell you they'll keep it in the heart.

Exactly. Just choose a nice norminal number and ask for it as dowry. 88, 99, 188 etc. for my family it has been 99 all the while. It is even the number my mom got as her dowry.

Wah lau! Ur in laws damn difficult type. My friend also kena before. She and her mom are ok, but her dad is nuts. Asked for rm30k otherwise he will not turn up for the wedding. After that asked for another rm5k to buy suit etc. said if dont give he will wear shorts to walk his daughter down the aisle.

He said since u r marrying my daughter, i should also get "benefit". The other side eventually forked out the money but the relationship has always been strained after that. My friend's in laws views my friend's father as a gold digger.

nice assumptions made, u assume half will be returned, base on.....ermmm...your perception of YOUR life?. sorry i dont assume stuff, the discussion is arranged for a reason. haggling happens, mil keep wanna take and did not mention about giving in any? no deal. simple as that. u want face? tell the price, then can settle.(wifey is priceless to me, end up is a -90k debt wife. dont give me i love her crap thing, in reality debt still need to pay).
Treat me as an outsider? thank you, i dont need u in my life, never did. so far u gave me trouble and nothing beneficial, u suck dry your daughter money doesn't mean the dude whois marrying her will let u suck him dry too.

oh ya, and i dont and never have any assumptions that words/stuff that come out of older people is always right. i process them before i agree. from your whole post, life is about FACE, sorry not that type of person.

yeap, just as how u meet your hubby/wifey. first impression is always important. upon first contact they are trying to still treat us as a supplier? then it dont blame others if they hate u till u enter your grave. be nice and ppl will treat u nice too, son-in-law are not your real sons, they are raised by other people and they dont owe u much to do your unreasonable bidding

You chose the wrong mom-in-law I guess haha this type very scary. Parents must play fair also. What's the point to kill son-in-law. D'ter will end up a widow. Feel sorry for you also. So you don't have a good relationship with her? Many young people think a relationship with the parents-in-law is unnecessary but marry people son or d'ter cannot ignore people also. Suck all her d'ter's money? Wah,so lihai. I suppose she's the type see money very big wan. What's she going to do with so much money? Die also cannot take along. I would rather that the young people be happy.

This post has been edited by TheOwl: Jun 10 2013, 02:20 AM

I guess the same applies with the d'ter-in-law yet the olden-day people expect so much from their d'ters-in-law who were also raised by other people and need not do the parents-in-law's unreasonable bidding. My mom and grandma had to do so many unreasonable tasks for their husbands' families which today's educated/salaried wives would never accept. The Chinese society has evolved so much as a result of education of girls.

This post has been edited by TheOwl: Jun 10 2013, 02:27 AM

+1.

Actually chinese dowry not so scary, indians worst. My friend's father arranged dowry for my friend's sister. Arranged for a house and rm100k cash. That time my friend's sis was working for a mnc. Before the wedding, the company closed the department and she got retrenched. Straight away the guy side returned the house and money and called off the wedding cause the bride is no longer a viable candidate. My friend said that was the first time he saw his father cry

i dont hate u and im not angry at u
but i wanna marry my wifey, not her mother <---this one cannot choose,its on a buy one free one basis, doesn't mean i have to put up with her shit, that is for the daughter to manage. my money is my wifey money, u give more to your mom? your money become less, i think my wifey gets the point

Oh the Ceylonese/Sri Lankan (there are many Malaysians of such descent) are the scariest but if the girl can find a Chinese guy her family like strike lottery. No need to give the dowry. In fact,get dowry some more LOL. I know a Ceylonese guy who worked his whole life to marry off one sister. He himself never married. He was a true gentleman. He was just a clerk so he could not save enough to marry off the other two who were over the marriageable age. The youngest sis was still in her 20's when he managed to gather enough to pay for her dowry. It's such a crazy practice.

An Indian family will curse when they have more girls but celebrate when they have all boys. I don't know if the Ceylonese still go for houses,cars and hundreds of thousands in cash. What's the boy's family thinking? They selling their son or what? I used to know a Ceylonese family who lived in a huge bungalow in Taman Yarl. The man was an engineer (I don't know in which discipline bcs I didn't ask but some technicians state their professions as engineers just like some accounts clerks state theirs as accountant in their children birth certificates lulz). When the lady of that house married her father gave her that house,lots of jewellery and God knows what else. The funny thing is she dressed like a poor woman! You'll never guess she was a wealthy woman. It seems they can't spend bcs they have to save for their daughters to marry. The dowry is not even for the boy or his family to spend. In fact,the man drove a jalopy old junk only. What a torture to have daughters if you're a Ceylonese in particular.

If all men are able to handle the money-face mil like you good lor. If like dat she doesn't love her daughter bcs she doesn't think of her d'ter's comfort,just her own. Old and selfish lulz. I think it boils down to feelings of insecurity. Many old people feel insecure if they don't have money bcs they worry about their children abandoning them.

Yes, guy side need to pay dowry to the gal side according to the Chinese culture
Unless...
1) Gal family side say don't want dowry
or
2) Guy and gal choose not to follow the tradition marriage culture
or
3) Gal family side say don't want dowry, but want the banquet tables

is your friend's wife pretty ? im sure face pretty or highly educated which is why her mom ask for RM28,888....

Yup, the friend i mentioned is ceylonese. My friend eventually got disinherited for a year cos he married a tamil girl from a poor family with no dowry. His mom still hates his wife, even told him she wishes his wife will die.

Ayo,what type of mother? Parents should not curse their children. The Malays believe the curse can come true. Ceylonese can't get along with Tamils. In Sri Lanka the Tamil Tigers killed a lot of the Sinhalese (Ceylonese people). The hate is carried to MY also. I notice the Sinhalese will not talk with a Tamil.

What happened was the wife was having complications during childbirth of the second child. My friend's mom said 'nevermind if ur wife dies, as long as my grandson ia safe". Now that is the mother in law from hell.

Long ago Chinese mothers-in-law oso like that wan. They forget that they would be the first to die. Cis! org tua tak sedar diri. They forget it is people's d'ter,give birth to her own descendants. Aiyoh2 such mil's deserved to be hated.

this topic scares me.. i been planning my wedding ( traditional) for like 3 years after ROM..

So we finally to have enough money to plan for simple dinner and wanna skip all those tradistional and left Yam Char and Dinner...

and i tell my mum the good news..at 1st she support.. then few week later start to call me and as question about drowry . I just say we will give u.. u dont have to be worry.. lucky she didnt ask how much..

then she say the dinner table angpow is for parent to keep and i terus jump at her.. say sorry.. siapa keluar money for dinner siapa keep... she terus diam diam

I cant imagine when we talk about dowry ><"

... I been working countless of couple for wedding as their photographer.. Most of the time will wedding will become the bad side. You will saw arguement or sometimes even shout during dinner.. All because dowry and both family. I would suggest that try get someone else to settle you wedding like wedding planner and your sister bro to prevent stress between 2 family.. Seriously

This post has been edited by C.P.U: Jun 11 2013, 03:42 PM

Hey girl,3 years? Kesian. Pretty long time. DO NOT allow tradition to torture you and your hubby. Actually if young people insist on no dinner,no yam cha the parents can't do anything bcs ROM means legally married,can sang chai already. You do bcs you want to give them face for bringing you up so parents must appreciate this fact about young people. Better to have bcs it once in your life only bcs next time when you become rich you'll regret.

Just do the yam cha and dinner. No need 5 star hotel. Food at hotel not nice,just classy. Give good food at a nice restaurant. The angpow will sort of cover the costs. You and hubby handle the whole thing and keep the angpow. No need to get them involved. No parent should be so unreasonable and greedy. No need liquor/wine unless the two fathers provide. What are the parents for anyway? To make life difficult for young people? Please. If parents can afford they must be generous. giving face to our kids is also giving face to ourselves.

People here do not understand this concept of giving face and accuse me of being so concerned with face but in business it is all important. You'll lose millions if you don't take care of your clients' face/feelings.

The dowry no need that much. Just RM2k is enough bcs she might not even give back half and you might end up short if you give her RM8k. Some mothers think the money is enough to cover her costs of bringing up the daughter. Believe me,no amount is enough! The relationship you have with her for the rest of her life will pay for all the money,energy,time and love she spent on you. The relationship and love will be more important than the dowry. Good luck.

Argh, she not pretty but the girl's mother are friendly also... Just surprised me when I heard the dowry is the amount... One of my relative more pityful... The girl side request USD8k no more no less and must in USD cash as dowry... That was 8years ago which USD rate are quite high... The girl mother request the amount higher and higher that each daughter get married.... I heard the mother even tell the youngest daughter that must have rm50k if not no need married... We was like WTF... She must have forgotten that she have a son... Now the mother asking the daughter to divorce with the husband cos the earning less than rm2.5k

wow sad to say but ur mom is money minded

i feel that Chinese wedding ceremony is taking up a lot of money.
i understand from my friend that there is a market value for dowry. I guess at this moment the dowry will cause the guy 10k.
this is not inclusive of the wedding table provided to the lady side. usually, the lady side will take up 5 to 10 tables depending on the request from her parents.
besides, the guy need to provide the lady relatives with homestay if they are from different hometown.
During the wedding dinner, the guy is also required to provide ang pow to lady's relatives that attended their wedding. This ang pow is to cover the transportation expense incurred by the lady's relatives.
In addition, before the wedding, the guy is also required to purchase satu ekor barbie doll as well as biscuit for the lady side to distribute to their relative....
so, i guess without 50k cannot marry a chinese lady........hehe

i totally agreed with ur comment but the problem is not all girl's parent has dis kind of thinking.
there are girl's parent that wanna show off in front of their relative so they need to ask as high dowry as possible from the guy side.
if that guy side gif them 1 million, when they boost around and they can walk like a boss.....
if that guy side gif 10buck, they dun allow their daughter to get married already.
this is true story. there are parents like this.
asking so much from the young couple for wat.......i prefer my daughter to get a faithful husband than getting 1million from the guy side then after one week kahwin, that guy go n find other gal....

Betoi2. I'd rather he truly loves my daughter,takes care of her and the kids like they're precious and is hard-working/trustworthy. In future the man's family will look down on the greedy parents,esp the moms.

actually having this kind of mil is a torture for the guy cz this kind of mil is confirmed money face.
later on in the life, this mil will compare with other ppl and then complain to her daughter that u husband so lousy la.....u c other ppl using new car n buy big house d but ur husband still driving saga.....
end up the relationship between that couple will turn out to be sour if the wife listen to her mom....
difficult to control dis kind of mil and she will try to suck as much money from ur wife. if her daughter dunwan gif her money, the she will say that i raise u until so big now wanna get some money from u oso cannot.........biadap...
if wife give, then she will say that it is her duty to payback bcs she is the one giving birth and raise her....
i was like wtf is going on..........i feel that she is treating her daughter like an animal rather than her own blood daughter...

atleast rm15k

memang pun~ i dah tahu awal awal

not yet discuss the dowry yet.. if her demand is too high then i will tell her that we pospone the wedding again lo ( she is the one yearly nag about my wedding )

lol.dam scary heard this thread liao.. forever alone guy.

lol yahiko
saya nampak permainan kamu

yes...still have. I still remember my wang hantaran 30k . mcb . can mod so much on
my car . but anyway , wedding dinner still earn money

one way to make it peaceful is just tell them, tell, not discuss, that the gaining of the angpow money will be averagely divided to cover the cost of YOUR wedding. all unacceptable/wastage/not important/useless/silly cost will be beared by the dude who bought it, rest will be covered

sounds fair?

Speaking of tradition, is there any society that does the opposite where the bride' family have to pay dowry instead ?

Sorry to upset so many of you. I opened the tered bcs want to make sure. I didn't know this topic is so scary. I was also shocked with the RM40k,RM30k and RM28,888 asking price. Selling pigs meh? I never knew there are money-faced mothers-in-law around. Please lah,why must be like that?

Nanti satu hari sudah tua dan sakit mau anak dia jaga tapi menantu lelaki itu tak izinkan baru lah menyesal! I always believe in the happy come,happy go saying.

Haizzz 3 years you've waited after ROM. Just get it done. You're an adult and financially independent. Don't allow your mom to push you and hubby around like you're little kids leh. Put your foot down. As long as you don't get this done you cannot settle down and grow roots - buy house,start a family,whatever lah.

An idea - why don't you threaten her (bluff saja lah) that the ROM is enough as legally you're married. That the dinner etc are not important and a waste of time,money and energy. That the money spent should go toward buying a house and starting a family. That strictly speaking it's the wisest thing to do LOL see her reaction.

If your mom is so unreasonable,sit her down and give her ultimatum. Are you and your hubby going to let her control your life for as long as she lives? As I see it she twists you round her little finger!

The Ceylonese or Sinhalese people. You marry a girl from that race and you'll be rich lah. But remember,the money is not for you to spend but to be kept for your daughter's dowry hahaha These people are all siao.

Yahiko,

My suggestion is this - NO NEED to discuss any more. Just give her a few thousand as dowry. Tell her you and your hubby will take care of the whole affair. Therefore,the angpow for the dinner will all go to you. Just restrict the guests to family and close relatives/friends of both sides. Habis cerita. I will not allow anybody to make my life difficult. YOU and hubby take charge. Don't allow her to dictate terms. Whatever she suggests you just ignore and do it the way you both want it. You should have done that from the beginning by now your Chinese wedding would be history LOL.

time for a table of pricing liao. like Malay mia traditional.. that Wang mas thing....

still in practice with market rate goes like RM 8K onwards, mostly RM 10K... i wonder what's left for wedding dinner, bridal photos, buffet dinner.