Marc won $500 on a radio competition this morning.

The DJ called him and said, "We are going live in a few seconds, I'm going to ask you what you're going to spend your money on and I want you to tell the listeners on air."

"Okay" Marc replied.

He said, "3...2....1..... Congratulations to Marc, our competition winner, what are you going to spend the money on?"

Marc said, "I'm going to spend it on air."

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An old Chinese tailor uncle is sitting in the lockup at Jalan Bandar police station. He's got a bruised eye. I asked what happened.

"This American lady, she come to my shop to make cheong sam. When measuring how high the slit on the cheongsam skirt, she kept saying "More high, more high". So I MOR la!"

I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.

I said, "What's going on?"

"You tell me?" replied my wife.

I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."

"A stranger, hey?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having sex for six months!"

I looked at my wife and angryly said, "Is this true?"

I saw my neighbour jogging at 1am this morning.

I said, "It's a bit late for you Michelle, isn't it?"

"I couldn't sleep," she replied.

"That's not what I meant, you fat cow."

Your Jokes really light up my Day.  You should consider doing "Stand Up Comedy". You could be the next Rising Star. SO many famous actors started from dong Stand Up Comedy.