THE MOST FAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS BOOK EVER PUBLISHED!!

If you've never heard of this book, well...YOU SHOULD!

John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus has helped many millions of couples transform their relationship. Now viewed as a modern classic, this phenomenal book has helped men and women realise how different they really are and how to communicate their needs in such a way that conflict doesnt arise and intimacy is given every chance to grow.

And now, right here in this very own thread, summaries of each chapter will be put up from time to time. Please note that I will not be touching on some of the solutions offered by the author of this book. If you like what you read, please give the author credit by purchasing the book for yourselves! Trust me, it's a good book to own.

Chapter 1 is basically an introduction to the book and all its chapters, so I wont be posting a summary of that. I will start with chapter 2, and although I've tried my best to shorten it, forgive me if it's a long read. I had to leave some things intact so that the context is there.

One last thing, whenever Martians or Venusians are mentioned, they simply refer to men (martians) and women (venusians). Also, when the author mentions Mars and Venus, it's just an illustration-lah. He's not saying men and women are aliens.

With that out of the way, enjoy chapter 2! Future chapter releases will be announced here and the links to the appropriate thread page will be posted up as well.

Links to other chapters:
Chapter 2: Mr Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee here
Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk here
Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex here
Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages here
Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands here
Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves here

This post has been edited by jhcj: Aug 4 2006, 03:09 PM

Chapter 2: Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee

Introduction
The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that they dont listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks to him, or he listens for awhile and then proudly puts on his Mr Fix-It cap and offers her a solution. Men dont understand that women dont want solutions, they want empathy.

On the other hand, the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. When a woman loves a man, she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. She thinks she's nurturing him, while he feels he's being controlled. Instead, he wants her acceptance.

Summary: Men offer solutions, while women seek to improve.

This post has been edited by jhcj: Jun 21 2005, 02:28 PM

Life on Mars
Men value power, competency, efficiency and achievement. Their sense of self is defined by their ability to achieve results, and they experience fulfilment primarily through success and accomplishment. And for him to feel good about himself, he must achieve these goals by himself. Someone else cant achieve them for him. Understanding this characteristic can help women to understand why men resist so much being corrected or being told what to do. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesnt know what to do or that he cannot do it on his own.

Everything on Mars is a reflection of these values. Even their dress is designed to reflect their skills and competence. Policemen, soldiers, businessmen, scientists, etc all wear uniforms or at least hats to show abilty and power. They dont read self-help magazines or romance novels. They are interested in outdoor activities, like hunting, fishing, or racing cars. They are more interested in "objects" and "things", because they feel that it can be a reflection or indication of their success or ability.

Because men handle their problems on their own, they rarely talk about them. The reason: "Why involve someone else when I can do it by myself?". However, if he truly needs help, he will ask someone he respects, often times another man. Men feel honored by giving out advice, and they automatically put on their Mr Fix-It cap, listen for awhile, and then offer jewels of advice.

This custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when women talk about problems. When a woman complains about her day, or innocently shares upset feelings, the men mistakenly think that they want expert advice. He puts on his Mr Fix-It cap, and starts giving advice - this is his way of showing love and trying to help.

He wants to help her feel better, to be useful to her, and feels that he is can be valued and thus worthy of her love if his abilities are used to solve her problems. But when the woman gets upset it becomes increasingly difficult for the man to listen, because his solutions are being rejected and he feels increasingly useless. He has no idea that just listening with empathy and interest is good enough. He does not know that when women talk about problems it is not an invitation to offer a solution.

Summary: A man's sense of self is defined primarily through his ability to achieve results. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesnt know or that he cannot do it on his own.

Life on Venus
Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships. They spend alot of time supporting, helping and nurturing one another. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They experience fulfilment through sharing and relating to others.

Everything on Venus reflects these values. Rather than building highways and tall buildings, Venusians are concerned with living together in harmony, communicating and loving cooperation. They do not wear uniforms like the Martians. On the contrary, they enjoy wearing different outfits each day, according to their feelings. Personal expression, especially of their feelings, is very important. They may even change outfits several times a day as their mood changes.

To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success. Instead of being goal-oriented, women are relationship-oriented. They are very involved in personal growth, spirituality, and everything that can nurture life, healing and growth. They are very intuitive, because they have developed this ability through centuries of anticipating the needs of others. They pride themselves on being considerate of the needs and feelings of others. A sign of great love is to offer help and assistance to another Venusian without being asked.

Because it's not as important to prove one's competence, offering help is not offensive, and needing help is not a sign of weakness to Venusians. It is a sign of caring to give advice and suggestions. Women firmly believe that when something is working it can always work better. Their nature is to want to improve things. When they care about someone, they freely point out what can be improved and suggest how to do it. Offering advice and constructive criticism is an act of love.

Men are more solution oriented. If something is working, their motto is "Dont fix it unless it's broken". When a woman tries to improve a man, he feels she is trying to fix him. He thinks he's "broken". She doesnt realise that her caring attempts to help him may humiliate him, and mistakenly thinks she is just helping him to grow.

Summary: A woman's sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships.

another one? why do i feel the content still the same as the old one? so what new in this book compare to the first edition?.....

nothing. it's the same book. i'm just posting up chapter summaries.

LOL..... i thought got new book....i dont remember much coz i got this last year.... what i remember is that cave, dragon inside cave, rubber band thingy....

@phiberoptic

Yeah.. he used such terms, i can remember the rubber band thingy. Chapter 3 will be up in a few days time. Busy with exams currently.

thanks for helping me out kenlui!

how much the book cost?

@jhcj

No problem. It's my pleasure...Just finished one of my exams.

@kwws

I bought it last year, it was selling at RM34.90

looks l;ike me gotta buy one for meself.

@pizzaboy

Yeah, a good book for reference. Worth the money spent.

Haha, I didn't buy the book.. I juz stand in MPH to read it...hahahaha....

Anyways, its really a good book, however, dun be over dependant on a book also le...hahaha...

wah cheap...i tot its over 50 like tat

yeah, you shouldnt be overly dependant on the book. it gives you a general idea of what people of both genders are like, but it is by no means conclusive, because there always are exceptions out there.

Summarry of chapter 3 is done. Would be up soon.

@jhcj

Well, what john gray wrote is the general characters of men and women. I do agree that they're exceptions. But most of the relationship problems are covered in his book. That's why it's so popular.

yup...i've already received the summary from kenlui. once again, many thanks for helping me out. i'll post up chapter 3 tomorrow.

@jhcj

No problem... Just mention it, and i'll try my best.

Credits to kenlui for summarising the 3rd chapter!

Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk

Introduction
One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasing overwhelmed and emotionally involved. At these times, a man's needs for feeling good are different from a woman's. He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems.

Finding Relief in the Cave
When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. He generally picks the most urgent problem or the most difficult. He becomes so focused on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background.

His full awareness is not present because he is mulling over his problems, hoping to find a solution. The more stressed he is, the more gripped by the problem he will be. At such times he may be incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives.

Summary : To feel better, Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone. As for Venusians, they get together and openly talk about their problems.

This post has been edited by jhcj: Sep 16 2006, 09:12 AM