This post has been edited by fujkenasai: Oct 5 2010, 12:15 PM

Its not about Starcraft 2 ,but this is really funny.

lol refinery comment.

Dear Kerrigan,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. He can be very sweet, but he doesn't have a job and he spends every night playing video games. Whenever I ask him to spend time with me, he says he can't because it's raid night and he is the tank. I don't want to begrudge him the time he spends with his friends, but it seems like every night is raid night.

My mom says, if I love him and I am patient, he'll see what I'm worth and he'll change. But my friends say a man will never change, so I should either get used to it, or get out. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Konfused on Korhal


Kerrigan:

Dear Konfused,

Your story reminds me of the time I fell in love with the acid-spewing canopy-crawlers of Forest-world VI. Whenever I tried to get close to them, they fired jets of hot bile at me and then went scampering off through the treetops. But I knew how to make them come around; I ordered my cerebrates to build a hive cluster, and then we systematically consumed all the organic life, until the entire planet was barren and covered with creep. We've since incorporated the genetic material of the canopy crawlers into our new banelings, and I just couldn't be happier.

The moral of the story is this: if you wait for a man to change, you'll be waiting forever, no matter how much you love him. You must force him to assimilate. Once you do, he will be compliant, although he will have a slightly increased tendency to explode.

But, whatever happens with your boyfriend, keep in mind that it won't matter in the long run. The Zerg are going to kill all of you anyway.

Keep the faith, Sister.
Kerrigan




Career Change

Dear Kerrigan,

Since I was a young Protoss, I always wanted to be a Dragoon. As soon as I was of age, I applied to Dragoon school, and after seven years of rigorous training, I achieved my goal. I got everything I thought I wanted, and I've never been so unhappy.

Being a dragoon seems glamorous from a distance, but much of the day-to-day work is unpleasant and distasteful. And the recession has really pinched dragooning opportunities; there have been numerous rounds of layoffs in my company, and if they can cut the templars, nobody is safe. I've been having panic attacks.

I really want to leave my job and do something different, but I'm so heavily invested in my career. I have a lot of student debt, and my body is physically fused into the dragoon exoskeleton.

Is there a way to be happy doing what I'm doing? Is it crazy for me to consider a career change?

Sincerely,
My Life For Aiur

Kerrigan Sez:

Dear Aiur,

The solution to your problem is the same as the solution to most other problems: the Swarm. We have experienced professional zerglings on call 24/7 to dismantle your exoskeleton. We also offer the fastest retraining program in the galaxy, available to you at no charge. You won't believe how quickly you'll be put to use serving the Swarm!

And you have my guarantee that once you make the decision to walk into a hive of Zerg, you'll never have to worry about your student loans or your career prospects again.

Remember: The Zerg are just here to help.

Kisses,
Kerrigan


Source : http://sea.battle.net/sc2/en/forum/topic/26773198#1
had to search and pick this out since its my fav

those were pretty funny

Cool!! LOL, we should have more of these Kerrigan advice columns LOL

This post has been edited by fujkenasai: Aug 19 2010, 02:41 AM

i lol'ed on "Im future pro who plays right."

I luv cheese <3 even though im still not good at it.

LOL ~

da kerringan column is funny...
this thread is nicee...cure office boringness...lolz
keep em coming !!

Friend told me about it on sc2 forums

Day 1
I just got spawned! There was another guy in my egg, though. Not too sure what to think about that. The creep looks pretty cool, I guess. My job is mostly running around the base. Nothing too awesome going on.

Day 2
A whole mess of Zerglings just got spawned recently. Met up with a whole platoon of them. There were so many I couldn't even remember all their names. Most of them are pretty cool, but some are suspicious as to what our purpose is going to be.

Day 3
The queen sent Zergling #21 to a 'watchtower'. Not entirely sure what his job is. According to other people, he just has to stand there all day. Sounds like he got the easy job!

Day 3.5
Zergling #21's corpse was found about 3 minutes after being deployed. He had 5 Gauss Rifle bullets in his chest.

The queen sent Zerglings #22-24 to go to the watchtower.

Day 4
There was much lament for Zergling #21. Some of my friends are saying that we're all in a suicide mission. I think they're wrong. We're soldiers, not expendable beasts.

Day 6
Day 5 was too hectic...there were six more funerals today. The queen declared she wanted some 'scouting information' and that they served their purpose. More skeptics are arising amongst us. Some zerglings are speaking of a revolt.

Day 7
We all got our wings today! Everyone's suspicions of a tyranny are being quelled by the minute. All the zerglings are much more pleased to be moving so much faster.

Day 8
Our entire army has recently received orders to rush into the enemies' base. Our primary objective is to attack SCVs and run around in circles behind other zerglings attacking SCVs.

Day 11
There was a wall.

There was a god damn wall.

We couldn't break through. No matter how many chewed at the supply depot, we couldn't get through the damned thing. We were forced to retreat, losing 7 more soldiers to a small marine force piled behind the depots. The queen had no comment on this matter. The standard funeral is now being postponed by the swarm for 'important measures'.

Day 15
Mutalisks have begun to be trained at the hatchery. Our queen says they will solve the problem that the wall is causing. I can only hope at this point. I've seen too much.

Day 16
We've gotten recent orders to back up the mutalisk force in our impending attack. Our main goal is still hazy to me, as the mutalisks should be doing most of the work...

Day 21
I've lost all faith in the swarm.

Have you ever seen the bits of your comrades fly past you by a single shot of a Crucio Shock Cannon? Have you ever been so close to the heat of an Hellion that it takes you a minute to realize that your best friend is burning alive? I was hearing every tendon snapping and sinew ripping of my fellow Zerglings. The distorted looks on their faces as they realize they've been hit directly in the skull by a sniper round.

I barely escaped. I should be dead; just like the rest of my platoon. It was only me and 6 others that got away. Over 38 died.

We weren't an army. We were a distraction. The mutalisks were in on it, too. They took out probably 10, maybe 20 SCVs. But how many soldiers was it worth? How much do we have to sacrifice to win this war?!

Day 23
We can see the Terran forces coming over the horizon. They are armed with 2 of those infernal tanks and 4 gigantic mechanical monstrosities I've never seen before. I can taste my death.

Day 34
The Terran are toying with us. The tanks lie just outside of our homeland supported by rotating missile turrets in every which way. We are being contained. Our supplies are running low, we will be out of minerals soon.

Day 47
We have lost all of our resources. An army of Hydralisks and Mutalisks stand before me and my 6 Zergling companions. Our final attack is near.

Day 48
The queen has ordered me to 'test the front'. Alone.






Diary of a Siege Tank

Day 48

Spilled some coffee on myself during an attack. My life sucks.

lol at the tank guy

I think the siege tank should have said FML.

The diary of a zergling post is quite good!

Feels kinda sad for it in a way, but that's how we play zergs too.

does kerrigan have a blog? bwaahahahaha

no though i hope she does. lol

deng being zerg sure is sad. >_<

Starcraft 2 loli... ...

Collosis:



Carrier:



Mothership:

HHHNNGGGG

got sauce?

Copy pasted from the mothership thread.

YO MOMMASHIP SO FAT



Yo mommaship so fat that I sent a bunch of cracklings at her and she asked for a beer to go with them

Yo Mommaship so fat she thought feedback was takeout.

Yo Mommaship so fat she uses select all at the dinner table.

Yo Mommaship so fat she gives new meaning to the term "Fast Expansion".

Yo mommaship is so fat she requires 3 lockdowns.

Yo mommaship so fat her hotkey is kfc.

Yo Mommaship so fat, she sat on an Ultralisk and it learned Burrow.

Yo Mommaship so fat Artanis mistook her for Aiur.

Yo mommaship so fat, that you don't need assimilators because you have all the gas you need.

Yo Mommaship so fat I didn't need Force Fields to block your Zealots.

Yo Mommaship's so fat she cloaks your main AND your expansion.

Yo Mommaship so fat she takes an extra 40 seconds to warp in.

yo mommaship so fat her food cost has increased from 6 to 8.

yo mommaship so fat she used chrono boost on the oven cooking a pizza

Yo mommaship so fat, she set her rally point to Burger King.

Yo mammaship so fat, you need to grease the sides of the nexus before she can spawn.

Yo Mommaship so fat, Blizzard had to nerf her TWICE, just to fit her through the door.

Banshee does it in her craft? >_>

and medic helps protoss do they even have the batang lol