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 Faithful couple getting Herpes, Need serious advice

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TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 02:15 AM, updated 15y ago

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Guys, let's not start about dupe account / new member. I'm in need of serious, experienced advice here.

Both me and my girlfriend are still virgin. We have been together for 9 years so there is no question about our loyalty towards each another. The closest we ever got to the real deal is oral.

Just a few days ago, she discovered swellings at her private part down there. A few days later, it got worse & became a few spots of ulcer. She started to feel pain while passing urine & I brought her to a local gynecologist for checkup.

This was when the doctor revealed that she was infected with herpes. Imagine her shock for getting a STD without doing anything wrong. I was without a doubt shocked as well, but putting myself in her shoe, it's definitely nothing compared to what she's feeling.

We did a memory rewind of what occurred a week ago but could not come up with anything other than passing urine in a dirty toilet by a local beach. I was thinking that it could be that her urine splattered from the floor back to her skin on her private part but it sounded pretty silly.

I searched the Internet & found that there are 2 strains of herpes, HSV1 (cold sore & usually at mouth) & HSV2 (genital herpes). HSV1 can be easily picked up if you somehow shared the same eating utensils of a carrier so it was pretty common. The gynecologist just took a look & pronounced as having HSV2 but I was thinking that it could be HSV1 if it came from me.

Long story short, have any of you experienced this kind of scenario? She was crying herself to sleep & couldn't accept the fact that she got a STD out of nothing.
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 02:40 AM

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I have never kissed anyone else other than my own girlfriend. So to say that I have STD in the first place is also something that is hard to accept in my position. However, HSV1 is very much common & I was thinking that I might have been infected through some dirty eating utensils outside.


This post has been edited by pizzaboy: Apr 26 2009, 08:53 AM
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 02:46 AM

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QUOTE(200 @ Apr 26 2009, 02:43 AM)
im not really sure but some people say u can get herpes just by sitting on dirty toilet seat..
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The doctor did say so but the chance is very slim. What you said was what triggered the idea that the dirty toilet floor by the beach could have splattered her urine back to her skin but I think the probability of that occurring is almost nil.

I am the type that will easily get mouth ulcer but I have always been under the impression that it was nothing more than a normal ulcer due to the bad weather. I have decided to get myself checked for both HSV1 & HSV2 antibody, just to be sure.

Before that, I think it's a good idea to ask LYN for similar experience or something near.


Added on April 26, 2009, 2:50 am
QUOTE(CyberSetan @ Apr 26 2009, 02:45 AM)
During the gynecological check-up, were you present? did you ask the gynecologist if your gf is still a virgin? Don't get offended but...

I quote from our favorite medical series:

"Everybody lies." - House MD
"I don't ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do." - House MD
"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."  - House MD

Herpes simplex virus (HSV) indeed comes from two strains. If the gynecologist diagnosed it as HSV-2 (an STD virus), then you could ask for a laboratory confirmation (if it was not done by the gynecologist before).
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Thanks. My girlfriend & I do watch House MD so we understand what you meant.

I have 0 doubt about my girlfriend cheating on me. During the examination, I was asked to wait outside & the gynecologist asked my girlfriend to inform me of the bad news. I believe that she thought we're just another couple who played around but never admitted to doing so. There was no sampling done on the mucous as we're both too shocked to think of anything much.

My priority right now is to get her comfortable as she needs to work on Monday but her current condition is pretty bad as she's experiencing extreme pain that is killing her mood & sleeping order. sad.gif


Added on April 26, 2009, 2:54 amI think I need to get myself a Milo & sleep. My appetite is gone & I have yet to have dinner. I'll be catching back to this thread tomorrow morning. Until then, I'm pleading for more serious feedback.

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: Apr 26 2009, 02:54 AM
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 03:08 AM

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QUOTE(encikcam @ Apr 26 2009, 02:55 AM)
probably u. u can get hsv1 from oral. in fact herpes type 1 is getting more prevalent in the genital area ( as hespes type 2 in oral area). u can get the herpes from anyone, from the day you were born, to any of the auntie/uncle that kiss u masa kecik. maybe u have a dirty girlfriend b4. blaming on toilet is the best way to feel innocent though


Added on April 26, 2009, 2:57 amif u re the kind a person who always get mouth ulcers during stress etc, then u are the cause.
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She is my first girlfriend. Can I ask if what I assumed above (about getting HSV1 from sharing eating utensils with other people) is possible? Based on your deduction, I think the best way is to get myself checked for HSV1 & HSV2 antibodies then.
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 03:28 AM

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QUOTE(jovi69 @ Apr 26 2009, 03:18 AM)
This sound reasonable...  coz my EX is also a good girl in front of her bf... but behind of her bf , she went out and .....

STD is SEXUAL Transmitted Disease......  You will only infected when you have sex... it only transmitted wen have sex

This is why we called it STD...

Hope my understanding is wrong....
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HSV1 is very common. If you shared the same water bottle with a friend that has HSV2 infection in his mouth & passed it to you, will you still think the same? doh.gif

Again I need to reiterate, MY GIRLFRIEND BEING UNFAITHFUL IS TOTALLY OUT OF THE PICTURE.

I am not exaggerating but guys, I know her must more than I know myself so please do understand my predicament.

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: Apr 26 2009, 03:29 AM
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post Apr 26 2009, 03:36 AM

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QUOTE(darklight79 @ Apr 26 2009, 03:30 AM)
Ever saw House MD? Everybody lies. It happens. Not saying your girl's a skank, don't take it the wrong way but not everyone's honest with their past.
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darklight79, thanks for dropping by. I've always respected you for the useful advices you passed on in Health & Fitness section of LYN... but let us remove the scenario of my girlfriend being unfaithful shall we?

I see it bringing us no where if everyone that comes in said the same thing about some 2 lines from House MD. I am really looking for some answer or anyone with similar scenario as mine.
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post Apr 26 2009, 09:06 AM

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QUOTE(CyberSetan @ Apr 26 2009, 03:41 AM)
Very well,

Did you have any kind ulcers in your mouth before? I have a hypothesis:

-You were accidentally infected by a strain of HSV (undetermined yet) via saliva or secretions left by somebody else (eg; via sharing of towels, cups, bottles, etc).

-You became ill with infectious ulcers in your mouth (fingers can also be infected). Perhaps you figured, its nothing to worry about.

-You performed oral sex on your partner causing her to become infected (in this case you did mentioned that the ulcers are present in her genital area).

-After a period of incubation, the symptoms and signs appeared causing her to seek medical treatment.

Do you think the above might have happened? In any case, the doctor that is treating her should have complete history of the disease from both of you.

Herpes on the finger: http://www.visualdxhealth.com/adult/herpeticWhitlow.htm
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Yes, your description fits the scenario perfectly. We never knew that there is a risk at all since both of us are not players & virgins.
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 10:32 AM

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QUOTE(myremi @ Apr 26 2009, 10:11 AM)
neverendingsigh : I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your girlfriend. I see that you are standing very steadfast with your girlfriend. Kudos to you.

It sounds like your GF is finding it hard to come to grips with the situation but if she can't, it will be very hard for her and you to move forward. It may take a long time to come to terms with it so having love and care around her will help her out. It may help too if she can get some emotional support from some of her close friends as well, as it's very hard to deal with. If it's too difficult for her to tell her friends, she can try seeking help and comfort in herpes support forums online and remain anonymously. An example is here : http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/ . I just got that off Google and it seem like they have covered quite a lot of questions there including pregnancy etc.

It may also be a good idea not to look for reason of WHY it happened as it will make her uncomfortable and make you stress as well. Both of you can't change past history but you can get ready for the present and future, by finding out how to control the pain and irritation and being strong mentally for it. Try very hard not to talk about it with her on how it happened or why it has happened : both of you will get more distress or worst, lose trust in one another. Having Genital Herpes can cause a lot of strain in a relationship and is a strong test of trust between couples.

Also, don't put too much faith in this H&F forum. There are many people who don't understand the emotional distress from having a serious disease and illness that they may make a lot of insensitive comments and just fuel anger.

You might also want to go for a check-up yourself, if you haven't already done so.

There are alternative and natural remedies that people are now using to control the pain and formation of the lesions. Goto the link that I posted up to see some suggestions. Each person will respond differently to different treatments.

I hope that the both of you can get through this phase together.
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Thanks for the lengthy advice. I guess it was a nature of human to find out the cause when something unexpectedly happened out of the blue. I have yet to have any symptom down there except some normal ulcers on my inner mouth lips.

Both of us prefer to keep it between ourselves but she do warn her sister not to share pants (the one they wore at home) with her in the future. As her family was the type that is quite old-fashioned, I guess there's no point in telling them A-Z about what happened. Nevertheless, thank you very much for the effort you poured into writing the post. I've been in LYN for years so taking jabs & hits for a sensitive question is all a norm for me now.
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 06:41 PM

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Thanks for the articles. I was with my girlfriend just now hence the delay in replying. Anyway, she's better now though the area down there is hurting like hell due to the cream that she has to apply 5 times a day.

Don't take me wrong in trying to redirect the blame but I sincerely hope that the Education Ministry will stop focusing on HIV so much in secondary school Biology syllabus. In trying to culture the mindset that it's OK to share towel, eating utensils with HIV carriers, they've indirectly exposed many people (especially young) to other virus that can easily spread through sharing the aforementioned equipments. Again, don't take me wrong, I'm not putting the blame of my problem to others.

Last but not least, I guess it's time that people are being educated that STD does not necessarily spread through sexual contact. If I am a carrier, then I'm the excellent specimen to prove that. vmad.gif
TSneverendingsigh
post Apr 26 2009, 07:09 PM

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QUOTE(MakNok @ Apr 26 2009, 07:03 PM)
Importantly since you believe in your girlfriend 100% die die.

then now it is important to cure or treat your GF........no more going around asking why why why coz i believe you won't get the answer.

Please take care of your GF..
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To be frank, she's the one that kept asking why, of all people in this world, she was the one that got so unlucky. sad.gif I really do not know how to answer her & all I can do is to apologize to her & motivate her more to get the infection (not the virus since I know it'll be in the body for life long) cured for now.
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post Apr 26 2009, 07:37 PM

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QUOTE(encikcam @ Apr 26 2009, 07:34 PM)
Again, herpes is not dangerous. yes the ulcer is painful. your gf need to understand that it's nothing and stop blaming u. maybe it was her all the way. she can get it if she scratch her mouth ulcer and then garu2 down there.

"To be frank, she's the one that kept asking why, of all people in this world, she was the one that got so unlucky"

correct that phrase it should be like this

of all people in this world, she was among the 60-80% (according to geography) that got so unlucky
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Err... if we're to follow your first theory, then her body should have the antibody to fight off the infection down there, isn't that right? hmm.gif Which means that she shouldn't be suffering so much in the first place.

I think you have to keep in mind that we're both virgins and we're each another's first intimate partner.
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post Apr 26 2009, 08:22 PM

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Thanks for the effort again. You've been a great help is dispensing advice since you're more or less in the related field of study. I totally understand that the virus is a life-long culprit. What I'm trying to say in my previous post is that if she has been the carrier all these while, her body should have the required antibody to fight off the infection (the ulcer / lesion down there) or at least, minimize the damage. From the look of it, hers was pretty bad so I think it was a primary outbreak.
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post Apr 30 2009, 12:22 AM

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QUOTE(redninja @ Apr 28 2009, 01:02 PM)
I had to go back and re-read your original post and all the subsequent replies but the doctor didn't even do a swab and just proclaimed with visual examination that it is HSV-2?!

I'm not a doctor but there is no way that one can make such a distinction between HSV-1 or HSV-2 without a chemical analysis.

There are tons of different warts, ulcers that are not STDs.

Take your girlfriend to Pathlab or your GP (that will send the blood test to lab) and ask to specifically be tested for HSV-1 and HSV-2 immediately. They will test your blood. Do not go back to the same doctor. Get a second opinion.

Would appreciate if you keep us updated on this situation. Good luck.
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Sorry for the lack of update. The symptom is getting better now. I did call to the gynecologist on Monday as my girlfriend complained that some of the ulcers bled when she cleaned it with a liquid prescribed by the doctor. The doctor emphasized on the fact that my girlfriend was late in consulting her hence the infection got worse.

I initially did protest to the gynecologist that it is impossible for my girlfriend to have herpes since we're both clean. I also admitted that we only did oral & I guess it was all pointless as in her mind, we might be just another 2 young couple sleeping around. sad.gif

Anyway, I'll be dragging my girlfriend to the clinic again for follow up check even though she prefer not to. She was hurt by the 3 letter word STD. I've decided to ask for the gynecologist to try blood test on both of us, not to find out the source / why but at least to know what kind of antibody we have in our body (HSV1 / HSV2).

Looking for another gynecologist is almost out of the picture as my girlfriend is not the kind that find it easy to let a stranger see nor touch her part there. I think the gynecologist that we went to is pretty OK, just that her mindset might be a little bias. I'll see what is the update this weekend & let you guys know.

Thank you very much for the concern & if possible, do spread the information to those close to you on the possibility of herpes infection thru non-sexual activity. notworthy.gif

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: Apr 30 2009, 12:25 AM
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post Apr 30 2009, 12:27 AM

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QUOTE(Eguy1314 @ Apr 29 2009, 09:25 PM)
Painful?? Oh yeah..thank god..!! If i have herpes..i will cry..!! Anyway thank you so much..!!  rclxms.gif
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Yes, it's very painful. Every time my girlfriend washed the part there with the liquid prescribed / applied the cream / pass urine, it'll hurt so much that she'll cry. cry.gif Although I'm not the one infected, it pains me to see her in this condition.

Well, I think there will be a time when I'm the one that will get infected down there so I'm pretty prepared. smile.gif Wish me luck. rclxms.gif


Added on April 30, 2009, 12:29 am
QUOTE(encikcam @ Apr 30 2009, 12:26 AM)
hope u two will get along until marriage. good luck.
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Thank you encikcam. I can't stress enough on the tremendous help you've provided. I also noticed that you've been changing your avatar & signature a lot. smile.gif All the best in your studies!

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: Apr 30 2009, 12:29 AM
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post Apr 30 2009, 10:11 AM

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QUOTE(chibi_tenko @ Apr 30 2009, 07:28 AM)
TS, a doctor should NEVER be bias against his/her patients. Regardless of how, why, who, they should never treat their patients differently. If the gynae can diagnose a STD based on visual observation only and concludes that 'ah, this two has been sleeping around', I really don't think that's professional of her to do that. Unfortunately, if your gf is adamant to not letting a stranger touch and see her... it'll hard to get a second opinion from another doctor. You ask your gf if she'd rather risk being diagnosed wrongly or be shy.

Good luck and speedy recovery wish to your gf. Do update us ya.
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I'm not saying that she showed clear sign of being bias but it's just my personal opinion based on the things she said. That's the main reason why I'm willing to visit her another time, to get a clearer answer as our first visit did not end up being pleasant. I think we were too shocked to think things through & missed some important questions like doing a test on the both of us.
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post Apr 30 2009, 10:24 AM

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QUOTE(redninja @ Apr 30 2009, 08:59 AM)
I'm sorry but this doctor is showing absolutely bad judgment. I do not recommend that you go back and see her again. Even if your gf shy, please go find another woman gynecologist or even just a regular GP (or Pathlab etc) and ask to get your blood checked for STDs. It's just a blood test! Spend like $100-200 and get your mind at ease without dealing with such prejudice from your doctor who should be treating you based on the facts (or data, which she doesn't even have?!)

What kind of ulcers are they? Do they grow in clusters, then pop and scab over?

It is important that you determine whether it is herpes or not. As the previous posters have suggested, herpes is with you for a lifetime and in the future when she has an outbreak you will have to take precautions i.e. not have sex during outbreak. Although there are cases where the virus can be passed along even when it's not during an outbreak so that's why there is a stigma of sorts attached to it.
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To be frank, my girlfriend is the type that prefer not to reveal too much of herself especially her medical history. To have herself infected with STD when she is still a virgin, she find it very hard to accept especially since she now has a record in the clinic. It's extremely difficult too as she has to hide this from her family, colleagues & friends even though she was in pain all the time down there.

Moreover, she is in the process of getting herself an insurance policy hence she prefer not to go to those lab where her personal details will be recorded down. Please be rest assured that I'm not the type to let this slip by as I've mentioned in my previous post that we do intend to ask the gynecologist for a test on us.

I've read many articles on herpes since the day she was diagnosed & the description fits the symptom. It started with blisters & became ulcers before spreading from her labia majora to labia minora (correct me if I'm wrong with these majora & minora terms as it was 8 years ago when I learned about them in Form 6 Biology).

I've also read that an ulcer swab test should be done in 72 hours when the outbreak began but it has been 5 days after she got infected that she agreed to follow me to a gynecologist hence I think it's too late to do that test. I guess the only way left would be to check for the HSV1 / HSV2 antibodies in our body through blood test.

We've decided not to kiss if any of us have mouth ulcers & sex is still out of the picture since we've yet to marry. blush.gif But we do agree that in the future if there's an outbreak down there, no sex will be entertained even though I read that I still can be infected even if there's no outbreak (some kind of asymptomatic viral shedding).

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: Apr 30 2009, 10:26 AM
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post May 1 2009, 01:25 AM

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QUOTE(AiRseaL @ Apr 30 2009, 01:54 PM)
no offend here, but if u both can go to oral, u might have already had some genital contact. try test yourself for it too. it can help you to take and use some precaution. also can tell if u are the carrier.
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If you're talking about our genital areas brushing / having contact with each another, then no, we never go that far. Like I mentioned in my previous posts, I'll definitely get myself tested.
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post May 2 2009, 08:22 PM

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Both of us have just had our blood taken for HSV1 & HSV2 tests. Result will be out next weekend.

At the same time, more dosage of acyclovir pills & cream since my girlfriend has ran out of them. Hoping that she'll recover fully by this weekend.
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post May 5 2009, 01:28 AM

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QUOTE(AiRseaL @ May 4 2009, 02:26 PM)
Hope it don't affect both of your relationship ya. I am sure your gf will need alot of your support now.
And also if you so trust each other,, continue trusting each other ya.
STD actually is very common, even most people having it but don't realize themself.
For your part, just being faithful to your gf next time.
Herpes can be control yet not fully healed.
Proper medication will helps controlling it ya and can have normal and happy life.
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Haiz... I guess I can't really avoid the impression of me being unfaithful once I declared that I am the cause of my girlfriend being infected with genital herpes... even though I have stated in the thread title that both of us have never had other partner in our life prior to the current situation. doh.gif

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: May 5 2009, 01:28 AM
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post May 5 2009, 12:01 PM

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QUOTE(jchong @ May 5 2009, 09:54 AM)
Then it will be quite a mystery as to how your gf got the infection. If both of you have been faithful to each other then it is a big question as to how she got it - it's worrying because it means people can unknowingly catch it.
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If you read the whole thread, you will learn that oral herpes (mostly HSV1 but might be HSV2 as well) can spread to innocent victims if they shared eating utensils with a carrier who is experiencing outbreak in his mouth. doh.gif


Added on May 5, 2009, 12:02 pm
QUOTE(redninja @ May 5 2009, 10:43 AM)
The fact of the matter is that you cannot get (genital) herpes without sexual contact. There's a reason why it's categorized as an STD (sexually transmitted disease).

Right now until you get the bloodwork back, we can assume that your doctor has misdiagnosed your gf as having herpes. If it does come back positive then you and your gf need to have an honest talk.
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Hrm... I think I've done enough reading to support my points above (reply to jchong).

This post has been edited by neverendingsigh: May 5 2009, 12:02 PM

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