That is why I say its bad advice. If you always run away from the pain, you'll never grow. You will always run from hardship because you don't want to get hurt. You don't dare to take risks. You never learn how to handle the pain, you never learn how to stand up again after falling. How is any of these attributes good?

All you're doing is encouraging these people to hide, letting them think its OK. Its not and they have to realise this.

Basically your whole post boils down to this point. Its really not a bad piece of advice, but the way you've described it, I have to disagree with what you said. The advice you're giving IS BAD. Why? because you're setting a negative attitude.

The biggest problem is your low self-esteem. You don't believe in your self, you don't have a positive view of yourself. You look at your flaws, and think everyone judges you on that. By thinking like this, you sub-consciously project these flaws to people around you, which in turn, turn people away. What happens is a negative feedback loop that sends you in a downward spiral.

Ask yourself, what do you really want in life? What are your goals? What qualities do you want in your friends? What qualities do you want in your partner? Don't just fall for someone because they gave you some attention, this is the biggest mistake lonely people make. You must have your own standards of what qualities your partner should have, and choose people based on that. Don't get blinded by the beauty and attention given.

When you have goals in your life, principles, standards, then you have a strong foundation. Make yourself happy first and foremost. When you're happy, your mood changes, you get a more positive outlook, your self-esteem increases and you become more confident. The positive feedback loop is much more beneficial for you.

You're still going to get rejected, but hey, learn to f`ing deal with it. Failure is a part of life, you have to fail to succeed. How many times did you fall and injure yourself before you learned to ride a bike? How many times did you fail an exam because you couldn't grasp the subject yet? How many of you gave up? How many of you persevered and gained the benefits of your hardwork?

Let me share with you a motivational poem, I've highlighted the parts which are most relevant to this topic. The entire poem is something you should recite and know by heart.



In the great words of Russell Peters... BE A MAN!

Nope, read your post again, your main point was don't fall for someone cause rejection hurts and sucks. That's stupid, because you can't control attraction. Its worse when you don't know what you want because then you're easily confused. What I'm trying to push into the heads of people like you, is to have your own standards. Make sure people you want measure up to those standards.

You will inevitably fall for someone which people think are way too good for you, so what? Give it a try, if you were rejected, take a while to recuperate then go on with life. Life doesn't end with rejection, pain is a part of life. So there's no reason to avoid rejection.

---

Added on March 6, 2009, 1:15 pm
I'm not good looking, I'm short, I'm not rich, I'm not very fashionable. Yet, you don't see me complaining, and I myself know how well I do with women Remember attraction is not all about looks, and love is not so easily defined. Just have some bloody standards, and you will see how much your life improves.
Did you read the poem I posted? It aint a love poem

I found this an interesting read, kinda empathize with the TS because I'm in a similar situation, falling for a friend always brings about this dilemma, friendship or love? I didn't want to feel this way but as someone mentioned a few pages back, attraction is not something controllable. I wanted to pull the brakes but there are no brakes in Love, there's only the accelerator ...

The responses from everyone was also interesting.

I'd like to quote,

The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder...
-- Unknown.

It's a fact that children with cancer have higher cure rates than adults with cancer, and I wonder if the reason is their natural, unthinking bravery... Adults know too much about failure; they're more cynical and resigned and fearful.
--Lance Armstrong, from It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life

Rejections, other life's throwbacks tend to harden people, or what most say toughen you up, but at what cost?
Lol thinking about this brings to mind the innocence of a child and the crusty cynical outlook of an old man.
(Apply this to the thread topic ...)

I sense a beautiful relationship blooming

Yeah growing up is inevitable.

Still looking at adults, sometimes I wonder what on earth did they go through to bring about such change, what happened to their dreams, it seems life throws you a punch, you get beaten black and blue, yet remain alive walking on grimly.
And that's life.

Wisdom is essential and it can only be gained through experience, I do look forward to this, I'm still a young 'un with loads to learn.

Primacy however is debatable.
Primacy is the state or condition of being prime or first, as in time, place, rank, etc., hence, excellency; supremacy.

I used to think that it is something I should always go for, until I read something that made me wonder whether it will bring true satisfaction, primacy makes life feel like a rat race, forever running trying to get ahead of the pack.

"It is 1979, a basketball game in the Brandeis gym. The team is doing well, and the student section begins a chant, 'We're number one! We're number one!' Morrie is sitting nearby. He is puzzled by the cheer. At one point, in the midst of 'We're number one!', he rises and yells, 'What's wrong with being number two?' The students look at him. They stop chanting. He sits down, smiling and triumphant."
(Tuesdays with Morrie)

I'm not saying all adults led such unhappy lives, it just that there are unhappy elements entering into adulthood, its no longer a bed of roses one enjoys in one's childhood. And people do get affected by it, whether positively or negatively, you strike a notch on the experience bar,  that's how maturity is gained, no?

Still I see many adults, they grow and leave behind dreams of their childhood, not many hang on to it dismissing them as unrealistic, foolish dreams out of one's reach, everything becomes so realistic, being hopeful seems so ignorant, being genuinely sympathetic, you're gullible, dream and you're wasting time.

Hmm you don't know Tuesdays with Morrie? Do you know Mitch Albom (author of The Five People You Meet in Heaven)? Great writer, his books are good, highly recommended (its the first book my mom manage to finish in her adulthood ....  )
I like that story about what happened in the basketball court, people get so into winning, being number one (makes you think all the other numbers don't deserve to exist) that they forget that life doesn't only revolve around number 1, regardless of what number you get, life goes on, not stopping, the most important thing to me is how do you make the most of your life?
Primacy to me is a measure of standards, one where there is constant comparison with oneself and the rest of the herd (everyone else). Primacy is being ahead of the pack, as a student, being ahead of the class, and for a time that was all I was concerned about, until one day I took a step back and looked at my life and ask myself why am I doing this? Am I happy? Do I like the way my education is shaping? Why am I trying to measure myself up to other people's standards?

Anyway after a period of self-questioning, I realize there are more to life than that, I picked up sports (was a geek), dump the trash school disguised as education and did an outline on things I wanted to learn (music, art, philosophy, world history, humanities, sciences of my choice, self-learning is the way to go) and learn how to relax and make friends, proper genuine life-lasting friends (not hi-bye friends)
I live by my own standards.

Yes, competition in life exist and cannot be brush of just like that upon entering the working world, I just believe in doing the best in what makes me happy.
Of course life is better when you can actually interact well with the people you're interested in, but not everyone is born a social butterfly, that however shouldn't be an excuse, making an effort to change is a good first step. Most of these guys here are too comfortable in their shells, they dare not approach the girl but some even expect the girl to approach them!
I don't believe in sitting around and waiting (thinking "Oh, if it is fated, we'll somehow end up speaking!") nope that's not going to happen, you make your own fate.
Ah that is if I ever meet such a person 

And sorry for the long non-cupid corner post above.

Hi there, you sure are meticulous responding to each of my post.
Yeap I am a sheltered kid, I have never been through hardship, never worked a second in my life, I had a series of maids raising me and my siblings in an ivory tower like prison called home, my dad forbid us to venture out when we were young as we had everything within the walls of my home. However I have been expose to certain darker sides of society, my mom's a Christian very much devoted with charity, I did a fair bit of volunteer work and have seen people of the streets (homeless people and prostitutes), spent time in orphanages and old folks homes and it really is difficult to see people suffering, I wish I could alleviate all their pains and the hell they've been through.

Well thanks for making your definition of primacy clearer, you should have just said self-actualization (I'm aware of this one ahaha), self actualization, I agree it is what every being should strive for, its sort of the end-point after that would be sort of like Buddha achieving nirvana.

Yeah, I'll learn, still I'm not quite sure I'll like it but its what everyone goes through, so no complains.

me: do u like me?
her:do u like me?
me: i ask u first.
her: i like u. do u like me.
me:ya i like u.

u see, so senang.
Why nd such a complicated wall of text to understand such a simple thing as love =O!

thumbs up for ts ne.

SORRYYY. It's...its...meaningless. like... lah... leh...ah........................