WWE RAW 10 August 2009- D-Generation-X is BACK!!!
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-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler
-We start with Randy Orton in the ring for a promo. He says he's out here because he has been hearing rumors, and people have been talking behind his back. They say he's worried about facing John Cena at Summerslam. He says the same people say he bullied Jeremy Piven last week so he would do his dirty work for him. He says he bullied Jeremy Piven for the same reason he can bully each and every one of us, and that is because he can. He says he doesn't answer to the people, and they are beneath him. He says what does matter to him is that in less than two weeks time he will face John Cena at Summerslam, and he will beat him. Cena interrupts, and heads to the ring walking with a purpose. Cena says every week we talk about rumors and facts, and he's a very patient man and that makes him angry (huh?). He says things keep bothering Randy to the point where he's ready to snap, but asks him to take a good look because he's right here. He says he's tired of Orton thinking the business owes him something, and tired of bullying people because he says he can. Cena tells him if he wants to bully someone he can bully him. Cena says they have a match in two weeks, but right now he's staring a 250 pound problem who is ready to rip him in half. He asks Orton if he's going to talk about it, or if he's going to do something about it. They go nose to nose, but Orton backs off and that bring out Jericho and Big Show. Jericho gets the hero's welcome of course. Show tells Orton and Cena that this is amusing. He says neither one of them knows the first thing about intimidation. The crowd chants Y2J which stops Show, but he goes back to his promo. Show says he breathes in someone's direction and they are intimidated. Cena says that's because his breath smells like Shaq's jock strap. Cena asks why they are out there, and Jericho says that's because Raw is in his country Canada. Monster pop for that. Jericho says Canada is the country he grew up in, and the country he trained in. Cena stops him and tells him that it is also the country he left, and migrated to the US. If the goal of that was to turn Jericho heel it was a terrible failure. Jericho says he asked for and was granted a one on one match with Cena, and tonight in Calgary he's going to do something he's never done before. Beat John Cena. Orton says after the match he will make a statement, and that is punting Cena in the skull. Show tells him not so fast, because the reason Jericho got his match is because Show was there also. Show lets him know that tonight he'll be facing Orton. Jericho vs. Cena in CALGARY!?!? Epic win.
Diva Championship #1 Contender Fatal Four Way: Kelly Kelly vs. Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim vs. Beth Phoenix
Okay Kelly and Alicia please stay out of the way here. Beth attacks Kelly while Alicia nails Gail in the corner. Kelly comes back with a hurracanrana for two on Beth, but gets a forearm and a Glam Slam attempt. Gail trips up Beth, and that leads to a series of rollups from all the ladies that is just is too quick to recap. Alicia finally hits a backbreaker on Gail sending her to the floor, and the heels surround Kelly. Kelly tries to fight them off, but eventually Beth gets the better of her. Gail comes back into the action with a missile dropkick on Alicia, but Kelly makes the save. Beth attacks Gail from behind, and then picks up her AND KELLY for a DOUBLE CANADIAN BACKBREAKER! Insane. Alicia breaks it up, but Beth is all "wrong f***ing move b****" and tosses her to the floor. Gail attacks from behind, and then hits a running shoulderblock in the corner. Gail delivers a crossbody to Alicia on the floor off the apron, and inside Kelly gets caught going for a handspring elbow. She gets put on the apron where she delivers a flying crossbody onto Alicia and Gail on the floor. Beth goes to the top rope to take out all three, but she gets tripped up by Kelly. Alicia ends up back inside, and she meets Kelly with a dropkick. Gail is there to meet Alicia, and hits her big boot finisher as she falls to her back for the pin at 4:10. Best women's match on Raw in quite some time.
Winner: Gail Kim (Pinfall-Falling Big Boot **1/4)
-Sgt. Slaughter is out to thunderous indifference, but he starts to suck up to the crowd by saying he's proud to be in Canada. He wants to have a salute to the flag, but then puts an X over it. He says when he thought about it if it wasn't for Old Uncle Sam they'd all be speaking Russian and French right now. TREMENDOUS!!! He says these maggots all take US Protection for granted, and then demands each and every one of them to stand up and pay their respects to the greatest country in the world. He then leads the crowd in a stirring rendition of the Pledge of Allegiance. Preach on Sarge! Heel Slaughter for the night? Works for me.
-Recap of HHH teasing the return of DX last week, and they hype that HHH has traveled to Texas to find Shawn Michaels. I'm gonna love Shawn being back, but I think I'm gonna hate how we get there.
Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne
This is hyped as the rubber match of the rivalry. Swagger attacks early ramming Bourne into the buckle, and then hitting a knee lift. Bourne comes back with a drop toehold, and a dropkick sending Swagger to the floor. Bourne catapults himself over the top rope with a splash onto Swagger, but gets caught on the way back inside flipping into the knee of Swagger. Swagger grabs a bow and arrow, and then goes for a back suplex. Bourne flips out, and delivers a kick to the gut and a low dropkick for two. Bourne goes to the top, but Swagger is up so he just leapfrogs him. Bourne goes for a hurracanrana, but Swagger catches him and goes for a powerslam. Bourne counters into a cradle for two, and then hits a knee to the face. Swagger comes back whipping Bourne into the buckle, and then hits the gutwrench powerbomb to finish at 2:47. About as good as you can pack into three minutes. Would love to see more, but that seems like the end of the mini rivalry.
Winner: Jack Swagger (Pinfall-Gutwrench Powerbomb **)
-After the match Swagger takes a moment to brag, but gets interrupted quickly by MVP. He says Swagger always reminds people he's a two time All-American. He says the only people who care less about him being an All-American than him it's the Canadian fans. He says they're not booing him because he's American. They're booing him because he's a loudmouth, self-absorbed, arrogant, idiot with a pronounced lisp. MVP challenges Swagger to a match tonight. Swagger says maybe next week, and that gets him shoved on his ass.
-Triple H continues his search for Shawn Michaels at an office building cafeteria. He finds a guy who he thinks is Shawn, and calls him sexy boy but its of course not him. Obligitory gay jokes follow. Some little girl is ringing the bell wanting her food, and of course Shawn is the cook. An obviously stressed Shawn tells the girl to run along, and complains that it is bring your daughter to work day. HHH is confused, and that's…it? Maybe Shawn should have invested that money he got from JBL.
-Sarge comes out, and says he was just playing before, but he got someone really special to sing the Canadian National Anthem. Canada's own Celine Dion. Sarge says he couldn't find her, but he found someone even better. If you don't know the punchline here you haven't been watching much Raw. Out trots Jillian Hall in full Uncle Sam garb to sing "God Bless America" Okay, we get it, you're in Canada. Move along.
Contract on a Pole Match: Eugene vs. Calgary Kid
Oh, for the love of all things holy what is this? There goes our ammo on Russo for the next few months. Calgary Kid is a random masked man, and I'm assuming its going to be Miz. Eugene shakes hands, and the Kid confuses him and goes for the contract. Eugene catches him, and delivers a Rock Bottom. People's Elbow connects, and Eugene goes for the contract. Kid catches him, and they fight it out on the top rope. Kid delivers a headbutt sending Eugene to the mat, and that allows him to grab the contract at 1:22. After the match the Kid delivers the Reality Check to Eugene, and my suspicions are proven true. It is in fact the Miz, and he is in fact awesome.
Winner: The Calgary Kid (Contract Retrieval ¼*)
Randy Orton vs. The Big Show
Show stands face to face with Orton before the match, as Randy backs away. Orton goes for a right hand, but gets caught and headbutted by Show. Show hammers away at Orton in the corner, and delivers a huge body blow. Show grabs a front facelock, and then chokes out Orton with his boot. Show walks across the chest of Orton, and then locks in another front facelock. Show sets Orton up on the top rope, and then delivers a chop sending him crashing all the way to the floor. Show goes outside after him, and fires Orton right back inside. Orton meets him coming in, and delivers a thumb to the eyes and a quick dropkick. Orton delivers the hangman's DDT for a two count, and then stomps away at with his signature stomps. Knee drop from Orton connects, and that sets up an RKO attempt. Show casually tosses Orton away on the attempt, and then calls for the chokeslam. That connects, but Orton is able to get his foot on the rope at two. That serves infuriate Show as he attacks Orton in the ropes. They tease the DQ spot from last week, but Show things better of it and instead measures Orton for the knockout punch. Show goes for it, but Orton ducks and slides away taking the intentional count out at 6:02. Pretty weak finish, but understandable under the circumstances.
Winner: The Big Show (Count Out *1/2)
-More fun with Hunter and Shawn at the cafeteria. HHH wants to make sure he has it straight, and says you're a cook? Shawn corrects him letting him know he's a chef. Shawn said he didn't feel like he needed to wrestle anymore, so HHH asks why he decided to become a chef for some corporate nimrods. Shawn says these people like him, and more importantly they respect him. Cue the little bratty girl who says the tater tots suck, and that her dad is a VP. HHH says he needs him against Legacy, but Shawn says he's not listening. He says he's happy now, and more importantly he's good at what he does. Naturally the grill is on fire which HHH points out to him. That causes Shawn to say he'll listen. I love dorky Shawn, and he's ALMOST good enough to save these god awful segments. Almost.
Montel Vontavious Porter vs. "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters
Eugene, Chris Masters, and DX all on the same show? Holy 2006 Batman! This must mean the Cards are going to win the World Series again. Masters whips MVP into the corner, but runs into a back elbow. MVP goes to the second rope, but gets pulled off by Masters who begins putting the boots to him. MVP hits the ropes and runs into a dropkick from Masters for a one count. Masters grabs a crossface chickenwing, and then hammers MVP back to the mat. Masters hits the ropes, but runs into a throw from MVP who fires back with a series of rights. Facebuster connects by MVP, and that sets up the Ballin' elbow. Drive by kick misses, and that sets up a Masterlock by Masters. MVP is able to counter before it is applied, and he hits the playmaker to pick up the fall at 2:31. Swagger comes out and distracts MVP allowing Masters to attack from behind with the Masterlock. Swagger gets in MVP's grill, and then asks Masters to let him go so he can apply the gutwrench.
Winner: Montel Vontavious Porter (Pinfall-Playmaker *)
-Recap of Piven is Raw, and all of the mainstream press that followed. If you want to know why they're doing this watch that recap.
-More fun with Shawn and Hunter, as Hunter tries to convince him to return. He gives him the big inspirational speech, as he helps Shawn flip burgers. HHH tells him he needs to be back with him in DX at Summerslam. Shawn says he thought it was Summerfest. His boss comes in yelling "HICKENBOTTOM" which amuses Hunter (and me) greatly, and he asks what kind of name is that. Hunter asks what kind of stupid name is that, and Shawn says it is too protect his identity. The boss continues to berate him, so he eats Sweet Chin Music. He tells HHH he's in, and an old lady comes by to give the catch phrase. The annoying little girl continues to yell, so Shawn tells Hunter he has something to finish. The little girl eats Sweet Chin Music as well (off camera) and Shawn lets us know he quits. The random SCM's and Hickenbottom's may have saved the entire segment. Okay, probably not, but they did provide me a legit laugh out loud moment.
-Sarge comes out to apologize to the crowd, and hopes they're not mad at him for making fun of them. He says they're all a part of one big WWE universe. He wants to bring out a special guest. Someone they haven't seen in a long time. He introduces the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be… The idiot fans fall for it, as Bret's music plays, but of course its not Bret. Instead its Sarge's old tag team partner Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Complete with Old Glory. Leave it to WWE to take a funny idea (Sarge going heel in Canada) and totally running it into the ground.
Mark Henry & Hornswoggle vs. Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes
This was supposed to be Chavo and the partner of his choosing, but Chavo comes out in street clothes, and says he really was looking forward to finding a partner and getting his revenge. He says his injuries from last week hasn't quite healed, but he found a replacement team and they are looking forward to taking them out. That brings out team no-pants, and you can see Swoggle pinning Cody coming a mile away. Dibiase start with Henry, and get quickly knocked around with a shoulderblock. Tag to Cody who delivers a right hand which gets no sold by Henry. Henry picks up Cody in a gorilla press, and slams Cody away. Avalanche by Henry misses allowing Cody to tag Dibiase. Dibiase and Rhodes make a series of quick tags, and go for a double suplex. That fails though, and Henry delivers one of his own. Henry connects with a pair of clotheslines to Ted, and then knocks Cody off the ropes. Henry shrugs away a dropkick from Ted, and then hits the World's Strongest Slam. Tag to Swoggle who goes for the tadpole splash. Dibiase moves, and Cody dropkicks Henry off the apron. That leaves Swoggle in with Ted, and he gets dropped with Dream Street picking up the victory at 2:41. Dibiase even hooked the leg which made for an amusing visual.
Winners: Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes (Dibiase pins Hornswoggle-Dream Street *)
-Dibiase says the reformation of DX doesn't scare them, and answers HHH's question from last week. He says they are ready, and says the DX comeback will be the shortest lived in WWE history. Cody says if we're not down with that he's got two words for us. Too bad.
-Josh Mathews is joined by Chris Jericho. Jericho says tonight he will beat John Cena, and he's going to do it here where he lived for 7 years. Where he trained for seven years, and calls it one of the greatest wrestling cities on the planet. He dedicates his win to Calgary. Show stops by to complain about Orton, but Jericho wants to tell him to watch what happens tonight. He starts to talk about how easily manipulated the crowd is. He tries to run down Canada, and Calgary, and their ugly women, but Mathews tells him they're still on the air. Nice try guys, but Jericho is still gonna be over like God. This crowd is WAY too smart to fall for that one.
-Next week's celebrity guest host is Freddie Prinze, Jr. I would have went with Whitey Herzog, but that's just me.
-Rundown of the Summerslam card. DX vs. Legacy is now official.
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
Not exactly a hero's welcome for Cena, but not quite as bad as I thought it would be either. It's no Hammerstein Ballroom. They call the reception for Jericho "mixed" and find the three guys in the audience giving him a thumbs down. Nice work, but again, I'm not buying it. Jericho grabs a side headlock, and then hits the ropes delivering a shoulderblock. Jericho gets a rollup for two, and then goes for the walls. Cena is able to bail to the floor though. Back inside Cena grabs a side headlock, and then hits a shoulderblock. Cena takes Jericho over in a side headlock, but Jericho fights out of it and they fight over a wristlock. Cena goes for the flying shoulderblock, but Jericho ducks and Cena slides to the apron. Baseball slide from Jericho sends Cena to the floor, and Jericho is outside after him. Jericho rams Cena into the ringsteps, and then delivers a boot to the head. Cena fights back, but misses a charge and runs into the corner. Jericho hits an elbow drop for two, and then grabs a half nelson chinlock. ASK HIM! ASK HIM REF! Cena fights out of it, and they trade forearms in the middle. Cena delivers a pair of flying shoulderblocks, and hits the protoplex. Cena goes for the five knuckle shuffle, as Lawler claims the crowd is "solidly" behind John Cena. I claim my bullshit meter just broke. Jericho grabs Cena and rolls him up before the shuffle for a two count. Cena comes back with an Attitude Adjusment attempt, but Jericho counters again elbowing out and hitting a bulldog. Lionsault comes up empty, but Jericho sees it and lands on his feet. Cena rolls through a crossbody, and brings Jericho up for the Attitude Adjustment again, but again Jericho counters. This time into Walls of Jericho. Cena eventually counters into the STF, but that brings Orton into the ring so the ref throws it out at 6:53. Cena and Orton go face to face in the ring, but Cena turns around into a codebreaker. Orton and Jericho look to have words, and Orton fires him to the floor. Big Show wanders out, and delivers a chokeslam to Orton. Sarge comes out to let them know that next week there will be a tag match. Cena and Orton vs. Show and Jericho. Cena and Orton then clothesline Show outside, and then Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Jericho. Orton instead RKO's him off Cena's shoulder, and they stare down as we head out.
Winner: No Contest (Ortonference **)
-I don't mind DX, so I'm glad they're back. The skits were brutal, but luckily they only lasted one week. The rest of the show was mostly a miss, as it consisted mainly of Slaughter making fun of Canadians. They had a chance to make Jericho and Cena into another version of Shawn and Cena from January where they get the last half hour of the show and Cena goes down clean, but instead we get a quicky match that accomplishes nothing. I'm seeing signs of life with Raw, but its still got a long way to go to turn around.
Aug 5 2009, 01:46 AM
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