Here follows the 101 rules of black metal, then maybe you'll se why Cradle of Filth aren't considered black: 1. Don't be gay. 2. Be "true". 3. All people who aren't "true" are gay. 4. Be grim. 5. Be necro. 6. Be simultaneously grim and necro if at all possible. 7. Break things while being grim and necro. 8. Don't have fun at concerts. Stand around with arms crossed. 9. Repeat all above while denouncing organized religion in any form. 10. Never ever, EVER under ANY circumstances... 11. ...Listen to Peccatum. 12. When someone asks you if you enjoy the music of Mayhem, point out that you only enjoy the music of "the true" Mayhem. Remember, Maniac is gay. 13. Don't play with fuzzy things, excepting that by "play" you mean "burn". 14. Don't be Dani Filth. 15. Never, ever, under any circumstances utter the phrase "Kenny G slams, man." 16. Don't be Dani Filth. 17. When your mom tells you to take out the garbage tell her that you're too metal to remove refuse. 18. Run for it! 19. Sodomize a virgin whore. 20. Sodomize anything that is not male. (Fuzzy things look out!) 21. Make sure your album goes out of print about 3 months after its release... so it becomes 'cult'. 22. When in doubt, say "True Norwiegian Black Metal!" 23. If that doesn't work, blast beats can fill any silence. 24. Turn any cross you find upside-down. 25. Nipple twisting is not a blackmetal activity.. 26. Write a cult, underground, grim and necro zine. Feature only interviews with bands no one has heard of, even "true" blackmetallers. 27. Never ever, EVER, EVER be open-minded. 28. Never write songs less than 15 minutes long and containing less than 15 adjectives in the title. 29. a) paint face. b) go in woods. c) act like troll. 30. Don't be Mortiis (or Dani Filth). 31. Don't wear white shoes after Labor Day. 32. Don't make jokes only your mom would get. 33. Don't make jokes. 34. When in doubt, scowl with eyes downturned. 35. Don't eat Marshmellow Peeps. 36. To producers of black metal albums: remember...no low end! If it doesn't hurt to listen to, it can't be "true". 37. Make sure that no less than half of the musicians on your album are "session" members or on your secret "im gonna kill him" list. 38. When in concert, always growl names of songs so that they are imperceptible. This will ensure that anyone who doesn't have your "cult" LP won't get it. 39. rarely play live. 40. When getting ready to go to a show, completely forget that the other people there are not going to the show to look at you. 41. Use barbed wire whenever possible. (Note: this assists in being both "necro" and "grim".) 42. When asked by a non true BMer what BM is, say something like, "BM is the raw essence of pure black evil in man", in any case, make sure that by the conversations end, you mention tremolo riffs about 5 times and the other person still has no idea what black metal is. 43. Drive one of your band members to suicide, and claim he died because of the "mainstream" "infecting" the "scene". 44. Reform with "old members" and release an album intended to produce commercial success. 45. When it flops say that you meant it to fail cause anything less wouldn't be "true". 46. Have a side project. Ensure that all other members of your band also have side projects. 47. Fill out the other slots in your other member's side projects as "session" musicians. "Don't forget secret [kill em] list" 48. Record everything in the same studio with the same producer/instruments/equipment/etc. 49. Make sure your album cover never consists of more than three colors (color options allowed: grey, black, white). 50. Publicly state that your band is "non-religious", then use the word "Satan" over 400 times on your one-song thirty-minute album. 51. Never stuff your shoes to make them appear puffy and avoid the wearing of backwards baseball caps if at all possible. Red ones in particular. 52. Insist that music should never progress and that it should still sound the same way it did 9 f-in years ago. 53. Never say "friggin". 54. Never finish anything you start. 55. The word "Hail" is the only appropriate greeting whenever greeting someone "true". 56. If feeling especially true on a given occasion, try "Infernal Hails". 57. All logos must include illegible writing and at least one inverted cross and/or pentagram. This is non-negotiable. 58. When referring to sex with a Metal Chick use only the terminology "sticking my clouded frost-spire into her gates of attrition". 59. Design complex logo for your grim black metal band on binder paper in the middle of math class or your kid brothers spirograph. 60. Accept every interview you're offered...then pretend that you really don't enjoy being interviewed. 61. Thoroughly enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation. 62. Wait... scratch that last one. (See rule 1) 63. Never divulge to any outsiders the Exact Day of the Divine Arrival of the Massive Hoof. Instead, inform them that they should be ready to kiss the Dark Lord's greasy ass at any time. 64. Use the phrase "suck the dark lord's greasy arse" whenever possible. 65. If you ever find that you have somehow become a member of Hecate Enthroned, be sure to piece together a music video of scrap footage of yourself walking around in the woods at night looking evil. Only, instead of being night make sure it's the middle of the freakin...whups, "f***in" day, and instead of looking evil, look dork...*blink* *blink*...ACH!, never mind, see rule 1. 666. Own hundreds of black metal albums, demos and bootlegs. Listen to approximately 8 of them regularly. 67. Humping a ceramic Virgin Mary in front of your uncle's house at x-mas time is not "pimping it". 68. Refrain from using keyboard smilies when communicating via the Internet. Single acceptable smily >:-( 69. Why isn't the word "Northern" in your album title yet!? Get to it! Amatuers... 70. Spelling things correctly is neither grim nor necro. 71. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!! 72. No matter where you're from, pretend you're from Norway and therefore 'true'. 73. Don't be Dani Filth. (I think that's clear) 74. All pets you own now will henceforth be known as "Crucifier". Any pets you own in the future will also be known as "Crucifier". 75. True black metaller: "Many of our dark hyms are influenced by the mighty Tolkien... You have not read the works of Tolkien!? Nerd. Wait a minute... It appears I am the nerdy one after all!" 76. F#%K, I'm talking to myself again. 77. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!! 78. That's better, on with the interview! 80. Create inverted crosses in all possible instances. Suggested tools: Drum sticks, twigs, pool cues, pencils, younger brothers legos etc. (See also "clouded frost spire" ) 81. Profess publicly that you are a Satanist and add that you are in touch with Norway's ancient Pagan past. Pretend that somehow those two facts make sense in conjunction. 82. Stick your d*** in the mashed potatoes. 83. Don't make Beastie Boys references. 84. Don't make references. 85. Satanus. Huh huh huhuhuhuh. 86. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh. 87. If possible, design the title of your album so that it consists of three completely unrelated words. Dimmu Borgir are the master of this (i.e. Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, Spiritual Black Dimensions, Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, Godless Savage Garden) but you may also want to refer to Immortal's "Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism". 88. As we all know, women have no place in the homoerotic world of black metal, but if your girl friend still won't stop bugging you about wanting to be involved in your band, give her a lame spoken word part or something. 89. Never form a band containing you, your wife and/or girlfriend, and some gay looking guy. (See also: rule 11) 90. Go to bed when your mom tells you to. 91. If it's rare, it must be good. Order it immediately. 92. I will not add that as it is not metal enough. 93. Are you metal enough to be reading this? 94. Own every Darkthrone release. Listen to exactly none of them. 95. Own cult-as-shit shirts of bands you not only own no releases of, but also haven't even heard. 96. Use the phrase "cult-as-shit" whenever possible. 97. Attempt to randomly throw the word "f***" during random segments of your songs. (Kindly refer to Attilla's work on De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas.) 98. In order to make your recording more incomprehensible and therefore more "cult", be sure to either select a singer who has only a tenuous grasp on the language to be sung. (Acceptable languages: Norwegian, Latin, Orcish, esperanto.) 99. I'll tell you what your album lay out needs...Some titties. 100. And you know what else? How long since you acted like a troll? Pick up that makeup and go look for a bridge to sit under..."fight" soldier! 101. You mean to tell me you read this whole thing when you could've have been prancing about in the forest with an axe? For shame! For shaaaaame!!
anybody listened to napalm death latest album yet? i have the leak.... really br00tal!
Yeah....only listened to The Code is Red album aje. XD
Added on December 2, 2008, 2:19 am
QUOTE(low7 @ Dec 2 2008, 01:57 AM)
anyone here like Trivium? I downloaded their latest single "Down From The Sky"......................simply awesome! I'm gonna get the whole album soon.
Havent listen to Trivium for a long time......I stopped listening to them after their 3rd album was out.
This post has been edited by JonSpark: Dec 2 2008, 02:19 AM
hm, didnt expect that one coming, now that's metal! now this is what metal really is, damn it for those losers that posted the 100 rules should go to hell! ooops wait a minute.., hell is metal.. er i meant, those who posted the rules should go to heaven.. eer.. shit i need some sleep...
So....I should go to hell/heaven/whatever for posting some jokes?
ok....like this lah, if you guise have any suggestion or anything you want me to include/remove in the first post, just PM me.
Err, why don't u sign up, its free anyway..haha Anyway, the links are not mine, just thought of sharing em with u guys..stuck at LCCT waiting for my next flight, will list down the links one by one for u because I'm bored anyway..hahaha
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The Metal Museum Vol.1 - Powermetal 01 - Labyrinth - Lady Lost In Time 02 - Valhalla - Xxx 03 - Stratovarius - Maniac Dance 04 - Darksun - Renacer 05 - Sonata Arctica - Die With Your Boots On 06 - Dreamland - All For One 07 - Rage - World Of Pain 08 - Galloglass - Signs 09 - Accept - Run Through The Night 10 - Sentenced - Drain Me 11 - Edguy - Dreammaker 12 - Zonata - Buried Alive 13 - Persuader - As You Wish 14 - The Dogma - Black Roses 15 - Lost Horizon - Pure 16 - Hammerfall - Raise The Hammer (Instrumental) The Metal Museum Vol.2 - Viking Metal 01 - Thiasos Dionysos - Recovering Mjöllnir 02 - Vintersorg - Universums Dunkla Alfabet 03 - Forefather - Iron Hand 04 - Månegarm - Dödens Strand 05 - Asmegin - Til Rondefolkets Herskab 06 - Borknagar - Gods Of My World 07 - Nebelhorn - Das Nebelhorn 08 - Ensiferum - Guardians Of Fate 09 - Folkearth - Rhyming With Thunder 10 - Vanaheim - Riket 11 - Equilibrium - Der Sturm 12 - Moonsorrow - Sankarihauta 13 - Einherjer - Venomtongue 14 - Turisas - As Torches Rise 15 - Nomans Land - The Call Of Ancestors The Metal Museum Vol.3 - Folk Metal 01 - Ensiferum - Token Of Time 02 - Falchion - Swordmaster Of The Dragonland 03 - Finntroll - Trollhammaren 04 - Adorned Brood - Hiltia 05 - Metsatöll - Raiun Kui Rauda 06 - Nerthus - Meadow-Lands Slumber 07 - Korpiklaani - Pine Woods 08 - Dark Reality - Ants Under Glass 09 - Lumsk - Perpålsa 10 - Turisas - Sahti-Waari 11 - Die Apocalyptischen Reiter - Reitermaniacs 12 - Shaman - Sugadit 13 - In Extremo - Spielmanns Wiederkehr 14 - Vicious Crusade - Let It Burn 15 - Heidevolk - Het Geldersch Volkslied 16 - XIV Dark Centuries - Teutonentanz 17 - Tuatha De Danann - Behold The Horned King The Metal Museum Vol.4 - Symphonic Metal 01 - Aeternitas - Graduale 02 - Visions Of Atlantis - Lemuria 03 - Haggard - De La Morte Noire 04 - Seraphim - Deep 05 - Morgart - Sinfonie 5 - In A-Dur 06 - Hollenthon - Woe To The Defeated 07 - Epica - Force Of The Shore 08 - Nightwish - Sacrament Of Wilderness 09 - Apocalyptica - Drive 10 - Therion - Flesh Of The Gods 11 - Rhapsody - Flames Of Revenge 12 - Lunatica - World Under Ice 13 - Edenbridge - Deadend Fire 14 - Leaves’ Eyes - Solemn Sea 15 - Offertorium - Die Sterne 16 - Within Temptation - Dark Wings The Metal Museum Vol.5 - Gothic Metal 01 - Beseech - Wounded 02 - Myriads - Dreams Of Reality 03 - Sunterra - Veil Of Darkness 04 - Lacuna Coil - Swamped 05 - For My Pain - Queen Misery 06 - Evereve - Dies Irae (Grave New World) 07 - Silentium - Serpentized 08 - Artrosis - Nazguls 09 - To Die For - Lacrimarum 10 - Tystnaden - Hamlet 11 - Lacrimas Profundere - Sarah Lou 12 - Mandrake - The Necklace 13 - To Elysium - Chaos Sun 14 - Macbeth - Henceforth 15 - Shadowcast - Mass-Placebo The Metal Museum Vol.6 - White Metal 01 - Stryper - Rock The Hell Out Of You 02 - Divinefire - Secret Weapon 03 - Bloodgood - Demon On The Run 04 - Slechtvalk - Cries Of The Haunted 05 - No Innocent Victim - Where Is Your Heart 06 - Bride - Silence Is Madness 07 - Mortification - 40:31 08 - Born Blind - Saved 09 - Deliverance - Temporary Insanity 10 - Clear Convictions - Words 11 - Die Happy - Melrose 12 - Frost Like Ashes - Notions Of Insanity 13 - Mercury Switch - Altered Beast 14 - Tourniquet - Besprinkled In Scarlet Horror 15 - Blind Guirdian - Punishment Divine 16 - Barren Cross - Terrorist Child 17 - Jerusalem - Dancing On The Head Of The Serpent 18 - Whitecross - Come Unto The Light The Metal Museum Vol.7 - Heavy Metal 01 - Judas Priest - Stained Class 02 - King Diamond - Arrival 03 - U.D.O. - 24-7 04 - Manowar - Warriors Of The World United 05 - Astral Doors - From Satan With Love 06 - Black Sabbath - Paranoid 07 - Savatage - Damien 08 - Timo Rautiainen and Trio Niskalaukaus - Fernfahrer 09 - Kilpi - Piikinä Lihassa 10 - Dream Evil - The Sledge 11 - Danzig - Do You Wear The Mark 12 - Motorhead - Ace Of Spades 13 - Jag Panzer - Warfare 14 - Hamlet - Contraproducente 15 - Rata Blanca - Lluvia Púrpura 16 - Benedictum - Them 17 - Fight - Blowout In The Radio Room 18 - Son Of A b**** - Victim You
The Metal Museum Vol.8 - Trash Metal 01 - Annihilator - Alison Hell 02 - Metal Church - Beyond The Black 03 - Tankard - Chemical Invasion 04 - Testament - Sins Of Omission 05 - Sacred Reich - State Of Emergency 06 - Metallica - Enter Sandman 07 - Kreator - Voices Of The Dead 08 - Slayer - War Ensemble 09 - Death Angel - Thrown To The Wolves 10 - Sodom - Axis Of Evil 11 - Violent Force - Sign Of Evil 12 - Overkill - Drunken Wisdom 13 - Artillery - Don’t Believe 14 - Onslaught - Skullcrusher 1 The Metal Museum Vol.9 - New Wave Of British Heavy Metal 01 - Saxon - Princess Of The Night 02 - Def Leppard - Wasted 03 - Cloven Hoof - Laying Down The Law 04 - Gaskin - I’m No Fool 05 - Diamond Head - Am I Evil 06 - Iron Maiden - Bring Your Daughter..To The Slaughter 07 - Holocaust - Death Or Glory 08 - A II Z - Treason 09 - Blitzkrieg - Blitzkrieg 10 - Girlschool - Demolition Boys 11 - Tygers Of Pan-Tang - Killers 12 - Venom - Angel Dust (From Lead Weight) 13 - Jaguar - Back Street Woman 14 - Witchfinder General - Witchfinder General 15 - Black Axe - Red Lights 16 - Hollow Ground - Fight With The Devil 17 - Raven - Don’t Need Your Money The Metal Museum Vol.10 - Nu Metal 01 - System Of A Down - Toxicity 02 - Afterfeedback - Whiteblack 03 - Korn - Got The Life 04 - Tool - Forty Six and 2 05 - 36 Crazyfists - Bloodwork 06 - End Of April - Scene Circus 07 - A.N.I.M.A.L. - Combativo 08 - Motograter - Suffocate 09 - Mudvayne - Forget To Remember 10 - 40 Below Summer - Awakening 11 - Deftones - Lifter 12 - I.R.A.T.E. - D. Low 13 - Slipknot - Don’t Get Close 14 - Ill Nino - What You Deserve 15 - Relative Ash - Sperm 16 - Limp Bizkit - Take A Look Around 17 - Clawfinger - The Truth 18 - Blindspott - Nil By Mouth 19 - Eraso - Aldeguinda 20 - Sevendust - The Last Song The Metal Museum Vol.11 - Progressive Metal 01 - Nightingale - To The End 02 - Cloudscape - Out Of The Shadows 03 - Queensryche - Empire 04 - Stream Of Passion - Embrace The Storm 05 - Ayreon - Eyes Of Time 06 - Opeth - Harvest 07 - Dream Theater - Just Let Me Breathe 08 - Communic - History Reversed 09 - Suspyre - Distant Skies 10 - Richard Andersson’s Space Odyssey - Embrace The Galaxy 11 - Sphere Of Souls - Sweet Sorrow 12 - Fates Warning - Through Different Eyes 13 - Mindflow - Another Point Of View 14 - Royal Hunt - Ten To Life 15 - Nova Art - My Beloved Hate The Metal Museum Vol.12 - Death Metal 01 - Asesino - Despedazando Muertos 02 - The Apparatus - Thanatos 03 - Broken Hope - Chewed to Stubs 04 - Torture Killer - A Funeral For The Masses 05 - Inzest - Shut Da f*** Up 06 - Adramelech - Bleeding For Supremacy 07 - Decapitated - Sensual Sickness 08 - Abominant - Through The Primordial Void 09 - Evilheart - The Black Chasm 10 - Agression - Beyond 11 - Converge - Down 12 - Kataklysm - Blood On The Swans 13 - Pungent Stench - In Search Of The Perfect Torture 14 - Six Feet Under - Manipulation 15 - Paths Of Possession - The Icy Flow Of Death 16 - Blood Freak - Worm Face Executioner 17 - Vehemence - Spirit Of The Soldier 18 - Verminous - Grotesque Visions 19 - Fleshcrawl - Soulskinner 20 - Nunslaughter - Ritual Of Darkness The Metal Museum Vol.13 - Doom Metal 01 - Cathedral - Sea Serpent 02 - Katatonia - Teargas 03 - Saint Vitus - H.A.A.G. 04 - Solitude Aeturnus - Seeds Of The Desolate 05 - Metal Empire - Demon’s Grave 06 - Anathema - Pitiless 07 - Godsend - Nobody Home 08 - Yearning - Autumn 09 - Pentagram - Wartime 10 - My Dying Bride - Sear Me III 11 - Candlemass - At The Gallows End 12 - Nattvindens Grat - Sethial Seal 13 - Forsaken - Dominaeon 14 - Thunderstorm - Glory And Sadness The Metal Museum Vol.14 - Black Metal 01 - Behemoth - Conquer All 02 - Emperor - Thus Spake The Nightspirit 03 - Marduk - Nightwing 04 - Satyricon - Mother North 05 - Fluisterwoud - Knovelær 06 - Celtic Frost - The Usurper 07 - Burzum - Ea, Lord Of The Depths 08 - Immortal - Sons Of Northern Darkness 09 - 1349 - I Am Abomination 10 - Dimmu Borgir - Raabjørn Speiler Draugheimens Skodde 11 - Naglfar - Unleash Hell 12 - Lord Belial - Osculum Obscenum 13 - Dark Funeral - Diabolis Interium 14 - Gorgoroth - Blod Og Minne 15 - Darkthrone - In The Shadow Of The Horns 16 - Melechesh - Incendium Between Mirage And Time The Metal Museum Vol.15 - Brutal Death Metal 01 - Agiel - Principle Of Discord 02 - Born Headless - Butchered Hope 03 - Nile - The Howling Of The Jinn 04 - Amputated Genitals - Chessman Red Monday 05 - 324 - Glenghost 06 - Gorgasm - Stitched Oral Asphyxia 07 - Krisiun - Thorns Of Heaven 08 - Saprogenic - Bloodwork 09 - Bloodchurn - Point Of Origin 10 - Anal Bleeding - The Smell Of Hot Shit 11 - Necrophagist - Seven 12 - Sanatorium - The False Prophet 13 - Usipian - Predators Of An Unbound Sea 14 - Devourment - Babykiller 15 - Prostitute Disfigurement - Victims Of The Absurd 16 - Benighted - Identisick 17 - Aborted - Parasitic Flesh Resection 18 - Liturgy - Shrine Of Moria 19 - Incarnated - Blood Sign 20 - Azarath - Destroy Yourself 21 - Necrotorture - Blood Feast The Metal Museum Vol.16 - Industrual Metal 01 - Deathstars - Trinity Fields 02 - The Kovenant - Cybertrash 03 - Rammstein - Mann Gegen Mann 04 - Pain - Dancing With The Dead 05 - Ktulu - Tiempo Hostil 06 - Der Bote - Kalt 07 - Stahlhammer - Messerschmied 08 - Unheilig - Horizont 09 - Oomph - Burn Your Eyes 10 - Satarial - Hure-Tod 11 - Prong - Rude Awakening 12 - Godflesh - Anthem 13 - Raism - Negative 14 - Tanzwut - Schattenreiter 15 - Powerman 5000 - Return To The City Of The Dead 16 - Nerve Factor - Last Call The Metal Museum Vol.17 - Pagan Metal 01 - Pagan Reign - In Winter Embraces 02 - Rhymes Of Destruction - Terugkeer Naar Het Einde Van De Cirkel 03 - Svarga - Na Toy Storone 04 - User Ne - Naím, Yhazura, Derval… 05 - Hel - Wunden 06 - Radigost - Woodlands 07 - Skyforger - In Darkness And Frost 08 - Butterfly Temple - Kolovorot 09 - Odroerir - Odroerir 10 - Natural Spirit - Zhazhda Vlasti 11 - Satarial - The Shield Of Grief 12 - Kroda - Apocalypse 13 - Nokturnal Mortum - Perun’s Celestial Silver The Metal Museum Vol.18 - Speed Metal 01 - Children Of Bodom - Needled 24-7 02 - Firewind - Burning Earth 03 - Gamma Ray - Hell Is Thy Home 04 - Kalmah - One From The Stands 05 - Iron Savior - Ironbound 06 - Powergod - Back To Attack 07 - Megadeth - She Wolf 08 - Grave Digger - Desert Rose 09 - Eterna - Epiphany 10 - Anthrax - Refuse To Be Denied 11 - Bulldozer - Art Of Deception 12 - Stormwarrior - Odinn’s Warriors 13 - Helloween - The Invisible Man 14 - Cacophony - Savage 15 - Whiplash - Spiral Of Violence 16 - Vampyr - Indianapolis The Metal Museum Vol.19 - Avantgarde Metal 01 - UneXpect - Vespers Gold 02 - Diabolical Masquerade - Rider On The Bones 03 - Arcturus - Kinetic 04 - Lux Occulta - Nude Sophia 05 - Peccatum - The Song Which No Name Carry 06 - Thy Catafalque - Zapor 07 - Estradasphere - The Silent Elk Of Yesterday 08 - Carnival In Coal - Ring My Bell 09 - Misanthrope - 1666.Theatre Bizarre 10 - Phlebotomised - Barricade 11 - StrommoussHeld - La Masquerade 12 - Maudlin Of The Well - They Aren’t All Beautiful 13 - Sigh - In A Drowse The Metal Museum Vol.20 - Glam Metal 01 - Pantera - Cemetary Gates 02 - Ratt - Dr. Rock 03 - Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane 04 - Vandenberg - Pedal To The Metal 05 - Twisted Sister - Under The Blade 06 - Wrathchild America - Hell’s Gates 07 - Cinderella - Somebody Save Me 08 - Mötley Crüe - Dr. Feelgood 09 - Slaughter - Eye To Eye 10 - WASP - Animal (f*** Like A Beast) 11 - Def Leppard - Rock Of Ages 12 - White Lion - Broken Heart 13 - Quiet Riot - Cum On Feel The Noize 14 - Kingdom Come - Get It On 15 - Bon Jovi - Raise Your Hands 16 - Warrant - Cherry Pie 17 - Dokken - Breaking The Chains
there you go, phew.. The RS links are better IMO, because one of the albums is missing from the MU one, its either album 7 or 8..
there, 20 mins of my life just passed by making this list
Nov 27 2008, 07:08 PM
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