Dear TS,

I understand your concern in girls being influenced by these polls. When I first read it, my first impression was that whoever who was silly enough to base their decisions on these polls will probably do silly things anyway.

But then I thought about it again and you raise a good point. There are some young teens out there, new to relationships and what to expect and if the only thing they have to go about are these polls, they'll probably think that perhaps unprotected sex is the norm in relationships and although they may not like it, they think 'this is part and parcel of being in a relationship'.

Guys have needs yes. I for one know that. There's this belief that Love conquers all or something of that sort. Perhaps that is the case. I was with my ex for two years and did not have sex with her cause she had a bad experience with her previous one. I understood that and didn't pressure her. But did I feel frustrated? Yes of course I did and I told her. She said she couldn't do it and I understood. We broke up over other reasons but that's another story.

Despite saying this, I am still of the belief that girls should only have sex if they also want to and not cause it's 'expected' of them. I have many good female friends who get themselves into shitty relationships and sex lives cause they think sex is a chore meant to please the guy. As a result, they abhor sex and see it as a boring activity and never really get into it. I think that's quite a sad state which stems from the fact that they had sex first when they didn't want to.

I guess the key point I want to make to women out there is:

a) Be honest with your boyfriend and make sure he understands what you are comfortable with.

b) Do not give in and say 'guys have needs' and just have sex with him because of that. You'll find that in the long run you won't enjoy sex and sex is about sharing not just a 'chore'. I cared enough to abstain from it for a reasonably long time.

c) But at the same time do not be offended if your boyfriend asks if you're ready. All of us guys want it, but that doesn't mean they can't wait for a while till you're ready. In fact, if you deny them (especially for a long period of time) and they still treat you nicely, that's a good sign that they truly care about you. However guys have their needs, if there's really a difference in sexual needs, you need to take that into account if you are seeking a long term relationship.

d) Sometimes a couple's sexual needs are really different. Then it's time to evaluate where you think it would be a problem in the relationship. Remember that if you are considering getting married to this guy, this is the sort of sexual drive you have to put with and frankly after time, it's going to drive a guy nuts and increases the chance of they finding other avenues to meet their needs. Are you willing to meet these needs? Call me an arse or what not but simple truth is that guys can only think with their penis or brain. It was tough for me and although I didn't cheat on my gf, I had constant thoughts about having sex with other people when I didn't get it for 2 years. I denied it but it felt horrible that my mind was cheating on her and so I told her about it and she was mature enough to take it and understand my position. We still didn't do it after that but it helps to know that your partner understands and find other ways to make each other happy. nice foreplay is a good start. more huggies more attention to each other.

e) Don't be stupid about unprotected sex That's a really selfish thing for a guy to do just for his pleasure. The risks are enormous for just a guy's pleasure.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Just voicing my opinion on the matter. It may sound contradictory but what I'm saying in a nutshell is that guys should be able to wait for a while so don't be pressured into it but be aware that they do have needs and if you think that there will be a problem in libido you should address this from the start and be honest about it and find ways to work within the boundaries you are comfortable with.


Sex should be something to be enjoyed and shared, not something to be given as bait or a carrot to keep a guy happy.

This post has been edited by Reuben: Dec 21 2007, 03:01 PM

I don't know I think this discussion has been depreciated

Me love you long time.