Hey fella ktards

This has been bugging me for recent days

Recently noticed my elderly saving to pay caregiver only left about a year. .

The full time caregiver cost about 4.5k/ month

Initially thought elderly dad would recover and become independent. But after some time looks to be plateaued or worse

So here’s the problem . When the saving run out .

I really can’t afford that kind of money . The most I can is around 2k-3k / month . and this is me still having no kids. This will severely limit my financial for future kid . Age keep going up, thinking of having one as soon as possible . But man, its tough.

Even thinking of selling my rented house. / car to downgrade . Need take action by next year before the saving run out.

This thing made me no mood ady, feel kinda depressed, why am i the only one need to shoulder this burden? I can ask help from few of my siblings, but surely their excuse would be, we already have a family on our own.

Damn , i dunno how i want to go through next year.

Guess the earliest thing i can do is to sell off car and the house to free up commitment. I do make around 8-9k/month. But couldn’t afford to quit the job to become full time caregiver .

Gg me. Hopefully not penang bridge stats next year .

Any advice or ramblings appreciated . No need donation or what, just venting. Sure i”ll figure something out, but man my head felt so heavy these days.

bring back your dad back to home and employ your own aunty/uncle who is willing to help jaga.. and paay them 3K...

this is of course only possible if your dad does not need special care that only caregiver/nurse can provide....

One person shoulf not be the only ond you shoulder the parents . Your siblings got give excuse or they really sohai not to have conciousness to at least set aside money for your parents . If they like that i throw them in Penang bridge first. They got money to membiak but nit take care parents.

Also pinoy caregiver thr cheap one damn sohai thosd bitches damn entitled. If just mobility issue better get good indon helper instead of sohai caregiver. Btw u oren or bak kut teh. See if my stereotype correct

This post has been edited by lordgamer3: Dec 16 2025, 10:53 PM

TS have you tried to discuss with your siblings? maybe they can help with fundings? share your burden and family plans, you can't be the only one sacrificing.

Ask your siblings, if cannot spare time, energy and effort, just pass the money over. This is how it works. No need to sugar coat anything. You taking care itself already eating a big part of you especially emotionally so the least these so called siblings can do is provide the money.

berapa sibling all charsiew ka
shd divide equally at least

Don't think too much, ask each sibling to chip in.

Old days, we used to ask other relatives to help, now everyone no longer does that, even among siblings already problematic and selfish.

Think I should mention this.

Do your parents still have assets? If so does it will to you?

This may become the last straw because after you go through all the trouble and at the end your siblings still enjoy the inheritance and worst all of it while denying the help when you needed most.

While I applaud you taking care of your parents, only you here know how they treat you in the past or any favouritism golden child.

This post has been edited by HolyValkyrie: Dec 17 2025, 01:10 AM

Talk to your siblings and parents. Now is not the time to keep quiet.

Since you mention about siblings avoiding it with own family as excuse...pick it up even you don't like.

I saw reply above mention about whether yr parent have asset, ie: house. Sell it off could be a good option.

Desperate time, desperate measure. You have to support yourself anyway.

This post has been edited by Chisinlouz: Dec 17 2025, 01:22 AM

I do have the family house under my name, so yeah . Guess they expecting me since "you get the house, so u pandai2 sindiri jaga" that kind of thing

but even then , the max prolly I can afford now is 2k ++ / month,

definitely couldn't afford up to 4k+ monthly.

Wait, pay 4.5k to send your elderly to nursery? Why not give up your job? Straight save 4.5k... jaga sendiri. If your salary is 5k, after income tax and everything probably less than 4.5k also.

Maybe go out do grab/food delivery for short period of time. Put camera at home.

This post has been edited by andrekua2: Dec 17 2025, 09:49 AM

ask sibling to pay portion of it.
be strong bro.

If got inheritance, why not sell the asset and use it for themselves?

My gf plan after her father gone, will sell the house and use that money for mother to rest in elderly caretaker house etc

Siblings sit down and discuss about sharing the cost.

Today, 4-5 children having difficulty to take care of their parents.

Imagine when we get old, 1 kid to jaga 2 parents. He/she has no one to share share.

Save now!

well, sometimes having a frank, friendly discussion and asking (not demanding) for help from own siblings do work...

asked if they can contribute partial (not equal fully)... like 800 or 1K each, assuming u have 2 siblings... if 3, 500 to 800...
nowadays, 500 to 1K is not that excess a request.

sometime ayam just jelly man, some kolik got it good , merid early had life figured out, so many kids ady

damn ayam just here struggling thinking about the future

just ask siblings 1st, collect a long term payments. dont care rm 300 / 500 /1000.

divide equally if can.

if collections r poor, den sell assets to finance this.

gud luck!

discuss with sibling bro. you should not handle this alone.
dont jelly man, rezeki is masing2.

Well, from what i see, time to sell house.

The world is a very material place.


IMHO You'll need to suck it up, as whether you admit it or not, it seems that you're the major financial benefactor (house) out of this ordeal.

This post has been edited by BelaCHAN: Dec 17 2025, 11:08 AM

sell the family house, or mortgage it

There's no 2 ways of having it. You sell the house to fund the care taking, people will say "see, he quickly cash out for himself use". If you keep the house, they will say "so lucky already got house all paid for, life must be easy". In any way you choose, no need to care about what others has to say because people will say whatever they like to hear only. If you think selling the house helps you, go ahead. Decide earlier because the longer it drags, the more it hit you emotionally and add more stress. Eventually it will also affect your partner. I know you will feel bad selling what your parents bought, but if it solves your problem, it has to be done. Try the siblng sharing route 1st (I also doubt if it can work it will last for long either).

If I do sell the house, where would the elderly stay?

inform your other siblings that you will be selling the house use the money to fund it. cannot expect other sibling who didnt get the house to pitch in unless they also got something as well.

once money from the house is gone, then ask the other siblings to pitch in.

It's either selling the other rented out house or this inherited house I guess. How old is your dad and how bad is the condition?

how about refinancing the inherited house?

Can try cagamas reverse mortgage to fund the nursing care

Having a private caregiver was already your first mistake, you're burning money twice as fast as sending your elderly to a nursing home..

Ask siblings to help financially or effort.
If you pay everything, they will assume you are financially good.
Saying have family is an excuse tbh. Every sibling needs to contribute.
Worse is, you selloff the house and ask elderly stay with you in a smaller place - since none of the siblings are actively helping.

Is the elderly able to stay with you?

Correct me if I'm wrong but you're currently hiring full time caretaker that stays with your dad? Have you considered going to elderly care center instead? Of course I'm not referring to the overcrowded with less than desirable quality of care one.

Sell the house and use the money to send him to elderly care home

This post has been edited by Le Don: Dec 17 2025, 02:18 PM

Since me type M, sending to elderly nursing home seems to be the least preferable or the taboo option . also my fault in not foreseeing things get plateaued .


thinking of remortgaging the house instead . is anyone have experience?

yes, the elderly stays with me, and the private caregiver . ppl see we nice life, but actually our merid life suffered since not much privacy . the caregiver oso need breaks n groceries/ etc which also me provide . now with reserves low, more headache to me

actually the pricing for an elderly care home is more or less the same as the private caregiver . the cheapest one is shared with 6-8 bedded Wards, although yeah its cheap, but dunno la . that is the "worst come to worst option"


https://www.seavoynursinghome.com/pricing/

This post has been edited by MegaCanonF: Dec 17 2025, 02:22 PM

Send to daycare which means siblings house. Monday n Tuesday sibling 1. Wed n Thu sibling 2. Thu Friday sibing 3.

we did tried this during the early stages when elderly was still able to walk without wheelchair . this is a good /acceptable

actually that is the reason i bought a new car to facilitate the movement .

but can only tahan like 6month plus b4 the elderly deteriorated n plateaued.

when too much assistance needed, all siblings bailed .

so even when caregiver holiday, it will always be me who wakes up at 3am to change pampers /etc

pls do not unalive. (also, apa salahan jamban penang! )

as you have mentioned, "I can ask help from few of my siblings, but surely their excuse would be, we already have a family on our own. " - if you are here, they x tolong, when u unalive, habis la your elderly

you can try seek assistance from people like Uncle Kentang - maybe can find a care home/center for your elderly - there are those which requires lesser moneh(but location maybe more ulu/out of city center) - reach out to peeps who have similar experience to care for elderly, weight your options

remember, STAY ALIVE - u can still make or do something when you are HERE.

Is a tough conversation to take with siblings, like they may find excuses to not attend the meeting or remain silent reader in group.

But at least u try first, maybe not the most equal distribution, say maybe u volunteer to pay the bigger portion while the rest pay smaller portion these should be negotiable, although feel like tak malu to ask for fund, but remember they are your family, raised up by the same father, is a tie they can't simply cut tie like unfriending someone.

From here on the biggest hope to shoulder this buden is through this tough conversation u need to initiate with your siblings.

ya, maybe this kind of thing will need face to face rather than whatsapp. will bring this up

Good luck man, tough step to initiate, but just leave the judgement at the door, sometimes it could be just we overthinking. Nothing much to lose from here, at the worst you get no extra fund and back to square 1 where you are now.

Is a long commitment though like they might intentionally missed payment or sort, but nobody can judge u for what you have contributed in this portion. Is ok to feel like the bad guy asking for money while in reality you are doing good deeds for returning the favor.

Don't walk the path some of our forumer took sacrificing all his prime of his life to shoulder burden of his parent alone.

TS, if I were u, I will to refinance the house to settle the current issue first. If got additional empty room, kasi rent out for extra income.

ya my thought as well . no choice need to remortgage the house .

Find a millionaire wife 😋😋