Hi all, just wanted to ask your advice on this.

I was invited by a friend (girl) at work for dinner at her place together with 2 other friends (from work as while, but I only know them by name & face). I am thinking of declining as I don't want to upset my girlfriend, but I really wanted to go as it will be a gathering of Malaysians.

To put into context, I am currently living in the UK and my girlfriend is from China. We've been together for almost 7 years now, engaged and planning to get married in a year. But sometimes, she can be emotionally insecure and gets jealous easily and whenever we have arguments, she'll end up saying things like "why don't you find a 同乡 (fellow countrymen) to be with" or "why don't you go back to your ex" or "why don't you find someone younger / cuter" etc.

Because of this, I'm very self-aware whenever making friends. Before moving to the UK, I have 2 very close colleagues at work (girl) in which I have no romantic attraction to whatsoever - only gratitude because they helped me out a lot when I first started - but had to make things cordial just because my girlfriend is jealous of them. Here, I try not to be so friendly with girls and only know this one Malaysian girl in the office next door. We're just normal work acquaintances, and because it's a small building after all, she introduced me to the 2 other Malaysians in the building. Oh, and all 3 of them are Malaysian Chinese if that helps.

I think as are typical of Malaysian overseas, we like to have gatherings and cook local food that we miss - which is what this dinner is about. I'm looking forward to eat local food and just talk together as fellow Malaysians, but I'm just afraid to go because I don't want to upset my girlfriend.

What do forumers here think? Should I go? How can guys make close friends with the opposite gender without inciting jealousy from their partner - is it impossible?

Thank you.

ps. Please no flaming comments like "why you chose someone from China" or "you should just break up" or something similar without knowing me nor my circumstance. I genuinely wanted advice on how to navigate this, understand a women's heart and whether it is improper for attached men to have friends from the opposite gender.

You are thinking too much. Just go. It's just a gathering.
Regarding your jealous GF, that can't be help. As long u are being honest with yourself and her, nothing to worry about.
I don't think your relationship is so fragile that it can break by attending gathering. If it is then it's not meant to be which is a blessing in disguise.

if going to dinner with friends also can cause issues with her, imagine the next 50 years down the road

u r sure about your decision?

Bring your gf together, let her experience Malaysian culture (food). Its not very complicated.

just go. you will look back and regret after you marry.

you married, don't go.

explain the situation to her and why you want to go. whatever her respond is, that will set the tone for your marriage

to understand better, what is stopping u from inviting your girlfriend along?

secondly, u guys are engaged right? how did u managed to get so far into a relationship with this person without the basic trust? or do u have had history of getting too close to another woman before hence the trauma surfacing?

Would you allow her to go alone to a gathering of China Chinese men?
Why would you not invite your fiance along to the gathering?

Get permission from your friends whether they ok to have your fiancé. If they happen to ask, then explain that it is your initiative that you want her to explore/enjoy Malaysian culture, the world you came from. The idea is to give a positive impression.
If ok, then invite your fiancé and explain to her that you really really want to go. Assure her that you will keep your safe distance (minimal physical contact) and keep your level-headedness (e.g. avoid getting intoxicated). Assuming you and your friends have no ulterior motives, then your fiancé has absolutely nothing to be worried about and you can enjoy the gathering together.

Taking a step back, I think this small event is a good opportunity for you both to learn how to trust each other more. That said, you're already together for 7 years, long enough for anyone to be (too) comfortable in the status quo, so if you love her and you want more freedom in life, you'll need extra effort to make it happen, good luck.

go and send occasional updates? snap photos but sit far from girls?

A)dont go..can make up excuses
B)just go..why the need to tell gf?
C) just tell gf its a company dinner
D)bring along gay/guy friend....

just a socialize, somemore same kampung good for chit chat and gathering. if you gf gathering with other handsome guy, u jelly ?

It's just dinner bro, besides there are 4 of you.

Hangout meeting new people, food. This is very normal

If you gf can't take it, She desn't deserved you.

Yeah she is giving out huge red flag energy....

Oh wait, if you have been together with 7 years and still hasn't communicated properly, you have part of the responsibilities..

being married will not solve the entire problem if you and her is not aligned with core values

If she's insecure, it's either her trauma hasn't been released and it's not your entire responsibility to solve her issue. But you can guide her by being more open about your communication

If you keep dragging or refused to do so, then you're likely to be traumatized also

Seek professional helps if both of you still refuse to engage with this matter

we as forummers cannot give you an exact answer. Because we are not you, and only yourself is aware with your past experiences, belief system and emotions

there are people who just instant "ignite" flame when facing a very small matter. My parent is still having this issue eventhough they're already in their 60s

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Oct 7 2025, 03:15 PM

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Just to be clear - I'm not expecting an answer here, but just wanted some general advice & if possible, get a girl's perspective on this. Anyway, closing this topic now - thanks everyone who replied.