So yesterday after church I went to lunch with friend. He told me that his wife and him are in rough patch. It was so bad that he had a meltdown and went bat shit crazy. What trigger the meltdown was years of bottling emotion and stress. He have no family, his mother is biased towards him as the rest of his siblings are more successful. His family went to family dinner once a month at the sister's house, and no one invited him. So the only family he have now is his wife and kids, and he put all his soul into it. He mentioned that when we had a meltdown, his daughter was scared and cried, and that stopped his meltdown instantly, but after that he went drive somewhere alone to clear his mind. He also mentioned that his wife is not the same women he knew back then. According to him, his wife is more complacent now, have no ambition, knowing that he will provide for everything they need. He also mentioned that during the meltdown, his wife asked for divorce/separation right in front of the kids.

He wanted to make things good again, or at least working for them. So he had a talk with his wife. While he was proposing a solution, the wife keep on pointing mistakes. He proposed for couple counseling, but the wife is against it. She say what is the use of talking to other people about family affair. His wife is a bit on kampung side, not well educated, just high school cert. While he gives out reasons why couple therapy is the solution, the wife keep on pointing mistake, and a simple talk turn into fight again. Finally the wife agreed to go for counselling, but knowing his wife, he is very positive that the wife will just go for the sake of going, and will not take any advice or willing to change. It had been that way since they were married.

Honestly speaking, I went to therapist too to solve my issue, and for me, it only work if u are willing to open up, talk and listen. In his wife case, she is willing to talk, but never listen. They used to be happy family. The kids are well mannered too.

Any of u here went for couple therapy, or at least encountered the same issue? I really want to help them, I pity the kids. I grew up in broken house, so I know the feeling growing up without a father. Even my friend agree for co-parenting, knowing the wife, she will take everything in her own hand and will screw up everything.

Please help.

Yes, from what i can see the wife dont even look for ways to amend. Maybe its dead end, but my friend willing to give it another try.

Yes its the guy. He told me nothing physical, just him screaming and crying and throwing stuff on the wall.

For all the time I know that guy, he never cry. Not even when his father passed away. He was so used to bottling up his feeling. He never even throw stuff or get angry to that level.

Exactly my thoughts too. But maybe with the right psychologist, the wife will open up and be better. Who knows.

No doubt there are some things that he didnt tell me. He is the kind of person that keep things to himself, very rare to see him open up. Maybe the problem lies with his attitude of not opening up. He was raised like a soldier, to maintain composure and present calm front no matter what happen. His motto is "no one care about u or your feeling, unless it benefit them", so i genuinely think he need to talk more about his feelings. Hard tos ay, we are not in their shoes.

that one is psychiatrist lah. Psychiatrist is a doctor that studied psychology and have the right to give medication. Psychologist on the other hand are not allowed to prescribe any medication.

i think so too. The thing is he was raised by a man that told him, being a man, u must show u are tough. No one cares about men feeling. And as such, he tend to hold his feeling since he was a kid.

Im also a father and I also stressed. Stress with my company, work, house, family. Kids not as I expect them to be. Have to work, and expected to help with house chores too. I understand that well too haha

I was speechless too when I heard about it. I tried to reason, maybe its small gathering or the house to small to invite everyone.

Turn out its a big family dinner which involved the sisters in laws too, and the sister live in a mansion with separate dining area that can accommodate 12 people sitting at the table.

He is quite wealthy tbh. He owned his own company, earning close to 15mil per year (company earning lah, not him personally). His house also quite big and spacious, they even have their own reading room. So money is not an issue for him. His kids goes to Alice Smith, and if u know anything about private school, u will know how expensive is that school.

Maybe. I do sense some toxic trait from himself. Donno why I was selected to be his close friend, but I just accept it.

I share the same thoughts too. Maybe they both can go for couple theraphy, and the therapist can do one on one with him self to assess the issue.

Edited : thanks for the PDF, seems like a good book.

This post has been edited by *lightbringer*: Sep 22 2025, 10:50 AM

Luckily he dont really like to drink.

Money no issue, time is the issue. the time taken to fix the issue is an essence in this situation. The more he/they drag it, the worse it can be.

What do u mean traditional way?

I dont really talk to the wife, and I have no intention to be the middle man between them. Honestly I just care about the kids. I saw them grew up, oldest one is 13 years old. he used to be happy kid, but now he look so fragile. Not sure because of teenage hormone or other issue.

what is the difference?

Not about my friend there, but I have the same problem now with my kids. More or less the same situation, but not problem at school, mostly house problem. So i blamed my wife because i thought she should be good role model as she is always at home, and same as u, it went to fight almost every day. The thing about us is that we already set the role. I am a father and a provider, so I provided. She is stay at home mum, so she manages home. The problem started when I over achieve, and we started to do well in life. I expect her to over achieve in home management too, and I tend to expect more and more.

Your story made me realized that we are different from each other, and we cant compare our achievement apple to apple. Nothing is as solid as black and white.

We are still trying to adapt, but reading your story made me more realize that we are human after all.

Come to think of it, yes it is. Housewife is one of the worst job in the world.

Kind of bad tempered person, easily triggered. I saw him nag at people for leaving the restaurant door open, or not saying thank you for holding the door of lift. I advised him on that, he told me he was raised in a well mannered family, so he expected everyone to do the same. at least basic P's and Q's. Told him not everyone was raised that way, he told me those things can learn one. Hard to win with that guy too

Not directly affecting. I also donno why, but based on what he said, his family is quite materialistic. He is richer than me, but his siblings is richer than him.

Memang no friend pun. I am his only friend at the church. His workplace also no friend. He sees human as dispensable.

I think same goes for the husband too.

Being a christian have nothing to do with this. Sure, we met at church, but being a christian got nothing to do with it. All your point shows only him being a cristian, go to church, and when u talking about your neighbour, u also pointed out him being a cristian. Mind you, this is serious k. The only things u dont mentioned being a chistian is only your 4th paragraph, and that the only thing u said that make sense.

Im a christian too, and I have no such problem. Focus on the problem here, and dont focus on christian.

Yes, being a cristian have nothing to do with it. Its his personal problem. And all u pointed out was him being a christian. A lot of people go to mosque or temple too, and not all practice what their religion taught them to. Religion and people doesnt work that way. All religion taught peace, but all the followers follow it. If they do, then we achieve world peace already.

Keep your hatred towards other religion to yourself. The topic is about seeing a psychologist, and u turned it into a christian problem.

Read post #46, and u can see i even give up when arguing with that guy. I dont even side with him, but i pity the kids. So when he come to me for advise, i try my best for the sake of the kids. Why? because I know what its like growing up without father.

All we can do is give him advise. Maybe he wont listen to me, or the preacher, or the wife, or the sibling. But maybe he will listen to psychologist. He is the kind of buy that judge people based on credential, so I have hope he will listen to psychologist, maybe one that have PhD as he himself only have Master.