some people believe in the concept of a soul mate

i can say that this is very rare indeed

as a married man, this is a sincere advise

if you don't want to have kids, don't get married unless you really found your soul mate

after 20 years of marriage, with the pressure of work and other financial issues, many /most people will tell you that you need something to bond your relationship from drifting away and that bond is normally kids

if course some people have pets and annual holidays as a bond but will that be enough

really to all men who don't want kids, don't get married

if you are lonely in your 40s and 50s, look for sugar baby

I feel like getting married, settling down and have kids is such a traditional Asian thing. Not necessarily a bad thing but seeing how things are turning out for some married couples? Getting divrced? Kids being put in positions they don't have control over? Both couples getting mental health issues? Nah. If that's how it's going to be - then may as well just stay single for your own benefit and betterment. MArriage is not for everyone.

As a man in my mid-thirties, marriage today comes with significant trade-offs, especially for men. Financially, the responsibilities tend to weigh more heavily on us — housing loans, car payments, children’s education, insurance, and day-to-day expenses often fall on our shoulders. By the end of the month, there’s usually very little left for ourselves.

In many modern relationships, expectations can feel one-sided — men are still often seen as the primary providers. When financial pressures arise, the burden or blame tends to fall disproportionately on us.

It’s worth asking yourself whether you’re truly ready for that level of responsibility and compromise. The reality is, staying single offers more freedom — the ability to focus on personal growth, financial independence, and enjoying life on your own terms.

At the end of the day, marriage does have its positives — companionship, emotional support, and shared purpose — but it’s important to be honest about the costs as well. For many men, the balance increasingly feels skewed. So think carefully before making that commitment.

Ps: if your salary is less then 10k per month don’t even think about marriage.

Let me correct the stigma. I got married when my salary was barely RM3k. And we're still together 17 years later. It's not marriage that cost you money. If is family, if one chooses to start having children. Of course we're now well over 5 figure, but we have no children as we know then that we do not want the financial burden and the world simply isn't the same. There are so many more dangers lurking around the corner.

Of coz cost of living has gone up. But merely highlighting the cost isn't in marriage itself. It is in the cost of raising children if one starts a family. Because the options comes down to, do you want quality living for your child, or do you want more children with lesser quality of living (unless of course you're financially capable). My message is more for the common average joes with less than RM20k per month take home.

RM3K a month 17 years ago is very different from RM3K today.

money is not everything but unfortunately everything needs money

money can solve almost 95% of most people problem

finding a support and understanding spouse is the key to happiness.

but unfortunately, time changes most people, for better or for worse.

That's why I said at the end, for someone with a household income of under RM20k in today's era, that also requires careful consideration. My friends prioritizes quality education these days, over having more children but reduced opportunities.

Hence, before even getting married, one must know himself or herself if children is a criteria or not, and then ensuring the partner is in the same line of thoughts before popping the question. There are many who proposed only to find out later that they don't align on starting a family. I'm lucky to have found one who doesn't want kids like myself.