some people believe in the concept of a soul mate

i can say that this is very rare indeed

as a married man, this is a sincere advise

if you don't want to have kids, don't get married unless you really found your soul mate

after 20 years of marriage, with the pressure of work and other financial issues, many /most people will tell you that you need something to bond your relationship from drifting away and that bond is normally kids

if course some people have pets and annual holidays as a bond but will that be enough

really to all men who don't want kids, don't get married

if you are lonely in your 40s and 50s, look for sugar baby

I feel like getting married, settling down and have kids is such a traditional Asian thing. Not necessarily a bad thing but seeing how things are turning out for some married couples? Getting divrced? Kids being put in positions they don't have control over? Both couples getting mental health issues? Nah. If that's how it's going to be - then may as well just stay single for your own benefit and betterment. MArriage is not for everyone.

As a man in my mid-thirties, marriage today comes with significant trade-offs, especially for men. Financially, the responsibilities tend to weigh more heavily on us — housing loans, car payments, children’s education, insurance, and day-to-day expenses often fall on our shoulders. By the end of the month, there’s usually very little left for ourselves.

In many modern relationships, expectations can feel one-sided — men are still often seen as the primary providers. When financial pressures arise, the burden or blame tends to fall disproportionately on us.

It’s worth asking yourself whether you’re truly ready for that level of responsibility and compromise. The reality is, staying single offers more freedom — the ability to focus on personal growth, financial independence, and enjoying life on your own terms.

At the end of the day, marriage does have its positives — companionship, emotional support, and shared purpose — but it’s important to be honest about the costs as well. For many men, the balance increasingly feels skewed. So think carefully before making that commitment.

Ps: if your salary is less then 10k per month don’t even think about marriage.

Let me correct the stigma. I got married when my salary was barely RM3k. And we're still together 17 years later. It's not marriage that cost you money. If is family, if one chooses to start having children. Of course we're now well over 5 figure, but we have no children as we know then that we do not want the financial burden and the world simply isn't the same. There are so many more dangers lurking around the corner.

Of coz cost of living has gone up. But merely highlighting the cost isn't in marriage itself. It is in the cost of raising children if one starts a family. Because the options comes down to, do you want quality living for your child, or do you want more children with lesser quality of living (unless of course you're financially capable). My message is more for the common average joes with less than RM20k per month take home.

RM3K a month 17 years ago is very different from RM3K today.

money is not everything but unfortunately everything needs money

money can solve almost 95% of most people problem

finding a support and understanding spouse is the key to happiness.

but unfortunately, time changes most people, for better or for worse.

That's why I said at the end, for someone with a household income of under RM20k in today's era, that also requires careful consideration. My friends prioritizes quality education these days, over having more children but reduced opportunities.

Hence, before even getting married, one must know himself or herself if children is a criteria or not, and then ensuring the partner is in the same line of thoughts before popping the question. There are many who proposed only to find out later that they don't align on starting a family. I'm lucky to have found one who doesn't want kids like myself.

I think the main takeaway here is to choose your partner wisely if you intend to get married. Marry someone with the same values and goals as yourself. Children or not, it boils down to if you and your husband/wife have the same values towards money and life. What kind of quality of life is expected? What is acceptable and what does each of you want? If the values and goals align, then 10k or 3k a month doesn't really matter because both of you will work together as a team towards your goals.

Couples these days don't talk about the hard things before tying the knot. Only to find out that they don't align later on. There are many things that are non-negotiable in a relationship and will build resentment, like children and financial values.

Most people don't even have individual goals set, or know their value systems/principles, etc. How to discuss as a couple?

rm3k is like a poor lifestyle as a single man in kl
5k also pity already as parents with a kid only
you never know what kind of thing suddenly requires money
now I understand why most guys cannot find a long term in 2025

Well those people aren’t suitable to be my partners then. They may be suitable for others and I wish them all the best. Some people like to lead and some like to follow. Some prefer to work together as a team. Everyone has their own preference just like anything else.

Im in my 50s single (divorced) and life is usually quite chill.

But earlier this year, caught one of those bad influenza bug. Being alone and sick sucks. Was thinking how nice to be married and having someone at home to help you out.

And as one ages, illness will.become more frequent. Good reason to be married I think.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Nov 30 2025, 09:13 AM

Oh, when all is fine, being single is chill. But now look for partner only because you want someone to look after you ... no wonder, in sickness and in health is a game to some.

You want help, hire a maid. You want happiness, hire a hooker. In between, you can continue to chill. No need to get married (again).

I already have a maid who comes once a week to clean house and do laundry.

I also have a GF, but we dont live together. We are in LDR. She will do a sleepover at my place every few weeks or we go for holidays.

So yeah, life is quite chill.

And no hookers, this type of sex is no longer appealing for me.

A lawyer’s warning about modern marriages and the rise of authoritarian wives
A Malaysian lawyer shares eye-opening real cases of modern marriages where men continue providing financially yet live in fear, controlled by authoritarian wives. This GC analysis explores shifting gender dynamics, why traditional frameworks are collapsing, and what today’s men are quietly suffering behind closed doors.

https://gentlemanscodes.com/ask-the-gentlem...oritarian-wives