Now we have 4 “valentines” day.

1. Valentine’s day
2. 520
3. Chinese valentine’s day
4. National girlfriend day

men themselves also cultivate such habits

they themselves compete among each other to spend more on women

Have money, no need reason to buy. no money, have 101 excuses not to buy.

have money to lick people feet ended up become pathetic
it's the mentality that comes with having money

It seems like the issue is being generalized toward women, with an emphasis placed primarily on spending. However, I'd like to expand the discussion to a broader perspective: over-spending is certainly a problem, but excessive frugality — the refusal to spend when appropriate — is also harmful.

This concern was already addressed almost 1,500 years ago by Yan Zhitui (531–591 CE) — a scholar, official, and moralist who served multiple Chinese dynasties: Liang, Northern Qi, Northern Zhou, and Sui. His timeless message remains strikingly relevant even in today’s context:

“节俭是美德的共有部分，奢侈是大恶。但如果节俭过头就成了吝啬，奢侈过头就成了浪费。读书人的行为，最贵在把握中庸节度。”

"Frugality is a shared virtue; extravagance is a great vice. Yet excessive frugality becomes stinginess, while excessive extravagance turns into waste. For a gentleman, the noblest conduct lies in balanced moderation."— Yan Zhitui

From this quote, we can see that even in ancient times, people recognized the dangers of both excessive frugality and excessive extravagance:

Excessive Frugality (过俭为吝): Stinginess Breeds Resentment

• Within Family
Yan Zhitui warns that being overly stingy with one’s spouse, children, or household members creates emotional distance. Loved ones may feel unloved, neglected, or undervalued.
He emphasizes that even a frugal person must know when and how to spend — especially on education, basic comfort, and meaningful rituals.

• Among Friends & Social Circles
Stinginess damages one’s reputation. A gentleman who hoards wealth may lose the respect of his peers, being seen as selfish, untrustworthy, or emotionally cold.

• Impact on Legacy
A stingy parent may pass down a culture of fear and scarcity, rather than abundance and virtue — leading their children to either grow up miserly or rebel with reckless spending.

Excessive Extravagance (过侈为奢): Waste Weakens Foundations

• Within Family
Overspending leads to financial instability. Yan Zhitui cautions that raising children in luxury can make them entitled, fragile, and unable to endure hardship.
He advocates moderation, so that children inherit both the means and the character to live stable, grounded lives.

• Social Image
Extravagant people may attract envy and false flattery, but not genuine respect. Others may stay close only for personal gain — not loyalty.
The cost of status is often loneliness and eventual decline.

• Moral Degradation
A life of luxury fosters vanity and pride — traits that compromise the Confucian gentleman's moral integrity. It also desensitizes one from the struggles of the less fortunate.

What Yan Advocates Instead
“士君子之行，贵乎中节。”
"The conduct of a gentleman lies in balanced moderation."

• Spend with discernment, not impulse.
• Give with heart, not just money.
• Maintain dignity without arrogance, and frugality without bitterness.

~

It's not just about consumerism. Consumerism is only one side of the problem — it encourages over-spending, materialism, and emotional dependence on buying.

But on the other side lies excessive frugality — the refusal to spend even when appropriate, which breeds emotional distance, resentment, and inherited scarcity mindsets.

Both extremes are harmful. One feeds the illusion that love must be bought; the other withholds warmth in the name of virtue.

True wisdom lies in balanced discernment — knowing when to spend, when to save, and why it matters.

men themselves also cultivate such habits

they themselves compete among each other to spend more on women