Hmm, not sure if the thread is still active, but in a story telling mode, so here goes

I met my husband in college, so there's no way to tell who is going to earn more in the future. It is not an important factor to me, but I recognise this being a societal expectation and can strain our relationship due to men ego

Our career path is different, and somewhat uneven; for half the time my pay is more than his, as at today, he earns more than me, but I would say, by Msia standard, we make good income and live comfortably

My husband did not make a big deal out of me earning more when I do, just teasingly talk about it in front of kids and say I should pay for more stuffs. We don't do 50:50, we just have a system of this is what you pay and and what I pay. I also organise and pay for all the holiday bookings, which I don't think he realise how expensive it gets, he will pay for ground costs when we are there

Does it get into his ego? My guess is a little bit. Other than to his boss, where he use my pay as a package negotiation, he doesnt tell any friends or family that I make more. I don't mind it since I have always kept a low profile of my pay and position. But I do wish he is proud of what I've achieve professionally, which I don't feel that he does. I also do not have lavish lifestyle or much luxury items so it's not obvious.

I have friends where the wife makes significantly more than their husbands, it's not easy at all. Quite a few of them got divorced or having thoughts to get divorced. I do know a guy with a very successful wife who love his wife to bits and brave through the societal pressure he has to face. It's not easy at all.

Btw, I think it's 2 different things - the guys think they will be happy that their wives make more than them, and when they are living that as a reality

I think the question is - Why did the husband did not do as well

If it is because he chose a noble cause in life and pursuing career based on his passion; eg: participate in Doctors without border, work for gov hosp although could come out to be specialist in private hospitals because he can help more people - I cannot imagine the wife not being supportive, both emotionally and monetary wise; or the husband is in gov service and couldn't go far because he has integrity and refused to take bribes or do whatever the boss demands so he can be promoted.

But if he didn't make much because he refused to put in effort and do the best he can in his career, then is it so wrong that the wife lose respect? Especially if the wife tries to advise him on how to progress and go far in his career

Of course, on the flip side, if the wife is willing to do whatever to make more $$$, obviously it's not going to work well even in the first category I just described

I don't know what is the point of this reply other than to brag. Come back when your other half earns similar amount as you, don't have to be higher or 4 times, and tell us if you feel the same way

Perhaps your bf should understand that it is not just monetary or material things that will make you feel loved, but the gift could be in the form of something really thoughtful but not necessarily expensive; like getting you a good neck pillow if you travel a lot, a silk pillow case so you don't have hair loss from friction or messy hair in the morning
Or it could be a service type gift like giving you a nice massage, takeover the kitchen for a week, takeover the chores etc

That way hopefully it doesn't strain his finances as much

To be honest, when I read this reply, I mostly felt annoyed because there's so much victim mindset in it. I cannot get the girl not because I'm not good enough, but it's because women are materialistic, they only want ppl who earn more than them, it's all women's fault.

I can understand why a lot of successful women go for men who are more successful than them, because this fragile male ego thing is just exhausting, and they tend to have better things to spend their time on. Especially after a few bad experiences.

Besides, if the women has been successful and single for a while, you can't expect her to hide her wealth and success just to make men look good, she would likely be unwilling to.

If more men can practice what they say - be proud and supportive of their other half who are more successful than them in career and wealth; then maybe the situation can improve. Besides, all of us needs to be less defined by our career and wealth, so that we don't feel that is the only thing that validate if we are successful in life or not.

I feel that this is not a prevalent issue in Malaysia, you see a lot more of this problem in Singapore partly due to national service requirement for Singaporean men; and more equal career opportunities to women in Singapore.