There is this chinese saying nan ren bu huai ,nui ren bu ai .Guy don't learn bad ,girl will not fall in love (rough bananaism).

I been seeking such answer for such approach but i never really the essence of it .

Anyone willing to share their view?

Its in the same realm of "People who can fight, don't need to fight"

If a fat lonely virgin says that "I choose to be single". It has no meaning, cause its not like he has women flocking over him. If a successful playboy who gets women anytime he wants say it, then it has meaning.

Similarly, most "good guys" or "nice guys" are only that way because they have no choice. Its the only strategy available to them to get attention.

So what happens when the "nice guy" needs to defend his woman from a "bad guy"? You think he's going to stand up to him? No, most of the time they cower and run. So much so, its biologically ingrained in women to detect this.

To be able to fight bad guys, your man must be able to be bad as well. That's why its an attractive quality.

The phrase you’re referring to, "男人不坏，女人不爱" (nán rén bù huài, nǚ rén bù ài), loosely translates to, "If a man isn’t bad, a woman won’t love him." It’s a popular saying in Chinese culture and is often used to describe the idea that women might be more drawn to men who display a bit of edginess or unpredictability.

Unpacking the Phrase
At its core, this saying suggests that some women may find a certain level of rebelliousness or boldness in men attractive. However, it’s important to note that "bad" here doesn’t necessarily mean morally wrong or harmful. Instead, it often refers to a playful sense of confidence, charisma, and an ability to break away from routine—qualities that can make someone appear intriguing and exciting.

The Psychology Behind It
Psychologically, this aligns with the classic "bad boy" trope, which portrays men as confident, self-assured, and sometimes even a bit challenging. This can make them seem more appealing, especially in the early stages of attraction. It’s the aura of unpredictability that adds a sense of adventure, which can be alluring to some. However, it's not so much about the "bad" behavior itself but more about the confidence and excitement these traits represent.

Still, it's crucial to understand that this isn't a universal rule. Not all women are attracted to men with these characteristics, and personal preferences vary widely. For many, lasting attraction is rooted more in kindness, emotional connection, and shared values than in the thrill of unpredictability.

Long-term Relationship Dynamics
While a "bad boy" persona might spark initial interest, sustainable relationships typically thrive on trust, respect, and genuine emotional connection—qualities that often fall outside of the stereotypical "bad boy" image. Real, long-term attraction is built on authenticity, communication, and mutual respect, regardless of whether someone fits a particular archetype.

Cultural and Modern Context
It’s also worth noting that this saying reflects more traditional views of romantic dynamics that might not be as relevant in today’s context. Modern relationships emphasize equality, compatibility, and mutual growth over rigid stereotypes.

Fun Fact
Interestingly, research suggests that people generally find confidence attractive, but this attraction often extends beyond mere rebelliousness. Studies, like one from the University of California, reveal that traits like kindness, humor, and intelligence often rank just as highly as confidence. So, while the saying hints at a particular kind of attraction, it’s one of many factors that play into romantic dynamics rather than a hard-and-fast rule.

How do I start being that kind of guy? I am very very tired being the red flag version of nice guy.

Basically you just promise everything without feeling guilt just for the sake of piap.

The other day I ran into my ex-uni mate, while I was at a mall. The dude is a successful director probably 50k per month pay, drives mercedes.

But when I asked him whether he settled down, he said he is too tied up at work and he is too nerdy for any gal to fall in love with.

I was like, huh?

Then while i was in an assignment with my awek junior colleague, she complained her husband lost his job due to health issues, stay at home, had his foot cut off for diabetics, can't walk, then she has to die die take care of 3 kids, the youngest being 3yo.

She has to work her ass off for the family.

Hmm, I guess the bad boy wins.

This post has been edited by hoonanoo: Nov 10 2024, 11:36 PM

Just to piap?

need to have that kind of mentality

To borrow from Deng Xiaoping

You have to be a nice guy with bad boy characteristics.

Study the traits of a bad boy and incorporate some of it into your mindset and actions.

bad boys can be alluring for low self esteem females. Because their subconscious is embedded with feeling undesirable/unloved. Every female dream scenario is to find a rich+good looking+stronger sense of reality man. You can be attractive to most females if you're able to withstand pressure from every aspect, its biology.

this sounds like cultural differences rather than bad boy/good guy

I don't want get aids from cheapos

Got any link?

But which link should I begin.. I'm sick of being rejected

Try this one to start

how old are you?
what you're good at?
etc
what you're looking for?

identify some of these, a lot of guys do not have bad boy quality
you can be a sweet charming or licking dog to get some of female attention

well in a sense that awek husband is like a bad guy, because she likes him even though he can't bring food on the table and he is saddled with health issues that he sits down all day next to his hemodialysis machine.

Its just another scam!

When girl let you know she just need your "Care, Attention, Support and Honesty", please try your excellent to figure out the real meaning!

Your friend "Successful Director", 101% is playboy! Everybody have secret!

maybe