How long the neurochemical last based on your experiences

I did unblock and apologised to him 1-2(?) year after my abrupt cut-off back then, and we chatted for a bit there, but that was the last time we talked. In total, it's already a few years by now and I still feel the same way: it's regrettable I couldn't maintain this friendship and he was a very nice person and a good friend. However it's really awkward on my side -- I don't know how he feels about my previous actions that only gave him nothing but trouble, added with all that rollercoaster feelings I had back then... I don't feel that anymore but I still remember and maybe a sliver of those feelings won't ever go away, I guess that's nostalgia speaking.

I'm happier without him around, but the only other awkward thing now is that... We share a mutual good friend and I still feel like he's still trying not to put us in the same situation or something for example... He didn't attend this mutual friend's wedding, I did. I'm not in a position to ask why he didn't, because this mutual friend knows how I felt about him so I don't want to cause misunderstanding by asking. Yeah you get the gist... Lol.

Edit: clarified timeline

I don't know if this is good for you OP but I had a similar experience where she reject me and stay as friends/ bro.
but after some time again, I succeed and we are getting married soon

Congratz man. Was it hard back then when you have to settle as friends?

As for me, I've decided not to chase her anymore. Recently she did something that really turn me off. She is not as nice as I thought.

She have the guts to "borrow" more money from me, before paying the previous one. Before this she always pay first before borrowing again.

The way she asked is not nice either. No backstory, no sharing her problems, she straightaway just send account number to me.

When confronted about it, she acts like I'm the one in the wrong. In the end she just say "nvm" and we have stopped contacting each other since.

Surprisingly I don't feel sad at all, as if nothing of value was lost. She can keep the previous loan of around rm100 for all I care.

Yup, very cheap lesson indeed. Knowing her relationship with her previous boyfriend, could've easily been 5 digits instead.

Looking at you yes.
Quite clear she is using you as rebound guy.
But from the way you write , you don't even know you are the rebound guy.

From the way you fall in love with her . It looks like you don't have much experience with women.
So yes, until you have more experience with women, you shouldn't contact her. I wouldn't say don't contact her , but  treat her as an acquaintance, a hi bye friend.

I know her bf spent a lot on her, but she told me she never asked for it, so I give her benefit of the doubt. Seems like her actions and her words are complete opposite.
It was not that hard once I realize the ideal person I like is far from ideal.

Having mutual friends def fucked up ur mental, it’s either u or her having the mutual friend group in the end, fortunately some shit happened in the middle of the duration after that and got back with the friend group, well, excluding her, and she found herself her friend group, nonetheless, still kind awkward tho whenever we meet f2f, I would just completely ignore her as if she was invisible cuz fuck y not

But definitely can’t be friends because of the recurring feelings when u two are together in the same settings, n u know damn well chances of getting together is slimmer to none, and secondly the awkwardness, cuz fuck being supressed expressing urself while in a group of mutual friends like u gotta act cool but ur inside is not

lol I’m too late to the party I guess

Maybe ..just maybe she saw your suffering and decided to help u...by 'killing' u off by being a disgusting person to u. She is your friend so she might know what would tick u off.
What do u think about this?