Early 30s. Recently started a role in Project Management. Two weeks in, tendered resignation letter. To cut the story short, found out a bully from a former workplace works there and we'll be working laterally. When I tendered my resignation letter, HR did probe and I told them as is.

Can't do much as the bullying didn't fall under the current company's purview, and the most they can do is ensure the bullying will not happen in my new company. It's not so much of the intimidation I'm afraid of, I simply do not want to be in any proximity to them, let alone the same organization.

Have since been involved in several back-and-forth conversations with HR and eventually confirmed my intention to proceed with resignation. HR has informally suggested a reconsideration.

Truthfully, part of me wants to stay, as I can see the management and my manager are doing their best to ensure no harm comes to me. However, a part of me wants to go, simply because the bully's presence has stripped all excitement I have of the job.

Job-wise, I think the learning curve is great and the potential is there. It's an interesting role but as with all Project Management-based roles, client-facing is something I dislike. But I will say I had to take a far bigger paycut than I was expecting too.

My biggest concern is, will I be looking at long-term unemployment if I leave now? I have no commitments, but I don't want to be involved in a long-term unemployment with how everyone's been telling me the economy is absolutely bad now. Can I quit, and still find employment within 1-2 months time?

If any recruiters or HR practitioners are familiar with the job market, would appreciate your advice. Project Management is fine but given how short-lived my experience is, I suppose I'll have to return to a creative role.

well why let the bully ruin something good for you?

you are allowing them to live rent-free in your head.

bring them on, see who's afraid of who…remember bully only targets the weak, fight them man. wtf, show them who da man!

truthfully, with this economy, having a job is better than none, dont let those bully spoilt it for you

I fully agree with this. Sometimes its time to flight and sometime its time to confront and fight.

Since you have the backing of your HR and manager, why not give it another attempt?

I totally get why you wouldn't want to hang around if the job's sucking the joy out of your life. Sometimes you just gotta bail for your own sanity. As for the job market, who knows what's around the corner, right? But I've seen people in similar situations bounce back surprisingly fast. With your skills, you might land something better sooner than you think.

I think TS has a couple of issues going on at the same time and the confluence of these factors formed a perfect storm of uncertainty and caused him or her to come to this decision to quit.

The bully and the pay cut both had roles to play, as did the customer facing role.

The question TS has to ask himself is which of these factors contributed the biggest portion to his decision, ceteris paribus?

Once you discern the main issue from the peripheral chatter, you can begin to break down the problem and come up with specific strategies to mitigate the situation.

Good luck.

If bully were the main contribution for you to quit (since u have mentioned about the bully a few times)

Remember that quitting is automatically giving the Bully a free win

If its going to affect ur mental health then just leave. Money can always be found one way or another bro.

better to stay.
there is no forever enemy

If u leave, u just strengthening the bully perception and ego that he is in fact superior. Stay and fight back (non violence)

If the bully is going to be someone that is higher ranking than u, I would also quit. No point everyday think about it. In work there's many ways to bully that HR can't even see. At the end u might end up be labeled as weak, non productive worker.

everywhere you go, you might face same issue.

i know how it can feel

ask hr for maybe a wfh arrangement for a while while you decide

or at least try to get a job before you let this go

i am finding it so hard to get one now in this market. just too many applicants

Usually I would support such move to leave. But seeing that management already express their support for you... why not stay?

Thanks for the kind words guys. I'm reading each and every one of your replies, and I can see some of you getting enraged on my behalf, hahaha.

To clarify, I'm not leaving just so my bully gets the last laugh. I simply want nothing to do with them and to know that they event exist in my life at the moment is upsetting. In fact, I'd confront them if I can but I don't wanna risk making a scene.

hksgmy understands where I'm coming from. I would say the presence of bully was what kickstarted the thought of daring to resign in 2 short weeks. There are many other factors at play too, though if I had to pick a second factor, I'd fault client-facing being another putoff. Great role, but I'd rather be managing my own team than stakeholders . Alas, we can't have it all. The largest concern I have here is my job hunting prospects after resignation.

I am however, quite fundamentally a solo-ist, and enjoy the simple pleasures of working by myself.

But to the million dollar question - How bad is the market, I'm seeing lots of people agreeing that the market is absolutely shite at the moment? I took an 18% paycut and am worried the next job, if I get one in due time, is another 10 - 20% paycut, which is ugh.

This post has been edited by pastafreak26: Apr 5 2024, 01:21 AM

how come so coincidentally that bully joins the same company with you again? are you in such a small industry?

Probably. The current organization I work in is quite prestigious and I believe many creatives have flocked over for better pay and benefits as they seem to be the only one offering above average market pay.

if you're single with low commitments, just do what is best for your sanity. once you're married with children, you will have to suck it up even if you're in hell, unless you've still got your papa and mummy to back you up; and you can again afford to move to another workplace.

I was like you before, and i resented not fighting back.
Just go all out bro, fight back and make a scene.
make sure, you can blame the fault at the guy.
can't let bully win, without a good fight.

Why did you take a large paycut for a position you don't seem to like?
Was it related to the bully? In other words, the victim was you?

I think it is hard to say if the labor market is shite or not. Probably shite for some fields but not for others.
So, I think you should know best if your field is shite or not.

Meanwhile, I want to share another thing that comes into my mind too.
While you are hunting for your next job, you probably should start to think how to answer the following question:

Why did you leave your previous company within 2 weeks?

Depends on your answer, it might give your potential employer a bad impression.
Or you might want to hide this experience without the potential employer thinking that you are dishonest.

This post has been edited by Dark Lord: Apr 5 2024, 11:55 AM

Few reasons. The decision to switch roles stemmed from a difficult time in locating any opportunities remotely suitable to what I do. The market pay for the role I'm looking at is significantly lower than what I received previously. After months of trying and still nothing promising, I made the tough call to explore roles outside my expertise. Then came this role which was recommended by a recruiter.

Perhaps in a combination of how everyone kept telling me that times are bad and wanting to be employed within my timeline, I accepted the job offer that I currently have in order to make full use of my time. In terms of a sizable paycut, I later learned from an employer that the recruiter and the management were in cahoots on this (something along the lines of bumping the salary package during job advertisement, but be honest that the amount they offered was lower.) I was also "prepped" by my recruiter to not ask about salary packages as it was a dealbreaker for the management. All in all, I was gullible and fell for it, and when it came time to speak up, did not clarify.

I'm not too worried about being asked the question, I've been approached by several recruiters and approached several myself and I have been upfront that I am dealing with a bully in my current organization and am actively seeking out due to the psychological trauma it causes me.

To provide more context on the bullying, I only learned that the bully was working in my current organization after signing the offer, as I received a message from them days after.

This post has been edited by pastafreak26: Apr 5 2024, 12:10 PM

Sharing my situation, maybe it will give TS different perspective.

I tendered my resignation after decades of being in the same organization - because I don't see eye to eye with my superior. The reason I've stayed on is that I enjoy working with the next level boss whom I respect - the same boss who asked me to stay after I voiced my intention to leave but also the same boss who refused my request to transfer to another unit.

I'm worried about job opportunities after I handed that piece of paper. I also know I will miss the opportunities of working with the same boss.

Yet I also know I want my working life / environment to be something I enjoy and happy mentally in order to be productive, creative and healthy.

Good luck TS!

I see now that your problem is more serious than what I initially thought.
I guess if it is not possible to find a new job without further paycut, you should still accept it.
Probably should prioritize mental health for now and at least have a job so you can pay your bill.
You can always find a new job with better pay later when you have more experience.

Good luck!

U don't deserve the job
Sikit2 nak quit
Very immature

You sound like someone who loves to stay in your comfort zone and will easily quit when things don't go your way.

I'm currently hiring executives and dealing with recruiters. From a hiring manager's POV, what you did and how you dealt with things is a big red flag for prospective employers.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 6 2024, 11:44 PM

Your recruiter is a POS. At first, I was tempted to tell you to stay if the bully was the number one factor but it seems that the pay cut doesn’t justify working with these assholes. If you’re in the creative sector, turnover is pretty high everywhere so you shouldn’t be facing any issues finding another job.

Look for other opportunities ASAP during the next two weeks.

In all honesty I find it a waste you had to resign within 2 weeks of joining your new company. You can always bring up and report to your HR if the bully ever do anything unsavoury to you.

Agree with the rest. You need to fight back. You don't need to win, just cause enough damage to the bully until he finds it not worthwhile to proceed.

You are in your early 30s, not freshgrad/junior in mid 20s. You should have the capability to make key decision for yourself.

I think having management backing you up is a blessing...(might not have this privilege in your next career)

Suggest work it out and face your bully instead running. Project management is mostly about dealing with people and one of the requirement in that field is to have good EQ to navigate through key important decisions.

Career advancement
I'm still a little confused. All in all, you accepted this new job offer due to its opportunity, reputation and career which you believe you're able to build in future. Meaning you're accepting a pay cut because you're investing in your career in advance? Is that the case?

Work bully
Perhaps back in the old workplace, you were reporting to this senior and he had the chance to bully you by giving more work, blaming you for certain things etc. What about the need to work with him laterally now? He's not your superior, and you've made this fact known to your management and HR, perhaps you can deal with him?

Consider this a good opportunity to deal with the traumatic experience. You can confront him about what he did in the ex-company and demand an explanation or apology, or, work amicably with him showing that you have no fear towards him and the fact HE should be afraid 'coz you know his true color and you've got dirt on him.

If your instinct is screaming Fight or Flight, and you're choosing flight - reconsider whether its worth sacrificing your work and career because of this bully. I suggest to seek a 3rd party counseling or psychology advice to deal with it and see how you can neutralize the situation. Leaving your current job without another offer on-hand is not wise, despite having no real commitment.

In a funny twist, I've dealt with work bully before. I've suffered, I've broken down and then rebuilt myself and find ways to deal with the bully. No doubt, I was also "lucky" in a way there was higher intervention who noticed the situation and some sort of remedial action was taken. Therefore I was able to manage the person in question, and FYI, still working under him (no doubt, he has changed quite a fair bit since then as well). The scar will always be there, and it'll never go away but putting personal feelings aside, work is work.

You should stay, while your sanity is important, stable income keeps the mind sane, if you don't have to see him or her often, then it should be alright. If it repeats and you are unhappy with it, then confrontation is the only way.

My little advice.. please do not ever mention outwardly not being able to work with people you don't like (whether it being bullies, or other potentially difficult people). It reflects badly on you to your current HR, manager and future potential positions HR.

Every normal person does not like what you are going thru but NEVER mention this to those who have influence over your career. Outwardly, you are expected to be able to compartmentalize and manage these types of difficult relationships.

Also as the bullying has not started, I would advice staying while looking for next opportunity.

As someone who had went thru a period of being unemployed until recently, there are quite a number of opportunities (at least in my field) in this period.. however the number of candidates applying have also increased a lot. So, unless you already have lots of relevant experience under your belt, it might be a challenging road ahead being unemployed.

Additionally the some HR are also biased against the unemployed.. just so you know.

I truly wish you all the best.

This post has been edited by labamba: Apr 27 2024, 09:30 AM

Just wondering, is there any update from TS?

Hello! Apologies for the lack of updates in the thread and thanks for thinking of me, and yes, there has been some update .

For those asking, following the creation of this thread and much deliberation, I eventually stayed on with my current role. I'm moving toward my 4th month as we speak and have found support in some colleagues.

Regarding the bully, there have been several interactions in the organization, and I'm not entirely sure if they are aware of their past involvement with me (again, the bully does not know me by appearance but I do with them as we worked in a time of pandemic). A very close colleague who serves as my social support system and close confidante has implied my bully's awareness of my dislike for them, and on several occasions, my colleague has noticed them staring at me when I'm within the vicinity.

I, however, have not given up looking for better options, as is the case with anyone who wishes to seek a better life for themselves. I suspect I may return to this thread in the weeks to come to seek advice, though it won't necessarily concern my bully.

As far as life has gone, three months of paycheck has definitely helped improve my quality of life, if not future-proof my financial wellbeing for stormier days. Life has moved forward in more ways than one. This is one of the best outcome to arise from sticking it out. However, I will say that client-servicing in my role is something I still dislike strongly, owing to the unpredictability that comes with managing stakeholders.

I'll be back to seek everyone's advice when the time is right.

Thank you all for thinking about me and showing concern!

This post has been edited by pastafreak26: Jun 14 2024, 09:30 AM

Thank you for the update and all the best TS!

bullies do what they do bcoz inside they are hallow, sad and pathetic. because of that, they want everyone else to feel the same way as them.

life is such, there are angels and there are demons everywhere

The worst of the worst kinds are the ones that pretend to be angels in front of you, but I actually the biggest devils behind your back.

Agree.. this is super common in corporate life..especially in Msia.

I’d even go as far as to say that it’s common in corporate life all over the world!

what type of bullies?

there are ways and means to handle the bully. But I leave it to you. I always feel a bully will get their karma.

On one occassion there is this bully boss. But my friend who worked for him, she found a way to appease him. She used her technical talents to convince him that he needed her talents, so he did not bully her because he valued her skills.

I think everywhere in the world is the same.

i would stay and keep looking for another job at the same time.

once received another offer, i would go.
i understand you, i would never go back to the previous toxic environment

u can't avoid every bully u find.

instead of hoping for calmer sea, be a better sailor instead

learn how to manage and deal with them. this is a skill one need to master if u want to rise above

This post has been edited by DarkAeon: Jun 20 2024, 09:37 AM

I agree.

So as long the bully is not breaking the law or hurting you like sexual harassment, physical hurt or financial hurt.

then is something we can handle like a sailor.

if break law must report to polis.

Well said bro.

As painful as the truth may be to hear, the fact of the matter is those who cope best will rise the highest.

Those who don’t, well….

i will never quit. fight full on with the bully. especially that you still get paid. nothing is more important than to have $ at the end of every month to pay your bills and to put food on your table.

Why resigning on your own when comes to work bully? U cant make EIS claim & very hard to sue your company at industrial court when u voluntarily resign, unless you secretly documenting all abusing evidence which is quite troublesome & sometimes debatable

stay calm, everywhere you go regardless of which company there will always be dickhead like this, dont put yourself at disadvantage when u urself already understand it is tough out there

Remember one thing in interview, never be overly upfront especially with something like work bully, reason is simple, work bully is everywhere, whenever there is any hierarchy involved in an organization, there will be dickhead to oppress people.

Another thing when comes to job interview salary negotiations, whenever being asked expected salary, never ever answer a precise figure, you could instead answer "my last drawn was about XXX k per annum/year, according to my research on this role, I believe the salary range is about from *** to *** "

What is the purpose of accepting a lower salary which will burn you up in short time & u ended up leaving very soon which damage your career portfolio?

However, every encounter is a life lesson to learn, wishing you very best of luck.

so as long as the bully is not your boss, I think u can survive.

sometimes at the work place, u just got to look away from these things.

As since your boss is making effort to keep you, I think u should stay because it shows honesty from ur employers to do all they can to mitigate the situation.

Its all part and parcel of life, there are always bullies this is the chance u can overcome this bully, albeit now your currect employer has realization of this.

What I'm thinking even you quit job due to bullying and find another will it helps actually I think job hopping is not going to help anyone who's are 30s and early 40s instead of finding a new job why try to find another source of income by working part time with a flexible time and working place and I'm looking for people to work together in business in part time basis and earn 5 figure income.interested parties can contact at 0176852993

Employer has the responsibility to correct the situation, but they are not at fault on staff being a bully. Sometimes they can't control this situation and his behaviour, because the bully doesn't break the law.

Your situation is considered less worse than those who encounter boss himself as a bully. If you still have something to learn in this company, can stay there working for this time being, earning salary, while looking for new opportunity elsewhere in future.

I am not TS lah.

I am not sure how it will work in western countries, but in Msia there are imperfect HR. At times they may side or villify the victim.

True. A colleague and not a superior, and mercifully not the boss. Lesser of many evils.

Ts

If you bump into them again

That mean God wants you to face them

Bro... I ...