LONG READ

We've been together for about 5 months and dated for about 3 months prior. She's an attractive tall lady and would easily pass as a model. But we constantly fight over pettiest issues and that even led to breakup. We've broken up couple of times now but have always reconciled.

She's from a broken family. Her parents are divorced and her single mum didn't do a job raising her. She and her siblings and emotionally abandoned and wasn't well taken care of. She did not attended university and practically survived by herself. According to her, her last ex was emotionally and physically abusive. She's had abortions from the last ex.

There were some things to put me off when I first dated her but I shrugged it off. This happened two weeks after I first saw her. We were on the phone and after some time we got into awkward silence so I tried to ask random questions like "How's your siblings, sister and brother..?". She lashed out and basically said if I wanted to know her sister I should ask her instead. Before we got together officially, I also felt she fell for me pretty quickly which I was a little weirded out but it got better as time goes by. I knew she was an unhappy person before me and she says she was at one point depressed.

She constantly says I'm not showing love to her, there's no romance in our relationship and that "I don't know what she likes". I also constantly get asked questions like "Why do you love me". I'm annoyed of it at this point - it feels like she's expecting a different answer each time. She has said a couple of times how she's afraid of being abandoned and that I'll leave her eventually, or how I'll date other women.

During our fights, she would constantly bring up past mistakes I've made. It felt like we're not moving on despite me telling her we should otherwise it's extremely unfair to me. My biggest mistake was I did not get her a cake for her birthday. It my mistake and I admit it. But some context - we broke up the day before and I had cancelled whatever cake I booked. The next day we reconciled so I took her out for a nice dinner but there was no cake. She still use it against me until today.

I tried making up to her by buying her expensive gifts and taking her to nice places but it feels like it's never enough. I planned us celebrating New Years in a beach resort. She has a little tight schedule (she needs to return to night work on the day we come back from the resort). I was well aware of this and told her we could return early in the morning and the drive only takes two hours. I also specifically told her that we don't have to do this and we could plan something else and I am totally okay with it. Couple of days later she agreed to do it but then eventually she started telling me how she doesn't want to go there and she hates it and that it's tiring for her. She claims I did not factor in her schedule which I got annoyed off because I specifically discussed this part with her. She then says if I cared for her I wouldn't plan it this way. I didn't know what to say after.

Once we were having a great day and she needed to go out with her friends. But when she returned she was in total bad mood and didn't want to talk at all. I tried asking her and all but she kept on saying it was fine. I got annoyed so I just gave her the same energy and she lashed out. She told me that her friends said that she deserves better and shit and that I'm only using her for sex. This incident led to a breakup.

I don't understand why petty and trivial things are constantly imploding. We broke up once because our FaceTime got disconnected and I told her it's likely her wifi was acting up (which has a history of doing so and I have told her to fix it before). She got triggered that I brought it up.

I constantly feel like I can't make her happy enough. It's come to a point that I'm carefully constructing sentences and words in my head when talking to her so I don't make her upset. I'm constantly trying to "prove" or "show" that I love her but somehow I keep feeling it's never enough.

I also think there's an intellectual incompatibility between us. I constantly find myself unable to engage in deep conversations with her. Sometimes I can't help feeling that I'm talking to a high school kid in a woman's body. I know I'm being judgmental here. This opinion comes from my observation of how she views things really. I tried my best to look past it but I think it's a problem. Her interests are basically "holiday trips, cute couple stuffs, music videos and social media'

I don't know what is it that I'm not doing enough. I don't think it's not enough money problem by the way. We've been dining out in Michelin stars, Omakases, Hotels and expensive stuffs for her. I talked to my friends about it, one of whom is a therapist, and she claims that my girlfriend may have BPD which is likely manifested from her childhood abandonment and trauma from her previous relationship.