hi guys.

ive been working for the past 1 year and a half and everything seems well. i am a HO( house officer/ junior dr). before i entered this one department, it was all okay, but idk why it started going downhill.

i have no mood at all. i just lay down on my bed daily. dont wanna eat. dont wanna move from my bed. dont wanna go to work. i feel that something is wrong with me. fortunately i seek my hospital's psychiatrist help. he diagnosed me with depression, and started me on med. the med is no good, so after 2 months, he changed to another med. initially it does great.

while im on meds, im on sick leaves. i dont go to work. i informed the highest boss ( my head of dept), but i guess he din tell others (which is fine by me actually). but my colleagues and some of the other doctors starting to dislike me. they think i just go mia. lots of scolding and sarcasm in the whatsapp group. i just ignore them.

family? not so supportive. they're kinda worried if i lose my job, then who's gonna support the family. kinda stressed at home, so i mostly spend my time at my house which i rent near workplace.

about the meds, initially i feel good. but since i started working back few weeks ago, i feel worse. i cant sleep at nite. getting scolded even at simple stuff makes me cry. people are laughing behind my back. i started to skip work again. waking up in the morning almost impossible. my mind will think about 1000 ways for me to skip work today. i talked to my psychiatrist about this, but again, he said, everyone has that. everyone feels that. i just need to move on, or im moving no where.

now im back to no mood. at times ill go to work by noon, feeling guilty that im not working as im supposed to. why noon? because morning is always impossible. even sometime i get dressed to go to work in the morning, i always got back to bed.

i dont know what else to do. all the useless hopeless feelings are back.