I got invited to a wedding recently and I didnt go and here is why.
1) I have to know the couple. One of them would have been a good friend and he or she would have introduced the other at some point and so we know each other. They would say they were planning to marry (next month, next year, whatever).
2) The father, mother, etc can send the invitations but out of respect for the couple that invitation should be for people the couple really want to be there, not simply the fathers business acquaintances. Thats wrong and cruel. Its a special day for the COUPLE.
3) I refuse to go to any wedding where I dont know anyone including the couple because then you are only a party crasher which makes the couple feel very uncomfortable.

Well, 1-2-3 failed and so I didnt go. But receiving an invitation obligates a person whether you like it or not. If you RSVP, you have to go. Since I refused to go, I let them know immediately because they have to plan for how many people are going. I put RM88 in an envelope and wrote a 3-page hand-written letter about marriage and life, even though I didnt know the couple. I was sincere in doing so and I suppose also that nobody could say I gave RM5 and then I went there and ate RM200 of food. Not nice! So, in their mind they made a profit on me and can never say bad.

After this, I never heard from the family or the father who invited me. Its customary to send hand written cards to people who give wedding gifts. Nobody did. Ok, if not thank you at least acknowledge they got the envelope!

By the way, thank-you notes can go like this. Say its your wedding and you received a little flower pot.
"Dear Charles, we wanted to tell you how much we enjoyed receiving the pot. My wife loves the color. We're going to put it in our kitchen window so we can always see it and be reminded of how much we cherish our relationship with you. With love, Audrey and Hong." Send a nice little card even if you hated the pot and your wife straight threw it in the dustbin!

Gifts. It should be a gift, an object, not cash which is crass. In situations where you really dont know what they would like and ang pao is acceptable, then my rule is RM88 if you are going or not, and more if you know them well, like RM188 or more if you can afford it. If the couple is non-chinese, then lose the "8's" and send RM50-100 There is no way I would ever give RM10 even if I wasnt going. It means you dont care about the couple. If you know them and they know you are out of work, send RM20-30 and maybe dont go so that you wont be a drain on them, or go and partake lightly.

Myself, Im not a calculating person. When I marry, I want everyone to come and have a great time, NO GIFTS. Unfortunately, many people are calculating so dont ignore an invitation, take it seriously because its a small world, people remember, and you'll likely meet again. Regardless of what others do, make sure you always do the right thing. Its the best way to get through life.

Thats my own idea about this, everyone is different. Main thing, if you are going to make a mistake, do it in favor of the couple, not yourself. Its the biggest day of their life so far. Help them to have it.

This post has been edited by ChasV: Apr 30 2020, 02:41 PM