Long time no come
The BOB was a good one

Hotel Phone Call


I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I
thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths
when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in.

It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending
over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places,
beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the
kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.

'Hello?' the woman says. God, she sounded sexy. 'Hi, I hear you give a
great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No,
wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really
want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking
kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,
everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night;
Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream,
anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?'

She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press
9.

Hahaha Grandpa Owned..

What's unknown is sometimes better left unknown



After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13."

---

Added on July 22, 2008, 1:38 pmLook At Not Only The Numbers


A farmer takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow."

This post has been edited by MyKy44: Jul 22 2008, 01:38 PM

The Priest Who Couldn't Lie


A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from Switzerland. She finds herself seated next to a priest and asks "Excuse me father, may I ask a favour of you?"

"Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.

"Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself, a superbly sophisticated
Electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well
over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps secret it through Customs for me under your robes?"

"I certainly could my dear, only I must warn you I really am not ever able to lie.."

"You have such an honest face father, surely they will never ask any
questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's turn in line.

"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Customs Officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

Finding this answer a little strange the Customs Officer proceeds to ask, "And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"

The father replies, "I have a marvellous little instrument destined to be
used on a woman, but which has never yet been used.."

Roaring with laughter the Customs Officer says, "Go right through Father."

Cigarette Ads


I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Malrboro,
In the Salem high country
I Always carry a MildSeven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name Was YSL
We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider!!!"
You are riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she is satisfied
She answered" I want MORE!!!!"
Then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I want to
enter her Gudang Garam.
She said.. depan belakang puas, barulah Sampoerna!!

U put salt in eggs?
Anyway, here's my contribution again


Freebies


A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."

The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."

At this point, the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, "That's nothing. In Dublin, there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts, he takes you into a room and makes love to you."

The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot.

He replies, "No, but my sister told me about it."

Hahahaha i love the revenge, got me Lol'ed

Here's me two contributions

1.


2. (Sorry ye panjang skit)

TNB Goes IT Online

Sepasang pengantin yang baru berkahwin 4 bulan. pada suatu malam si isteri memeluk leher suami dengan nada manja seraya berkata,

"sayang, period i dah lewat sebulan, tapi i tak boleh nak pastikan lagi sebab kita kena gi check kat doktor."

Si suami yang teramat gembira tu pun berpakat dengan isterinya untuk tidak memberitahu sesiapa pun tentang perkhabaran gumbira ini

sehingga ianya benar2 pasti.

Pada suatu hari, pasangan ini di datangi oleh pegawai dari TNB kerana terdapat tunggakkan dalam pembayaran bil elektrik rumah mereka.

Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata " ini rumah En. Mahpus ker?" "iya, saya ni isterinya ada apa encik"

Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata, " Puan, ni dah sebulan lewat, saya dah tak boleh tunggu ni, nanti boss saya marah."

Dengan nada terkejut, si isteri itu pun membalas balik cakap pegawai TNB tu." APA??? Macam mana pulak encik tahu yg saya ni sebulan lewat???"

Pegawai TNB tu pun dengan selamba menjawab " ala puan, ni kan zaman IT, semua tu ada dalam komputer dan kita boleh check Online"

Kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuatkan si isteri tu lagi terkejut. "APAAA????Saya lewat sebulan pun awak semua boleh tahuuu??? "

Pegawai TNB tu pun mententeramkan keadaan" Relek puan, puan ni baru lewat sebulan, ada yg lagi teruk, lewat 5-6 bulan"

Si isteri yg terperanjat beruk dengan kenyataan pegawai tu pun berkata, nanti saya bincang dengan suami saya.lalu pegawai TNB tu pun beredar dari situ.

Keesokan harinya, selepas si Mahphus ini di beritahu oleh isterinya, dia pun naik berang dan terus ambik cuti dan pergi ke kedai TNB yg berdekatan.

Dengan tanpa menghiraukan pegawai-pegawai TNB yg ramai di situ, dia pun memekik seraya berkata "Apa korang ni, isteri saya sebulan lewat

pun nak heboh2 ke dalam internet. awak ni semua yg berkeluarga tak pernah lewat sebulan kerrrr????!! bisness apa korang buat niii?? nak kena saman kerr???

Lalu pegawai yg datang kerumah si Mahphus ni berdiri dan mententeramkan keadaan. "sabar encik, sabar encik. apa susah, kalau cik nak settlekan perkara ni, bayar je.." kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuatkan Si Mahphus naik berang.

"APAAA?? nak bayar korang? belahhhh lahh.."

Lalu pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " kalau macam tu, Kita terpaksa potong encik punya......"

Si Mahpus mencelah " apa??? potong??? abih tu aku nak pakai apaaaaaa???

Pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " nampak gayanye.ENCIK KENA PAKAI LILIN AJERRRLAAAAAAAA"

^i think i'd hold my willy and can imagine the pain. OUCH!

---

Added on August 11, 2008, 7:15 pmThread dieded? Oh well...
MyKy delivers!!

Male Comebacks

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there thinks you're slutty.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you'd be on your knees greeting my crotch.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, 'cause after I get done nailing you in the back of my car... I don't give a crap where you go.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always withdraw onto your face

Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: No!
Man: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me... as long as you're still warm when I do you.


MOAR!!!


ohnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, "The /b/tard used coins!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!


Thought i'd save for tomoro but, WTF. I really Lol'ed so hard at this



That day I go up north with Linpeh to Ipoh to eat Taugeh chicken lice, then on the way kambing back to KL he suddenly shouted ...

Linpeh : OI!!! STOPPTHE CAR!!!
Me : What??!!
Linpeh : STOP THE CAR!!!
Me : HERE? In the middle of nowhere? you crazy??!!! no way!
Linpeh : Stop the car or i will shit in your car!
Me : MCH!!! ok ok I stop!!! I stop!!! Stop where ?
Linpeh : There! u see the bush there?
Me : Ok ok now get the outta my car and go shit in the bush!

Linpeh jumped outta my car and run as fast as he could into the bush while i stay in the car and wait for him to finish his business ....

A few minits later my phone ring ... I see see its Linpeh.

Me : Halo! You shit that time need to chat with someone only can come out izzit?
Linpeh : Oi! Your car got tissue paper anot?
Me : Tarak! Sand paper u ngam anot?
Linpeh : Mahai dun play!!
Me : Really tarak wan leh! In my boot there really got sand paper wan!
Linpeh : D|u la! no tisue how to wipe?
Me : Err ... use leaves la!!!
Linpeh : Mch! no leaves on the ground la! if wanna use leave kenot climb tree naked ledi! Lu siao ar??!!
Me : Aiyaks! lidat ... lidat ... ermm
Linpeh : D|u! Faster help me think la!
Me : OH!! use money!!! you got one ringgit anot?
Linpeh : Got! Then?
Me : Use it to wipe la!
Linpeh : Use one ringgit to wipe?? U sure can anot??!!!
Me : Can la!!! last time my relative also done something lidis before geh! trust me!
Linpeh : MCH! if you bruff me then u die!

Few minutes later I can see Linpeh emerges from the bush ... something dont seems very right, the way hes walking is somehow wrong .... so i got down of the car and asked him ...

Me : Oi your shit too hard your a$$hole koyakED izzit?
Linpeh : No lah! this time my shit soft soft sticky sticky one! got undigested taugeh sommo!
Me : Then why u walk lidat wan??
Linpeh : Niahma! all thanks to you la!
Me : Why me?
Linpeh : You asked me to use one Ringgit to wipe my ass lar d|u!
Me : Yar ... dint that do the trick? If one ringgit not enuff then u use 2 ringgit la!
Linpeh : Mahai!!! 2 Ringgit??!! I where got so much coins??!!!

This post has been edited by MyKy44: Aug 11 2008, 07:25 PM

OMG i think i've spent too long here... It's a repost from u... Hahaha.

21stCentury.

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very less.!!! [COLOR=red]

Damned if u do,
Damned if u don't
Still mati

double strikes!!!

At the last one.. Dayem!!

why the quotes so.... un-joke-like wan...

^Teh spirit of joke is back!!!

^ Notice how that dude's eyebrow 'berkelip' while he was turning the dial

hai-lat-dot-com-dot-my

Hahahaha... i din expect the blowing ending

Kid: Can you explain the difference between confident and confidential ?
Dad: Oh ! thats easy. You are my son and I am confident of it. Now your friend over there is also my son and thats confidential ;-)

---

Added on September 27, 2008, 12:20 pmA couple who were attending an art exhibition at the London National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the black men had black penises but the one sitting in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realised the confused couple were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assistance. He went on and on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominantly white patriarchal society. In fact, he pointed out, some serious critics believed that the pink penis reflects the cultural and social oppression expressed by gay men in contemporary society.

After the curator left a Welshman approached the couple and said 'would you like to know what the painting is really about.' The couple said 'how would you claim to know more about that painting than the curator of the gallery?' 'Because I'm the guy who painted it.' he replied. ' In fact there is no African American representation at all. They are just three Welsh coal miners and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.

This post has been edited by MyKy44: Sep 27 2008, 12:20 PM

before i forget where i got it from

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.
Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide
to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
following suggestion:
'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love,
have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife
fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'

They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice.
They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love.
It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go
back to the Rabbi.

'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man
make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'

Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the
same strapping young man.

The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the
towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she
has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him
triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!

that's not a joke lulz....